Riding the Spiral til the End 🌀

Journals - Major Programs
#124

Day 2 ~ rEsT dAy

I noticed in my dreams that the things I was once dreaming of negatively have shifted to the positive. Someone plays the part of speaking my insecurities to me. This time it was someone speaking lovingly giving me compliments about the things I hated on about myself for so long.

It was someone from sub club. Not sure who. They said they thought one thing when seeing my photos but when they saw me in real life it was so much better. :laughing: Relating to my hair and eyebrows.

I can’t recall the rest. I do remember at one point I owned a food truck. I shut it down then reopened it after a whole bunch of dramatic events happened. I used to dream of owning a food truck seasonally. I was a cook many moons ago. Not so sure if even wanna do that now, but cool dream.

My daughter woke me up at my alarm time by tapping on my door and then proceeded to go back to her room and sleep more. I was able to do my morning yoga undisturbed.

I did a distant reiki session on someone today. They had a release right when the session began! Love that.

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#125
#126

Day 3 ~ Seduxtress full loopy

Was woken from a very intense dream by my teenager. I jumped up feeling not so pleased by the word “HELLO?” He was demanding his laptop.

It threw off my morning a bit.

I got in a little yoga before the youngest got up.

I felt extra confident working on 2 reiki clients.

I made a reel for socials which got some views pretty quickly. I’m going to take more action on building up more views and followers.

I do find myself much more chatty since adding Stark back. This time it’s the experimental version though. I don’t have heavy recon.

I’m noticing people’s limiting beliefs as they are speaking. I used to wanna point it out and still find myself sometimes doing that. I’ve been becoming more conscious of that habit. It takes me from conversations when I am noticing every single area of limits and all the ways they are blocking their growth potential. I wanna tell them what to do! :grimacing: I am full of so many ideas and solutions for an abundance of problems. Clearly I’ve gotta make some courses or whatever.

Here, check out my website where I have a store with all my products. :boom:

I clearly have my own limiting beliefs around that to collapse with love. :heart:

It felt like a friend was shaming me today and that didn’t sit right with me. Realizing where this has happened a lot with her. We became friends when I was in a much different place in my life. She’s a mod in the Neville group I left in the summer. I’m going to work on shifting my beliefs with this and things will either change or I move on.

People come and people go, but no matter what I will be okay.

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#127

Day 4 ~ rEsT dAy

I dreamt of so many different things last night. This guy I had a crush on from a couple bands over the years made his appearance to have a talk with me. I was curious if he left his partner. Never really had the talk. My house was leaking water all over. My dad came to help. My old life coach whom I used to crush on came with his boys as my new roommates. Water everywhere though. So strange.

I’m seeing where I don’t like being treated a certain way so I’m gonna practice not doing that to others as much as I am able to be conscious of. Manage my impulses. :grimacing:

This stack is hitting me differently. Maybe it’s Stark experimental doing stuff.

I see where fear tries to creep in but it’s not staying as long.

What if money runs out?
What about clients?
Will people actually love what I put out there?
What makes me any different than others?

This world is full of so many people selling and serving.

What makes me different ?!

I am different because ……

I do feel this sense of healthy arrogance among us SC users. :smirk::smirk::smirk:

We are winning with these powerful tools :toolbox:

I feel we may either use them as a tool or a weapon.

As I am writing, I feel where the inner critic tries to contradict the inner coach. This cognitive dissonance could set in but I’m not allowing myself to go back to being fickle or wishy washy back and fourth.

I’ll dance that gunk out of me :crazy_face:

Yesterday when I went to get my daughter off the bus at her dad’s, he pulled up right as I buckled her into my Jeep. He looked so amazing. :unamused: What is it about him that keeps me hanging on to some possibility of a new start as a family? I sense feelings and attraction from him but he doesn’t express any interest in us. I did tell him how I find myself going into partial freeze around him. I expressed myself and he actually replied with a fairly long text. Usually in the past he would be short or no response.

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Edit: just went through and unsubscribed to like 20 email lists and deleted 100s of emails. That felt good. :+1:

#128

Was having some recon. I’m much better now after doing a short little booty blast exercise. :sweat_smile: my daughters are at their dads now and I get a little more peace and quiet besides my son gaming in basement.

I brought my girls to a coffee shop where they were high energy. I am sensitive with energy especially during recon. I started wondering if other people were feelings too or if they didn’t notice the way I notice. I wanted to be stern but have been really working at being calmer and more patient with my kids. Model the ideal back to them.

I sat in my shit. 🥹

My ex fiancé came to pick up our daughter and ended up staying 1.5 hours. (While I was having recon.) I seemed to keep my cool and not as uncomfortable. Kids kept me busy anyways.

Surprised he wouldn’t just make our daughter get ready to go. He was fine to stay.

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#129

Maybe you can get back together with your ex and the father of your kids.

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#130

Wisdom.

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#131

I feel grateful when I come to my journal and see the love from other users! :purple_heart:🫶🏼

#132

We are just loving people :slight_smile: except those times when we are not.

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#133

He’s the father of my youngest, but my other 2 kids called him bonus dad while we were together. We started dating when my other 2 kids were 6 & 3. They are now almost 14 & 11.

I noticed yesterday he was looking around at my plants, and other artsy decor. I have this mini bulletin board with old concert tickets and flyers which were mostly from the concerts we attended together.

He lived here with us for 2 years before our separation.

#134

:joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy:

#135

But the kids need a father and maybe a good funny uncle, but the father is crucial :slight_smile:

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#136

They all have dads but my youngest wants her dad to be here with us. I can tell. She delays him every time he’s here.

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#137
#138

Day 5 ~ Full loops of Stark & LBFH (updated version) Replaced LME with LBFH. Giving this title a second chance with greater awareness of protecting myself from potential energy vampires. :vampire:t2:

I feel this surge of energy inside of me.

I’m offering a free full moon yin class tonight on Zoom. I was going to put off sequencing until later on but already finished and it’s not even 10am. :white_check_mark:

One of the attendees used to be in a fairly famous metalcore band on vocals. We have the same name and both can “scream.” I remember seeing her perform back in high school days when I first started learning to scream metal style. She inspired me. She’s a beautiful woman inside and out. I feel honoured to teach her yoga tonight.

Gonna go get a yummy brunch very soon from my favourite spot. I’m also probably gonna finish reading this book today:

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#139

Eat The Elephant"

Looming, omnipresent
This task ahead
This task at hand
Ominous and daunting
Crippling undertaking, I’m frozen

Where to begin eludes me
Without you to remind me

Just take the step
Just take the swing
Just take the bite
Just go all in

Where to begin eludes me
Rooting ever deeper
This massive endeavor
Ominous and daunting
Crippling undertaking

Just take the step
Just take the swing
Just take the bite
Just go all in

Take the step
Take the swing
Take the bite
Just take the bite

Take the step
Take the swing
Take the bite
Just go all in

Where to begin eludes me
Without you to remind me
Just begin

#140
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#141

I just deleted 100s of Facebook messenger convos. That felt good. I felt some anger and sadness come up to release relating to where I thought I had to try hard to get approval or to feel important.

Fuck that.

I am worthy. I am enough. I love me.

The end.

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#142

Last entry before I go to sleep.

I pulled an oracle card from a deck I don’t often use:

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#143

Pull the Palpatine one and I’ll be impressed.

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