Maaaaan UA zp out now? I’m gonna have to drop Paragon ZP and swap in UA zp. It’s a tough decision but considering wanted zp has my self image boosted, my custom is preventing manipulation and building my confidence, and my end goal has and always will be music this seems like the right call for me.
I really do like Paragon ZP and I was interested to see how long term effects would manifest. But I need to start building my life around what I REALLY want.
Unfortunately I just started my new cycle lol. Going to continue with Paragon for now and swap out with UA zp after the 21 days
Sometimes my reaction to these subs is downright childish. I was driving home today and I felt what needed to be worked on. To go into those insecurities, vulnerabilities, and emotional pain. And what did I do? Just noped it away and tried to detach.
It’s one thing to sit with stuff in meditation or when putting intent towards it. But what about the other majority of the time? I can’t go around actively suppressing the very thing helping me manifest my reality. That’s how you miss growth opportunities. If I wait for the script to express itself only when I’m within the safe confines of my home I’m screwing myself.
I’m writing this because I FEEL myself actively holding something down from expressing itself. But I don’t know how to release it. It just seems held off because of deep fear.
This is either WANTED ZP or the potentiator module in my custom. But it’s not all that clear.
All I know is that guilty or insecure feeling about wanting more out of life than just the typical is fading. I’ve been made to feel like an idiot in the past for expressing my concerns about how the world tends to steamroll people into roles they might not even want. Hand waved away as a naiive dreamer.
@SaintSovereign @Fire Not sure if you’ll see this, but with all the craziness going on with ZP rolling out I’d figure I’d say something.
I’m immensely grateful for all the effort and time you guys have put into this tech. ZP, no exaggerating, has me feeling like my real inner self is being rescued from the pits of hell I’ve been stuck in for years now.
I don’t know how common of an experience that is among people. But it’s something I’ve always needed and couldn’t achieve on my own. Every day I’m in disbelief that a company like yours exists because it came into my life just when I needed it.
Had my first weird zp manifestation/guidance thing. I was scrolling through my YouTube subscription list and decided to watch a video on MMA technique. Naturally as I always do with YouTube videos I simultaneously read the comments and watch the video lol. Anyway there was a random comment recommending reading Quantum Psychology by Robert Anton Wilson. So I bought it and will be reading that in the coming weeks. There’s something my subconscious is trying to teach me but can’t get it across with the current info I’m pulling from.
And the video had nothing to do with psychology of fighting or anything. It was about a superman jab. So weird to see that book recommended there of all places.
Listened to Paragon ZP then wanted ZP last night. Previously I had wanted ZP first. I don’t know if I unlocked something with that new order, but holy hell today was rough as far as recon goes. And it was layered.
I did wake up with a migraine though so it’s possible that was effecting my ability to deal with the recon well. But I had zero energy today. I made myself a smoothie in the morning to see if I could shake off everything but things just took a nosedive the longer I tried to do things. So I cut my losses and just laid in bed.
What happened next was my mind feeling like it was constantly slamming me with trying to get to some goal and me having deep anxiety being triggered non stop. But it was a horrible loop and it didn’t go away until I got it right.
First up was the concept of WANTED zp and me worrying if I truly embodied this archetype I’d start hurting women emotionally. In my head I felt that becoming this highly sought after guy would further strengthen my already existing tendencies to be more aloof. And I didn’t want my own insecurities about being attractive causing me to seek out relationships or experiences where I unconsciously take advantage of someone. Basically I know what it’s like to have someone play games with you, put you on the back burner, get some validation from you but never going further, etc. I really really didn’t want to end up doing things like that. Some women catch feelings, some just hook up. Sometimes they say one thing and start showing another. I’m the type of guy where I’m gonna check on her whether it was casual or not because even though I’m not responsible for the emotions of others I am responsible for my own actions.
So that was a fear. And as I dug deeper I realized I was only looking at this from the angle of hurting someone. Well what if she enjoyed it? The hot and cold teasing and she was emotionally mature enough to be able to make her own decisions like a grown ass woman? Then it clicked. Well how would it feel if the tables turned and I was the one that was being chased? Not good. Really not good. It turns out that fear was a clever excuse to get me to deflect from the fact I am deeply uncomfortable with myself and receiving attention. And that really only means my relationship with myself is kind of screwed up.
So the spiral continued. Me having horrible anxiety, with brief waves of relief, then anxiety, then relief. Basically what was happening is I was facing this deep deep psychological issue with myself. We’d peel back a bit, then like striking a raw nerve I’d close up again, then peel back a little more.
I’m 100% confident I’ve touched on something that’s been a lifelong issue for me and is the root of all my anxieties around people and my incredible difficulty with integrating in the world. And it is hard to deal with. This has a very strong life or death feeling to it, my mind does not want to let this protective mechanism go. But ZP is basically hammering down the barricade.
It’s odd how I think emotional healing will go down vs what it’s actually like. Almost always I have this mistaken assumption I can keep everything in a neat tidy package I can control. And it’s that desire for controlling the process that screws with my ability to really get down to the things that need to change. The levels of our consciousness is an interesting thing. There are interactions and relationships I have that are ok as long as they don’t poke more down below. So I’ve grown on these subs and the confidence I’ve gained isn’t an act. But some of it only penetrates so deep into my mind.
Thank you for being so open about your experiences.
Regarding the quote below:
Username Invictus has made some posts regarding how listening order affects him.
I’m glad to share my experiences in this forum. My hope is anyone that has been in a similar position as myself can see that growth is possible.
I actually was inspired to switch up the order after reading about that from Invictus.
I’ve done zero exercise on wanted zp and I’m pretty sure my muscle density is up. I’m taking pictures of myself to see progress. No objective measurements, I didn’t think that far ahead. But my muscles have a firmness to them like when I used to workout more frequently.
I have no idea if it’s possible to sense your own aura in a picture or not. But 2 weeks apart and one feels stronger than the other. I can’t really describe it more than that.
Looking in the mirror no longer brings on anxiety. Which up until this point I didn’t realize I had so bad. All good things. It’s that moment where I realized my own hangups around attractiveness was a combo of being critical of my flaws and also feeling like a self absorbed vain person if I actually liked the way I look. Odd I know. But again probably stems from that internal defense mechanism to push people away. Anything to create more barriers.
All in all I guess I really did need a sub like this in my life and didn’t realize it.
I’m feeling lighter today, but at the same time there’s a strong emotional undercurrent of processing things. But it feels smooth.
I was supposed to run my custom today, but I think I’m going to take another rest day. I feel there are things still being worked on and I don’t want to add to the pile.
Starting to think those 5-7 minute runs of ZP would work well for me so I can do the recommended schedule. 15 minutes, its a lot and I don’t really feel the real effects of it until about 2-3 days out.
Having this feeling that wanted zp will be working alongside UA zp well. My reason being, I’m still very insecure about what I create as far as music goes. There’s always this desire in the back of my head to be like someone else I admire, but never me. And I’m realizing a lot of that stems from being uncomfortable with who I am which wanted zp is correcting.
Yesterday I sat down to work on music and I monitored my internal state when creating. Almost every time I started to feel stressed was when I was trying to force the music into something else. When I let go and just explored there was a lack of tension and anxiety. Fitting a genre, catching a vibe, who’s gonna like this, why can’t I make stuff like artist X?, am I just being lazy and complacent by not pushing myself to explore new things?, Etc. There’s a space there I want to fill with my music. The strange part is for a good 2-3 years now I’ve been filling that space with music I was more concerned with being good vs expression. And the real messed up part I thought these criticisms were making me a better artist.
Enjoying the process. Finally, that phrase is making some amount of sense to me.
Glad that you’ve been hanging in there. Good to see your gains.
When you’re going through heavy recon and your job entails a decent amount of interaction with people. This is my hell.
I am in no mood for this today.
I have to make a tough call on things. Lately I’ve been going through a lot of recon and I keep telling myself “when you get past this it’s all gonna better”. And I have my days don’t get me wrong, but I’m losing days almost every week where I just don’t do anything. And by dont do anything I mean I just get stuck, stuck in this feeling of anxiety that keeps me in place. And my executive functioning gets worse. I can’t relax and I can’t do anything, it’s absolute hell for my mind.
My main issue is I need consistent input with subs. It keeps me “level” so to speak. The problem is, my mind can’t tolerate the processing. So more rest days are unfortunately not the answer as too long away from the subs and I revert to bad habits that I haven’t fully broken free of yet.
3 titles might be too much. And this custom along with ZP might be pushing things a bit for me.
Qv2 is still arguably heavier than ZP for me. My custom hits me like a sledgehammer. A few hours after running it and I have a tendency to descend into this deep internally focused state filled with heavy emotional processing that pulls me away from being able to do much else. Unless I have something like coffee or take my stimulants. I’m suspecting it’s part of the emotional dysregulation that comes with ADHD. ADHD brains can’t “put things aside” so when it’s there it’s there. I’m not saying compartmentalizing all the time is good, but it has its uses when you need to get things done. Unfortunately it seems I’m very deficient in that.
So I’m thinking of dropping wanted zp. Main reason being. I’m in no place right now to invest in a new wardrobe, redefine my style, improve my looks, etc. I have a hard enough time just doing laundry on the weekends. That combined with the physical shifting demands and I think this is just asking too much than what I can reasonably give right now.
Dropping my Qv2 custom. It’s important, but again too much with ZP I think. This custom has fueled a lot of growth but it’s met with challenges. Again prior to ZP I was one loop a week for my custom, but I ran into that issue where one loop wasn’t quite enough but more than one demanded too much from me.
Current plan is UA ZP and Ascension ZP. Ascension to build my foundation more and UA to pursue my music goals. Cutting back to only 2 ZP titles I’m hoping I can balance out my recon more so I’m slanted towards positive results. Again not saying I haven’t been getting results, but I’ve been trying to bulldoze through all this and it hasn’t really been as efficient as I could have it.
@RVconsultant You have a lot better outside perspective on my growth. What do you think of my plan here?
All insight from others welcome as well. Don’t want to feel like I’m running away from wanted ZP and I definitely want to revisit in the future. But if Saint can’t handle 3 titles no way in hell I’m pulling this off right now.
Might hit an extended washout until the 4th which is my last day. That’ll give me about 8 days to recover and reassess what I want to do. This is probably gonna get painful.
You should try just playing 5 minutes of UA and Ascension. Maybe this can help the recon
I was thinking about trying that on my next cycle. But I was also curious to see what the official consensus was from saint and fire on that alternative listening pattern. It does seem like it would benefit me and give me the ability to run ZP more consistently.
Regular exercise helps me A LOT. For me it’s just walking.
I need that direct calibration of my internal chemistry.
This haunts me every day. I know I need to do something. I wanted to start a workout routine but that fell through. But this is exactly what I’m talking about, I plan things and I just have immense difficulty starting them. And it’s only gotten harder since I started my stack, so I think I overdid it.
Well, I’ve found what works for me is to come up with the idea and then pose it as a kind of request/intention to my deeper mind, rather than trying to control the whole thing. That’s my style. But I know that it’s not the same for everybody. Some people have the whole willpower/determination thing and it works very well for them.
I guess if I’m making any point it’s just to be open to the possibility that your bodymind may have a legitimate style that’s slightly different from the approach you’ve been taking. And maybe rather than pushing through, you can focus on exploring with hope to find the style in which your body wants to do these things.
This is good advice and kind of triggered a thought for me.
A lot of what I do in my life isn’t exactly me agreeing with what to do. Most of my life has felt like dragging myself through things to do them. I very much have someone in the back of my head cracking the whip on me because I have this underlying insecurity of never doing enough. Maybe not all, there’s probably some determination and willpower mixed in there.
Perfect example is running three titles. Should I be able to handle this? In my head yes. Can I? Judging by the evidence not really. But there’s a part of me that will be stubborn and persist in some assumption that it’s actually good for me and I have to keep going.
All in all. Yeah I’ve got some questions I should probably pose to my subconscious. It seems like my conscious mind is calling the shots but there’s a bit of a disconnect.