Hey @GoldenTiger
I will try to expand upon what I said, and by no means this is a personal attack as you are me and I am you, you struggle with the exact same things I have struggled with and had it took me a long time to figure out, the thing is due to me having lived it experientally I do not know how to transplant what I did to work on these same problems and give that knowledge to you, I will try my best to point out where to look yourself though.
I will clarify what I meant, you don’t assume fundementally yet that you are good enough, hence you are struggling with performance anxiety, social comparison( comparing yourself with others) FOMO, instead of comparing yourself with yourself and yesterday, and accepting where you are at this moment and that is completely okay.
There are several fundamentals(the boring ones; sleep, nutrition) I’d recommend you have in check before expanding, discipline is self-love, and the more you will walk down that path, the more expressive and yourself you will become, in this light people will react strongly to you negatively and positively.
But connections will be a lot stronger, and you will be more ‘relaxed’ in your own skin because you are at home everywhere, as you already are at home in yourself.
But this is hard to explain a post, a private conversation is better for this honestly.
BUT and a big BUTT, you are making massive progress in many areas, and once you feel what I said experientally you will never go back(and you already did this in many areas).
Sorry if this if this is a bit vague, I’m not sure how to express this in a post properly.