Main Disc. Thread - Khan ZP

[aaa]

Anger is love distorted.

I am going through a similar fase but not with my father but my little sister. I often want justice from her to ow me love,.for all the things I did for her. I know it is wrong, but I did things for her so she would love me. Then when I had anger issues I would be like a nuclear bom destroying everything positive.

I often can not be myself around my sister because she makes.me feel shit about myself through her judging me. It kills me that she doesn’t love me anymore. Part of me is so angry, but the anger is just a cover for my sadness, that actually my life is going to suck without her. All I wanted from her is to be understood, accepted.

All.i can express to her is anger and not the sadness, because if she saw my sadness the rejection would hurt even more.

Your father’s reaction is similar to mine. At least that is how it feels, it is just love coming out in a fucked up way. Anger is distorted love.

I don’t know why I am writing this, I just wanted to tell this to someone. Tell that the truth is I am so hurt for losing someone I love so much and at the same time have hurt so many times.

Edit: running heartsong, it must be recon stirring things up. Your post hit something in me.

[Leandros]

@aaa

Talk to her

Let it all out

Go and clean yourself in her presence

It does not matter if she understands you it only matters that you can unburden yourself

Do it

Or Chosen from Within should do the Job also

[TheBoxingScientist]

How does khan stage 4 zp compare to qv2 ?

[Matrix]

Yes same query

[TheBoxingScientist]

Khan Ultima was the pinnacle of SC technology when i tested that basically all hell broke loose

[MadaraUchiha]

has anyone running this just jump straight to stage 4 from day 1?

if yes, how are things going for you?

[infinite]

It has been a long time since I have run Khan Q so I’m also wondering if I can jump straight to stage 4. Is running stage 4 easier now with ZP than it was with Q?

[weir]

But who would do this kind of shit with own father…it disgust me

[Leandros]

@weir

But who would do this kind of shit with own father…it disgust me

Please be as disgusted as you like

Thank you

[Leandros]

Yea yea yeaaa

Today is listening day

[Leandros]

Boaaaaaaa how strong is Khan?

I did Sanguine ZP +ZP Khan st 1 today

Until today I had every time 20 min after the last loop a elevator experience. I alway had the feeling I drive down into my underworld and fix something.

Not today

Today I had the elevator experience but then I had the feeling of : my power is compressed into my stomach and starts to grow.

I get triggered today-I left my apartment and somehow I felt as if something is exploding in me. I needed 15 min to figure out what it was.
It was fear - the moment I entered the train fear and Panick exploded in me like crazy,i was running to the toilet (to vomit it out) the moment I close the dore I saw myself in the mirror and I didn’t like what I saw.

I grabbed myself a heart and instead of letting it out I somehow changed into full confrontation mode. I stood stable on my 2 feet and telling myself : Wait, I am stronger than this fear, now show yourself (the fear) in full force.

It was soo easy to dominate this traumatic state
In 20 seconds I had it in my hands. I grabbed the fear and ripped it out of me and destroy it once and for all

Since then I am somewhat in a strange state.
Something that I had and precived as “normal” is just not here anymore. My energetic system is chilling since then. I have time to observe my surroundings and to feel it,like I am in a bubble

12 hours after the loop I sit at home and I feel like a wrecking ball of power sits in my stomach, getting stronger and stronger.

If this power grows even stronger then I marrying this Sub

[Palpatine]

@weir

with own father

Being someone’s father does not entitle said father to unconditional respect and deference. Those things must be earned and maintained. Family or not.

[weir]

I totally agree but i don’t know what’s his background story…the way he described the event…i just couldn’t resist myself to reply, in my contry i see many son who abondend thier father not because thier father did bad to them but just because they become pure asshole

[Alphamale]

Sad story
I don’t know if he is an alcoholic or what
But my father also was a toxic one
U can give him another chance, as long as he does be toxic in ypur life
Being good with your father makes you very happy
The reason you don’t forgive someone and kick their ass that they don’t do that mistake again
If your father knows his mistake, I would take him back
I had like a million grudges on my father about being toxic and cruel to me
But most of them was gone during emperor qv2
I don’t know why you hold such grudges

[weir]

Even my father and specially my mother do injustice between children…they love my younger brother to core and give him everything…
I resist them a lot and still calls out them but what can I do…they are my parents

That’s why i started gratitude journal (offline) and daily write about them for being parents… because I understand i can’t do anything to get thier ultimate love as they do love my younger brother

By keeping grudges i am losing me and specially time and energy…i done lots of chaos in my home in past…broke everything shouting like a mad man for years

That’s why i am running most potent healing subs like Khan st1…Dr st1 , ql st1, eog st1 etc to heal my self…few months ago i even ran regeneration…rebirth etc but still there are lots of trauma…i need to resolve…

By keeping grudges i know i can’t win game of life

[mountainguy]

My wife is starting a new stack this week that includes Khan ST1 with plans to proceed through all 4 stages, getting her to journal can be like pulling teeth so I’ll probably just drop 3rd party observations here as we proceed.

The rest of her stack is heartsong and seductress. 2 loops a week of HS and SD(?) and once a week for whichever Khan track.

The decision for putting her on Khan comes partially from the recent MBTI discussion all across this forum, and analysis that Khan will function as a restrictive element on her natural tendencies and those of HS/Seductress while also having lots of “interfacing with the 3D” skills/power as well.

One thing I will note, is that while she ran her first loop last night I could feel it from the other side of the house. The ZP perception shift effect kicked in for me a few minutes into her loop!

[Alphamale]

I agree
Forgiving past is the best thing to do

[AlexanderGraves]

@mountainguy

My wife is starting a new stack this week that includes Khan ST1 with plans to proceed through all 4 stages

Interesting! Where can I find this journal? Curious to see what Khan does to a woman.

[Leandros]

I am 35 years fresh and I am absolutely capable of choosing who I want in my environment.

You know if you have self-respect then action does follow

If someone wants my company than they have to earn it.

There are lemons out there that stay sour even if you put kilograms of sugar and honey on top.

Wast of energy

Now the funny part starts the moment you Reclaime your power

My actions are Animalistic and out of self respect , I am ready to leave the nest, so I leave the nest but I turn around and scream just once or twice : you idiots shit in the nest you life in and never clean it nor admit that you shit, that’s no nest that’s a tower made out of shit over the years , now you sit alone in your smelly Castel.
I stand on my own feet and I am capable of providing in any direction I want and need from my own power.

Life is funny and sunny now.

[Alphamale]

no one said you take money from your dad or anything
as you said it has been a year or more than a year that u are independent
and letting your father be in your company does not underrate your independence
you just don’t need him any more, but he needs you and breaking this hatred and grudge cycle wont prove you weak
letting your father live in your castle does not prove you a weak person, as long as he does not step on your boundaries anymore.
about the fact that I said you would be happy if your father is happy, its your primitive brain which has this close connection to your parents. if they are happy and protected you are also protected, you talk about this animalistic thing, animals also love and protect their parents, at least they do not push them away. plus that we are humans, we are more intelligent, lets use that animalistic traits when needed, or else we would not be good in the world.