I want to make sure I understand your post.
Are these modules in your current customs? Or are they what you have already purchased?
I think 2 or 3 loops over the next 9 days is a wise plan for you.
Now this list:
Are these programs from the main shop you already have?
If so, how about:
Ascended Mogul
The Elixir Ultima
Rebirth Ultima
Sanguine Ultima
Limit Destroyer Ultima
Also what do you think about Ascension?
Okay I want to hear your reply, but I’m going to go 1 more step… I’m going to make the assumption that those module are ones you’ve purchased.
Based on what I’ve been reading in your journal, I’m guessing you could benefit from feeling more empowered and more in control in your life, as well as less nervous.
Here is what I ask you to consider because it’s focused more on healing and perhaps foundations:
Gratitude Embodiment
Energetic Development XI
Negative Energy Transmutation
Unlimiter
Pragya
Productivity Unleashed
Current Invoker
Joie de Vivre
Jupiter
Omnidimensional
Tyrant
The Merger of Worlds
Financial Success Reality Shifter
Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
Ascended Mogul Q Core
Inner Voice
Negativity Displacer
Stress Displacement
Sanguine
Other modules:
Eye of the Storm
Stronger
Foundation
ARES
Discordia Deliverance
FEBRUUS
Limiting People Remover
Attachment Destroyer
Manipulus
Strength of Gentleness
Path of Forgiveness
I’m thinking to focus on the longer-term goals of: reducing emotional chaos, increasing self-protection from manipulative people, increasing emotional stability, and healing with gentle modalities.
@RVconsultant Thanks. Yeah sorry that was a list of all the modules I currently own. And the first list was full programs I have as well.
So I like the suggestion. My main concern is the amount of modules. It’s been a while since I’ve ran a dense custom. But I agree with your overall approach. Curious as to your reasoning you left out Blue Skies? If you know anything about it more than me? But that module has been tricky for me, I should have stopped including it in my customs. I think it’s probably too much and needs to be in a focused healing outside of a more general custom.
I was actually thinking about dropping AM and replacing it with ascension core. I like everything here I just wish it had something music related in it, either Ultimate Music Producer or UA. I understand the long term approach to building up stability. But I’m just a little afraid of how long that would take. I’ve lost a lot of years of my life battling internal things, I’d hate to see more pass me where I wasn’t engaged enough with my music. But if you think this custom layout would be enough for the music as well I’d be willing to give it a shot.
I fully acknowledge I’m not all there and I need a solid foundation. And maybe I do need to shift my energy and focus more in that direction. I want it all for myself, but maybe I have to scale it back and take a good year or two really building myself up before I tackle my ambitious goals for music. I just don’t want to land in a situation where music gets put on the backburner and I find myself living a life I don’t care about. It’s tricky. On one hand I might be putting too much focus on music being my way out and being desperate. On the other that might be the passion breaking through and trying to get me onto a path as close to that as possible and as far away from the current crap I’m dealing with in my life.
Looking at other modules I’m considering getting manipulus, attachment destroyer, and foundation. I think for most of my life people have subtly taken advantage of me and I keep finding myself in situations where that happens. So focusing on that would be good. Foundation really just for grounding myself, I’ve always gotten swept up in emotions and daydreams.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this. You can be as honest as you want, I need that because I need to grow. And speaking honestly my life is a mess right now.
I do understand the questions. I don’t know if I know more than you. It would be my own preference to leave it out and focus more on healing subliminals.
Based on what I’ve been reading in your journal, I would agree.
I understand your concern about being overfocused on healing to the exclusion of other things such as artistic pursuits. How about focusing on healing for 60 days, then start adding artistic subliminals?
That’s a good idea. I’ll go that route. I’ll reassess where I’m at after 60 days and think about adding UA to my stack. Or build a custom solely dedicated to artistic stuff to add onto and add that. Might just stick to UA, I keep dropping money on customs and ending up essentially having no use for them because I missed the mark or overdid it.
@RVconsultant Here’s what I put together for another custom focused on healing. I took out Financial Success Reality Shifter and Epigenetics and DNA modulator to make room for the others. Let me know what you think.
Gratitude Embodiment
Energetic Development XI
Negative Energy Transmutation
Unlimiter
Pragya
Foundation
Current Invoker
Joie de Vivre
Jupiter
Omnidimensional
Tyrant
The Merger of Worlds
Attachment Destroyer
ARES
Ascension Q Core
Inner Voice
Negativity Displacer
Stress Displacement
Sanguine
Manipulus
Had a bombshell dropped on me over the weekend. I went to go visit my mom and she opened up to me about her childhood. She’s been doing some deep soul searching and part of her trouble is unresolved and unacknowledged trauma.
She’s always downplayed it, but now knowing the true extent of what her childhood was like I can see why I turned out the way I did. I don’t blame her and I don’t hold resentment, but there was undoubtedly some subconscious messages being relayed to me as a child outside her awareness. She did her absolute best, but there’s no way I walked away from my own childhood unscathed. That kind of trauma just follows generations if it isn’t resolved. Not in the stereotypical way of being abusive or whatever, but the deficits it can create in an individual that influences their ability to provide emotional support.
It really changed my perspective on everything I’m doing right now in my own life. How this incessant drive to write more music comes out of this desperate attempt to carve out a niche in society for me because I’m just too poor at functioning otherwise. So I realized that has to take a backseat and I really have to build my foundation. Hence the reworked custom above.
Everything has been a gut punch these past few days. That’s not to say music isn’t my passion. But it was routinely being put above my own well being. It was my safe haven and escape, something I knew how to do, could express myself, could forget about the world. I guess because it seemed more productive and had a finished product I didn’t think it was damaging. Whereas something like video games, it can just be wasted time. At least with music I could say “hey look what I made, that’s proof my life isn’t as terrible as it seems”.
So I really just want to improve myself to the point where my life doesn’t feel like an endless grind, my anxiety doesn’t prevent me from exercising free will, I have peace of mind knowing I can take care of myself, trust myself, and protect myself from others if need be. I have none of that right now. I don’t get life, I don’t get living, it’s always been scary, unpredictable, hurtful, and draining. And it’s so beyond the realm of rational thought, I just lived that every day of my life and got used to it as normal. But it’s beyond painful to live like that every day.
Gonna pull the trigger on this custom today. I was thinking about leaving financial success reality shifter in there but upon consideration my relationship with money sucks and it would just invite more reconciliation that would interfere with what I really need to focus on.
I am really undeveloped, but that’s alright. I’m feeling better about taking care of my needs. Not feeling the pressure to be successful or achieve things for the sake of achieving them. Nope, this is all about getting to the core of my dysfunction in life and fixing that. That’s one thing I’ve realized. I’m a pretty simple guy. I’m not overly demanding in my needs. Don’t need a high status job, some super nice house, some expensive car, etc. I recognize some people want all that, but it doesn’t interest me a lot. For me the prize I’ve always been focused on is internal freedom to go and do what I want in this world and that’s exactly what ascension is geared towards. Writing my own story, not following what everyone else does.
Also going to experiment with a different name embed for my custom. Using my full first name vs my nickname. I think using my full name will help me connect with deeper childhood parts of myself. I started using my nickname more because my full name had bad associations attached to it. I see now that I need to integrate that part more.
You have some deep insights in here! I’m glad your mom opened up to you. It might have explained something things you were wondering about.
Have you already ordered your custom?
Thanks! Yup I just ordered it a few minutes ago. I just felt really strongly that I needed it. What’s weird is before you helped me put it together the events over the weekend unfolded in such a way that it felt like I was already starting to run it or prepare for it. I don’t know how to describe it other than it feels like the right path to go into.
I was thinking about what you ordered. It looks great!
I also wanted to propose you think of an Ultima as a booster. Something from the main shop perhaps. Or a custom Ultima.
Here are some modules that might appeal to you:
Eye of the Storm
Stronger
Discordia Deliverance
FEBRUUS
Limiting People Remover
Strength of Gentleness
Path of Forgiveness
Also is there anything you already have from the main shop you think might be helpful?
I think I’ll hold off on a custom ultima for now, they are very strong for me in general and not knowing how I’ll react with the modules makes me hesitant to build one.
That being said, I was thinking about supplementing with Elixir Ultima. I’ve had good experiences in the past with that helping me uncover and move past things. I think maybe that rotated with Sanguine Ultima would be good for me. I will have to see how this new custom effects me, ultimas can be quite demanding on me.
So I don’t know if I had a bad day yesterday or returning to my job was just a major shock to my system. Going to see how today goes.
One thing I wonder about sometimes is if I just have bad association with this job or I’m picking up on some pool of toxic energy from here. I feel sick being here sometimes. Either way I’m detaching from this company more. I’ve decided I’m just gonna leave NY soon, thanks to AM I budgeted myself somewhat so I’ve got a cushion to sit on so I can just uproot myself without being tied down. It’d be cool if I could find a job before moving but at this point I just said fuck it, I’m done with NY it’s not for me. The hustle or die mentality gets really old really fast here. Might be for some but not me.
This is major.
One thing that I possibly share in common with you is being very cautious about celebrating a victory or even labeling a victory.
I don’t want to feel the crushing discouragement of a misidentified or prematurely recognized success.
It’s easier to recognize the successes and progress of others. So there you go.
But what you wrote seems like a pretty amazing lead that’s getting buried.
During all that time in which you were “doing nothing” and “not making meaningful progress”, you were actually saving money and nurturing a vision of change. Pretty awesome.
My own feeling about you has been that you internally feel 500 miles away from happiness, but externally you’re more like 500 feet away from a really satisfying situation. In other words, the conditions that would need to change may not be so radical or extensive.
But that’s one person’s opinion. Reality will finish the tale.
I feel that hard. I’m trying to get better at celebrating my own successes more. This is definitely a result of me setting the bar high, but the bar is ever changing. So when I move up in success I just expect more from myself.
Thanks I definitely don’t give myself enough credit for that. But I’m seeing now how my discipline with money was part of a larger goal, one that I think was more subconscious but I’ve only consciously realized recently.
I think you’re right with the satisfying situation being close by. Before I felt trapped like there was no way out. I’m coming to realize that the trapped feeling was all the internalized beliefs I have from watching my parents deal with their financial situation while I was growing up as a kid. Shedding that whole worldview is really important and a big part of that for me is escaping any environments that drag me down.
Sometimes there’s a specific factor that would really yield significant benefits if it was adjusted just a bit.
But it’s stubbornly off your radar. Like you’re super-motivated—possibly due to very real and legitimate past experiences—to not acknowledge that area of life or to acknowledge it but to not do anything with that area.
For me, personally, a major area like that is contacting and communicating with other people. I have legitimate and good reasons for why I learned to not do much of that. But those reasons belong to the past and need to be updated in view of who I am now and what I can do now.
I’m gradually processing (thanks in part to Dragon Reborn) the fact that this is an issue and an issue that can probably improve.
Anyway, that’s one of my areas. I suspect that even small changes in that area will yield major benefits for me. But I think it’s not a brainless kind of thing. It still needs to be done with judgment and discernment.
A bit of sharing.
Thanks for sharing. What you said here I think is the true nature of limiting beliefs. The ones that aren’t even on our radar and we can’t see. The problems pop up but we solely address the problems a lot, not the root cause. But it’s almost like an amnesia, we forget those issues can be solved at a deeper level.
And from a certain perspective, they’re much simpler than we assume.
We think that there’s some complex puzzle to be solved, or some elusive insight to be apprehended.
The reality is more similar to learning the habit of turning one’s head to look to the left or right.
What needs to be worked with is more a habit of attention and thought than some incredibly complicated analysis. Sometimes it’s as simple as “I avoid [X] because I expect [X] to be painful and overwhelming.”
But, precisely because that area is so neglected, there may be some very important resources and opportunities that are mixed up with [X] and that could be accessed very easily if I could just find a way to look over there.
I have to laugh because this is so spot on. I am incredibly guilty of complex analysis. I think it comes from this mistaken assumption that I can bypass the emotional baggage by deconstructing everything. Nope. The irony for me is despite always being highly emotional and sensitive I actually don’t have a good relationship with my emotions. And maybe I always weaved those complex spiderweb theories as a way to further avoid that emotional pain. Like “look how complex all of this is. Surely I can’t just address the underlying emotions that easily?” But I can and I should. Not easy in the slightest and my mind is damn good at throwing me off that direct path to the emotions.
Detours left and right in my brain. It’s like having the goal right down the street but someone set up a blockade and routed you through a mess of back roads and beaten paths that increase the amount of time it takes to get there.
Same here.
It’s a slippery fish.
At least knowing it’s a slippery fish gives us a better chance of eventually grabbing hold of the thing.
In the past few years, I’ve come to the feeling that at the core of many, many difficulties can be found some relatively straightforward dynamics related to 1) Pain and/or 2) Attachment. (I don’t mean the Buddhist version of attachment i.e., tanha. I mean the Attachment Theory version of attachment, i.e., the fact that we’re social animals who develop and grow within the matrix of social connection and relationships.)
Anyway, those dynamics may be straightforward, but that doesn’t stop them from defeating me time and time again. They’re straightforward in the way that a tsunami or the Sun or an 8000 pound rock are straightforward.
Anyway, man, thanks for the understanding. Feels less alone.
and then this:
There is a strength in this laughter. Maybe it’s grim, gallows-laughter at times. But laughter it still is, all the same.
And I think it helps sometimes.