Starting the day with Love Bomb v2 after 2 processing days.
Later Khan Stage 1 for a few loops.
And maybe testing As Above or So Below Ultima if I get it into my listening schedule.
Today and yesterday felt a bit off. Yesterday was the second of two rest days. I feel drained and tired. I am not at the same level than before in social settings. The somewhat funny thing is that I try to fake or keep the same body language, but itâs off. Need to stop trying to keep it up and just express what I currently feel. Somewhat down, need to relax before I burn out.
Itâs like I became attached to seeing positive reactions, I donât want to be attached to validation from the outside.
Relaxing now and writing this journal entry to understand whatâs happening.
Could also be a Brain chemistry fuck up for drinking on Friday.
And emotional drain for interacting too much.
I had weeks of little interaction and then last week there were many video conferences, phone calls and meeting people in person. I need to recharge now.
Intense dreams last night, not remembered after waking up. It felt like something important was going on.
I start the day with Love Bomb U v2. At one point I want to try Love Bomb U v1 (not the experimental) to see the difference.
In the past, I had many dreams of fighting my bullies from childhood. This night I had a different dream.
I was hugging and kissing my bully. Interesting remake of that old dream.
Listening to Love Bomb v2 now.
Yesterday I listened to three loops of Khan Stage 1 and Rebirth U in the evening.
You might be the same personality type as I am.
I had this issue for the LONGEST time. Always interested in the newest coolest thing. I could NOT focus on one thing for longer periods of time.
The mind constantly running.
Now I havenât read this WHOLE journey (a fair bit though) of yours, but you still seem to be jumping subs, right? Which we both know, is bad.
I think you are lacking a purpose.
What do you really want to do with your life?
Time is very limited. How do you want to use it?
What should your legacy be?
How do you want to be remembered?
I am pretty sure you donât have answers to that.
As it was said in Fight club, âManâs biggest struggle today is the lack of struggle.â
Trying to get dopamine rushes from porn, Netflix, or even new subs.
Trying to find meaning in your life.
Years ago I found my purpose by pure accident.
It was something I always did, but it never occured to me it could be something I do fulltime, or even âsellâ online.
Which is what I do now, and I havenât struggle with being directionless ever since.
Now, I donât want to promote courses here for many reasons, but the gist is this:
- What did you like doing as a kid?
- What do you enjoy doing without anything in return?
- What is a âtalent?â What are you INTERESTED in generally since childhood, even if you donât do it anymore?
Prime example from me, I always liked writing lengthy forum posts, explaining things to others. But this was just something I did when unwinding or not working.
It never occurred to me that I could do this fulltime (which is what I do now with a self-help blog)
Sometimes your purpose is deeply hidden, but you do it every day.
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Thank you for your valuable reply. I think you got it right. Now I will contemplate.
My hobbies as a kid were technology (computer programming), drawing and writing/publishing.
I still do some of it (programming as day job, writing as hobby project, drawing/doodling very sporadically)
That I lack a purpose still feels true for me. Just yesterday I wrote into my personal journal that I am just managing my daily life without larger purpose. Living from day to day.
I really like your post and will copy it into my personal journal to later answer all the questions for myself.
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TBH I think @AlexanderGraves just gave you a free coaching session.
I think he has good points for you to think about.
Thanks Alex for your generosity and tact! And thank you Matt for being open to his input!
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Currently reading books about finding a purpose. Just read what @AlexanderGraves wrote in the thread were he linked his article here.
âMan is what he believesâ
Today I began drawing again. Sadly I was emotionally drained because of an unnecessary verbal fight with a colleague. I guess I would not have been in that conversation if I was already living my purpose. Another artist asked me for a joint venture, but my mind wasnât able to figure out what it could be yet.
If I read the statement âMan is what he believesâ correctly, I can choose my purpose. I like that idea because I canât see another way of finding one. It wonât probably be like one day I get an aha moment and know my purpose without doubt. Itâs probably more of a process. Installing a larger goal as purpose and following it.
At the moment I am listening to sanguine to get in a better emotional state as my creative mind is not working fully, when I am feeling down.
I think it goes way deeper than that.
What you believe, shapes your reality.
Literally.
If you believe money is evil, it will elude you.
If your mindset is constantly negative, negative things will be happening.
If you think you donât deserve a hot girlfriend, it wonât be happening.
Being on subclub, we all should be aware how powerful our subconscious is.
This is why I enjoy it so much, because most of our decisions are based on our subconscious.
If it is set up properly, this changes our life a lot.
The beliefs are an extension of your sub.
The things you believe shape your reality.
Thus, you ARE what you believe.
Up to the smallest detail.
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Today is my first processing day of two this week.
Also there is a holiday today and Monday.
Since a few weeks or since using Khan the rest days are not as smooth as in the past. I feel down and thatâs probably okay as long as the self talk is not telling me that there is something wrong with it.
Dreams were intense but not remembered.
Yesterday was day 11 of my Khan stage 1 journey. Maybe the fight with a colleague was part of the Khan manifestations as a learning experience. When I ran alpha subs in the past there were similar events where random people appeared and were angry at me. Now the colleague is liking all my stuff on social media as if he has some remorse for the fight.
My guess is that I cannot take what happens personally or make some kind of mental story out of it. As such manifestations exist it is clear to me that the so called reality or outside world is just an illusion. For a moment I fell for the illusion being real like when you are in a dream and it seems real to you.
Not judging the illusion as good or bad gives me internal freedom. It doesnât mean anything if I get into fights or get appreciation on social media. Both are part of the illusion. I donât need to make new stories about it and stay aware of the fact that all of it is made up.
And now back to the purpose topic. I see my purpose as taking power back from the illusion. This is an interesting journey for me which I followed 13 years ago and then fell back into believing stories. I didnât have the network of spiritual friends then and felt all alone versus people living in the illusion without knowing it. Nowadays I see where people are deluding themselves which is easy, but seeing where I myself am delusional is an art.
Back to my current Khan journey. I will stay with this subliminal for a while as in my opinion it doesnât matter which subliminal I use. As long as I stay with it I will learn something from it.
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I have noticed this too! Iâll have a conflict with someone and often they will start doing things that make me think they are trying to repair any broken rapport (as in make it up to me).
I am starting the day with my Writing custom Ultima.
Had an intense dream tonight which I am still processing. Rethinking my past choices as a writer.
The content was about becoming free from the chains of the origin of my pen name. I am questioning the reasons for using that alter ego and am thinking about a better one or even using my real name.
The history of my pen name is connected to dark family secrets with which I no longer want to identify. The dream brought the falsehood of using this pen name to the surface.
Time to reinvent myself as a writer. The alter ego became a self full filling prophecy and now I want to stop it. It all began with not wanting to be identified with my work and therefore the need of a pen name. At the beginning I didnât know that a whole writing career would await me. I thought it would be just for a few published stories and didnât thought about the future.
I had such intense dreams in the past and they guided me into future projects.
Now without the alter ego I feel a bit naked and I have to find a new and more aligned path.
I read a book about purpose yesterday which I found here on the forum and it was based on numerology and birth numbers. It was interesting even though I am not sure if it isnât just cold reading. Traits of my personality were shown to me.
After the first half of the writing Ultima I will sit down and write to order my thoughts, my vision.
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Today I got a new custom, which I will write more about as soon as I see results.
Continuing with Khan Stage 1.
Against procrastination I used Limitless Executive U v2 toda.y
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New custom sub seems to be working in interesting ways. Today I saw an attractive woman and got really horny. On my way home I was seeing a woman who was looking and smiling at me. When I went in her direction she looked away while seeming to look at me from the side. Next step should be taking risks and approaching when in such a situation. AaahâŚ
I still feel to shy to do it. Damn excuses. But I have the risk taking module in the sub which probably will push me at one point. I should start with a simple âHiâ.
Currently I am listening to Khan loop 1 for today.
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Listening to my Qv2 custom currently.
Gorgeous Manifestor seems to work. At the moment I am working in home office and was outside for a cigarette and there was a gorgeous woman standing with her female friend. We had eye contact and she looked interested. While I was smoking, she looked in my direction. I looked in another direction out of shyness.
I could bite myself for not approaching her. I am too distanced somehow to do that. Need to build an approaching habit. Aaah. Or start talking to strangers of any kind at first. Just to get into some habit of interaction.
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Now I am listening to True Social U v2.
The supercharger was great and the results with v1 also.
I hope to get myself more in a social mood.
Edit: Forgot when my rest days are. Probably will do a rest day tomorrow and Sunday.
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And get used to women looking at you like youâre a steak and they havenât eaten in 2 days. 
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Yes, I need to get used to that.
Itâs too much haha
Today I am listening to rebirth u v2.
Tomorrow and Monday rest day.
I notice that I am more and more posting on the forum.
Social activities are still exhausting. At least with family.
Also I am feeling off when outside. Long eye contact from women but I just feel bored, tired and exhausted.
I slept less in the past days. Oversleeping seems to be over.
Work is not really flowing at the moment. I am happy when my day job is done.
Tomorrow I will take a rest day and go outside.
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