I’m back in the gym again. After a very long time away. And I know this is not a coincidence.
To make things more interesting, I played Beast Unleashed. First time ever.
Tonight as I sleep, I may play Beast Within.
I feel a calm satisfaction. That’s my version of getting amped up.
With treadmills, running becomes a medium-impact exercise. My Achilles tendons are appreciating that very much right now.
I’m grateful in general to be having what seems like another chance at the gym. My main goal is to work smart in a balanced way. Like many people, my pattern in the past was to get overly intense and injure myself. I’d love to exercise with temperance this time, and focus on the long-game. No injuries, just workouts for years to come.
Today has been a “Feeling Lost” day.
Is there anything we can do to help?
Just keep on being @RVconsultant. That’ll do the trick. Thanks, man.
I’m choosing to think of it as:
Every single part of your being will be cleansed by the flames of the dragon.
and
You will experience changes throughout your whole being, and you need to be prepared to go through the challenges that this entails.
I’m here for it. But, “Wow”, you know?
I feel kind of like I’m one of those old-fashioned library card catalogues, and some conscientious librarian has decided to pull my drawers out to alphabetize me, update me, and throw any cards that are no longer accurate.
This is gold.
Just going to quietly stick it here.
That whole post in general was gold.Though i found this one more interesting.That a single core could skew the density/focus that much.Wonder how big a difference between a custom with 2 not overlapping directions vs 2 focused customs with 1 direction each would be.
And for broad programs,the core limit actually gets smaller.
I broke both rules for my last custom that i thought was comparitively small density wise to my current stack.Reading this i now know Medici/Wanted/PCC/Sex mastery was actually a really bad custom.Explains why my results werent that amazing after dropping from 2/3 focused customs to 1 kitchensink one 
Happened again. Crested another wave 
.
This is the healing process. Peaks and Troughs.
And I’m surprised every single time.
Experiential, phenomenological enquiry.
Your thoughts won’t save you. Your analysis won’t hide you.
Because if you don’t feel it, then you don’t know it.
Tell me your philosophy as you jump out of a fucking helicopter.
Then I’ll listen.
Do the same thing nine more times
and I might even start to believe you
(but only a little bit).
Experiential enquiry
Phenomenology of Knowing.
Phenomenology of Self-ing.
Phenomenology of Volition.
I’m existentially, ontologically, and cosmologically constipated.
My fears and fixations, my habits, have tamped down and obstructed the flow.
And with every bit of movement, every bit of opening up, every bit of process,
I am amazed and grateful.
And the beat goes on…
@Meng123 In case you’ve not do so already, would you please archive these above posts about density from Saint:
And one more thing that is very important…
How are you?
Haha,long archived already.That new post was gold for custom construction.Theres no way i wouldnt absorb it.
Im ok lately since dropping the custom with wanted.No more recon/overload.Khan/stark/medici is still a good combo to run and empfit is great for exercise.Gonna rebuild my customs with the new modules and make them more focused though.
I think WANTED was giving me reconciliation too. If you want any input on the custom, just tag.
Deciding whether to take a rest day today or not. Headspace feels kind of busy and cottony.
Okay. Rest day it is.
I was originally looking forward to today as a Subliminals day.
Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays have become my Listening Days. And I find that a visceral anticipation arises. Like an expectation of an influx of energy. This is especially so when I’m about to play PATHS custom. It’s the one I’ve played the longest and is probably least challenging to my brain (although as far as my life goes it still has a lot of heavy lifting to do). I’m suspecting that it’s truly in a Working Phase these days. Time will tell.
But today I woke up feeling that my brain was busy and that my “processing” was congested. It seemed like the right time to give myself more time to process and integrate.
This is life with Qv2.
I like it.
I showered, did morning meditation as usual and 1 or 2 other things. Then I gave myself time to take a walk and journal. I ended up remembering and re-experiencing a number of issues that are emotionally and personally challenging to me. Some of them I hadn’t thought about in a while.
Seemed like it may have primarily been the impact of Dragon Reborn. This thing is really amazing.
The challenge–since Dragon Reborn facilitates you in breaking new ground within yourself–is to have trust in the process. To trust that this process is not just opening up and activating difficulties, but that I can handle it and will find better ways to integrate and deal with those difficulties. In other words, that I’ll emerge from the other side of this process healthier, more whole, and more functional than I went into it.
The more a person seeks genuine evolution; the more that person will have to deal with unpredictable instability. The only way you can be completely certain of a process is to allow no new variables into that process.
It’s my understanding that Dragon Reborn does the exact opposite of that. It strongly focuses on an evolutionary process. It facilitates developmental leaps. It supports an enhanced integration of whatever you’ve experienced and whoever you’ve been.
So, just got to strap in and go for the ride.
The phenomenology of Volition
The phenomenology of Will and the Assertion of Will.
trust yourself
Phenomenological facilitation
Phenomenological exploration
Embodiment
Knowing the world through the kinesthetic and somatosensory modes
Grounding.
Eugene Gendlin
Gregory Bateson
Peter Levine
Michaela Boehm
language and not-language and beyond-language
the five skandhas 五蘊
Generation of experience
Consciousness-as-body
Contact Improvisation
Dance Movement Therapy
I have this preconception that Ultimas in general “won’t work for me”.
It’s getting revised.
I think they work for me.
I just ran The Executive v2.
I’ve been having a lot of trouble settling down to work on this one job. I found my mind settling down and just getting to it.
It wasn’t sudden like an on-off switch. Focus just kind of gradually increased. And my optimism and general attitude gradually improved.
I’m breaking now to get my daily walking steps in. Hope this continues as I get back to work.
In my experience Ultimas are more delayed than regular Qv2. To the point where I run it and then an hour or two after I’m finished I’m like “oh that’s where it went”. So sometimes you’re already in the middle of something and it sneaks up on you while you’re not paying attention. Which is actually pretty useful considering watching for effects can actually inhibit them sometimes.
Really interesting.