Liminality custom Qv2

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#278

Ugh so very wrong. I kept decreasing the volume on the sub until I could barely hear it thinking that was a better way. It wasn’t. At least I know it now 2 days into experimenting. But overthinking got the best of me. New rule of thumb, pleasant conversation level. That’s it. Not too loud, not too quiet. Basically set it to a level that feels comfortable and friggin leave it there.

I’m not gonna hack subliminal volume level to skyrocket my results, that’s wishful thinking on my part. My brain just needs to chill. Guess my mind found a great new avenue for reconciliation and used my obsessive tendencies and disposition to over analyze the crap out of everything against me.

I should have really known. Prior to deciding to lower the volume I was having those thoughts like “this is never going to work for you”. Just the really defeatist “this is all a lie and you’re delusional if you think this is helping”. And I continued to feel worse and worse. But I felt worse because I was still working through changes. I started researching where I was going to move, what kind of jobs, visualizing my future, getting further from NY, etc. Then my brain hit the panic switch.

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#279

Paragon is a weird one. This is really only my third time running it but there’s a lot of emotional stuff that comes up. I’m thinking since it relaxes my body and I hold a lot of tension in my body day to day these are just suppressed emotions/stress of making it through my days.

To elaborate on that it’s been months, maybe even years since I’ve felt like I can get through a day without being exhausted. My sleep quality has been crap for a while now as well. So hopefully paragon can help me with that.

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#280

Bought the 4 track cassette recorder. Gonna be here sometime this week. I have to build some synth presets so I know what sounds I can pull up and express myself with. Only issue is it feels incredibly difficult to sit down and do right now. I’m trying to build a patch a day.

Speaking of doing something every day. I’m going to work on doing a little bit of this IT course I started months ago and then abandoned. Even if it’s just one video a day, I have to do something so I can get myself out of the hole I’m in. I think I have to really get a better idea of what higher level IT jobs entail so I’m not so spooked. I think what concerns me the most is how unreliable my brain can be at times, but maybe in a different environment I’d do better. Right now my job is constant interruptions and lack of organization or prioritizing it feels like a mess.

On a darker note had some strong suicidal ideations the other day. But I explored the core of them more. Inevitably they all led back to this common theme of weighing too much of my self worth in not hitting the milestones of adulthood. Shit like owning a home, having a steady career, a family, and being independent. My life didn’t pan out that way. And I’ve had to insulate myself from the opinions of others who have no business giving life advice. I’ve often found that people really don’t see or understand the things they take for granted when it comes to mental health. Some people are so arrogant with how they think they have the answer to everyone who doesn’t hit some standard.

My point in this ramble is. I have to work harder to maintain my level of self worth because there’s always some asshole around the corner that just wants to kick me while I’m down. And the messages are just flashing in my face 24/7 like neon lights. My goal isn’t to achieve some cliche milestones but to build up my self worth to a point where those things shouldn’t tug at that worth. At that point I can make my own decisions vs being led around on a leash fulfilling obligations out of a sense of shame or guilt. I’m built different, I am different, and I’m pretty tired of feeling like I’m going through a meat grinder vs living a life that elevates me.

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#281

I had a demon dream when I was running DR earlier this year. I listen at the lowest possible volume and get results. I’m thinking you are processing the subliminals.

I’m sorry to hear this. Do you have support systems such as trusted loved ones or health care providers?

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#282

Definitely some processing for sure. What’s the lowest possible volume for you out of curiosity? Something like whisper level? That’s usually where I’m setting it nowadays. It feels less aggressive to me so I internalize it better.

Thanks. I have people I can reach out to yeah. I’ll be ok. It’s a recurring thing in my life I’ve learned to get better with. I just have certain triggers that set me off. One of them is when my job gets too demanding and I can’t keep up, makes me question everything in my life.

#283

I just set my for the lowest possible level. So if my volume goes from 1 to 30, I set it at 1.

Good news that you’re not just blinding going along with what you did yesterday. :grin:

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AzrielLight EmperorQ
#284

Very interesting. Maybe I should try again with the volume experimenting. This episode of pretty bad reconciliation came about after adjusting the volume again. I need to remind myself it’s better to not feel anything and make subtle changes vs get hit over the head with reconciliation and power through it

#285

I’m really conflicted. If I were to wait until I’m 100% ready to run another loop after listening to Qv2 I feel like it could be up to a week or two.

But I’m going to try more extended rest days and only listening if I’m ready. I’m dealing with a lot of stress besides the reconciliation brought on by my custom, so maybe I can’t handle more than a loop a week right now.

Just don’t want to end up in a position where I’m avoiding the sub because of fear. It’s not always clear what’s avoidance vs a genuine need to lay off

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#286

I can relate.

Trust yourself.

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#287

I think this goes back to self care which I’m terrible at. I push myself a lot in hopes of breaking through but I don’t balance it enough with taking care of myself. I need to work on that more and stop pushing myself beyond my limits.

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#288

Taking an extended break from all subs. I don’t like what this has turned into for me. It’s entirely my fault, but I keep playing out the same insecurities without getting to the root.

Point being, and I’ve brought this up before, this journey of improvement should be for me. To make my life better, to feel better about myself, to find freedom for myself.

What it has turned into. A competition of outrunning all the fear, guilt, and shame due to being behind everyone else in my life. My primary drive seems to always have been fueled by fear of being perceived as a failure. Sometimes I can’t even tell what decisions I make are for me, it’s that bad.

I probably should have taken a break or eased up on my listening months ago, but I didn’t. Why? Because I was less concerned with feeling better and more concerned with being better. The insecurities fueled my behavior that weren’t good for me or productive.

I don’t know how long this break will last. Maybe a week, two, maybe a month who knows. But I’m just taking the pressure off of myself to get back on a listening schedule as fast as possible to see what my mind really has to reconcile with.

Im just really tired of this anxiety I create for myself trying to prove to other people around me all the time I’m not some screw up in life.

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#289

I may have posted this already, but I’m wondering if you’re in an ongoing reconciliation. Would you please send a support ticket to inquire about what might be the reason for your ongoing reconciliation and what you might do about it?

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#290

I don’t believe you’ve mentioned it before. But I will do that. Thanks for the suggestion.

#291

Thank you. And would you please post the reply here, as well as the thread for support ticket responses, because I’m thinking others might benefit.

@Meng123 Would you please watch this thread to post what might be done to help people who seem to have ongoing reconciliation? Although I think this is a minority of people, for that minority it seems very uncomfortable.

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#292

Been feeling better. Going to continue my break. Not sure if I’m coming back to this custom or not. If I weigh the amount of reconciliation I’ve been through with the amount of growth I’ve experienced it’s way too unbalanced. Speaking honestly I’m tired of doing this. Even before subclub this was the routine. Bust my ass, feel like crap, and then hope at some point in the future it all gets better. But what really matters to me nowadays is the present moment. If I can’t enjoy that because I’m going through deep psychological distress in hopes of being better, it’s not worth it.

It’s just always an underlying feeling of needing to prove myself so I subject myself to this pain to I prove how much I can handle I guess. It’s dumb, it’s harmful, and it’s just full of ego and insecurity. I’d be better off choosing a strategy for growth that works better for me. Whatever that is I’m not sure at this point.

#293

@RVconsultant I’m not sure which thread you were referring to, but here’s the response I got back from support.

Hey,

Thanks for reaching out to us. Checking out your stack, it appears to be pretty well balanced. How many loops are you running and what is your listening pattern? Sometimes we can be listening to too much or even high volume can make reconciliation difficult. Here is a link to our new listening pattern: https://support.subliminalclub.com/knowledge-base/new-listening-pattern-how-many-loops-needed/. This may help reduce the affects of recon. Also here is a link to an article from our support page with some tips on how to deal with recon: https://support.subliminalclub.com/knowledge-base/what-is-subliminal-resistance-and-how-do-i-deal-with-it/.

You may want to cut back on the amount of loops you’re listening to or a complete subliminal washout for at least 30 days. This will allow you to continue to process without overloading yourself. When you choose to reintroduce subliminal’s, use the new listening pattern. If you experience the same results, then go back to major titles and continue to work on your subliminal foundation. I hope I was able to answer your questions today and provide some insight. Please feel free to reach out to us again if anything else is needed.

Thank you,

SubClub

For reference here’s my initial ticket. I don’t know if this was too in depth for a support ticket or a tricky issue, but aside from advising me to complete a washout and go back to a major title a lot of it stuff I’m already very familiar with. I’m just hoping a washout is enough and I’m not dealing with a fundamental issue that makes all subliminal input more difficult for me.

Hi, I was advised to put in a ticket for a potential issue I’m having with ongoing reconciliation. I’m currently running a custom with a focus on supportive and healing modules with ascension as the base. I thought I’d be able to handle it, but it seems like even that I’m struggling with. With QV2 it seems I can handle about a loop a week and sometimes even that can be too much at times. I’ve recently decided to take an extended break to see just how much I need to process. My biggest concern here is that I’m pushing myself too hard and my current strategy is both ineffective and incredibly stressful on me. There have been a few realization I’ve had recently that made me realize I’m stuck in a kind of loop of not getting to core issues that I need to address.

With that being said, I’m looking for help to figure out a better plan of action to help me improve my life without leading me into intense reconciliation episodes that almost render me unable to function. If a custom might be too much for me and I’d be better off with one of the main store titles. Or if I need to spend more time healing. I’ve been using subclubs subs for a while now and while I’ve had growth I’ve had to fight very hard for it. Something seems off to me, but I’m not quite certain what it is.

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Unofficial frequently asked questions
#294

Did the reply address your concerns?

Did it give you a plan you can try with the hope of finding some relief?

#295

@Meng123 would you please archive the above:

#296

Ok,archived

#297

A little. I’m going to try a washout for 30 days and see what happens. Depending how that goes after I might be going back to a major title if the custom still isn’t doable.