Liminality custom Qv2

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#421

Man people are so complicated. I came into work today to a thank you card from 2 managers who I’ve been making a lot of changes for physically around the office and in our system. It was a nice gesture and appreciated.

But one of those managers the week before tried to use me as a scapegoat for why order entry numbers weren’t up. It was very covert and I don’t think it had malicious intent behind it. More like a “I need to escape the unending pressure that’s just been slammed on me and I’m desperate”.

Truthfully speaking my boundaries have gotten better at this job, but I feel like as a whole I don’t trust a lot of people here. And that makes for a lot of cognitive dissonance. They aren’t bad people, but when stuff happens or the guy at the top isn’t happy it tumbles downhill and I feel like people start acting in unhealthy ways.

It turns into a shit show. I want to learn how to assert my boundaries better without anger or resentment. I seem to end up splitting, the psychological definition of it.

Honestly sometimes i question if I’m a really unhealthy individual and just don’t show it. It’s one thing standing up for yourself. It’s another acting overly aggressive based on things you only perceive in your own head. And I do my best not to make those black and white judgements based on upsetting events, but I fully admit it is a huge weakness of mine.

I’m just trying to be a good person without being stepped on. But it’s hard because I feel like I oscillate between being taken advantage of and rejecting everyone before they reject me.

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#422

Let them prove themselves to you. Eventually you’ll find your sweet spot and take it as they come. But don’t let the assertiveness drop out of wanting to “be good” or do good", it’s a trap.

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#423

This is fucking difficult man, I’m not gonna lie. I know I need to be more assertive, but it’s def been backed up by unnecessary vilifying of their character as a person. It doesn’t seem right and it doesn’t seem like it’s in the true spirit of being an enlightened confident man. I’m not gonna roll over and go back to people pleasing, but at the same time I can’t walk around with a chip on my shoulder. Assertiveness without aggression is what I’m really aiming for.

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#424

Also I bought wanted and call me crazy but I haven’t even run it yet and I felt like I was being influenced from it. Going to give it a spin tonight.

I’ve always been kind of aloof, light on details about myself, having a sort of air of mystery. I’m an INFP so we’re known to be very selective and reserved with who gets to glimpse the deeper parts of ourselves. So I figured might as well run wanted and double down on that.

If you had asked me a few months back if I fit the archetype of wanted I’d tell you no. But I think that was more of an insecurity based thing about running a title that specifically makes you wanted. Once I dug into the description of it more I was like damn this is kinda me already minus all the attention lol.

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#425

Didn’t realize it came with the solace prototype. Of course I loaded that one up, I never tried solace. But damn, this is amazing.

I’m gonna spit out potential bullshit here, but the regular masked is a typical masking style. You’ve got the very static waveform that sits above the lower subliminals. But that makes it “cloudy” to me. It also tended to sit in a frequency range that got very agitated after a while for me.

Solace, without knowing what went into the masking, almost seems like it’s dynamically adjusting the masking track to the subliminal script. Since I’ve spent a decent amount of time analyzing music and audio I can usually pick out clarity when I hear things. No doubt about it, solace comes through much clearer for me. I’d go so far as to say I can feel the articulations of the script being communicated into my ears better. I’d say that the dynamics in spoken word are very important in relaying information and solace does a better job of retaining that.

From my loop of wanted I noticed two things. Much deeper emotional impact/release while listening. And like I said it felt like someone was speaking into my ear at what felt like a normal conversational volume. But it was all subliminal and I couldn’t consciously make it out.

Very happy this will be the new masked moving forward, this is powerful stuff. If any of my theoretical stuff I just spit out is correct, this is more than just being pleasant on the ears.

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#426

Been listening to a lot of memphis rap. Wanted to try my hand at some. Couldn’t really get the vibe right. But I mixed in some of my own aesthetics into it. While writing it I found myself thinking “nah memphis wouldn’t sound like that” but I did it anyway because it felt right. And I realized how often I put myself into a box because I’m trying too hard to force a vibe. Overall I liked how it turned out. Got another track I’ll upload later that’s a more mellow hip hop thing.

Something hit me this weekend, I’m feeling like there are less blocks in the channel between outward expression of my music and ideas. Possible preview of QZP? I’m feeling more ok with letting my own characteristics speak through my music vs trying to be something I’m not and beating myself up about it. And yes, enjoy the process more. Lord knows I need more of that.

I also looked at soundcloud and my limited plays and followers and I was like “You know what? That has zero indication of the value of my own music”. And I’ve been feeling like I just want to create and get it out there more. Maybe finally make an album for myself. Just really want to express myself more without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I’ve mentioned it before but making music can be very anxiety provoking for me.

#427

I have to say I’m most excited for ZP because of the way it goes about change. Finding the truest expression of yourself and what aligns with you? Hell yeah. I’ve been trying to do that most my life. Even thought I’ve gotten benefits over the years with subliminals, at the heart of it it always felt like I was trying to become another person vs the best version of myself. No matter how many times I told myself, I just couldn’t be ok with those aspects of myself.

I’d beat myself up because I wasn’t a certain way and couldn’t become another way. And the more I disowned parts of myself the worse I felt, while simultaneously feeling bad I wasn’t able to be who I THOUGHT I wanted to be.

Just really excited to find even more of myself and bring that to the surface. So much of me has been buried over the years.

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#428

@RVconsultant Thanks for setting me on the path to trying paragon before wanted. I thought about it some more and while it’s not the immediate gratification I had building up in my mind it does seem to be the better call.

  1. Not sure how I react to zp yet. And a title like wanted is a lot to handle right off the bat given my history. I know these zp titles are less recon, but it doesn’t hurt going slow at first.

  2. Boosting my Qv2 custom, that could introduce some more stuff to work through and if i ran wanted at the same time without clearing that out I might bottleneck myself.

Overall looking at why I had a desire to run wanted zp right away. Well this pandemic really screwed me up. My 20s weren’t great, most of my life hasn’t been great if I’m honest. There are people who have dealt with far worse, but from my perspective it doesn’t really matter, pain is pain. Anyway I’m 30 now, I was trying to experience things I missed in my 20s. Just to inject more fun and enjoyment into my life so I dont live with any more regrets.

Ive been serious all my life. Even as a teen because I had a painful awareness of my own shortcomings and how much work lied ahead of me. The real slap in the face was all the adults praising me on how mature I was, but I missed out on being a carefree kid. The weight of the world was always on my shoulders. As an adult I’d like to get rid of that because ultimately everything is chaos and absurd. I can only control my own situation so I need to make the best of it.

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#429

You said it better than I could have. Right on, dude!

When you get your ZP file, start with 1 loop and wait a day or so. That way you get an idea how it effects you.

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#430

As promised my experience with paragon zp last night.

So about 1 or 2 minutes into the solace masked track things were hitting different. I’m very in tune with subliminals at this point, it might be the merger of worlds module which I’ve had in all my customs. But anyway ZP is there to be fully acted upon. I know Saint and Fire never used forceful scripting in their titles to begin with, but even with Qv2 I can feel inner tension that I have to consciously intervene to then allow the subliminal programming to take effect. With ZP, it’s just not needed. It goes from the headphones, through my subconscious filter or mind, and directly pushes out into immediate state change. I honestly didn’t think it was possible for a subliminal to feel this “clean” for lack of a better word.

On to the next part of my experience. I was listening at night, so I was settling in for bed. Paragon ZP quickly brought me to a strong inner focus. If anyone has experimented with hypnosis here, it was that kind of sinking feeling you get when you’re deep in a state of trance. Like the outside world loses focus. Honestly recalling the experience is very dream like, it was that out of the ordinary for me.

As the sub continued there was a strong shift in my awareness of reality external to myself. I can’t really describe it that well. It felt like the external was an elaborate shifting puzzle piece that moved around me vs me moving from point a to point b. I’ve had this before but it occurred very randomly and for reasons I don’t understand. Just boom, and perception of reality is different.

So this part is where things got a little off the wall for me. As I went deeper into this state, in my minds eye I was getting visuals of pretty terrible creatures. Looming over me. Feeling like there was something in the room with me. I don’t want to mess anyone else up with this, but honestly it was pretty freaky. Felt like something that would occur during sleep paralysis. Like have you ever had intrusive thoughts when you look down a dark hallway or somewhere with no light and just start getting the feeling something is going to grab you if you get any closer? Sort of like that. Just very automatic. My best guess is this is all fear of the unknown being expressed in a symbolic way? ZP moves you fast, in my life I have been notoriously slow to change anything in my life due to fear.

Eventually that passed and I pretty much passed out lol. Woke up to my bluetooth headphones saying they were disconnected, kind of disorientated. Like getting off an amusement park ride. I was able to get to sleep, but what followed were some bizarre ass dreams. One of them I remember was like i was in an rpg dungeon crawler game and I was interacting with different types of beings trying to fulfill some goal that I have no idea what it was. I’d say the content of the dream wasn’t all that weird, but how I perceived it was. Oh yeah and I woke up in the middle of the night and scared the shit out of myself because again I thought there was someone or something in my room. I can’t explain it, like have you ever felt someone looking at you without actually knowing they were looking? That sort of feeling.

Wild experience, no doubt. Pretty close to this lol. I think my first experience with ZP is probably just jitters and it will smooth out the longer I run and get accustomed to it.

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#431

This is definitely a fear response to the physical healing scripting. Most people don’t realize just how much they hold a fear of being completely healthy. The media constantly hits us with subconscious messages to keep us down and sick to the point that we no longer believe that perfect health is even attainable. These images represents that fear, and to try and stop you from continuing to run the sub. Remember, the subconscious’ goal is to keep you alive, and it will use fear at times to achieve this if its threatened.

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#432

Interesting you say that. I ran Limitless zp last night and today as I was grabbing few things, I could feel fear in public. I did not know where this fear, this anxiety was coming from. It was the same feeling when doing the Wanted test and out in public. I dont know if it’s residue from the pandamic.

When on Alpzp have not noticed this feeling.

I would though like to get on top of it.

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#433

This is really good to know. I’m wondering if this can overlap into things like depression? Not so much now, but I used to have a very strong fear of being free of both depression and anxiety when I was younger. If Paragon ZP is touching on that, then that would definitely explain my strong fear while running it. Actually come to think of it I’m 90% certain that thought did cross my mind while running it. I think a strong part of that fear is something along the lines of “hypothetically if you could fix all this stuff in a matter of weeks then that would mean you wasted years of life willingly avoiding being better”. There’s just something inherently fear provoking to me about rapid change for the better. Not necessarily the outcome, but what it represents about my past.

Hmmmmm this is going much deeper than I had initially anticipated. You’re right there are strong fears here. What’s interesting though is despite this stuff being incredibly unsettling in the moment while running it, I feel no aversion to running Paragon ZP again in the future.

One loop and all this insight is now flooding in. I am impressed

#434

Hey @Fractal_Explorer i wanted to ask since youve been running your custom for quite some time now with cores like AM and UA, and other modules like blue skies and stuff

do you feel like ascension’s productivity and focus and will power, lost its spark when its combined with your custom?

cause i have a plan very soon to make a custom, maybe 2 months from now or 1 month,

its very similar to yours kinda

Cores: Ascension, RM, UA
Modules: Ultimate music producer, Depths of Love, Blue skies, Carpe diem ascended , Natural winner, Productivity unleashed

idk i have this feeling that Ascension or AM might be a bit too small of a script and might get drowned by other modules and cores, and it i will lose its essence of Willpower and determination when its combined

how was your experience on your custom , did you feel that way?

#435

Hey man I’ll respond to this a bit later when I can lend my thoughts. But just wanted to mention my journal is a little deceptive. I’m actually on a different custom than what I initially posted here. I forgot where I mentioned it in here but I’ll grab that too if you can’t find it. Basically I’m running only ascension in my custom right now and it’s working out well for me.

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#436

@Budewr

That’s what I’m currently running. I had to re-prioritize my custom a bit until it really started hitting the points I needed to hit.

This is going to be my personal opinion and experience, but I’ve found customs work better with a targeted direct focus on things that are both sticking points and what you can take action on. For example my custom made a lot of use of support modules like manipulus and attachment destroyer. I am subtly manipulated by people a lot due to my lack of assertiveness over the years combined with people pleasing behavior. But I also have modules to counter negativity and release stress.

I’d say don’t worry about having too many result enhancers. From my experience running this current custom and the one at the start of the journal, the quantity of modules didn’t make much of a difference. It’s really all about the quality and what your mind can work with. So if you have more modules that you think will help you reach your goals definitely include them. Just make sure the goal is focused, which looking at what you have planned you’re on the right track.

However the cores I believe need to be chosen carefully. Personally I would drop either UA or RM, stick to a 2 core custom. That’s if you feel you’re able to handle both. From my experience it’s not that it weakens Ascension or drowns it out, it’s all about how much of it is actionable. Like for me my immediate life needed improvement a lot because I was giving too much of my power away and consequently having no energy for my music. As important as my music goals were, I needed to target my focus on becoming mentally strong and healthy.

This may differ a lot for you and maybe you can handle 3 cores. But ultimately you really have to pick apart your life and find out where you’re getting stuck and what will help you.

There’s also the consideration of all the ZP titles that will be released soon too. It’s good to keep in mind building a custom that’s compatible with ZP. So maybe creating an ascension custom and then RM ZP or UA ZP in the future would be good.

One more note Blue Skies was VERY heavy for me. It might be different for you, but I found the healing in blue skies could trigger some very persistent reconciliation that made it harder to process the rest of the content of my custom. You’ll see I left it out of the current one I’m running in favor of ARES.

Hope that helped a bit. I do think with ZP coming on board custom builds will shift a bit and right now I’m experimenting with how Qv2 is boosted by ZP so it’s good not to overdo it.

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#437

yes i agree, i tend to lean to this school also

the reason im making this custom is basically that this is my life, its all i do. and want to improve is music and being more productive and being more disciplined to achieve many goals in my life and shatter all blockages to self expression

so probably every module, that i put has some work in my life, RM and UA are straight up for music and the enjoyment of life, since i love music so much and i enjoy art also, i would like to learn to play the violin later in the years

ascension is for pure discipline and for confidence and willpower and mainly discpline and nonstop discipline. which is a huge part of my life and i need some backup from ascension to help me through stuff

but i agree with you, thats why i dont want to make a custom over 10 modules or maybe 9, i want something very focused no kitchen sink way

this is important thank you for reminding me friend, too many subs are tempting but whats important that you choose what targets your weakpoints, thats why i went with Emperor/Ascension even though i like stark so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

hmmmmmmmm. im actually planning on building this custom, then stacking it with LDU and QL4 without a custom like regular Q titles . since UA isnt a big script, and customs tend to be much lighter than lets say stacking all them together it would be a lot

so whole playlist would be like this:
1-LDU 1x
2- Custom 1x
3-QL4 1x

also im thinking of waiting until the previews and the test and the feedback is all set then i could hop on ZP when titles comes out or ZP customs, i feel i tend to react to subs differently and i wasnt happy with my 3 months of emperor before, so now im getting results with ascension i wanna stick to it hahah IM HUNGRY

i saw saint say that too, hmmmmmmmmmm

ill see what to do about it :D. but for now it wont be till maybe 4 months or 3 months minimum till i make a custom, i realized i need a harder foundation, i lack this aspect. my custom can wait a couple of months

and thanks for reply my friend!

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#438

Anytime! You sound like you’re all set and know how to to plan this out. A lot of this is tough because sometimes you don’t know how you’ll react to a subliminal. Like for example QL, have you run it before? I know I have hangups surrounding intelligence so a program like that would introduce some heavy reconciliation which could bottleneck the rest of the subs. A lot of the hangups around subliminals can be due to the content and not necessarily the quantity, so it’s important to take that into consideration as well.

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#439

Yeah i ran QLST1 and QLST2 alongside emperor

But i couldnt notice a thing of change if nothing at all,

It could be that emperor was blocking the whole process for me

Thats why maybe next month or 2 months ill re-do QL from stage 1 till 4 then I’ll consider making a custom to run with QL4

Basically QL4 and ascension/emperor and RM is all i need tbh

UA is just a bonus, and id love to add that bonus

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#440

No doubt about it ZP is having me go deep.

I made a track the other day that’s my most honest thing in a while. It felt good to not second guess my musical decisions and expression and i want more of that. One thing I still really struggle with is the whole creation process gets me stressed. I want the music to flow, it’s so damn hard to get that for myself. Been at this for close to 5 years now and it’s still the same daunting feeling whenever I want to write something new. I can’t really describe it, it’s not writer’s block or a lack of ideas. It’s like a wall I hit getting them out, it can feel physically exhausting because I feel like I’m fighting hard to do something I love but not having the cognitive ability and focus for it. Definitely an ADHD thing.

One thing I’ve really started to get in touch with is this whole idea and pressure I’ve put on myself to do something with my music. Make money on it or get more listeners, stuff like that. You know the usual stuff artists get hung up on. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to have music be a bigger part of my life, but I don’t want to be in a position where it feels like I’m trying too hard and hustling to just make ends. And then what was my passion turns into resentment. Similarly I don’t buy the the “just do it as a fun hobby” thing either. There has to be a middle ground here.

My needs in this world are very different. Not at all the common narrative that was pushed on me by society. Truthfully I don’t know how to get what I want. I don’t have a drive for “success”. Success to me personally is fully expressing myself and engaging with music without having to deal with all the bullshit marketing or obsessive need to “make it”. Success for me is fully detaching from all the neurotic obsessions and need for validation that results in me running after goals that wont even make me happy. So much of this world and how we grow up just leads us chasing our tails to fulfill some need that isnt even going to make us happy.

I recognize everyone has their goals in life. I just get irrationally angry when the majority sees their goals as the “right” way to live life. This is due to fighting my own nature for all my life because I naturally never fit in. And it just pisses me off because I’m not gonna change myself to fit your concept of what the world is. Been there done that, ended up suicidal. So no I don’t have any desire to fit in.

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