Sinnology tackles AM+Spartan+Paragon

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Hi everyone!

I wrote extensively about me and my goals here in my intro post here , so I wont be making any more noise about my background.

Just want to outline a few of my major issues which I am trying to tackle with subliminals that I chose.

Self-image and self-worth
Despite being pretty well financially and enoying success in other areas of life I still have a poor image about myself and belive that everything I achieved was due to luck, rather my own abilities.
And that it will all crush one day ( busneswise).
I also dont think a lot about myself in terms of self worth.
I often feel people are cooler and better than me somehow ( despite logically I can reckon that its not the case).
Despite being big and strong ( 190cm , 105 kg ) with decent experience in combat sports I often see myself as small and weak.

Social circle and friends
I have a small circle of friends and I often feel lonely.
I am easy going and extroverted person, who at first everyone likes, but as time goes by that impression wains and I become average joe.
I know great deal of people but I dont know how to bond with people and start hanging out.

My goal here would be to revert that inner opinion of me as not being interest or have much to offer and start manifesting those people and rebuild social circle that I would like to have.

Health Issues"
Thankfully dont have a lot of (physical ) health issues, but I have a few lingering things that just dont seem to go away. So whenever I set off to come back and start working out , some of those old stuff comes back and bite me, so I need to recover, losing my motivation,…
This things tend to be recurring for the past year or so, so I am beginning to think this is also something mental as I have this underlying feeling that I am fragile somehow.

My wife says to me that there is always something wrong with me and I moan too much ( which isn’t far from the truth).

My goals here are to fix all those lingering things that are preventing me from working out and feeling ultimately healthy, so I can do whatever I want physically.
And obviously to start working out regularly and get back in the shape of my life .

Fear of cancers and tumors
This is by far biggest burden that I carry and I would like to get rid off asap.
Someone in my family died of cancer and since then fear from cancers started to grow in me, causing me all kinds of mostly mental issues.
Like I am afraid that either me or someone of love ones can get sick of cancer and die in pain and suffering.
Whenever I hear someone young to have cancer or tumor I get scared that its close and I we can get it. I had few anxiety attacks about that as well.
I am happy to say that I managed to tame that demon to a large degree with medications and speaking with pshyotherapists, but its still here causing me problems.

My goal here is to build more positive outcomes about future, internalize belif that life is much more than diseases and there are a lot of good things to look into the future ( which I logically know, but emotionally its a different story).
Aslo get rid of those phobias and become nonreactive to those things .

So the stack I chose is AM + Spartan + Paragon.

My plan for this diarry is to update it on a daily basis whats going on and keep track of my progress.
Ideally taking me much less time than writing this post :slight_smile:

Cheers

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#2

Good luck on your journey :+1:t4:

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#4

Thank you sir.
cheers

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#5

You’re welcome

#6

day 1 - Yay :slight_smile:

Today was my fist day with subliminal and I have listened 3 of them.
Started the day with Rebirth ultima ( I know its not on my stack but just fall in love with the idea of being reborn. i am not sure if I made a mistake by adding this to my stack but couldn’t resist.

Continued with AM and i am listening to the day just as I am writing this with Paragon.
I am listening all of my sublimnals Masked with headphones.
Spartan is still remaining but I am not 100% should I listen to it before bad time.

have to admit that listening 3-4hrs of this thing per day is no easy task, as i get interrupted pretty often on work and find myself constantly going back to the loops ( sometimes even 1hr after I pressed pause).

Dont expect any results just yet but I feel this feeling of excitement and somehow a sense that I should behave and feel more in accordance of what I am listening to.
For example after listening to AM I had a conversation with CEO of a pretty big company that has offices in the same building as we do. Usually I would perceive him as someone of more importance than myself, but today I intentionally set the frame that we are just common ground ( which we probably are ,but he is like 30 years older than me), so there is respect on that level.
We had really cool chat and he invited me to have a lunch in cafeteria with him ( I was going to the lunch anyways and we often eat there, it’s just that he never invited me before).
I realise all of this was my conscious and deliberate behavior but it was influenced by the fact that now IA am listening AM and should be alpha or whatever.
Lets say I have boosted motivation to do some better actions, which in itself is. a winner.

Tomorrow is an s rest day for AM and Spartan, so I am going to listen to only Paragon as an ultima.

Cheers

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#8

DAY 3 of Listening

Yesterday my 16 years old dog died.
She collapsed in the office and when we got her to the vet it was too late to do anything.
She was one of my brightest stars for the past 10 years and the dearest thing to my heart.
So I feel crushed. Actually, the whole family is.
So the last 2 days went mostly hanging around with people ( family, friends, and neighbors and crying.
its range this mourning period as time between episodes of almost hysteric cries pass calminly and rational like nothing has happened. You feel stable and then you suddenly realize what just happened and start to cry again.
I am pretty emotional guy and dont believe that being alpha means one should hide emotions and play tough one.
I was tough at the vets, where I had to make tough decisions and be with her until her last breath, hugging and kissing her.
But afterward is mine to do unapologetically whatever I feel I want to do.
And she was a big part of my life so I think she deserves to be mourned properly.

Listening to Spartan today gave me some stability, as, despite 80% of my thoughts still going toward the dog, I couldn’t get myself to cry anymore.
I still feel the pain but it’s not reaching me in a way it normally does.

During this, I realized that how important is to have people alongside when bad things are happening. AsI ohas been mostly surrounded by someone and things feel a bit easier.
I wrote in an opening post that I often feel lonely and I dont have a lot of people in my life, but I am so thankful for those few that I have as they are loyal and mean the world to me right now.

I am thinking to keep this joruney updated every day ( even during the pause days), to keep the momentum going.

Stackwise I feel its pretty complicated to listen everything in one day of listening (5hrs of listening) .
I listened 2x Paragon today, 1x spartan, now I am listening Rebirth ( which feels nice btw) and I still have AM to go thru before the day ends.
So I am thinking that maybe I took a bite too big to chew and should reduce the stack for now , for sake of simplicity and the momentum.
Any thoughts on this would be highly appreciated.

Thats it for now, talk soon.

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#9

Sorry to hear about your best friend :white_heart: I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through :hugs:

Be sure to grab the new updates versions of Paragon and Spartan; and read the new listening patterns. Listening hours should be slashed down now. Also 1 Loop of a title is enough for now.

You’re right, it gets even harder as one grows up. The ascent to the top can be a lonely path.

#10

Thanks.
I have already got them, 30 mins a day is much better in cooperation to 4-5hrs of listening.

#11

It’s a rest day today after 4 days of listening and tomorrow I am trying Zero Pont versions ( Yay) :slight_smile:

I have been feeling pretty bad for the last few days.
Went to the doctor and today I got diagnosed with COVID19.
Lucky it’s not too bad and I hope it doesnt get any worse.

Now I have good 10 days of isolation so the plan is to spend that time on self reflection, reading, and planning for the next year.

I am very hyped about new Zero Point files and cant wait to test em.

#12

I made some changes to my stack and switched everything to ZP, so I am going to restart counting and start from Day 0.

Last week I had a weird dream and in a dream, someone was telling me to replace AM with Regeneration.
In dreams and afterward it felt like a good move so I just decided to go with it

So right now my stack is Regeneration + Paragon + Spartan. All of those are ZP technology.

My listening schedule is Reg+ Paragon on Day 1 and on Day 3 I listen to Spartan.

ZP is much more convenient as it doesnt take as much effort as previous ones and I am done in 30 mins, instead of having 4-5 hr of headphones in my ears.

As soon as I am done with some of the current ones I am going to go back to AM, but for now, this is it.

In terms of the results so far I have only felt results from Spartan, where I just felt more at ease in myself and despite battling COVID situation it just felt somehow natural.
Like knowing yo are in the shit but just accept everything as it is , knowing it will eventually pass, but not forcing anything. Not even wish that it would come sooner.
I had some nasty back pain from laying all over the places, but even those came to me more natural and something I should just embrace.

It was making me angry and irritated that everyone else around me was making such a big fuss around it ( my wife, sister , mother). Like everyone was constantly moaning about not having a smell, taste, having this or that.
I was like yes, whatever it is it will just pass away, just give it some time.

Yesterday on my first walk in a week I was thinking about some of my biggest fears and trying to pinpoint how long have they been present.
It just something that popped in my head and it started stream rolling.
I spent good 20 mins thinking about that, which was somehow unusual, since clarity of thoughts was different and also there were like no emotional charges behind those thoughts, just like tkinhing of something.
Maybe this is Regeneration at work?
Dunno but I am excited about what more will it bring out.

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#13

Rest day update

Today is a Rest Day after THIRD day of listening Paragon ZP + Regeneration ZP.

Not much to update, but something is going on and I think its deffo something I want to write here as I feel its important stepping stone to the future progress.

In the last 2 days, I am full of doubts, fears and feel fearful in general.
Fears that I haven’t thought about in quite some time are arising sporadically and they come in waves.
In between them I generally feel good and optimistic.
I also feel some tightening in the chest area( something I usually feel when I have a stressed period).

I interpret all of this as Regeneration at work and the process of facing and overcoming all those inner demons.
It’s something I dont like, but trying to embrace it fully as a part of the journey.

Tomorrow is a day of listening spartan which usually gives me feelings of solidity and fortitude which I crave at this point.

#14

Time for another update.

The current state of days ( only ZP programs)

Regeneration: Day 9
Spartan: Day 9
Paragon: Day 5

So far I am noticing many small things changing, and I dont know which to contribute to each program ( and it doesnt matter at this point), but overall i feel mentally stronger.
Things that usually bother me, now dont so much, or at all.
Like for example, I burnt my hand other day. While it was nothing serious to go to doctors it hurt pretty bad and in the past I would either put ICE on it, or some other aid to cool it down for that acute phase where it hurt like hell.
This time I didn’t do anything. I reminded myself that I am listening to SPARTAN and let it be.
It still did hurt but I didn’t care as much and refused any attempts from my wife or sister to even deal with it.
Another more surprising change of behavior is that I just refuse to acknowledge small weaknesses in my body. Like if my knee hurts or some other muscle sprains that I have.
Usually, I would give much more attention to those.

The overall change in that department is that now I just move on and let things be and pass in their own time, while I am dealing with my shit, while previously I would put much attention towards it and so to say put a lot of things on hold.

In general, I feel stronger and more concrete.
I also feel a real desire to start workout or training something again.
As I said somewhere in this forums last time I was doing something physical worth mentioning was boxing about 3 years ago.
Now for the past week or so I have had this obsessed desire to go back.
I will go tomorrow to break the ice and then plan to work out 2-3x a week.

In this intro post I wrote that I have some fears regarding health issues and illnesses.
I still feel fear and I notice that after I listen to regeneration a lot of those fears still arise to the surface and force me to deal with them or feel them.
However the fear itself and intensity of those emotions is about 50% lower.
Its annoying to have to be around your self-doubts, fears, and most ridiculous thoughts that arise in my mind and part of me hates it.
But a big part of me loves it as I see this as progress and the way to process them and get em out of my system.
In general I think I spend more time in more pleasant “areas of the mind”, like optimism, joy, and overall look more optimistic on the future.
As I said there are a lot of turmoil inside this head still, but there is noticeable progress.

I had some doubts about this stack, but so far I really love it.
Like REGENERATION is fucking me up by tuning those fears up and bringing them to the surface, and SPARTAN and PARAGON are straightening my by giving me much-needed mental and physical fortitude.

#15

Enjoying my break now. Starting everything with little titles and more organised on 6th of Janary.
Cant wait :slight_smile:

#16

Something really weird happened to me during the rest period(after 21 days of listening), that prolonged my rest and awoke my doubts in my stack.
During the time of absence from subliminals I began to feel really anxious.
Like all of my fears and self-doubts burst out all at once.
I felt ( and partly still feel) really obnoxious and twitched at every word that even remotely has some connection to cancers.
For a few days, it really felt like I am in constant fight or flight mode.
To be more precise I felt like a deer in front of headlights.
I can’t really remember that I ever felt this way, especially since there were no other outside stimuli that would cause it ( in the past if i did feel similarly I could connect the feelings to an event).

Now I am having some dilemmas, like :

Is this Regeneration at work?
Should I even continue with Regeneration or ditch him and proceed with Spartan and AM?
In the past where I felt shitty I used Rebirth to put me up. Maybe I should listen to Rebirth few times?

In any way I am going to wait few more days before proceeding and in meantime browse forums to try to find some answers.

#17

Asked for some guidience in the forums regarding this.
If its ever going to help anyone, here s the link

Apparently what’s happening to me is very much normal and these are all signs of Regeneration at work.
Spent a good hour yesterday consciously contemplating my fears and as much as I emotionally dont believe, logically they are all pretty much bullshits and without any practical value to me.

So as of today, I am resuming my journey.
I am going to continue with Regeneration + Spartan for another round and see how will it go.

There is also a suggestion that I should add Elixir into the mix, but I feel things are intense as they are so I am just going to continue with standard stuff until I feel stronger.

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#18

Since I am struggling with days counting I decided to create a simple google sheet tracker so I can easily track my progress and know when should I listen to tracks next and when to take longer breaks.

Since my profession is a data analyst I couldn’t help but to play around with formulas and made this one little bit interactive and automated.

If anyone is interested, here’s the link

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#19

Nice. Thank you for sharing.

#20

No worries.
Happy to share.

#21

Intentionally haven’t posted here for a while, as I figured that posting in my little excel tracking sheet feels better. I usually write a line or 2 as a reminder and go my way., Sometimes nothing so its more convenient, than hitting the post counts here on forums :).

I just finished the second rest period of Regeneration + Spartan and because my first rest period was pretty scary to say at least I was afraid of what might come out this time.
However pretty much nothing happened.
I feel stable and pretty good about myself.
My fears of illnesses and cancers have not disappeared yet, however, I feel that intensity has changed.
And maybe even more important that I spent more and more time not even acknowledging its existence.
I cannot describe with words whats going on inside of me, however I feel its good and feel noticeable improvements.
I have noticed that I am constantly tensed and in some sort of hurry, even if there are no real reasons for that. So I am consciously working on relaxing up and take my time for things.

As I stated above back in Janaury I stared going on a boxing trainings and I love them.
I cant wait for the day to pass to go to gym again and try some other combination.
I am watching a lot of boxing tutorials as you tube, but that’s nothing new, been doing that for years, but now I have a reason for that.

I am about to start round 3 of Regeneration and am really tempted to change Spartan with something else. I am flirting with God Like Musculanity program, however, I am afraid to change, especially now with working out, etc, where I feel like Spartan is giving me that extra edge, physically and mentally.

Also, I do not know how long should I keep listening for Regeneration?
I guess the fact that I am still not at the point where I want to answer for itself, but since I am new in the world of subliminal there is still that underlying feeling that I might do something wrong.
Will ask on the forum this one.

#22

What scared you during the first rest period?