Soul Search - My first diary ever

Journals - Major Programs
#181

Since starting the HRV breathing technique last week I am going through incredibly fast changes in my inner world, a lot of releases and newfound sense of power and peace.

I listened to Sanguine Elixir today which is as usual very powerful, I like it way better than the updated Sanguine. It is very pushy in its effects, the relaxation is strong and I felt waves of pleasure while listening.

This is my fourth listen of a full loop, and so far this new listening schedule is working out.

I write it down here for my record because these days I am flowing with life a lot, the days go fast and I don’t remember much when and what I listened to:

23rd Sanguine Elixir
24th Heartsong

26th LB
27th Sanguine Elixir

I also noticed LB is a little challenging, I experienced very subtle recon and discomfort, compared to Heartsong which is just delightful and Sanguine Elixir also incredible, Elixir being older ZPU has a distinct feel to it compared to all newer NSE updates, much more pushy but it’s actually very beneficial because I get to feel it more and thus embrace more consciously what flows with it.

I had another dream related to subclub last night, I was lying on a couch with @TheEmpress and it was super cozy, she was gently massaging my feet while we were having an interesting conversation about our lives, it felt very soft and loving. So thank you for being such a sweet and gentle being Jess!

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#182

You’re welcome :relaxed:

I have definitely went to people in the dreamworld and did some kind of healing work at various times throughout my life.

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#183

Wow ok I just came out of a very long meditation and now I know I won’t ever need to purchase another sub. I am finally tapping directly into my inner worlds along my spine and softly releasing and rebalancing everything organically. Within just today I underwent unimaginable growth.

I feel like all those years seeking my true self are finally paying off.

It feels like I have finally arrived where I had been searching my whole life, it feels like an ending and a huge relief, but it’s actually also the very beginning of a much bigger and more interesting and exciting journey.

And these last tilts of the dominos, this last meditation technique that’s helping me beyond my wildest dreams comes from the lineage of the famous yogi Babaji, I am so happy!

Still a lot of work and deep meditation to do to clear all but I can now work on it directly from within!!

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#184

I’m getting so excited from my inner experiences that I forgot to write here that another big thing happened today, my friend sent me a message from India telling me that she has firmly decided she wants me to leave the house to get more space for herself and her dreams.

She is giving me 3 months and I have no idea where I’m gonna go and if I can even keep my job at all because she’s gonna keep the car so I’d have to go live in the city which is a big nono for me so overall a big existential move going on at the same time that I am finding a deeper level of peace within myself.

Life is fascinating, it’s a beautiful orchestration, but I have a lot of feelings to process to figure out my next move, 3 months no problem!

#185

29th Sanguine Elixir
30th Heartsong

Today I finally touched directly one of the main blocks in my life, my father wound from when I was 3 years old and got abandoned and went into a deep sadness and tightened up my heart and solar plexus!

It is a little painful physically but I am feeling the emotional release is about to be incredible once the resistance fully lets go.

I can’t wait to discover more of who I am and own more of my life.

I am going through so much so quickly I look like crap, big bags under my eyes, but I feel amazing and so spacious and relaxed within myself.

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#186

I went into a semi lucid dream state while meditating this morning and went through a powerful healing experience, my body was receiving powerful waves of energy, very overwhelming I almost passed out but a being that took the form of my mother was watching lovingly over me the whole time.

After this I thought I woke up but I was in another dream where a UFO landed right outside my house, I was super excited and went out to greet them as they exited their ship but they came at me aggressively holding weapons, I remained in my very positive welcoming and loving heart opened attitude towards them which made them completely turn away from me, it made me realize how powerful love really is.

The crazy thing about this last semi lucid dream was that I had the exact same dream with ETs and my heart’s love protecting me from danger about 14 years ago!!

After this I again woke up in another scene that was very doomlike, everything was water around my house, and there were these big sort of machine boats that were swallowing and destroying all the land and leaving only water behind, the planet was becoming just water, it felt very apocalyptic, there was an escape boat for people like me trying to find a way out, it was about to leave so i jumped in the water and just managed to hang on to it while still in the water as it was driving away.

I am experiencing a huge shift within my consciousness, I feel an incredible constant clarity, my intuition is through the roof, I feel grounded within myself like never before, the whole world around me feels like a dream, like a playground, I get throughout the day these bursts of heightened perception where I perceive myself as just pure consciousness having this human experience, everything is so easy and I feel at peace all the time.

It’s finally happening, what I had been waiting for my whole life is finally unfolding at a rapid pace, I’m so excited and looking forward to open more of this inner puzzle and see how I can finally live my soul purpose and express it and share it to be of service to other people.

There is so much to go through still and free myself emotionally on different levels, but it’s taking a very otherworldly turn that I am loving with all my being. One thing I’ve always wanted to do is be able to go into other dimensions, the astral world and such to gather more hope, inspiration, light, love and knowledge to be of service to others in this world that are still suffering from the illusion of their limited human self, I’m so looking forward to see how this evolves within me and starts shaping my outer life as well eventually.

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#187

I had a very nice dream last night with the famous lady that has been seeing angels since her birth Lorna Byrne, we both looked at the sky and it was full of incredible patterns of different colors like an amazing painting of sorts, I couldn’t help but burst out crying in awe at how magnificent it was, crying at the intensity of the beauty I was witnessing and feeling from this incredible sky, it felt so good.

Also I think I saw an extraterrestrial today as I was starting my shift at work, it was an older man, he looked at me very curiously as I came out of the place where I park my bike. He had an unusual face and I didn’t think much of it until a few seconds later it hit me that this might be one of our space brothers, who knows…

The miracle of the day is a few mins after this encounter, as I was riding my bike to my first delivery, I felt an incredible sense of freedom like never before, it’s like I saw myself from above in a way and realized how free I am to do whatever I want in my life, and I started reflecting on why I do what I do and what would I actually really like to do or change in my life, and it all seemed possible, it felt like an energy wave of freedom, suddenly the feeling of numbing routine and entrapment of my life vanished completely and it’s like I was at ground 0 with infinite potential to take my life in any direction I please.

This was a short wave of clarity but very profound, I have never felt this free before, and I know this was just a little glimpse of what is to come, life is unfolding all kinds of little miracles and surprises everyday now I love it!!!

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#188

February

1st Sanguine Elixir
2nd Heartsong

Full loops and 2 days in a row with one day break is the best schedule I’ve tried so far, it feels very smooth.

It could also be due to the deep inner work I’m doing, my awareness is much greater than ever before in my life, I listen to the sub lying down and am very aware how the subliminal input is impacting me on different levels energetically and physically and I am processing it on the spot so there is much less to process throughout the day afterwards, I’m usually left with a smooth afterglow the whole day which is very enjoyable.

#189

Another big release during chanting this morning, I felt a massive amount of love pouring down on me from the universe and it kept interrupting my chanting with screaming and crying, it’s the way my body is letting go of inner resistance and creating more space for this love to pour in.

While this was happening I received many insights on various levels of consciousness about myself and what is happening on earth and in my life, basically I’m getting very close to self-realization, and at this point in my journey I am now very very worry free for the future, the entire universe is a projection of my bigger self and is one big field of love that is constantly supporting my expansion.

My faith and trust in the fact that everything is always going to be ok because there is an intelligent force of love at play has reached a climax in my life.

I am practicing various meditative practices for hours everyday effortlessly, no more struggle and chore like attitude about working towards my expansion, it’s just pure bliss and so nurturing all the time.

At the rate I am opening up within it is highly likely I reach self-awakening within the year.

#190

I received new insight on my core father wound while working on my solar plexus this morning, the wound is around abandonment, and while digging in this chakra, a little movie unfolded. It’s hard to explain because I’m in the middle of this healing and it’s such a deep wound so it’s still very murky, but basically I have abandoned a core part of myself, a sort of dissociation on some level where I saw my little child self walking away from himself or from where it’s supposed to be. So I called myself back and try encouraging myself to come and be there, I clearly felt that I am needed, my presence is needed in my life to accomplish the things I’m meant to accomplish and be what I’m meant to be, I also heard the cheers and the calls of the world saying it needs me to be there for it, I have a purpose and I am loved and welcomed to be here.

Very interesting stuff and it sheds a little light on my lack of self worth and lack of drive in my life, I’ve got to let my inner wounded child know it’s ok to come out and be present now, we are loved and can do great things.

So interesting to see how this works directly from within the psyche, this wound is so deep it will take a little while to work through, I’m keeping up the good work!!

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#191

4th Sanguine Elixir
5th Heartsong
6th Godlike Masculinity

8th Godlike Masculinity

I went for a third day listen because of a strong intuitive hint that I should listen to GLM and indeed it was the right choice, I wrote on the GLM thread about it, it is helping me a lot, tackling exactly my father wound issue.

Listening to only one sub per day is a very good recipe for sub listening, getting an entire day to process one script is very efficient.

Sub for inner power
#192

I’ve been thinking of writing more in here but everytime I thought about it I felt resistance because of how much is happening in such a short amount of time, some stuff I want to keep for myself since this is quite public, like I treated myself to a one hour reading with a psychic that I trust and I received very interesting information, the reading itself was very powerful and felt very healing, it also gave me extra confirmation around what I’ve been experiencing in my life these last few days and also some ancestral information that clarified certain other things, brought tears to my eyes when at some point certain ancestors talked to me directly through her, very beautiful and deep, I was also very proud to learn of my specific galactic ancestry, meaning multiple lifetimes my soul had in another planet than the earth, which was not a surprise considering I already connected with them last year and have been doing meditations related to this specific civilization, I felt so proud and it also opened clarity around certain aspect of my experience in this lifetime.

This was a very cool little thing, but in the meantime I have been releasing more and more limitations, and going deep into such blissfully nourishing meditations, I now spend about 2.5h every morning meditating lying down right after I wake up, and usually listen to the subs once I’m done and still lying down.

Today marked a sort of closure of a cycle with my best friend/ex that I’ve been living with for 5 years, she has a boyfriend now and he came to pick her up to spend some days at her cabin in the woods. It was my first time meeting a boyfriend of someone I got so close to in my life, and it was totally fine, I’m so completely over my sentimental attachment with her and have managed to completely alchemize my feelings, I am so in love with myself and this universe opening within me that I can truly be friends with her and rejoice in her happiness. We never really fell in love with each other but we really liked each other and I became very attached, which is not surprising when living and spending almost every hour of everyday with someone you really like and have sex with for 4 straight years.

Anyway, it was easier for her than for me but now this story is really over for me and I’m finding a totally new freedom within myself, a new strength, a new peace, a new ground and a new love.

I can now tap directly into my chakras and release blocks and increase energy flow at will, that’s part of the morning meditation practice but I now also do it on the go while working and even while having conversations, the more I practice the easier it gets, because also the more I release the more my whole being becomes one unified field communicating harmoniously, so it’s all very fun and enjoyable and I’ve never felt so balanced in my life.

One really satisfying byproduct of this new consciousness I’m growing into is I can really free myself from any and all spiritual concepts I’ve learnt and been exposed to since my spiritual search began some 15 years ago.

I spent almost 10 years in a serious spiritual community with strict rules around diet, drugs and celibacy and it was the most awesome time of my life but now that I am discovering all this directly from within, I am seeing how so many different teachings and traditions hold truth but can also have a negative effect and confuse people more than help if it’s not understood properly or if the person is not really meant for the specific teaching.

I was talking to a member of the community I was a part of today at work and it was difficult to explain to him that the entirety of my life experience is now my god and my teacher, the illusion of separation between what is ‘spiritual’ or ‘mundane’ is going away, it’s all becoming more and more just one field of experience that constantly reflects who I am.

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#193

Little subliminal use recap

My stack has got 4 subs at the moment

GLM
Sanguine Elixir
Love Bomb
Heartsong

My schedule has been 2 days on 1 day off with a 15min loop of only one sub per listening day and it’s been working great, by great I mean lots of room for processing the subs, far from the overload edge.

So I’m going to push it a little and tweak it around see if I can get more bang for my time.

I will keep the 2 days on 1 day off schedule, and only 15 min exposure per listening day, but I make it 2 subs per listening day at 7.5min each, or any ratio depending if I feel like getting more exposure to one than the other.

So I’m keeping the same amount of information received, but I’m increasing the diversity of the information.

I started a few days ago with

13th GLM - Sanguine Elixir
14th GLM - Heartsong

16th GLM - LB

Notes:
I felt like GLM and Elixir didn’t gel very well so I will not run them on the same day anymore.

I will give more space between listens of subs within the same day to make processing easier, more focused on a particular subject, especially GLM which is a very different sub than the other 3.

I will do this schedule a few more days to gather more experience with it but the initial feelings is that one sub a day is the best way to go for optimum processing and execution when listening 2 days in a row.

With 2 subs per day I feel inclined to take a rest day in between listening days, which is what official instructions recommend.

So overall so far I find the 2 days on 1 day off with one sub/day better for me than official instructions of 1 day on 1 day off 2 subs/day.

#194

I took a 3 day washout because after getting used to only one sub per listening day, I just can’t do 2 on the same day anymore, it doesn’t feel as smooth and spacious.

Full loop and only one sub per listening day is my final take.

I restarted yesterday with GLM and this morning I felt adventurous and curious and did WB.

Big mistake, I will not run WB again, after getting used to easier lighter subs I realize the heavy ones are just not necessary and disruptive, all I need from my sub use is a little support, not a storm of new ideas and behaviors.

I will likely solo GLM for now, and maybe throw in a loop of LB, Heartsong or Elixir once in a while.

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#195

If you want the WB effect, maybe start with OG Wanted. Much slimmer, easier, lighter. Building a solid base for the more complex scripting of WB.

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#196

Thanks yeah that’s likely the right way to go about it, or simply build over long term with micro loops like I did when I ran it last year but I only ran that one loop yesterday as an experiment to see how this sub feels after all the internal changes I’ve been through, and it’s definitely not the route I want or need to go right now.

I will stick to the very light but efficient GLM as a masculine healer/motivational coach and LB/Heartsong as the feminine healer/heart opening sidekicks.

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#197

Fun times.

Two interesting events happened in the last few days.

While hanging out with a friend in the city a random girl passing by with her two friends told me I’m very handsome and kept on walking, she was very cute and that felt really good.

Today at work, another cyclist coming from the opposite direction blocked me off and stood in front of me scolding me for being in the wrong lane, but he did so with the intensity of someone about to lose their life, which he mentioned at some point that he witnessed someone losing their life because of something similar.

Strangely enough that also felt really good.

As I stood there at first ready to react to defend myself physically because of his intense rage and potential danger to my body, I remembered this is part of my awakening process, just like the compliment I received a few days before out of nowhere was a healing experience , this is likely also that, just a reflection of unconditional love that the universe is offering me to help me grow, so as this crossed my mind within a split second I went into a deep state of presence and relaxation and gave him space to express himself fully, then he just left and as I cycled away and processed the experience I started feeling amazing and thanked him profusely from my heart for this experience and asked the universe to please send me more gifts like this, this was pure concentrated masculine power that was transmitted to me through this man and I felt so incredible afterwards, I absorbed this energy and saw it as exactly what I need more of in my being to grow and become stronger.

Life is magical beyond my wildest dreams.

Let it rip and have fun.

Only love, no fear.

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#198

Everything is accelerating in my life.

I spent a week at a farm and I recognized my destiny unfolding.

Synchronicities and confirmations all over.

The closer I get to self awakening the more I recognize the world around me, the events and meetings with people as the stepping stones I have placed there unconsciously (more accurately, consciously from a higher version of myself).

It’s like coming back home to my truth, the more I become aligned in my true essence the more I am realizing myself as a conscious creator, there’s only very few steps left for me before I can fully awake to the other side of reality where I become whole and create consciously my whole reality.

I am flooded with love more and more and my outer reality reflects this more and more.

I’m coming home, I’m almost there.

I’m quiting my job soon and moving to that farm to align my whole life to seeding the new world where we live in harmony with nature, our planet, and in harmony and connection with each other and animals, no more giving my energy to the old corrupted system.

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#199

Strong forces at play, I’m being pushed to act very quick, insane speed, and more obvious signs guiding me, my bike had a flat tire on saturday when I started my shift, first flat in 3 years, I felt like quiting on the spot but went ahead and fixed it. Next shift on sunday after a few hours the chain kept skipping like crazy suddenly and was coming off every 10min, I barely finished my shift.

Today monday my bike is now already sold and I have sent my resignation this afternoon, I’ve been selling a ton of stuff that I own, it’s a lot of work communicating with buyers and going delivering but it’s exciting to lighten up my life.

I will only receive an answer from the farm on wednesday but I have this incredibly new trust in life and I know everything will be fine, even if I’m not accepted I feel such deep peace and faith in things unfolding perfectly, I never experienced such trust in the future and peace even though I just quit my job and need to move out soon and have nothing concrete ahead of me, it’s so crazy but I’m at total peace, I have no savings at all, I will only receive my part of the car which is about 7000euros and that’s it, a few weeks/months ago I would be panicked and stressed but I just have this incredible sense that the future will be inexplicably more wonderful than anything I can wish for myself.

I thought I’d wait before quitting and selling my bike till wednesday to be sure but the act of total let go without assurance is making me feel incredible, it’s like I am saying yes to the universe, I trust life and myself to find the way forward, and I can feel that doing this is freeing up space within for new opportunities to come in, I’m not holding on anymore, no more guided by fear, only love and trust, I got this baby!!

#200

Holy fuck, I was talking with a friend yesterday and he mentioned to me a free emotional healing sub he tried from a different company that I had already discovered and tried before subclub.

His experience sounded incredibly profound and mind blowing and since I had a 3 day break from subs I decided why not try, so I ran it while going to bed.

Holy shit, this thing ripped open my subconscious and threw me in the depth of some old traumas and nightmares I had when I was like 2 or 3 years old, I went into a state half dreaming half awake feeling the depth of my fears and all kinds of other things coming up, it felt like an intense live journey within my subconscious realm and the depth of all my repressed material.

That was so unexpected and I am still in shock today at how can a subliminal audio reach so deep so quickly in the way it did. As much as I really like subclub subs I’m definitely going to stick to that healing sub for now, it is extremely powerful, I feel like I just discovered the ferrari of healing subliminals.

I’ve been feeling the aftermath today, when I looked in the mirror this morning I looked so well rested and my skin looked amazing like really healthy, the whole day I’ve felt very energetic, inspired and happy. I’m looking forward to another listen tonight, the instructions on this are different than subclub and it’s 3 days on 3 days off.

Life keeps giving and offering more and more synchronicities, like this new healing tool that helps me go deeper and deeper. I also came across a very attractive financial opportunity that if it bears fruit could make me a millionaire, I won’t be talking more about it publicly but I am feeling my life is taking a turn for the better and many doors are opening up and my future is looking brighter and brighter everyday as I feel more and more anchored in the present moment that contains the bliss of my true being that helps naturally attract what is best for me.