Night 56
Wanted 03:00
True Social 03:00
Doing the work, going through some processing. I have a better mindset around it, we just gotta do the work.
It’s going well. Still running Khan ST1, and been on wanted and true social for the past 45 days. 
Evolutionary wise, I’m planning a year term run again, that works best for me. Currently in processing mode, so hard to figure out priorities right now. It’s part of the process I guess. It will be Khan of course, but the other two I’m unsure of, because I’m unsure of the goals.
How’s it going for you? What are you up to? What are you running? What are the challenges?
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Rotating or 1 year per stage? What’s your current duration?
I kind of blame anti recon for this effect, because I was doing pretty good on Khan ST1, Emperor, etc. before adding new GLM with anti recon.
I was using Emp + EOG1 and was fine but when I added GLM, Emperor started giving me as much recon as Khan ST2 (from which I wanted to run away and never touched Khan afterwards lol, literally never had worse recon). I know that it’s Emperor because once I stopped listening to it, everything got back to normal
It’s not like the anti recon doesn’t work, it just makes me more aware and sensitive to recon, and while it gives me the tools to resolve recon, sometimes it’s just still too much. I think I even stonewalled on a big chunk of script in Emperor and anti recon solved this problem and now I just can’t handle it well at the moment
I’m doing pretty good, thank you. Just in the grind phase currently. Not many challenges except for controlling recon because if I accidentally increase exposure too much, I won’t really be able to work for a day or two lol.
As I mentioned, I took out Emperor and decided to do GLM + EOG long term at first, before re-introducing Emperor/Stark/Khan. Considering opening a new journal and doing a year term run as well
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Yeah, I feel you. I didn’t feel as much recon before on Khan ST1, more now. It could be the anti recon bringing more opportunities for growth, but you know people change and something that wasn’t an issue before is ready to be dealt with now. Did you use the ”new” experimental cycle? 60 days and listening to all subs on the same day with same duration? That could also be it. I returned to normal after 30 days, it helped.
Yeah, it’s easier in my opinion with the commitment because you have your own set for a year, and you won’t switch because of recon and be forced to evolve. Of course you shouldn’t overexpose, but it forces you to focus on 1-3 subs only for a year.
I’m leaning towards Khan and Khan Black and then Regeneration for a year. Just standard 21-day cycles, restarting the stages after the 4th.
7 minutes on ST1 and 3 minutes Wanted and True Social.
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Do it, I will too. Commitment. Last time I made it to 11 months, so almost a year. Lol this time I will make it!
Emperor is great.
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I have. I did full cycle this way with Emperor, EOG and LB and had no issues
Then addition of anti recon did that for me lol. You are probably right that it brings more opportunities for growth but I still couldn’t handle it yet
I do like the new schedule more though.
I don’t mind doing more work on subs that are easier for me at the moment, especially because they hit my goals anyway
I’m considering Regeneration as well
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Khan + Khan Black + DR: Regen
I’m starting this journey in the same journal. It’s still Khan. I’m going to do what I did with my Emp + IG + Limitless run and stick to this for a long time, aiming for a year or more.
Khan ST1 is probably the sub I’ve run the most, never pushing past ST1 lol is there a blockage there or fear? Probably. We’ll find out, because I’m pushing to the rest of stages this time!
Day 1 - C1
Khan ST1 - 03:00
Dragon Reborn: Regeneration - 03:00
Did feel the detachment or rather notice the process of processing emotions and anxiety without the need to analyse or get in the way. More so of the need of letting nature flow and not interrupting that flow.
Also, how as saint mentioned, it’s not debilitating process, wheres as before all my energy and focus would go to the discomfort. I was instead in full work mode all day, with the process going on underneath, and planning to work overtime just because.
Not blocking or suppressing or ignoring, just a subtle hum on the background. No need to suppress.
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Day 2 - C1: Processing day
I want to learn to draw. I want to learn a new language. lol
Recon intensified today. I had a good session of diving into the emotions/sensations and letting them go just now. Some tears came. I think this practice is more in touch with DR: Regen, because it’s not about labeling or trying to build a story like a detective of why, I just want to let go of the baggage.
I’ve also realised something in my relationship with streaming. I went a training on sales and business at work and they went through the importance of the why (sinek, the golden circle), and I don’t have a strong why. You can’t fake the why, and I don’t see it. We’ll see, maybe it will emerge, otherwise streaming is not my thing.
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Day 3 - C1: Khan Black ST 1 - 03:00
Subtle resistance and blockage of growth and success. Subtle way of self-sabotage is when you feel a negative emotion or something happens, and you resist that or get super frustrated over it and thinking you have so long to go. “A Khan shouldn’t feel this.” But that is exactly what a Khan does. Face the demons, accept the demons. Don’t resist them. Let them flow through you. Be an ally of reality, don’t resist it or fight against it. You’re a Khan already.
It’s not like once you become “Khan” you won’t be feeling trials and tribulations of life, or negative emotions, or negative experiences.
Don’t escape reality. Do your best.
This is all just my opinion and experience.
If you want to be “Khan”, you will never be “Khan”. Because you are already Khan, but when you want to become Khan, you’re on a different path called becoming and is in the future, and the future is always in the future, so you will never become Khan, you will just be in the process of becoming, which is different from being and presence.
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Day 4 - C1
Processing day
Do your best to not lie to yourself. Admit your flaws, it’s not the end of the world. But it feels like it. I’m going through this process right now, and it’s uncomfortable and really hard. But I’ve also noticed glimpses of the power and self- acceptance that comes from being real with yourself.
Did a workout yesterday. Was up a bit too long, doom scrolling because I was just going through alot of upheaval. But I did catch myself in the end and had nice realisations. I also started to feel really good afterwards. Lol
I gotta integrate the lessons now.
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I’ve had a similar realization not that long ago. For some reason, I noticed that myself and many other people for some reason are trying to be someone they are not, not admit their flaws, and work against their strengths, and it causes stagnation
for example, it took me a while to accept that I’m not a (conventionally) disciplined person. I just can’t sit down and work lol, my will power and impulse control is zero. But when I accepted this fact, I immediately was able to identify things that trigger motivation for me and ironically, I appear to be quite disciplined from other’s POV lol
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Nice realisation, yes, I agree or share the conclusion.
Also, the going says, you can’t fix or work on a problem (or something) if you don’t admit it’s a problem first (or something to work on).
In your case, it allowed you to find a different, creative approach and to work with yourself or reality rather than against. Thanks for sharing.
Worst case is a bit of hurt and acceptance of yourself, which in my opinion is a massive step in growth.
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Day 5 - C1
Khan ST1 - 03:00
DR: Regeneration - 03:00
I’ve noticed a couple of occasions where I accept and completely honest with myself and what I’m experiencing, even though I don’t particularly like it. It feels empowering nonetheless.
- I felt that I sounded stupid and I don’t like it.
- I make mistakes and other people might make a judgement of me based on that and they might never change their opinion of me again.
My responsibilities at work have increased and my boss told be that she loves my initiative and getting fearless about taking on new challenges and opportunities.
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Day 6 - C1
Processing
I felt very handsome today. Must be the Wanted sessions, my style has leveled up.
The right texts and ideas come to me when I need them the most.
I needed to be more self- honest. A video popped up that I would classify as internet drama, but I decided to flow with life and see where it leads, inspired by the tao te ching, and the first 5 minutes contained the exact thing I needed to hear. And I felt a piece fall into place. (To be completely honest, I clicked on the video because I was coping. But in retrospect, I got out of the deep recon I was in armed with a new mindset thanks to the video. Lol)
Another time I felt overwhelmed and tired, and another Tao Te Ching quote came to mind. Followed by an article about software engineers that have survived a stroke. Boom. Another couple tips I needed to hear today. Reminding me of balance. (Recon coping, again, but the issue got resolved.)
I’m chilling now. Feel ready to crush it tomorrow. I also remembered I have some ginseng in a counter that I will pop tomorrow for this thick period of responsibilities and expansions.
Many more moments where I started to notice that I get the exact information I need. I love it.
I gotta experience what I’m experiencing. Honestly. No spiritual bypass or other bs. Do my best to feel it. But if I cope, it’s fine, as long as I admit it, keep taking action, journaling and listening to the subs, I’ll succeed. The temporary setbacks are part of the journey, and I would personally argue are necessary for my growth.
I want this bad boy.
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Day 7 - C1
Khan Black ST1 - 03:00
Felt paralysing processing in the morning upon waking up, then peace at noon while taking a lunch walk in the rain.
I sometimes feel I have more than I can chew and other times that it’s fine. I’m outside of my comfort zone.
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Day 8 - C1 - Processing
I had tons of candy, PMO and was up WAY past my bed time playing ARC Raiders. You’ve been a very naughty boy Risky! Tsk tsk tsk
What can I say, I’m not proud of myself.
I’m going through some changes.
Surprisingly I have no self- attack the day after. I’m starting to think acceptance of my dark side can lead actually being closer to my potential than punishment/shaming/fear. I was raised with one method, but that didn’t work (dad).
I think this different way just removes the charge of the situation instead of going back and forth like a pendulum. Attack, counter attack, never ending.
- Failing. Unfair shaming and self- attack.
- Countering it by setting another unfair/unrealistic goal/value (atonement) that I have no way of consistently achieve/maintain → leading to more bs.
I know I’m not alone going through this type of cycle. It’s pretty common in self-development.
Now PMO is not good. But self- attack is bad. But shame is a devious creature, I can’t win head on.
Day 9 - C1 - Listening
Khan ST1 - 03:34
DR: Regen - 03:39
Long day today, I was up to 02:30 am working on a project for work. Lol I wish it was because of playing ARC Raiders, but sadly no.
I could have postponed this another week, but over extended my promises and underestimated the time it would require. I will do better next time, because losing sleep is not optimal.
I’ve noticed the massive surge of energy I have and it must be from KB. Noticing I guess the sleep issues people reported earlier. I believe this will settle soon enough. I also remember a course in sexual energetic talking about doing relaxing breathwork while engaging in this stuff because the extra oumph might be overwhelming and a lot to handle.
I might do that starting tomorrow. Do some relaxing breathwork like 578 breathing or something.
ARC Raiders is the latest addiction and I just want to handle all my business, responsibilities and obligations efficiently and swiftly, to get more time to game. It motivates me to keep things oiled up and running smooth as butter.
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Day 10 - C1 - Processing day
Life sometimes feel like one damn thing after another.
Delusions. Escapism. Spiritual bypass. Backwards rationalisation. Thinking positive. All that gotta go, if I want to really get to know myself and my reality and accept it. Which is the baseline. An (as much as possible) accurate view of self and reality, is the foundation.
Authenticity it’s powerful.
I was tired and fatigued all day. My stream was bad. I’m not pleased by the day.
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