Hiking outside was wonderful. Felt a lot of love (chosen of venus?) for nature and the people I was with. Stillness of mind. And when I went by beautiful houses I thought good for them! (Discordia Deliverance killing jealusy?)
Tomorrow is another rest day.
Being in nature calms me, it’s better than the overload of people in the city.
Day at the office.
Had the thought that gratitude embodiment could be part of my good feelings at the moment.
I miss socialising. It’s so boring sometimes staying at home most of the time.
Still no approaching habit. Cold approaching seems tough to me. I am a excuser.
I noticed I am eating less often then usual. I hope this is not a hypomanic phase. It could also be that I am not depressed at the moment and that feels good. Future will tell.
Edit: 2nd rest day today.
What are you wanting? Steady partner? Significant other? FWB?
@RVconsultant: A steady partner.
Today I got angry because I felt disrespected. I hope this was just a singular incident. I didn’t act out and just ignored it. An older woman was blocking the way when I went out of the tram, and she screamed probably at me because I accidentally touched her wheeled walker. I acted as if I didn’t hear it, but later felt some anger arising. It’s gone now.
Boredom… thinking about listening to a Ultima title like sanguine to feel better.
Accepting the boredom is the first step to change it.
Boredom is not a bad emotion, there are no bad emotions, just judgements.
Reminding myself of that makes it more bearable.
Then it is just some sensation in the body.
The real thing seems to be the mind telling me that something is wrong with that sensation. And there is a need to fix it, to find a solution.
Letting go of that now.
Do you have a pathway to manifesting this?
Have you studied any media on relationships or dating or pickup?
Yes, I have studied a lot. The study alone is not the problem 
It’s more the taking action part.
But thanks for mentioning it, I am listening to a “theory” course again now.
Pathways are limited because I don’t hang out with my crowd anymore because of COVID-19.
So, there would only be a cold approach possibility in public settings.
What else?
I am currently trying to spend less time on the forum. Still listening to Khan Stage 1 (69 days left) and my QV2 custom.
I also started journaling privately with longer entries again.
The high phase of which I suspected it could be a hypo manic phase is over. Now I need to get accustomed to feeling meh. Could be that I just need more rest now. Oversleeping still is not happening, but I am less motivated without Executive Uv2.
So knowledge is not the problem. If you feel comfortable, could you list the programs you’ve completed?
Where could you go to walk up to women and talk with them… I mean cold approaches?
Currently I am doing Masculine Polarity by Swinggcat.
I like that it’s based partly on Radical Honesty and when I was young I started out with his book Real World seduction.
I also listen to Brent smith’s stuff sometimes.
I have to admit that the other programs I did were many years ago. One thing I remember was taking a coaching session from the late David X.
Also one from Hypnotica from the game.
The latter was really powerful. His way of choosing words motivated me for weeks or months.
I probably need a refresher.
So taking action plus reading/listening to programs could be a good strategy right now.
Masculine polarity has some action steps I could take.
Also I might think about doing some kind boot camp program again. Like Demonic Confidence or that really old Don Juan boot camp.
In the past when I did some social confidence exercises something changed about me. People were asking me for directions etc. My micro body language became that of an approachable guy.
At the moment I feel grumpy outside. That’s not a good vibe.
Where to do cold approaches ? In parks, on the street, maybe in the super market.
I feel like I have to make the decision to take my dating life seriously and begin taking action.
At the moment I don’t feel like it. I need to push through.
It could help to marinate in the topic again.
PS: Today I posted a comment because I noticed that I was offended by a behaviour from someone on the forum. I don’t know if that was progress (stating my opinion) or reconciliation (thin skin, caring too much).
Okay here is some input:
Thanks for your recommendations.
If I need new material at one point I will look into it.
It reminded me of a practical course for dating confidence, I just have to get access to it again.
I hang out on the forum while listening to Khan - Stage 1.
I want to see some posts with humor and humility.
That’s an epiphany I just had.
I don’t want to be triggered to post things I later feel sorry for.
I like your style @RVconsultant. It seems calming and rational to me. Good job as forum moderator!
Thank you!
Are you concerned you might post things you might want to delete later?
What are you concerned you might do or say?
Also being aware of this, I think is showing insight about the effects Khan can have.
Posting posts with a superiority complex vibe. Being a bully. I don’t like bullies, but I can’t deny that I have the potential to be one.
For example, last week I critiqued a friend on a video he posted on YouTube. The critique was totally intellectual about the way he uses language, and we had a fight. We did reconnect since then, but I have a part in me that only sees the negative and when this part is active, it destroys.
I am happy that I fought with my friend because I learned a lot about my behavior through that conversation. I noticed what the heck I am doing when I am on auto-pilot.
And I am on auto-pilot 99% of the time. Just different auto-pilots running the show from moment to moment.
I understand and I think this demonstrates a laudable level of insight and introspection on your part.
What is your currently listening schedule right now?
3 loops of Khan stage 1 ( day 22/90)
2 loops of QV2 subliminal (secret ingredients, but focused on attraction, love and a bit of healing)
5 days a week, weekend rest days
Experimenting with less loops could interesting. I still have this “more means more” paradigm in my head.
Comfort
I am at the moment feeling comfortable with my life. Happy. There is no feeling of lack.
Just noticed it.
But somehow I still think I need a intimate relationship. Social or biological programming?
I let go of the idea that a relationship would fix anything. There is nothing to be fixed.
I still would be some kind of bonus. A nice to have but not needed.
Self help marketers brainwashed me with ideas of getting out of your comfort zone and buying their products.
And I don’t have forgotten that this journey still brought me to this insight.
Nothing bad about the marketers, it was myself that felt lacking.
This feeling will pass. Just enjoying the moment now.
Just writing it down for a future self who could feel the lack again.
Hello Futureself,
you are enough.
Reminded me of a time when I told a therapist that I am building up sexual energy to attract women and he asked me “Why? Don’t you feel good enough as you are?”
It didn’t register then. I hope it registers now.
Your therapist has a way of cutting to the chase.