EDIT: Possible trigger warning.
Okay so I won’t go too deep into it because I don’t like repeating ‘old stories’.
But Chosen really has changed me already.
I feel happier, more positive and more in control. I feel ready.
Just so you guys are aware.
I was desperate for ZP once I really started reading the thread about it.
For the past few weeks I was having suicidal thoughts and I was close to acting on them. I was tired, and super fucking depressed. I was really struggling due to many things going on that I’ve wrote about in my other journal. I felt alone and one thing that even came up was what the fuck is wrong with me?.
I was close to saying to my ex that there was something wrong with me. Maybe something medicinally or whatever (you’re aware I believe I have ADD or even ADHD) which I don’t have medication for or anything else.
Regardless, I was overwhelmed, pissed off, annoyed with everything, everyone, life and whatever else. I was having mood swings every single day and I really was sick of it. I really was close to ending everything because I just couldn’t deal with what was going on and how I felt. I told myself that I should wait to see what ZP could do for me and if it’ll have the same effect that the testers were having and what the hype was creating.
Now, just like everyone else I’ve only listened to a couple loops. I’ve taken out WANTED and decided to listen to purely CHOSEN & R.I.C.H for now.
I truly believe CHOSEN has worked some magic (that isn’t to say WANTED hasn’t - I’m pretty sure my hair is thicker already and I’ve been having a more ‘full’ feeling when eating amongst other things). After listening to CHOSEN however I’ve been happier, more positive - barely any negative thoughts - especially suicidal ones, no wanting to act on anything like that and that was legitimately after one loop of it.
I’ve been choreographing way more than I normally would - I normally teach the same routine all week whereas I created three separate pieces in short periods of time.
I’ve been standing my ground with people, telling them how I truly feel about things - without anger but a sternness - and just being me.
ZP has been healing me, deep. I can feel it. I just know it has. It’s doing things I’m not even aware of - I can just tell.
Chosen is definitely making me feel as such - chosen. People have been nicer, happier with me, sending me messages telling me they love classes more, and all that kinds of stuff. My energy is in a much better place. That alone I’m grateful for. I haven’t done anything else to change the way I feel - I didn’t just wake up feeling better from doing nothing - it’s from these fucking subs. These tools of greatness right here.
I just really needed to express my gratitude because I was close y’all. I promise, I really was on the edge, and now I’m not. I’m working on myself, questioning things and knowing what I need to and should be doing. I’m having better thoughts and all that kind of magic.
Anyhow…
I just listened to two loops of CHOSEN whilst watching TV. They definitely made me drowsy (plus it’s 5:30am currently) so I’ll be heading to sleep in a second after this episode finishes.
I’m excited to continue this journey.
Good luck, mate.
