Again absolutely amazed with the mental clarity and being able to intuitively deal and reason it out why things come up. Just had a bit of recon creeping up after having started the microloop protocol, so for me 2 titles, GLM and New Wanted 30 seconds every other day.
As I have mentioned earlier in this thread that I just over the last couple of days had a major trauma response coming up that I delt with easily even though it was crazy intense.
But for today and the recon, my mind just calmly said it’s from Wanted and the lingering shadow I that emerged this week. As it’s about abandonment… being seen and noticed a lot is not high up on the agenda of this little part of me that has felt hurt for so long.
Usually I have good results on Wanted, but if this part has been triggered results can go down the drain. It’s clear as a day to me now and this makes it so simple to understand. Ohhhh I just had one massive aha from writing this just now!!
I’ve have had crazy nights happening (although some years now when I was more active socially), nights where I become like the ultimate man I can be with effortless easy and flow. And ofc these experiences were all accompanied with complete freedom and zero fvcks given (GLM style.)
But here’s the crazy part, I remember 2 of the best memories, both on nightclubs where I have felt really bad and in a low mood. Both times I went to the toilet and the mirror affirming self-love and talking to my inner state like it was my own child. And from there both times I shot up into a crazy full blown flow state where I was the most effortless man in the world, and I had crazy reaction from everyone in the club.
So to me… my aha just now was that when I was in the bathroom and affirmed loving things, it soothed my hurt little inner child (or whatever you like to call it…) And as I was in such a low mood, so when it eased I shot up into ecstasy instead and I had a state for the rest of the night akin to taking E or similar.
This is interesting, because I have theorized of the contrast effect of first being low mood and then shooting up into the other polarity. But the part of my inner child being validated and soothed internally as to just me (although we are the same), makes a lot more sense now. What I seek is wholeness, but for the time being I’ll have to treat things as two or more to make the process of integration work better.
Haha, funny… just now I started affirming “you are (x)” (referring to my inner child) followed by “we are (x)”, before lastly saying “I am (x)”… lol