There’s a part of you that believes deeply in society and in the existence of Answers.
I don’t have that so much, but I think there’s something kind of beautiful about it.
For me, personally, I look around me and it just looks like so many institutions and routines that people just made up. ‘Green means go. Red means stop.’ Stuff like that.
I think there are things that are natural and that are much less negotiable. But those kinds of things aren’t usually ones that we get excited or upset about. (‘Breathing air not water’, stuff like that.)
To me life looks kind of like this: “here’s 60 to 100 years. Now go and do whatever you have the balls, resources, and mindset to pull off.” “oh, and when you’re done, no one will really care that much, so maybe choose something that you care about.”
Exaggerating a little bit, but that’s close to it.
You could be walking through the park and see the city’s most unfortunate homeless person. And how long are you going to actually spend thinking about that person once you don’t see them anymore? Some people will think longer if it’s related to their career or their life’s work or their basic personality or something. But that’s kind of the point. We’re all pretty busy just living our lives. Too busy to spend that much time focused on things that aren’t that connected to our lives.
People aren’t truly judging you, anymore than you’re truly judging that homeless person. For the most part, they’re judging their lives and the things that they think will impact their lives. We don’t have enough brain capacity to be truly judgmental. Not enough available attention. (some people manage it pretty well anyway, I know.)
I’m rambling. I’m raising the idea of “What if this is just about you doing your thing, and getting whatever you need to be able to do it a little bit more comfortably, better, effectively, or whatever?”
Then again. There’s also nothing wrong with really believing in answers and institutions and such. I think society depends on people doing that actually. So, the perspective I’m offering may not be right for you.
I’m just raising it as a thought-question.