1/16 (Continued)
Around 1-1:30 PM, felt familiar tiredness
There was a new element to it, however
Usually, what I feel is soul-crushing exhaustion
Usually, all I want is to sleep. No energy for anything. Even things that matter greatly to me
This felt different
It was more of a pleasant drowsiness
A comfortable languor
Almost like a weak body high
It was also greatly reduced in magnitude
Maybe 1/4 or 1/3 as tired as usual
Good, because I still felt relatively alert and awake
Remember thinking "This is the energy level I usually begin with. Today, this is considered my ‘tired’ state, but this is usually my max level of energy
Slowly felt the energy and giddiness taper off throughout the day
Still, even now, as I write this at 8:19 PM, I don’t feel negativity or anxiety (maybe a little anxiety now that I wrote that) and I feel relatively alert
Certainly more awake than usual. At this point, I’m normally struggling to keep my eyes open
Not so right now
Ok. Time to meditate
Wait!
Before I forget, allow me to elaborate on the specific sensations of my increased drive and alertness
I’ve found that it’s been very effective already at eliminating negative self-talk.
Felt so alert, happy, and productive today because my mind and soul weren’t trying to destroy themselves with negative self-talk
My subconscious and conscious mind were working in tandem
That is why I felt more energized, because for once, I wasn’t at odds with myself
Is this what normal people feel like all the time?
My God!
Still had familiar moments of anxiety triggered by the usual suspects: Anxiety over meeting a deadline or socializing with strangers
But even when this anxiety reared up, it was noticeably diminished
Before this subliminal, my motivation has been the removal of the stick rather than the carrot
By cutting out drugs, by restraining lust (just say stopped jerking off), by exercising and eating healthy, by getting good sleep, and trying to practice meditation and journaling, I have steadily improved my physical and mental state
However, the mental improvements have not been a discovery of new positive emotions
Rather, it has been an amelioration of negative emotions
I haven’t been getting the carrot
Instead, I’ve been getting less beatings with the stick
Does that make sense?
The removal of pain is not synonymous with pleasure
Still, its an improvement
Now though, this subliminal (AFTER 1 LOOP) has introduced the carrot
All these new, extremely positive emotions
AND they “…eliminate all negative self-talk”
Perhaps my amazement is premature. But the reaults have been powerful and positive so far
