The planets and signs will (mostly) be in this chart. But the houses (which are also crucial) require your birth time.
One thing that’s clear, your Mars (which represents Masculine Will, Passion, Assertion) is in the 4th sign.
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Gotcha will have to see if I can track down that birth time. I actually have a recording of a reading done by someone from when I was a baby. No idea if it was accurate or not. Maybe I can pull some details from there.
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wow. that is really interesting.
Yeah both my mom and grandmother are immersed in spirituality. Not like rigid followers, but I guess as a consequence of how they perceive life they were drawn to it. Sort of like a family lineage of seekers. I probably should have investigated astrology earlier in my life, but I was too arrogant to think that something bigger than me could influence my life and I wanted all the control
Same here. I only started to take it seriously when I saw repeated evidence of its relevance.
I’d take that over being a True Believer 7 days out of a week. True Believers get in on the game earlier, but they’re less likely to push the conversation forward because they don’t have the perspective to know why or how anything is true.
(my opinion)
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@RVconsultant I’m feeling a bit better today. Time out in nature away from everything was nice for me this weekend. Now I just have to do my best not to get sucked back into those destructive thought loops I get stuck in.
Debating if I should continue my rest or move back to a more consistent listening schedule every other day and see if that helps.
Decided to try every other day and see how that goes. Either one of two things are happening.
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I’m incredibly responsive to Qv2 and need more rest days
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I’m incredibly responsive to Qv2 and need more consistency to avoid a rebound effect. Meaning Qv2 raises me up so much and so fast that when I reach too many rest days I start experiencing worse reconciliation due to my mind heavily swinging back to old behavior.
One way or another I’ll get my answer. But I can tell you with 100% certainty this strongly mimics how things have played out for my life in the past. When I had really bad anxiety I’d push myself to get a job, I’d stick out that job for as long as I could, but once I was done with it it’s like a rubber band that snapped me right back down to old behaviors. Likewise I’m reluctant to leave jobs when I have them because it can be like walking a tightrope over a giant abyss below me. There’s a lot that can go wrong, a lot of behaviors and self destructive tendencies that can resurface. It’s for this reason I think maybe focusing on consistency is important for me. I’m aware the sub continues to run in the rest days, my question would be how much? And is it enough to provide enough force to push back against the more undesirable habits I experience.
Momentum has always been key for me. Without enough momentum I quickly fall flat.
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So looking back at my more recent posts what I’m identifying is fear mostly. Fear that I don’t know how to make life work for me, get what I want, live a life that isn’t controlled by someone else. And that fear just makes me go nuclear. I just panic and it brings up old wounds in the past of when I tried to change things and failed. For that reason having sanguine in my custom is immensely helpful, otherwise I’m on a rollercoaster of fear and dread about my future.
If I’m being honest here, I’m so afraid because I don’t trust myself. Over the years with my patterns of behavior, screwing things up, coming up short, not following through, etc. There’s nothing there. This has been the hardest thing to overcome for me.
There’s an expectation of me to be a self-actualized masculine male that’s confident, but I don’t give myself the space to grow? Meaning by not automatically being like this right off the bat I feel like I’ve failed in some way. And over the years I’ve built up a false ideal of who I am and wore it like a shield, but it was fragile as fuck. So I avoided relationships, I avoided challenging things, I avoided anything that could shatter that incredibly fragile sense of power I tried to hold onto at all costs.
I don’t want to fake this shit anymore or give my self false representations of where I’m at. I have grown, I have changed, I have improved. But the fact is I still have a lot of insecurities, I still have a lot of self compromising/people pleasing behaviors that hurt me. I can’t sit here posting on a message board patting myself on the back for being more confident when the reality that stares me back in the face is anything but. I forgive myself for doing that, but it’s not doing me any favors and it’s just a habit to again not shatter that incredibly fragile idealized self I’ve built up over the years.
Sometimes I feel like I have wisdom and insight. And sometimes I feel like I’m purely talking out of my ass. If 10 people looked at my life probably 9/10 would wonder what the fuck I was doing. Probably one would have enough empathy to understand how other people’s journeys and life paths aren’t so straightforward. But even so it doesn’t change the fact that in this reality, in this world, I’m routinely low on the totem pole of society in terms of people’s perception of me and that hurts me whether I like it or not.
But if they could factor in your Inner Life, all 10 would respect you.
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Really appreciate that man. You’re helping me realize I’m further along. A couple of months ago I would have waved that off as untrue. But I have more respect for what I’ve been through in my life.
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Some positive results from my custom I noticed over my camping trip on the weekend.
At one point I was laying down trying to feed a pole through the fabric for a tent. I want to emphasize how much I wasn’t trying to do anything here lol. There was a girl there I know camping with us and she says out loud “look at him being all sexy over there”. So that was interesting.
I’m not gonna say she was into me, she’s kinda flirty in general which throws me off. I’d say I’m pretty blind to signals of attraction, not because I’m not perceptive but because I’ll wave them away too easily. Trying to get better with that. That’s due to the fact that I’ve had a really poor self image of myself for years. Someone being attracted to me is still very much a foreign feeling to me.
Having said all that it’s kinda stirred up some reconciliation in me. Not used to attention like that.
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You might want to get accustom to this type of positive attention.
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I’m doing my best to get comfortable with it lol. Think I’ve found my heaviest source of reconciliation after that event. Would explain why my previous customs with a lot of attraction and sex related modules threw me into a tailspin. My mind was in a state of confusion, like a 404 error in my brain when it happened.
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For some reason, this seems to be a common occurrence for men running sexual sublminals.
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Well I kind of never said this on the forum, but screw it I’m gonna grow out of it eventually. For most of my life I’ve had legitimate anxiety around the idea of sex. Not performance anxiety, just interpersonal. Close physical contact with another person on an intimate level scares the shit out of me. I don’t think what I deal with is the normal nervousness some guys get. It’s something that’s hung over my head for years now. That was actually why I chose the sex modules back with my first custom, I just wanted to get that part of my life solved so I didn’t have the anxiety anymore. But I definitely wasn’t ready.
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You are brave in the best ways possible to admit this. I would encourage you to consider this as a goal for your healing subliminal(s).
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Thanks that means a lot, I’m just glad this community is supportive where I feel comfortable enough being honest with that. I’ll have to see what I can do here to target those blocks. Don’t want to modify my custom as it’s been working pretty well. Maybe think about running Elixir Ultima from time to time when I can handle it with the focus on this stuff to supplement the scripting in the AM module. But I feel this might also be Blue Skies pulling things out for me, so maybe enough time on the custom can straighten it out.
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On that note I think every other day for sub listening is still too much for me. Fell into my usual trap of trying to push through all this and change faster. Always thinking I’m not doing enough, but I am. And that’s what I have to learn with taking rest days. Going to process the queue I built up these past few days then go on a much much more restricted listening schedule.
It’s funny how delayed a single loop is. I can listen at 10am and then it can take till 6pm for it to fully hit. And when it fully hits, oh man I’m pretty sure it’s Blue Skies going for the heavy digging. Right now I’m laying in bed about to sleep but I feel like my mind is being incredibly active with processing the sub and the reconciliation popping up.
I just want to grow and experience life to the fullest. I really have to drill it into my head that it’s what I do that matters and my actions, so I don’t fall into these traps of being desperate for a sub to change me and overexpose myself.
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I relate to all of those points.
balance balance balance
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