Saint’s journal

I posted an introduction asking for help and very quickly got unanimous advice to run Ascension and Primal. So I’ve bought them and am starting this journal to share my experiences.

Thank you Palpatine, Sage_Ninjistic, Dragon-Lesson, Beowulf, Yazooneh and ksub for the advice and words of support. (I can’t @mention everyone because I’m a new user)

Introduction

I read a few threads here and the support articles on the main site, and it seems like the overall philosophy is to keep the subliminals simple and focused, journal consistently, and take action.

Thanks to everyone’s help, I was able to keep my decision simple by asking and trusting more experienced people. I’ve kept the schedule simple by choosing only two subliminals. And I haven’t read the product details or read any ascension/primal journals in order to keep my expectations at absolutely zero and my focus on executing as strong as possible. I always overthink and insist on doing things my own way, so I’m going for a completely opposite approach here.

I’ve decided to use the masked format of Ascension ZP v2 and Primal ZP Experimental. I picked the experimental for Primal because it seemed like the newer version between it and “latest”. The naming for the files was seriously confusing so I just used the file creation dates. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

I’m going to listen primarily with headphones. I have basic wired apple earpods and I’ve ordered the exact AKG K240 Pro model (not mk II) as recommended in the support section of the main site. I’m not doing anything my way and will just blindly and exactly follow what everyone has told me.

To reiterate from my introduction:
I’m 30, have $10.5k worth of debt, stuck in a cold ass dying city in Japan that I really don’t like, doing work that I don’t give a shit about and that in a way actively goes against my goals and personal feelings, not making much money, dying of thirst from a major sexual drought, feeling a pit of loneliness inside of me that just gets bigger with time, and feeling like a completely worthless loser. Considering my situation when I came to Japan just a few years ago… I couldn’t dream of a worse situation, relatively speaking of course. Ultimately, my quality of life is actually good considering my problems, my health is good, I’m still making daily progress on my original goal to learn Japanese, and I still do feel like I can find turn things around. Just the way I’m living, thinking, making decisions, etc. has been atrocious and I feel like I’m just self-destructing here.

What I’m currently doing:
I’m working on building myself some income through what’s basically an online sales and marketing job for the “school” (company) that I work for. I really respect the owner and want to help grow the business, and of course I want to make money for myself in the process. So I’m helping them establish some marketing channels and learn how to expand the business online, and in return I get residuals from all students that we get. I was completely naive and thought this would be easier to get started than it has turned out to be. On top of that, it’s not my business and the numbers are pretty small, so if I was even able to replace my (low) salary with money coming from this system that would be an unbelievably huge win.

So I’m at the point where I’ve established most of what I need to and from here it’s a matter of executing and tweaking things over time to see if we can get some results.

I’m completely stuck otherwise on what to do from here and I hope I can figure it out.

I’m also lonely, sexually frustrated, and really don’t even feel like a human being some days. I can’t remember the last time I got an authentic hug from someone.

Given my experience in this current city so far, especially with COVID, I don’t have much hope in this changing. But I’m here doing these subliminals because I want to believe I can find a way right here where I am even despite my problems, my beliefs, and the demographics here.

I want to really keep my mind clear of expectations, so I’m going to be really selfish at first and not participate in other people’s journals for ~6 months. The community here seems amazing so I want to be able to give back and share the love if I can too. @Beowulf recommended a time frame of 6-12 months, so I think I’ll focus on getting into rhythm for the first half of that and then start participating in other threads.

9 Likes

Maybe make it your first major goal to move to a major city in Japan.

The latest one to run would be the one that reads as “2022 Experimental” as far as I know.

Primal ZP Experimental is Primal ZP v2. So you made the right decision here.

I’ll suggest a few things.

  1. Have explicitly written down goals somewhere. It allows you to consciously guide the subs.
  2. Read Atomic Habits. Start implementing the systems talked about in the book. I myself am still learning, taking notes and building habits from that book. It’s great, life-changing.
  3. Start a daily journal. If you’re not shy, then do it here. The first habit that was unexpectedly powerful for me was journaling here every single day. It’s a great keystone habit. Helps you do self-introspection, write down results that you might have forgotten/dismissed otherwise and allows public feedback.
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Yeah that’s a good shout, I definitely want to go back to either my old city or Tokyo. But it requires me to also figure out how to get there… ideally this project works and gives me enough of a base to make a more thoughtful move.

I made a rash decision to come to this city based on how I was feeling at the time, so I’m really hesitant to just jump somewhere else because of how I’m feeling now. But I now have a longer visa so I do have a bit more leverage in taking my time and finding a decent workplace due to its length and already having the actual visa. Instead of being so picky, I could bite the bullet, prepare for interviews, and find a software job… I really don’t want to go back to that kind of work though :confused: But it’s certainly a more direct route than whatever I’m hoping for right now with this project.

Yes – that’s the one I listened to. Thanks.

Alright, I’ll think of a short list of goals and write them down. Maybe just post them here on the forum too.

I’ve heard of the book but never read it. It’s the book where people got the idea about habit stacking and all that stuff from, right? I’ll get a copy since you’ve gone out of your way to recommend it.

2 Likes

2023-02-19T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • 1 loop of each audio
  • Deep cleaned my apartment with the exception of the toilet area
  • Read Atomic Habits as suggested by @Beowulf

Observations/Thoughts:
I felt absolutely nothing after listening to the audio files. Not sure what I was expecting to be honest. I then went to do chores, posted on here and saw everyone’s feedback.

I spent the rest of the day reading Atomic Habits. James Clear is a good writer so it was easy to read and full of useful information! Not just “the habit stacking book” like I thought it was. There are a few chapters in particular I’m going to start with and apply, namely managing my environment(s), identifying and making bad habits impossible or high-friction, and figuring out where I can create a stacked-deck for myself in life. I’ve never been one for joining email lists and all the marketing stuff these guys pull but I’m going to join his free email course and implement a new habit.

I know exactly where I’m going to start with my home environment. I want to clear my mind and just go full nuclear reset to really identify my problem areas and open up space in my life to see what I really have and don’t have time for in my daily routine. For the next month starting when I go in tomorrow, I’m going to keep my laptop at work. I’m taking the web browser off my phone and using a ksafe at night and during the day when I’m here with “nothing to do”. I use anki heavily for Japanese, and I need a bigger screen for some of the work I have coming up. But for the next two or maybe three weeks I can definitely get away with just my phone for what I need to do. I’ll figure the rest out later.

So with this, I can focus my willpower on managing only the phone and gtfo the internet.

I also got some inspiration from his idea about distilling something down to a 2:00 habit and got a new perspective on an idea for the current work project that is dead simple to execute but could be powerful over time. I originally thought it would be a PITA but I don’t think it necessarily has to be now.

@Beowulf thank you very much for your suggestion.

Anyway, as the day progressed I found myself feeling a little bit more like “me” again and I felt some of my old mentality coming back to me. It’s hard to describe, but I realized I had completely forgotten what I used to be about – especially concerning girls. Part of it really is because of this place, but I think I completely lost myself. On reflection, although it was an overall frustrating experience, the three different times I tried dating apps here I did get three different girls to meet up. Maybe if I just set and forget some profiles it would be better than absolute 0… Costs money though :x:

Posting really shameful stuff about myself and getting nothing but support absolutely helped me feel better too I think. It’s hard for me to believe that I posted what I did and also that I didn’t get any heat for it. Can’t thank you guys enough for your comments.

6 Likes

I’m glad you benefited from my suggestion! :grin:

If you still have the book receipt:-

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2023-02-20T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • Pitched the new idea to the owner and got initial agreement. Will need to work out more specifically how to implement it and then start this week.

Observations/Thoughts:
I was a little bit scatterbrained and clumsy today, and I’m basically never that way even when tired. In a particular hour, can’t remember exactly when, I

  1. somehow accidentally threw my phone while doing study reviews and cracked the screen big time
  2. put a pot on to boil and immediately forgot, only realizing a little later when I was wondering what the sound of the boiling water was
  3. lost my train of thought about the same thing three times

But I also felt way more smooth at work. My classes went swimmingly, all students of all ages and personality types responded noticeably well… got a greeting from an “enemy” colleague, and another coworker voluntarily came to me with some work for our newsletter that he’s responsible for and we talked a little bit which basically never happens.

My head still feels a bit foggy and I think I’m going to sleep early tonight when I go home.

Also not being on my phone or laptop all day was quite nice. Even though stuff like going to get some food in the cold and then cooking it was still annoying and still took time, I was able to get it done comfortably without feeling so rushed.

Some notes I wrote down:

  • complain less
  • stop looking for only the easy way to do things and focus more on the best way to do them even if it seems harder
  • slow down
  • time goes way slower when waiting for food to be ready without something to watch or do
  • urges to check my phone for the headphones tracking status
  • just because you don’t feel like going outside doesn’t mean you don’t go outside
3 Likes

2023-02-21T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • Two loops
  • Day 1 of James Clear’s mini-course

Observations/Thoughts:
I felt overall good today but very irritated and awake to my overall situation. I counted up my bills and just basic living (rent/utilities/insurance) cost damn near half my salary (BEFORE tax). Considering I don’t make shit, it’s very clear that I need to make more money. As the day went on I got more energy, and at work I pushed my ideas more assertively than I already do and got full agreement on what we need to do next.

Day 1 of the Atomic Habits email course was choosing one identity-based habit change. I decided to start with my physical and mental health, so my first mission is to become the type of person who takes care of his body and mind.

Other than the 20-minute walk in the cold, I don’t have any problem going to the gym, but I DO have a real problem keeping the food and meal planning going. And when the food slips, gym slips due to the resulting lack of energy. A big part of this pain is that I want all the benefits of eating well without the hassles of cooking or managing it. Since I don’t have a personal chef or a mommy at home, this is a foolish desire. So by becoming the type of person who prioritizes taking care of his health, I will respect the time and energy it takes to manage food and do it well. The habit I’ll be focusing on is eating whole foods and cooking good meals as much as my schedule allows, and drinking enough water every day. Up north is particularly dry and I hadn’t realized until very recently just how much water I actually need to stay hydrated!

As for mental health, I think I mentioned before about leaving my laptop at work and basically keeping my phone locked up outside of studying Japanese. I’m typing this as of day 3, so I’ll comment more in the next journal. But it’s been surprisingly great so far.

I had to prep for one of my classes yesterday, and I used a small app I built to automate said prep. I haven’t had a chance to try it yet for this class, so actually using it reminded me how great software can be. What used to take me 30+ minutes for a 20 question quiz with a small scope literally took me 2 minutes to generate two quizzes of varying scope and double the length. Click click click cmd-p – perfect print formatting and everything. Not only that, but it seems like I had more mental space since I wasn’t in the weeds of manually creating it, so I got a flash of brilliance on how to integrate it with some other stuff I’m doing in that class to make the students’ learning more effective. They loved the idea and we’ll see how it goes next week when they bring their homework back.

Some notes I wrote down:

  • even though I hate it, find a coding interview course?
  • build a project instead?
  • I should develop the quiz thing more and automate more of my job and maybe try to sell it to other teachers
  • I actually have a shit ton of time in the day! (one class was cancelled today which left a big gap, but still)
  • It’s more peaceful without the mental noise and bullshit of the internet, anime, drama, tv shows, saas twitter, etc.
  • The sound of the heater and boiling pot are comforting
  • If my laptop is at work, I don’t really need to even bring a bag most days except when I have to go to other locations to teach. One of my dream lifestyles is to not carry a damn bag.
  • Woke up fully @ 6:15 am without an alarm. read for 15 minutes and then got up
  • So nice to wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and also having time to do what I need. Why was this so hard when I tried to do the same thing with an alarm clock? How am I waking up so early AND FEELING GOOD even though my bedtime hasn’t changed? Usually I will crash and snooze for an hour or more.
3 Likes

2023-02-22T15:00:00Z

Things I did, and will do for the rest of the day:

  • Got the AKG K240 Pro headphones in the mail today. Will use them for tomorrow’s loops
  • Went to a hot spring and had a good lunch
  • Will work on the website upgrade at work tonight
  • Will start the next phase of our marketing strategy tonight

BAM!

Observations/Thoughts:
Yesterday I decided to become the type of person who takes care of his body and mind.
I already talked a little bit about the physical health and will continue to work on that. Payday is coming up so I’m going to go for a new strategy that covers the bulk of my monthly food budget up front and see if I can automate as much as possible (Atomic Habits tip).

So what about the mental side? For the last three days I’ve left my laptop at work and kept my phone locked up outside of studying (I use anki). Holy shit, what a three days. This week was a slow week in an already slow month, so it’s true that I have more free time during the day than usual. I knew that coming into this week, so I ramped up my vocab study to kill off a flashcard deck that I’ve been working on for a few months. ~2000 words… almost there :slight_smile: I figured at my pace I would need 2 or 3 hours a day to get through both the new cards and the reviews. (For anyone who cares, I’m adding 40 new cards per day and that’s considered extremely high.) Except I haven’t needed that at all.
I’m averaging an hour and change for new cards and reviews with high retention. So I was looking forward to having a cleared schedule because I thought I would need most of the day, and it turns out that’s not true at all.

I can’t believe this is actually making such a big impact. Also, I’ve gone to bed at around the same time as I always do (11/12) and woken up way earlier than normal both days since my first night with no phone AND having not spent any time on the internet for entertainment or information during the day. I crashed yesterday at 8AM and slept for two hours, but today there was no crash.

My phone screen is cracked right now so I don’t even carry it with me during the day either. In the evening when I come home from work it feels like I’m actually “home” for the first time in a long time. It’s weird AF but time seriously feels different. It reminds of how I used to feel when I was a child.

So I’m saying all of this to say that my mind feels way more fresh due to the seemingly better quality sleep, and it also feels better, calmer, and like my perception of time has completely slowed down. I spent the morning studying a monster review session, going all the way down to a hot spring ~1hr round trip, eating a good chinese lunch, and came back with time to almost finish next month’s newsletter before my first class. And I didn’t have my phone with me so I didn’t watch the clock or anything. It was an unbelievable experience. I’m stunned by how much this one change is revealing to me already. Is this how old people live???

I’m expecting old habits, horniness, or whatever else to hit at some point and make this feel hard or boring, but I’m ready for that too when it comes. If I live this way for even the next 6 months I will have so much time and mental space for studying. Of course I’m still thinking about what to actually do next to make money and improve my life situation… and studying probably won’t help much with that. But I’m blown away.

Some notes I wrote down:

  • woke up early and thought about law again for an hour before getting up. I always think about law school as an escape when I feel desperate. There’s a reason I didn’t go for it and chose programming instead. Was it a good reason though? Or was I too immature at the time…
  • I could make a bot army that makes money for me
  • When I don’t have the internet, it’s funny how much I get done and faster too. today’s review had a high volume and was still boring but only took about an hour and change whereas before I might be distracted or just mentally struggle to get it done so fast.
  • holy shit my mind feels so clear and calm today
  • so glad the sun is shining today
2 Likes

Amazing progress going on here, well done :clap: .

Here’s a passage from the book Inner Work by Robert A. Johnson. It’s a book focusing on the use of Dream Analysis and Active Imagination, understood and used through the frame of Jung’s analytical psychology. I’ve cut a few sentences here and there to make it more understandable.

At some point along the way we all make choices. A man may feel he has the makings of a concert pianist, but he also has a talent for business and he finds himself climbing the corporate ladder, organizing his life around the business world and supporting a family. Still, the artist in him lives on as a potentiality that he hasn’t had time to live externally.

Even ten lifetimes would not be enough time to marry all the people one has loved, follow all the occupations and interests that one might have enjoyed, or live out fully all the personalities hidden within. But if we ignore these unlived possibilities, they can go sour. They can assert themselves in clumsy ways. We may sit around feeling nostalgic about “what might have been.” Or we can get bitter and blame bad luck or other people for denying us the chance to be heroic, rich, or famous.

Whatever that other life is, you can still live it, if you will consent to do so as an inner experience. In dream and imagination, you can go to that unlived life; you can discover what it would have felt like to follow that route rather than the ones you chose. Very likely you will discover that it wouldn’t have been so much more wonderful than the life you have lived. But it is important that you experience it, for all the main energies in your total self need to be lived out in some conscious way.

If this sounds interesting to you, you can look into getting this book and applying it to see what lurks in your personal unconscious. There are surprisingly quite a few Jungian analysts in Japan that you can look into if you intend to work with Active Imagination. Dream Analysis is fine to do by yourself.

2 Likes

Your quotes are spot on… the first two really hit me hard. As I’m still going through the Atomic Habits course and working through the book more closely, I’m going to focus on that for the duration of the course. So I will grab Inner Work around the end of March.

As always, appreciate your comments @Beowulf.

1 Like

2023-02-23T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • 2 Loops

Observations/Thoughts:
Used the new headphones for the loops. Yay. T-3 days to finishing this vocab deck.

Some notes I wrote down:

  • I fucking hate teaching English. Such a waste of my time and energy. I must stifle my desire to speak Japanese in order to serve other people’s needs. The whole reason I came to Japan was to speak Japanese to Japanese people, but I’m spending all my time improving their English levels instead. What kind of madness is this? Why do I make such poor decisions?
  • Got email about jury duty and all I had to do was send an email with proof that I wasn’t in the country. I started to pencil it in on my calendar for “later” and realized it would take like a minute. Why not just do it now. Why default to later?
  • New site upgrade path doesn’t seem to be working as planned. Time to switch gears and/or quit because this shit isn’t making me any money anyway. Maybe just use the opportunity to improve my skills and use it as something to show off in interviews. I don’t want to go back to scrum hell though :confused:
  • Boss: “I hope 〇〇 does online classes with us”
    (Me internally): I don’t.
    This is not a good sign
2 Likes

2023-02-24T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • Day 2 of James Clear mini course

Observations/Thoughts:
I worked all day, so everything I did today was just work stuff – nothing notable outside of that. College students are home for a month break and jeez, it feels like a different city. Young, seemingly (never know with the mask) cute girls EVERYWHERE! Have had a few make and hold eye contact or repeated eye contact… two girls the other night in miniskirts in the middle of fucking winter came into the convenience store, one noticed me, bought some stuff, they went back to their car, and as I came out it really did feel like she just “happened” to come out of the car to throw something away, looking at me as she did. I forgot this feeling :sob: I feel like I actually exist again, even if it’s just for a moment. I wish they would all just stay here.

I’m getting ready for the weekend, and I am getting familiar urges to bring my computer with me so I can “work on code or a project”. Whatever. I’m ready for it this time and I’m absolutely leaving my laptop at work over the weekend. If I want to code or do whatever, I can do it when I come in to work. This is a critical choice in breaking some of these bad habits, and I’m glad I could recognize it this time. I’ve committed a month to this environment change so I’m at least doing this until the end of March. But I’ve also said I want to be a person who takes care of his physical and mental health. And it is huge for my mental health to actually disconnect from work, online, and whatever. So the computer stays in the desk for two days, and I’ll give my weekend updates when I come back to work.

Day 2 of the mini course from James Clear was to choose a 2-minute habit. It was surprisingly hard to come up with one for this food goal. Eventually, I landed on “Every week on Sunday, check my food plan for the upcoming week.” Check means literally just check the spreadsheet, but since I’m going low-tech right now that’ll be check a written page with the details. By its nature, meal planning isn’t something to be done daily, so I’m not sure if I picked the “right” habit to start with. But that’s the deal. Just check.

Some notes I wrote down:

  • If I’m stressed after work, or if I’m just feeling tired or whatever, adding some sort of stimulation (via the internet) is not de-stressing. I may think watching something is relaxing but actually it’s stimulating my mind. De-stressing is REMOVING stimuli. My mind needs a chance to literally stop being forced to think about some work problem, some fake anime or drama story, some soccer game, my future, my problems or whatever else I’m putting through it after I go home.
  • This place is completely different with actual youth and young people walking around
  • Really hate this job. Hate being poor.
3 Likes

You’re welcome.

Good for you. I’ve been here over a year and a half and it can be difficult to stick to the recommended max stack size of 3 titles (excluding Ascension Chamber), let alone running only 2 titles.

:blush::+1:t4:

With a certain mindset which it seems you have, this makes sense as a technique. I do (or … I guess… Don’t do?) something similar.

However, I do read the objectives of major titles one time before starting that title.

Based off of the little quick skim I just did of your posts, it seems to me as if Ascension is activating quickly for you. Like I said, I skimmed so imma give a proper read after this post. But kudos.

I find that once I see something new, different about me and/or in my environment that makes sense for the title or titles I’m running and accept it, it then compounds, multiplies and expands, in addition to allowing me to see other effects/results.

2 Likes

Yeah, I know at least this much about myself: if I read the descriptions I’ll start some combination of expecting results, looking for proof, looking for ways to disprove it, become impatient if I don’t see anything, start reading other people’s journals and compare timelines, switch to something else that catches my attention, etc. I’m naturally skeptical and for something like this doubly so. So I decided from the beginning to just read the instructions to get a basic understanding on what to do, ask actual experienced people for advice on what to pick, shut the eff up and just do it. This way if it “works” or “doesn’t work”, I can just read the descriptions after the allotted time and make my judgement that way.

I was planning to start visiting other people’s journals about 6 months in, so maybe around that time I can check the descriptions too. Your point about compounding effects is interesting and I don’t want to miss out on that.

Thanks for checking in!

3 Likes

2023-02-25T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • 2 loops
  • Chores
  • Got meal planning going and thinking critically how to decrease the burden
  • Going to change this section to be explicit about how the things I do are actually connected to what I say my goals are: am I progressing or just talking shit?

I had time to sit down and pick the three strongest goals in my mind right now:

Goals:

Fluent in Japanese
No identity shift needed, I’ve smashed my whole life to pieces for this goal and have a mostly clear idea about what I need to do and how to do it, as well as the confidence knowing I will continue to show up to do the work.

  • Current goal: JLPT N1 perfect score in under half the time limit (12/3/2023)
  • Current goal: Kanji Kentei level 7 perfect score (TBD)
    (Daily habit: study 1hour per day per test)

75kg lean
Identity-shift: to become a person who treats his body in such a way that he can maintain 75kg at a healthy and aesthetic body fat%
This is part of the even bigger identity shift:

  • Current goal: 70kg
    (Daily habit: eat planned food, exercise; Weekly habit: track progress, order or buy food that’s needed)

Make more money (TBD)

I’m not sure about the money goal… My goal really is just “make more money and get out of debt” but that’s too vague. I fell in love with the idea of making recurring income through saas, but it’s way easier said than done, and I’m not even sure it’s what I want or how I want to live my life. Nothing is truly automatic or passive or whatever, and I’m starting to think that chasing the idea causes me to approach life poorly… This is the best I could come up with – can anyone share any thoughts? I’m honestly thinking right now to just sharpen up my programming and apply for jobs… maybe an async job that gives me location freedom, but I would still have to deal with actually maintaining a proper visa and housing to stay in this country. I really dread going back to corporate life though but I really can’t overthink this or be too picky in my current situation. I’m trying to hold out and develop this project at work because if it goes well it is totally scalable and will give me really close to “passive” income. But if the numbers are low or it’s just not working then I need to recognize that too and give up at some point.

Observations/Thoughts:
Today was the first of two days without my computer at home and my phone on lock. It was so freeing and I got time and space to really dig in to work and thinking creatively about how to solve some of my current problems. I spent most of the time thinking about meal planning because it’s such a damn chore. The whole thing – planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning – is just really obnoxious. So I decided to focus on how I could make it better, and I came up with an idea to find a vegetarian-based meal kit service that will provide a good rotation of vegetables and a no-brainer way to cook them. I don’t have to choose and I don’t have to worry about getting enough variety. Doesn’t help me with gaining weight at all, but it does help my overall health immensely. For carbs, the staples are the staples – rice, pasta, bread and sometimes potatoes for me. Layer on with seasonal fruit to keep the cost down and provide some variety and that should be fine. I don’t like bananas or apples, but I’ll eat some if need be. If I can find a farm or service that delivers twice a week, I will use that to save me the burden. I need to look still. Then for protein I already have an online store that I like, and I spent a bunch of time going through their entire catalog and found some stuff that might work. I’ll buy a month’s worth (or as close to that as I can) so that it makes execution way easier. I really want to cut down all the walking, carrying, and deciding that I have to do for food.

Some notes I wrote down:

  • girls checking me out today, not the oh-so-common “rare animal in a zoo” reaction and definitely some genuine curiosity
  • very lightly flirted with new cleaners girl, she seemed really happy to be complimented
  • truly finishing something is surprisingly extremely hard and it should be celebrated
  • it’s hard to get started sometimes, but even harder to “finish your dinner”. Absolutely make it through the final word, last rep, or whatever it is you promised to do at the beginning – exactly as you promised when possible. things definitely change, but try your best to not change in the middle unless it’s obviously wrong. this is a skill that needs to be developed
  • got oisix (meal-kit service) coupon in the mail. interesting timing just as I’m trying to figure out what to do for food
  • got a good idea for a problem I’m having on my stream with zoom bombing
  • going home from the laundromat I saw a fireworks display at the park. lucky!
  • it was cold but beautiful outside today
  • just to go through the protein options of the store (not even finished) took 50 minutes at the laundromat. this is why i fucking hate meal planning lol
    *exactly what I was worrying about – I didn’t work out or work so I have way too much energy. It’s 11:30PM and I can’t sleep. no phone no computer. this sucks. gotta get training going again for real…

2023-02-26T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • Hot spring + ice cream (physical and mental health)
  • Vocab study (JLPT N1)
  • Meal planning research (75kg)

Observations/Thoughts:
Second day without my computer at home and my phone on lockdown. But I did spend more time than Sunday on my phone as I continued meal planning, AND watched Man Utd clean up Newcastle for the first trophy in what feels like ages and simultaneously not that long ago. I can’t actually believe it’s been that long… time goes by so quickly.

I really like leaving my computer out of my apartment despite some inconveniences. Having a barrier between my private life and work seems to be massive for me. I never realized how important this was. I got a message from my boss about a problem with the newsletter (money goal) so I had to go all the way into work to fix it ASAP rather than just open my laptop, make changes, and email it over. But this system clearly forces me to look at the real value of some of my actions and decisions, which is great.

Some notes I wrote down:

  • somehow fell asleep last night, slept pretty soundly, woke up ~9:30
  • The hardest part of meal planning is the 1) decision making, followed by 2) execution
  • Went to [FAVORITE HOT SPRING] for the first time in probably over a year. Front desk lady remembered me (I mean, of course she did though – I stand out) and my preferences and even my damn stamp card (she gave me two stamps for my visit :slight_smile: ) which I completely forgot about
  • Her nails looked good and she has that great balance of being slim but soft… yummy
  • [FAVORITE HOT SPRING] is so damn good! Why has it been so long since I’ve been here?? My body just feels so good after soaking at this place. things literally feel looser, relaxed, and restored. this is why it’s tied for my #1 hot spring!
  • Horny as FUCK today
  • it was crowded on public transportation and instead of going to the back or side like I always do to avoid the stares and anxiety, my body reacted and just lead me straight up to the front, standing behind the driver, FACING EVERYBODY. and it was… fine! most people mindlessly on their phones anyway… person seated to my left was looking at the fucking wifi settings on her phone… only one old dude staring and two high school girls glancing at me repeatedly. could be worse!
  • went to new ice cream store that I promised a student I would go to. small shop so I was again anxious about the reactions of the store owner or customers, but… it was fine. well honestly I felt lucky because there were no customers. store clerk was visibly surprised but didn’t get too caught up in it, start some bullshit conversation, or treat me like a retard. wtf why is it not bad like I expected? ice cream was pretty good, but not worth going out of my way for again.
  • I should just commit to this now – on the weekend, I completely lock my laptop away after studying. no code no BS
  • during the week, code @ work since it’s a work-related project anyways
  • having the days clear of tech make them feel longer and I can actually get away from work
  • but I absolutely need my computer for this kanji study coming up. my phone screen is just too small and anki is too valuable for this type of study. so i really don’t think I can keep it at work once that gets going. i’ll have to bring it back and keep it locked up… always that temptation physically sitting in the room, but i’ll just have to do my best.
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Possible way to overcome this:-

  1. If you’re using a Windows PC, you can create different Users for your PC. So I use a separate account for my personal matters and a separate account for my work matters. This provides me with a good way to mentally separate the tasks I am doing. If you find yourself predisposed to doing work at home, you can try writing a really complicated password for your Work account, written on a piece of paper somewhere and have no/a simple password for your Personal account. Make the stuff you don’t want difficult, the stuff you want easy - basically.
  2. If the stuff you’re using for work is on your Desktop, try moving them somewhere nested in several folders. Anki on the Desktop, Work stuff all the way inside several folders. Kinda a silly solution but even James Clear puts his distracting apps a few page slides away on his phone and the productive stuff right infront of the Home screen.
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2023-02-27T15:00:00Z

Things I did:

  • 2 loops
  • Marketing Action (non-teaching money)
  • FINISHED!!! studying and reviewing new vocab cards (JLPT N1)
  • Unassisted squat hold, 15 minutes @ level 3 (physical health)
  • Game plan for next major round of studying (kanji kentei level 7)

Observations/Thoughts:
Today was great. I finished studying and adding new cards to my vocab deck. From here on out, all I have to do is review them daily until the review stack gets quite low (maybe below 10 a day) and then I’ll most likely delete the deck from anki. It feels so good to finish, and really clears me up to move on to the next wave of things to study. Now that I’ve covered the two grindiest parts of studying for this level, I can focus on drilling and killing and work through practice tests with my teacher for the rest of the year. Drilling is quite simple and not so mentally intensive, so my mental energy can now be used almost entirely on learning loads of kanji :open_mouth:

I originally thought it would take ages for this vocab deck to settle in at under an hour worth of review per day, but I haven’t really breached that time limit since I started the final push to kill off this deck. So what that means is my original plan to start hitting kanji heavily after ~2/3 weeks has been pushed up to starting tomorrow! I need my computer for that, so I’m going to have to manage both my computer and phone at home and keep them locked away separately. The guiding principle is that laptop is to be locked away at all times except for studying, updating this forum (I won’t have to wait until after the weekend to write this journal), managing my meals, and watching soccer. My phone is too small to watch the games comfortably. At the very least, keeping it locked by default will force me to question when I do need it, and I’m still using the timed lock so at least I can lock it away for hours at a time and not even consider using it. There will be a huge temptation to do other things… so if I need to do anything else then I’ll do it either at work or otherwise outside of the house where I won’t be tempted to just sit all day on it. I really wanted to continue keeping my laptop at work, but after wracking my brain for different ways to do it without the computer, I realized that it would just end up costing me a bunch of money and time that I really don’t need to spend. The computer really is the best tool for the job that I need to do, so it would be stupid to ignore that and hamstring my progress. And at least on work nights, I can start the habit of immediately locking my bag and putting the key and my phone away in the k safe when I get home.

I have materials already prepped, but I originally prepared with the assumption that it would take me longer than it probably will. Now that I’ve experienced how focused I can be without temptation, I think I will be able to hit more than I think, and harder too. For now, I have a good starting point so I will run it for this month and evaluate next month when I get a realistic sense of the work load.

I’m not quite sure how detailed I can or want to talk about this new marketing that we’re trying. Nothing groundbreaking or original, but I’m not comfortable posting about it now, so “marketing action” refers to that as well as the other stuff we’re doing.

Been working on squat holds because I can’t asian squat, and I figured I’d throw that up in my “things I did” section now too. Basically I found an area in my apartment with 2 different levels I can use as heel support, so I can work my way up to 30 minutes from the highest point (level 3) to flat floor (level 1). I break the time up into sets.

Unfortunately, I found out today that my computer’s battery is dying. I got a warning that it needs servicing, so I’ll have to do that sometime soon. Apple is great with quality control so I’m going to push off replacing it until next month because I don’t have the money now. Thankfully I’m already trying to use the machine less, so I will stay off of it as much as possible and hope the battery doesn’t start to swell and destroy my computer.

Phone cracked, laptop battery dying… is this fortune or misfortune??? Can’t make this stuff up. :man_shrugging:

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