Contemplating running love bomb zp, but there’s no room in my stack. Custom is definitely staying. Wanted ZP I told myself to keep going with it until my reality really does change. Of all the programs that’s the one that’s been dragging up the most recon so I know there’s a ton of growth potential there. And paragon zp, it’s just too good to leave out. It’s effecting me on both a physical and emotional level, as well as doing things behind the scenes I don’t even know about. I just keep seeing steady improvement in health.
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Can you share any specific examples?
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So my health issues are very macro. I don’t have a lot of big glaring problems. It’s more like tiny issues that combine into one big discomfort. But I’ll list some stuff I’ve noticed
Metabolism seems to have improved and I’m digesting food better. I didn’t realize I even had indigestion until I started healing with paragon zp.
My body temp is more steady. I don’t get cold as easily.
Overall less fatigued/painful muscles. I don’t know how to describe it but it’s like my muscles were easily fatigued doing anything. It’s not because of lack of exercise either. Even when I was younger and was doing crazy circuit training and conditioning this plagued me every day.
Overall posture improvement/alignment. I’m using a posture correcting mouth guard at night but along with that it’s very easy subconsciously to maintain good posture.
I wrote about this one in the paragon zp experience thread. But Paragon ZP is slowly detaching me from the mindset of permanence when it comes to depression and anxiety. These have been chronic problems for me in my life and it’s been very hard to overcome them. They exist like a poisonous belief in my mind, that I can’t truly get healthy mentally.
Basically paragon zp feels like it’s building me up from the inside and making me stronger and healthier. Like renovation on a broken down house.
Thanks for sharing.
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Behind that anger yesterday, a lot of fear. I don’t know if I’m on the right track here or these insights are correct but here goes.
I keep blaming ascension for making me more angry and aggressive. But part of this anger is definitely a defense mechanism. Combatting my own deep internal fears with aggression and it… just doesn’t work. Add onto that the deep insecurity of having those fears around people in general and I try to distance myself even more. I’ve lost my ability to trust people entirely.
I kept getting more and more hostile in my attitude towards people in order to protect myself. But outwardly I didn’t show that. It’s just been this constant duality in my head.
At the heart of it really I still deal with those feelings of being ashamed of who I am or overly critical over aspects of myself. I try to guard against exposing them by rejecting people before they reject me.
Being myself unapologetically, that still fills me with a deep sense of dread. It seems so trivial, like what the hell is the worst that happens? Nobody is going to kill you, and yet it feels like a very real threat I can’t explain logically. But I can’t just keep having a “fuck you” attitude to cover up the fact I’m incapable of being secure in my own skin.
Fuck sake, I sound like an edgy teenager and I’m 30 years old. I know for a fact this is how I dealt with these feelings when I was a teen too.
Have you tried any of the haling programs offered here? An experimental version of Chosen incorporating Chosen, Love Bomb, and Regeneration, Chosen From Within was just released.
If it’s available to you, therapy might also be an option to look at.
I believe some schools of meditation involve practices that help deal with emotional issues, if that’s more your speed.
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I was eyeing that new chosen version. But I don’t know what I want to do yet. Have to think it over.
I’ve wanted to find a therapist for a while. But between the cost, finding a good one, finding available appointments, I pretty much gave up. I don’t really have the necessary amount of focus or follow through to deal with that.
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Well shit just had seismic shifts in my energy after pounding a bunch of water. Going to keep drinking water tonight because my body is calling for it nonstop.
I couldn’t process anything before doing this. It’s like it was stuck. But now it’s breaking off into chunks. Feeling some kind of aura firing up. Lots of waves of sadness just coming and going, fears, doubts, all just flowing through me but being released.
Note to self THIS is recon, when it’s actively being processed. When it’s stuck and I feel terrible, something is blocking the process. Food or water, could be either one. But most likely water considering I’ve always had a terrible habit of keeping myself hydrated.
Without a doubt wanted ZP making it’s way through here. Really strong sexual energy buzzing in my body.
Saint wasn’t kidding when he said to drink plenty of water. Guys don’t overlook this like me lol.
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128oz of water over the course of 2 hours. This is kind of insane. Also once I started processing things more I got super hungry. I definitely haven’t been keeping up with the demands of ZP, that’s evident now.
For the past few months I’ve been super critical about my ability to handle all my work tasks at my job. Yesterday something clicked and I realized, I’m not the problem. I shouldn’t feel bad about it. There’s too much work and it seems like almost every department wants to not think about problems they encounter and just send it off to IT. For example a senior accounts payable person, senior mind you, sends in a ticket about having trouble creating a payment. The problem? One of the g/l accounts was not setup properly. How in the hell is it I don’t even work in accounting and yet I’m able to solve that? No more, people need to start learning to think for themselves in their department, IT isn’t an encyclopedia for every issue you run across.
I’m increasingly frustrated with how people lack basic problem solving skills. Computer problems you don’t understand? I’m more than happy to help. But your job, that you get paid more for, have been here longer than me for, no.
Being more open to those that deserve it, absolutely. Being more open in general, nah. Why should I? Why should I beat myself up for being closed off to people I don’t really know or trust? Perfect example is my job. I don’t trust anyone there and they try to create this weird family dynamic, but it’s so dysfunctional. I’m your coworker nothing more, don’t rope me into that garbage where you start guilt tripping me because I don’t make a job a bigger part of my own personal life.
I get to choose who gets my respect and trust. You have to earn that, you don’t get it for free.
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Man I hate days where I can’t just do the thing I want to do. I went back and revised a track I’ve been working on and even though it was minor stuff it was exhausting. And this is what always confuses me the most. How is working on this stuff causing such a physiological stress response in me? My brain is like “This is too much work, stop, stop, stop”. Except those stops translate into a very real physical sensation.
I can’t describe it. But imagine you have a monstrous task in front of you and it makes you feel like you want to avoid it. Now take that same feeling and put it on the tiniest and simplest of tasks. All I had to do on my track today was layer a snare drum with a rimshot. It took me about an hour and I was emotionally and mentally exhausted after. The amount I had to power through was disproportional to the task that needed to be done.
I just don’t get it. In moments like this I ask myself am I supposed to push myself through? Or am I supposed to ease up and return when my brain is functioning better? I think I have to be more mindful of all this while in the act of creating so I don’t keep causing a feedback loop.
I believe you’ve mentioned having ADHD and anxiety? Are they being treated? If they are you might want to ask the person providing treatment.
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Thanks. Yes I’m currently being treated for the ADHD, unfortunately I have to find someone that specializes in it more. She is unfortunately not equipped to deal with the complexities of it and can only prescribe medication and strategies around that.
But you’re right, I need to find someone with experience that can answer these types of questions.
Good luck with your search.
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A good night’s rest gave me some answers to my issues as well as a newfound awareness of how to handle my ADHD better.
Long story short, I’ve only ever been able to get myself to do things through a stress response which I mistook for generating internal motivation. It’s not. At my job when I know I have to get into work and I can’t focus my breathing gets shallower, I tense up my muscle, I’m basically triggering my flight or fight response just to get things done. This has been my coping mechanism over the years and I didn’t realize how bad it was for me until recently.
I’m going to be more mindful of my physiological state when doing anything and calm myself if I notice I’m engaging in these habits. So I only ever learned complete detachment and avoidance vs stressing myself to get things done. Which is what causes the painful back and forth with things in my life.
WANTED has me feeling good. Sometimes I think the best way to fix insecurities and needs is by giving yourself the thing you desire. Is getting a bunch of attention from women a vain pursuit? Kinda yeah lol. But it’s all about owning it. This is my life, I get to choose how it plays out and if I want to experience it there’s nothing wrong with it.
The way I’m seeing running subliminals now, it’s not what I SHOULD be running but what I want to run deep down. There’s been desires in me that manifest as insecurities, which I beat myself up for. But healing through experience is a powerful thing. Most of us learn to disregard our deeper desires because we’ve either been told it’s not possible or it stems from insecurity. But if we could fulfill the things we want? Just to try it out and learn from that? To me that’s an important piece of the puzzle of ending the inner turbulence some people face when it comes to deeper subconscious unmet needs.
Logic, rationalizing, conscious knowledge and understanding are all powerful things. But I’d argue nothing beats experience and the rewiring in the brain that takes place from that. Who would of thought that WANTED zp would have been the answer to my lifetime of perfectionism? This sub seems to be allowing me to make peace with the aspects of myself I’ve been ashamed of or insecure of. Much deeper than it lets on
Maaaaan UA zp out now? I’m gonna have to drop Paragon ZP and swap in UA zp. It’s a tough decision but considering wanted zp has my self image boosted, my custom is preventing manipulation and building my confidence, and my end goal has and always will be music this seems like the right call for me.
I really do like Paragon ZP and I was interested to see how long term effects would manifest. But I need to start building my life around what I REALLY want.
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Unfortunately I just started my new cycle lol. Going to continue with Paragon for now and swap out with UA zp after the 21 days
Sometimes my reaction to these subs is downright childish. I was driving home today and I felt what needed to be worked on. To go into those insecurities, vulnerabilities, and emotional pain. And what did I do? Just noped it away and tried to detach.
It’s one thing to sit with stuff in meditation or when putting intent towards it. But what about the other majority of the time? I can’t go around actively suppressing the very thing helping me manifest my reality. That’s how you miss growth opportunities. If I wait for the script to express itself only when I’m within the safe confines of my home I’m screwing myself.
I’m writing this because I FEEL myself actively holding something down from expressing itself. But I don’t know how to release it. It just seems held off because of deep fear.
This is either WANTED ZP or the potentiator module in my custom. But it’s not all that clear.
All I know is that guilty or insecure feeling about wanting more out of life than just the typical is fading. I’ve been made to feel like an idiot in the past for expressing my concerns about how the world tends to steamroll people into roles they might not even want. Hand waved away as a naiive dreamer.