Reclaiming my power - A Journal by MatAlexander305

[bombayduck]

@Matalexander305

How am I so confident, and so insecure at the same time? How am I so smart and so stupid at the same time? How am I so calm and so anxious at the same time? How am I so mature and so childish at the same time? It literally doesn’t make any sense.

I feel the same way about myself except that to me, it does make sense.

Nothing is black and white, it’s all a series of greys thanks to the nature of context and time. I’m reminded of Bruce Lee’s quote, where one should be like water; “water can flow, or it can crash.”

@Matalexander305

My issue is I don’t want to drop Stark, as I really gel with the archetype. It’s the one sub that’s remained consistent in my stack for the vast majority of this year.

Again, went through the exact same thing for the exact same reason.

But after running Khan, I realized that it does a lot of the things Stark does but people don’t talk about it. I still have easy social interactions without Stark, I still feel charismatic (though I’ve always been; again, it’s my natural archetype) and I still attract attention through my aura (though a different kind of attention).

And the one thing that’s surprised me the most about Stage 1 is the lack of recon. I know that @GoldenTiger felt the brunt of the recon on Stage 2 IIRC, so that may be something to watch for but trust me, Stage 1 Khan feels fucking great.

By the way, if romance is a concern for you Khan will definitely overperform Wanted in my opinion. Maybe that’s just me but that’s how I genuinely feel.

[Matalexander305]

I have zero drive to do anything right now. I think this is recon from QL st1.

Procrastination was my biggest issue in school, and I think that’s what is being addressed by QL. Not only that, but since st1 is focused on repairing your brain chemistry; I think this also why I feel so bored all the time.

It’s almost like I’m doing a dopamine fast, but I’m not… very reminiscent of when I quit smoking weed. That boredom, that lack of stimulation. That’s what I feel right now and nothing helps it besides sleeping.

Maybe I’m just a bit overloaded. Might go down to 3-5 minute loops for the remainder of this cycle

[GoldenTiger]

@bombayduck

And the one thing that’s surprised me the most about Stage 1 is the lack of recon. I know that @GoldenTiger felt the brunt of the recon on Stage 2 IIRC, so that may be something to watch for but trust me, Stage 1 Khan feels fucking great

Yeah in previous version stage 1-2 are like getting slapped in the face. In ZP the recon is softer, but stage 1-2 for me were not so fun hahaha

But it makes you a fucking man.

PS. @Matalexander305 Give yourself time to run all that Khan machine and you’ll see Wanted is not needed to get girls to fucking love you

[Matalexander305]

@GoldenTiger

PS. @Matalexander305 Give yourself time to run all that Khan machine and you’ll see Wanted is not needed to get girls to fucking love you

I don’t doubt it, I’m just impatient lol

[Houdini]

Perhaps take a washout to see things through before embarking on a journey of such immense magnitude! (KHan)

[Matalexander305]

@Houdini

Perhaps take a washout to see things through before embarking on a journey of such immense magnitude! (KHan)

Yeah, I was thinking of just stopping my stack today and taking a extended washout to prepare myself for what’s to come

[Matalexander305]

Last few days I’ve felt a lot of stress, tension and general anxiety. I’m hoping it’s just recon from AM or QL, but it’s been rather uncomfortable.

It’s like all that confidence that I’ve been feeling lately just vanished, and I’m suddenly back to my old anxious self which is scary. Living life in a state of constant fear is a dreadful existence.

I’ve noticed this pattern, I’ll be feeling very confident, comfortable in my own skin etc, then suddenly I fall back into this state of stress and anxiety. Then somehow it just disappears. The good thing is that I’ve been experiencing the anxious side less and less over time. It used to happen maybe twice a month, then once every 2 months, and now it’s the first time in close to 6 months.

So I’m not worried, but I do wish I could understand what causes me to fall into this weird state of fear and anxiety. I mean, theirs this:

@Luther24

Sounds like your anxiety is built around insecurity and fear of what others think about you. All of that will automatically go away when you develop a stronger foundation. Run something like Ascension or Emperor for 6 months lol. With more confidence, self worth and internal status/power your social anxiety will just disappear.

Hopefully Khan will help me crush this shit once and for all. How can you be an “alpha male” when you still walk into a room and your heart starts racing for no reason?” You can’t.

[Matalexander305]

So before I begin my stack, I want to get clear on my goals and make sure all subs I’m my rotation serve a specific purpose. This way I’m not tempted to swap subs.

So what are my goals?

Summary

Socializing

• Getting myself out there
• Getting comfortable talking to people without alcohol
• To stop being concerned with what others think and be my genuine self

Romance

• Become an irresistibly attractive and enigmatic man that women fantasize about
• Have a girlfriend or multiple relationships in my life. (Let’s start at one)

Learning/Productivity

• Learning copywriting and eventually making it my full time income.

What subs will I use to accomplish these goals?

Khan - covers Socializing, romance, becoming alpha and dominant, wealth/empire building goals.
QL - covers everything to do with productivity and learning

Now I need to figure out what I will do with my existing custom. I think it’s time to modify it. I’m thinking of doing a Wanted Core and True social core. My idea with this custom is to use it to hone in on my social and romantic goals. I want to use specific modules to target my weaknesses while doing my best to avoid redundancies. (Like alpha of alpha, iron frame, charisma and flirting mentor, and emperors voice. Khan covers these so they’re redundant)

[Matalexander305]

Here’s a rough draft:

Wanted core

• Instant Seducing Tactician
• Rogue
• Focused arousal
• Instant spark
• Seducers gaze
• Temptation
• Lion IV (this might be covered with khan)
• Dominion
• Entranced
• Ethereal presence

True Social core

• Dragons tongue
• Story teller
• Song of joy
• Furious accent
• Invincible presence
• Elegance
• Stress displacement
• Omnidimensional

Other options:

1. Sensuality and handsomeness improver
2. Apollon
3. Emperor fitness height inducer
4. Harmonic singularity
5. Total nonchalance
6. Transcendental Connection
7. Inner voice
8. Light of humility
9. Aura of craving.
10. Approachability aura

[Vesper]

@Matalexander305

Rogue

Covered by Wanted

@Matalexander305

Instant Seducing Tactician

I believe is covered by Wanted.

@Matalexander305

• Temptation
• Lion IV (this might be covered with khan)

Both definitely covered by Wanted.

@Matalexander305

Stress displacement

Covered by Wanted and True Social.

I think with that knowledge what would be interesting for you case is add more so physical shifting modules. As someone who knows you this would be perfect for you since you can treat the exact physical places you feel need to become attractive. For example, for me it would be fat loss, height and face so I would add SPS: Fat Burn, Emperor: Height Inducer and Facial Morphing (Yes this might be covered by Wanted but this would put a bigger emphasis on physical shifting, remember physical attractiveness is what is going to get the first step in the right direction. Yes game is important but if your unattractive welp your attractive. I think every guy/girl can be attractive they just need to put the work in ).

[Vesper]

In my opinion here’s what I would do in your case:

Rogue => Emperor Fitness: Height Inducer

Instant Seducing Tactician => Long Range Seduction (I’m telling you this is the best for online dating)

Temptation => Apollon but I think Facial Morphing would be better (The thing with Apollon it will be harder for you to gain muscle since it’s not deemed as a beauty standard if that makes sense since your into fitness you will have to gauge if this is worth sacrificing or not)

Lion IV => SPS: Endocrine System (Better testosterone = Better physical shifting results and more testosterone means you have more desire/confidence to approach girls so perfect for you but you already know this lol)

Stress Displacement => This one is a tricky one since I already mentioned the most important modules I believe for your custom but for this you have a range of what you can swap it for. For example?

Trouble Sleeping => Deep Sleep
Trouble Recovering => Serum X
Trouble knowing girls who would be interested in you sexually => Sexual Manifestation
Trouble knowing girls who are pretty => Gorgeous Manifestor
Trouble having a persuasive, deep, confident voice => Emperor’s Voice
Trouble being motivated to workout and push yourself => Extreme Workout Motivation

I think either Sexual Manifestation or Emperor’s Voice would be better for you. You already have a deep voice but making it confident and persuasive would be even better hence Emperor’s Voice but you might to be missing girls that would be interested in you sexually hence Sexual Manifestation.

[Matalexander305]

@Vesper

remember physical attractiveness is what is going to get the first step in the right direction. Yes game is important but if your unattractive welp your attractive. I think every guy/girl can be attractive they just need to put the work in ).

I see your point, but looks aren’t as important for men as they are for girls. Attractive men have a unique problem, I’ll do my best to explain.

See, women want to be the pretty ones. They want all eyes to be on them, that’s why they wear makeup, dress up, and take good care of their skin, nails, hair etc. So if you’re a pretty boy, it’s like a role reversal. Now the man is the pretty one, now the man is getting all the attention, now girls are always staring him down and this makes the girls feel insecure. This power that is usually only reserved for females is now all in the man’s hand. Like if you’re a dude that’s more attractive than the girl you’re with… it’s a problem, a very weird one too.

Because she’s not getting that same attention. The man now outshines the girl and that really messes with their heads. Some girls will actually reject you because of this. Sounds crazy, but it’s true.

So while looks are important and I’d even say it’s a super power… more important than that is that you fulfill your role as a man which is to be strong, wise, a leader, a provider, a protector, etc. You need to see things from a primal standpoint. Femininity is attracted to masculinity. And beauty is inherently feminine so for a man to over emphasize this is a net negative. There are a lot of ugly dudes out here dating 11/10’s because of their charisma, their natural masculine qualities, their status etc.

So if one can balance those masculine traits I mentioned above with good looks. Thats when it becomes a superpower.

I say all of this because I’ve always been told I’m “a pretty boy” so with this custom, I don’t want to emphasize physical shifting as much, I want to address my weaknesses which are more game/ social related. But you make a some good points about those redundant modules. I’m gonna add emp fitness height inducer and probably a few more physical shifting modules.

[Matalexander305]

@Vesper

Instant Seducing Tactician => Long Range Seduction (I’m telling you this is the best for online dating)

I don’t like online dating, so probably won’t use this.

@Vesper

Temptation => Apollon but I think Facial Morphing would be better (The thing with Apollon it will be harder for you to gain muscle since it’s not deemed as a beauty standard if that makes sense since your into fitness you will have to gauge if this is worth sacrificing or not)

Temptation’s staying, facial morphing might get a spot, Apollon is probably going to be included too. I’m actually starting to think I don’t want bigger muscles, but rather I want more of perfection. I want to be hard, lean and balanced like a Greek god. I hate the typical bulky bodybuilder look, it’s not attractive to most women and it’s not practical for real life. And as a shorter guy, being freakishly muscular looks bad because it makes you seem even shorter.

@Vesper

Lion IV => SPS: Endocrine System (Better testosterone = Better physical shifting results and more testosterone means you have more desire/confidence to approach girls so perfect for you but you already know this lol)

Good point

@Vesper

Stress Displacement => This one is a tricky one since I already mentioned the most important modules I believe for your custom but for this you have a range of what you can swap it for. For example?

This is to help offset anxiety, maybe furious accent would be better. Maybe with panther, I’d develop the courage to approach more people.

@Vesper

Trouble knowing girls who are pretty => Gorgeous Manifestor

Good one, I always seem to attract the wrong girls and the ones I do want are always challenging to get for some reason. It’s like there is always some external circumstance preventing us from being together. Maybe this module could fix that.

[Matalexander305]

Went clubbing with my friend last night and had a blast. It was just us two. It’s funny cause we never went to the club alone before. Usually we go with other people but we said F it and went anyways.

It was funny cause when we were in line I saw a girl knew. We made super brief eye contract and then she walked up to me and said “Hey, who do you think you are ignoring me?”

I just stood there, and stared her down for a good 5 seconds and said “wait, you’re (insert girls name)”
Obviously I knew who she was but I had to play it cool, since she caught me starring. Anyways, she tries to convince us to go to the place across the street and we say no.

We’re still in line, and two girls walk by us. Me being all nonchalant and aloof I look at the blonde one and don’t think much. Then her and her friend walk by us again in the other direction. Again I look briefly and don’t think much of it.

2 minutes later, two guys behind me say “yo, do you not see all these girls hitting on you?” I’m like what girls?

“Those two girls that just walked by, the blonde looked you up and down twice!”

Like wtf, I didn’t see that

The guys seemed so confused, they’re like “do you not care?” And I’m like, no not really. They were dumbfounded. “Oh you have high standards huh.” Well I mean… yes lol but idk I just didn’t care. I could tell these dudes were desperate to be me in that moment it was kind of cool to see myself embody the Wanted archetype so well.

We met another guy in the club that was like “Yo, I’m gonna get you girls tonight. What kind of girls do you like? I’ll find you one. I’m like “Spanish, find me a Latina”. And he’s like umm… that’s going to be hard. And I just smirked and said “cheers”.

Then he turns to this group of hot girls and says “my friend is interested in you”. And I just rolled my eyes and shook my head in dismissal. Didn’t even look at the girls. I hate when guys do this, it’s basically like saying “my friend is too scared to talk to you, so if you’re interested; you need to talk to him”. It’s just cringe.

The girls were hot, but had dates that night. So I didn’t even want to be associated with him after that. It was a nice gesture and but I hate when people can’t read a room and I also can’t stand people who try to talk for me.

At the end of the night, I was by the DJ booth and I made friends with some guy. He had a tequila bottle in his hand so he poured me some. We get to talking and he says he’s a pilot which I thought was super cool. His friend who I also got to know, is a club promoter. Man said he could hook me up with VIP anytime which is cool. When I checked his IG, he had champagne bottles, tequila, all that crazy bottle service stuff going. So I guess I made another high status friend at the club

[Matalexander305]

@Matalexander305

There are a lot of ugly dudes out here dating 11/10’s because of their charisma, their natural masculine qualities, their status etc.

Good example of this:

Last night, there was a super hot blonde standing by the dj booth. We both locked eyes for a good 3 seconds, there was some strong sexual tension there. But I noticed, she stayed in that same spot all night. She didn’t leave once.

At the end of the night, she left with the DJ. The DJ was short (shorter than the girl), ugly and nerdy looking. But he clearly had status, he seemed very masculine and was very confident.

If I had seen this man in any other place with that girl, I would think he’s the a gay best friend. (Nothing wrong with that btw). But I say all of this because it just goes to show you that status, charisma, and all the primal masculine qualities men should have, can easily trump looks.

She might have fancied me, I may have sparked her curiosity, but she left with him. Not me

[Matalexander305]

Omg I just discovered lossless audio on Apple Music

[Matalexander305]

I feel like I’m in a music studio

[Matalexander305]

I’ve decided to go a different route with my custom,

@Luther24

Many people don’t know this, but a “beta-male” is actually a traumatized male - that’s literally all it is. This is why people are saying LBFH is the most alpha sub they used, because it’s healing emotional trauma and belief systems that automatically make one a weak, insecure and easily controllable man with no frame. It’s a sub based on actual congruence. People are just now discovering what it’s like to love/accept themselves on a subconscious level and re-discovering their masculinity, lol.

After reading this brilliant post, I’ve decided to leave wanted in the closet for now.

New custom idea:

Summary

• LBFH

• True social core

• Emperor fitness height inducer

• Physicality shifter - sexiness

• Seducers gaze

• Instant spark

• Focused arousal

• Temptation

• Entranced

• Ethereal presence

• Invincible presence

• Dominion

• Aura of craving

• Elegance

• Light of Humility

• Dragons tongue

• Story teller

• Song of joy

• Furious accent

• Omnidimensional

Love in all forms, healing, socializing, with some Wanted-esque romance & physical shifting modules.

[Matalexander305]

Wisin & Yandel, Chris Brown, T-Pain - Algo Me Gusta De Ti (Official Video)

[Matalexander305]

With all the new talk about 30 second loops, I decided I’d give it a try.

My current stack is Khan St1, QL st2 and my custom (scroll to first post).

It’s been close to a month since I last ran Wanted. So I decided to run 30 seconds of it as I’m most familiar with the how it makes me feel, how it makes me act, the aura etc.

I played it last night and woke up today feeling odd because of a nightmare I had. Was complete unrelated to any of the “Wanted” themes but thought I’d mention it.

I combed my hair much more than usual, I felt the wanted aura very strongly all day and still do right now. I got deer in headlight looks from many people today, men and women. This is random but while eating lunch, I started day dreaming about seducing a girl and did it flawlessly like a true Wanted man would. Like sub model alpha (which is in my custom) it’s like I was practising, and like I said I was actually surprised at all the witty stuff I made up.

Anyways, 30 second loops work, no overload, no recon even though this title isn’t a part of my stack anymore. Depending on how long this lasts, I may do this once a week just cause I love the feeling on wanted. But I don’t want it to get in the way of my stack so I’ll have to see.

(Don’t copy me, I’m experimenting at my own volition)