Risky and KHAN¹ºº¹

Journals - Major Programs
#35

Night 22
Khan ST1 - 03:00
Spartan: AWF - 03:00

Back to work :clap: focused day work. I love Mondays.

Night 23
Washout day

One of those humbling and resilience nights that gives great insights and your priorities go through scrutiny! Awful belly ache, only worked a half day.

The transition to internal validation and permission as opposed to external. No false gods. Got some insights into this.

Night 24
Washout day

Another sick day. I’m thinking this run of Khan will focus in this no false gods, internal validation and permission thing. So next cycle as we move to ST2, it’s time to take action to reprogram our beliefs that are in the way of this way of being. I’m taking action, but this is a better/clearer idea of what I want and just need to double down on that clarity. Anyway, I love self- development!

Health man, it’s so important. I gotta remind myself of this importance everyday it’s not automatic for me to think of self- care.

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#36

Night 25
Chew your food bro!

My work ethic is insane. Proof that my last stack has left long term effects. I never doubted it, but this is for the doubters.

I have a cold :sneezing_face: but still ballin :sunglasses:

Night 26
I don’t know if I mentioned it but I nailed the certification exam and got shout outs in two weekly letters my company sends out. Which felt nice. Because visibility is sometimes more beneficial to career than doing the silent important work. It’s good to be visible from time to time. It’s just the way it is man. The silent people who keep this world running, the humble people, they rarely get what they deserve.

Just random thoughts, I haven’t done any actual research on this lol

Still cold, but I worked past 11 PM today man. My colleagues were like ”yo, you don’t look well, rest”. Didn’t faze me. But perhaps I should listen. It’s probably stupid to go this hard.

Exploring this inner validation thing. It feels literally just like a switch, you just give yourself permission to be you, do what you want, be present, have fun, live, laugh and love. It’s like we get into our heads trying to figure out our status in the totem pole, and if we’re allowed to be present, free, authentic and happy. Pinging everybody and everything, inner and outer. But f that man, just give yourself permission. You don’t need anything or anyone’s approval to be you, now.

It’s like waiting for some external signal, oh there’s the signal, now I can laugh, have fun, be me, be honest, say yes, say no, be present, be outside of my head, be courageous etc whatever state or way of being. Oh, now I’m allowed to feel my emotions. Oh there’s the signal, now I’m allowed to clap my hands. Oh no one is clapping? I better not then. Oh he’s frowning? I better go into my head and figure out via calculations if I’m still allowed to be me in this moment, what’s my status now? Hmm calculating… I’m sorry, oh let’s see, did my freedom to be me go down? Let’s see, what am I feeling? What’s my status number? Give me a signal please !!??

Lol

#37

Night 29
I don’t have time to write in this journal :smiley:

I am restarting this journey and trying the new listening experiment even though I don’t have any ZPU titles in my plans.

Hoping for ZPU to hit name embeds or upgrades hitting up Khan/Spartan.
Either way, these titles were kick ass before, are still kickass now.

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#38

Night 50
I’ve been in a daze and recon mist lately. I’ve run Khan ST1 for 50 days, and last 15 days I’ve been running true social and new wanted.

Besides the recon, life is going great. When I work through the recon, I love it. You notice a mindset shift about a particular issue.

Khan ST1 is tougher this time around. I’ve ran it for 5+ cycles in the past. But it was n’t this tough. I’m grateful for that, because it would feel pointless to aim for growth and not feel some discomfort.

I want to run DRR and Alchemist for a year. But at the same time I’m feeling like I’m running away from the recon. And recon will be there wherever I go if there’s massive growth to be had, so I feel like I might as well stay here and do the work. :raised_hands:

I’m running Khan for that masculine oumph.
I’m running Wanted to heal some validation seeking stuff I had and the shadow is that I’m doing it to feed that validation seeking part. So is a double edged sword. Lol
True social, to grow my social circle and influence at work but also in my streaming hobby.

Anyway, just thought to check in.

I got recommended to run a initiative we have at the company to be a community leader for our tech stack and take on more manager responsibilities. Which is great for career and growth.

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#39

Night 53
Rest day

Shieeet, we gotta focus and get clear on our goals. Been getting distracted, but it’s all part of the process. I feel stronger now.

I’m still on Khan ST1, running with True Social and Wanted.

#40
#41

Night 56
Wanted 03:00
True Social 03:00

Doing the work, going through some processing. I have a better mindset around it, we just gotta do the work.

#42

How’s it going? @Risky

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#43

It’s going well. Still running Khan ST1, and been on wanted and true social for the past 45 days. :slight_smile:

Evolutionary wise, I’m planning a year term run again, that works best for me. Currently in processing mode, so hard to figure out priorities right now. It’s part of the process I guess. It will be Khan of course, but the other two I’m unsure of, because I’m unsure of the goals.

How’s it going for you? What are you up to? What are you running? What are the challenges?

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#44

Rotating or 1 year per stage? What’s your current duration?

I kind of blame anti recon for this effect, because I was doing pretty good on Khan ST1, Emperor, etc. before adding new GLM with anti recon.

I was using Emp + EOG1 and was fine but when I added GLM, Emperor started giving me as much recon as Khan ST2 (from which I wanted to run away and never touched Khan afterwards lol, literally never had worse recon). I know that it’s Emperor because once I stopped listening to it, everything got back to normal

It’s not like the anti recon doesn’t work, it just makes me more aware and sensitive to recon, and while it gives me the tools to resolve recon, sometimes it’s just still too much. I think I even stonewalled on a big chunk of script in Emperor and anti recon solved this problem and now I just can’t handle it well at the moment

I’m doing pretty good, thank you. Just in the grind phase currently. Not many challenges except for controlling recon because if I accidentally increase exposure too much, I won’t really be able to work for a day or two lol.

As I mentioned, I took out Emperor and decided to do GLM + EOG long term at first, before re-introducing Emperor/Stark/Khan. Considering opening a new journal and doing a year term run as well

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#45

Yeah, I feel you. I didn’t feel as much recon before on Khan ST1, more now. It could be the anti recon bringing more opportunities for growth, but you know people change and something that wasn’t an issue before is ready to be dealt with now. Did you use the ”new” experimental cycle? 60 days and listening to all subs on the same day with same duration? That could also be it. I returned to normal after 30 days, it helped.

Yeah, it’s easier in my opinion with the commitment because you have your own set for a year, and you won’t switch because of recon and be forced to evolve. Of course you shouldn’t overexpose, but it forces you to focus on 1-3 subs only for a year.

I’m leaning towards Khan and Khan Black and then Regeneration for a year. Just standard 21-day cycles, restarting the stages after the 4th.

7 minutes on ST1 and 3 minutes Wanted and True Social.

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#46

Do it, I will too. Commitment. Last time I made it to 11 months, so almost a year. Lol this time I will make it!

Emperor is great.

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Aurum Deus (GLM + EOG)
#47

I have. I did full cycle this way with Emperor, EOG and LB and had no issues

Then addition of anti recon did that for me lol. You are probably right that it brings more opportunities for growth but I still couldn’t handle it yet

I do like the new schedule more though.

I don’t mind doing more work on subs that are easier for me at the moment, especially because they hit my goals anyway

I’m considering Regeneration as well

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#48

Khan + Khan Black + DR: Regen

I’m starting this journey in the same journal. It’s still Khan. I’m going to do what I did with my Emp + IG + Limitless run and stick to this for a long time, aiming for a year or more.

Khan ST1 is probably the sub I’ve run the most, never pushing past ST1 lol is there a blockage there or fear? Probably. We’ll find out, because I’m pushing to the rest of stages this time!

Day 1 - C1
Khan ST1 - 03:00
Dragon Reborn: Regeneration - 03:00

:star_struck:

Did feel the detachment or rather notice the process of processing emotions and anxiety without the need to analyse or get in the way. More so of the need of letting nature flow and not interrupting that flow.

Also, how as saint mentioned, it’s not debilitating process, wheres as before all my energy and focus would go to the discomfort. I was instead in full work mode all day, with the process going on underneath, and planning to work overtime just because.

Not blocking or suppressing or ignoring, just a subtle hum on the background. No need to suppress.

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#49
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#50

Day 2 - C1: Processing day

I want to learn to draw. I want to learn a new language. lol

Recon intensified today. I had a good session of diving into the emotions/sensations and letting them go just now. Some tears came. I think this practice is more in touch with DR: Regen, because it’s not about labeling or trying to build a story like a detective of why, I just want to let go of the baggage.

I’ve also realised something in my relationship with streaming. I went a training on sales and business at work and they went through the importance of the why (sinek, the golden circle), and I don’t have a strong why. You can’t fake the why, and I don’t see it. We’ll see, maybe it will emerge, otherwise streaming is not my thing.

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#51

Day 3 - C1: Khan Black ST 1 - 03:00
Subtle resistance and blockage of growth and success. Subtle way of self-sabotage is when you feel a negative emotion or something happens, and you resist that or get super frustrated over it and thinking you have so long to go. “A Khan shouldn’t feel this.” But that is exactly what a Khan does. Face the demons, accept the demons. Don’t resist them. Let them flow through you. Be an ally of reality, don’t resist it or fight against it. You’re a Khan already.

It’s not like once you become “Khan” you won’t be feeling trials and tribulations of life, or negative emotions, or negative experiences.

Don’t escape reality. Do your best.

This is all just my opinion and experience.

If you want to be “Khan”, you will never be “Khan”. Because you are already Khan, but when you want to become Khan, you’re on a different path called becoming and is in the future, and the future is always in the future, so you will never become Khan, you will just be in the process of becoming, which is different from being and presence.

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#52

Day 4 - C1
Processing day

Do your best to not lie to yourself. Admit your flaws, it’s not the end of the world. But it feels like it. I’m going through this process right now, and it’s uncomfortable and really hard. But I’ve also noticed glimpses of the power and self- acceptance that comes from being real with yourself.

Did a workout yesterday. Was up a bit too long, doom scrolling because I was just going through alot of upheaval. But I did catch myself in the end and had nice realisations. I also started to feel really good afterwards. Lol

I gotta integrate the lessons now.

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#53

I’ve had a similar realization not that long ago. For some reason, I noticed that myself and many other people for some reason are trying to be someone they are not, not admit their flaws, and work against their strengths, and it causes stagnation

for example, it took me a while to accept that I’m not a (conventionally) disciplined person. I just can’t sit down and work lol, my will power and impulse control is zero. But when I accepted this fact, I immediately was able to identify things that trigger motivation for me and ironically, I appear to be quite disciplined from other’s POV lol

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#54

Nice realisation, yes, I agree or share the conclusion.

Also, the going says, you can’t fix or work on a problem (or something) if you don’t admit it’s a problem first (or something to work on).

In your case, it allowed you to find a different, creative approach and to work with yourself or reality rather than against. Thanks for sharing.

Worst case is a bit of hurt and acceptance of yourself, which in my opinion is a massive step in growth.

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