Liminality custom Qv2

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#301

Thanks. I am going through a rough time. All my terrible habits are coming out. One of which is when I push away when people try to help. I get self destructive. I’m sorry if this gets long but I have to get what’s on my mind out of my head.

There’s just a lot going on in my head right now. I can’t tell if the negative behavior is a sort of detox or it’s a reaction to not having enough reinforcement from the custom I’m running and the more self destructive part of myself is squeezing through the cracks over the foundation I was building. I’m pretty much incapable of gauging what it is. Usually I go by intuition but I don’t trust that because the supposed “right” answers could just be a tactic from the parts of my mind attempting to escape from the influence of the sub.

Basically I’m stuck at a crossroads of not knowing what’s the best option for myself because I can’t trust myself. I have such a powerful self development tool at my disposal but it feels like a live firearm I don’t have sufficient training on. And I feel this way because it seems like Qv2 is a lot to process for me as an individual. I really don’t know if what I’m feeling is what other people feel as far as the power of Qv2 goes. But it seems like I’m unable to tell when to back off or move forward and it messes with my progress. I’m convinced I’m not using Qv2 correctly and efficiently for myself but I have no solid answer for what that is. You can see in some of my journal entries patterns of doubt that creep in that either cause me to make bad changes (too loud, or too quiet volume) or alter my schedule that works against me (listening at night, causing me to stay up later, worse sleep, less overall processing of the sub). What was a “good” idea is uncovered later on as a diversionary tactic that I couldn’t see at the time or make a valid decision to offset it.

So this is all a lot for a support ticket. And further a lot of it is a jumbled mess of recon sprinkled with half truths that I can’t always pick out. I did my best to express clearly what’s going on but I feel like it is has the articulation the equivalent of a blurred audio of a crowd all speaking at once. A lot of noise but not much distinguishable main point. Unfortunately one of my biggest issues I’m learning is an inability to both identify and express how I’m feeling without some massive word vomit.

I do a lot of assuming reading others journals. There’s definitely some projection there on my part. Basically I wonder if what I’m dealing with and feeling is that unique of a case or this is just textbook stuff saint and fire have witnessed a million times and I just can’t get a handle on it.

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#302

This current experience seems to have come after starting that pinpointed (great) custom that you created recently.

I’d say experiment with rest durations and even play lengths (as in, 15 minutes first).

Then what makes the whole thing work (and what I’m working on) is switching your focus to the activities that represent change and growth for you. My goal is to place my main attention there. (In other words, to let the subliminals be as subliminal as possible.) I’m not quite there yet.

One thing seems clear: right now it’s time for a rest. It would be great if you could do something like swimming, hiking, sweat lodge, dancing. Something that deepens your breathing, grounds you in the body, raises your heart rate, and lets you sweat things out.

(I’m expecting you to take this with all of the grains of salt that should always accompany Internet (or any, really) suggestions.)

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#303

R E C O N C I L I A T I O N

Are you using the new listening pattern? Much easier on the subconscious. Also, take a short washout, but be prepared to run a single loop if the reconciliation gets worse. Some people report having really bad recon while washing out. In this case, the “single loop” method tends to help.

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#304

Earlier this year when I was doing at least 2 loops of EmpQ everyday with the weekends off, I was in the same spot wondering if this thing even works and I was having severe cases of procrastination when Emperor is supposed to make me more productive, right? Then I decided to take a whole month off. The crazy thing is that even after a week into the washout, I was still having weird dreams at night and I was still clearly processing the sub. And that’s after a week of not listening to the track.
Now I’m doing 1 loop every 2 days and doing fine.

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#305

How did the rest of your washout go? After that first week? Did you notice any other experiences or feelings related to continued processing? And by the end of the month, did you feel that your mind had basically returned to neutrality or were you aware of continued processing for the entire month?

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#306

@Malkuth I agree. I’ve never had a pinpointed custom shake me so hard.

I really need to start doing physical stuff. My biggest issue is I have no real inertia for any of it. Feels like every day I’m just trying to catch up from the previous day and it turns into a “I’ll do this tomorrow, I’m too tired today”.

It’s definitely rest I need mentally. I’m not physically tired. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just like pure burnout, my brain has trouble putting together and executing plans. I used to have a heavy bag I would just practice on that got me into the zone, but I just haven’t had space for one lately. I just need to do something anything, the less I have to actually plan out or put together the better. The immediacy of practicing technique on a heavy bag is hard to beat.

@SaintSovereign I’m technically not really even doing the new listening pattern because it’s too much for me. I usually can only listen to 1 or 2 loops total a week generously spaced out which I’ve stuck with for the most part. So I guess that’s where the confusion lies, if this is even enough for me.

If the recon does get worse during the washout I’ll try the single loop. I can definitely attest to the fact that longer periods of not listening has the effect of really putting me through hell. And I’ve definitely operated under the assumption I needed to stay away from the sub more which could have just been a way to keep me away from growth.

#307

You can flip that one around.

It’s one of those illusions.

The exercise, even in one workout, is going to give you energy. That’s why you’re going to it. Try that. Thinking of it as plugging in to something that gives you energy, not something that takes your energy.

On a superficial level, sure, it takes your energy and you may feel a certain tiredness. But on cellular, mental, and emotional levels (and more), it’s actually infusing you with energy. In the short-term and the long-term.

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#308

@Malkuth : By the end of the month I had returned to neutrality. The month long washout was filled with crazy procrastination, laziness and time wasting in front of the computer. Way more than when I was not running subs. I was unable to will myself into productive action. Self sabotage at its worst. To be point where I even lost a couple of clients. That’s when I realized that I was still processing all the subliminal input that I crammed into my mind. It wasn’t just EmpQ v2. Sometimes, I had GLM in there.

After a month or so I felt like going back to Emperor. I started my Sub Club journey with Asc Mogul for 4 or 5 month. I credit that sub for putting an end to life long anxiety issues that I had. Then in May 2019, I purchased Emperor. It has been my main sub since. One interesting observation is that every version of Emperor made me physically sick (flu, diarrhea) except for Q versions. But the tiredness and the sleepiness I feel on Q, I never experienced with the pre Q versions. Sometimes, after 2 or 3 loops of the Q version, I had to take a nap. My body would need sleep. When Q2 was released, I was running a couple of loops everyday then I would take the weekend off. That’s when the major procrastination and laziness started.

After the month long washout, I ran Emperor Q2 every day for a week and took two days off. The tiredness and sleepiness returned. I hadn’t read the new instructions yet. After I read them, I started running one loop every other day and thing are going well. Procrastination is minimal. I feel like I want to build a business Empire again. I manifested a part time job that is EXACTLY what I wanted. Except that the money could be better. But that income will be instrumental in helping me relaunch myself. I credit Emperor Q2 for helping me ace the interview. I was quietly dominant but not the point where it would turn people off. I showed my expertise without being arrogant and I was always in control.
I won’t go into details but I see a lot of places where Emperor directly impacted my behavior. Here is the interesting part. I still make some beta male mistakes but then there is this inner voice that says :“You don’t need this behavior any longer”. Then I’m able to let it go.
I’ve been running Emperor since May 2019, some people would be surprised than I’m not a dominant millionaire yet. Here is the reality, when you’ve been a weak beta male and a people pleaser for over 30 years, that is your identity. It is not going to change overnight or in a year. After running Emperor for two years, the person I am right now is different from the guy who purchased Emperor in May 2019. It is like day and night. But the “new me” still has a long way to go. As much as in 2019, becoming a respected millionaire was wishful thinking, in 2021 I just know that it is inevitable that I become a millionaire. I might even have a plan. :joy:
And I’m in the very very early stages of executing that plan. I might even add HoM to Emperor, you never know. But I just love Emperor, maybe because I’ve been running it for so long. I plan on running it for the next few years though.

In a nutshell, these subs change you but you have to allow time for the changes to take place.

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#309

I wanted to summarize some ideas:

Does this help you feel like you better know how to use Qv2 right now, and what to do for the next week?

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#310

I’ve been doing one day on and one day off for 3 weeks now. It’s working pretty good. When I wake up in the morning (Emperor wakes you up early), I just put my headphones on, and I stay in bed half asleep, for one hour. When the track ends, I get up and I just go about my day, making plans and taking action to better my life. That’s when you see how this subs work. It’s almost like they work better if you think about them and you go about your life.

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#311

Yes this helps. It gives me a more balanced approach between doing a full washout with no input vs continuing what I was doing before. Thanks for all the input everyone. Qv2 has been a bit difficult to navigate but this gives me a better picture of how I should manage the reconciliation.

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AzrielLight EmperorQ
#312

Is there anything else we can clarify or help you in forming a direction for the next 7 days or so?

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#313

I think I’m good for now thanks. If anything else develops I’ll be sure to post about it in here.

#314

How goes it?

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#315

I’m getting there. It’s an improvement for sure. Unfortunately my day was absolute chaos yesterday and ended up with a migraine from my job. Doing my best to not let that kind of stuff hit me that hard. I’ve recovered today and was going to give one loop a shot to see how I feel, maybe half.

Some developments in my life that threw me off a bit. I’m currently trying to figure those out. Going to update here when I get the chance, it seems like something good but I’m still weighing my options.

Overall I feel like I’m still in the process of making Qv2 work for me and it takes more understanding and acceptance of myself.

I’ll say this though. My anxiety of “being behind” in life is lessening. But it feels more real and solid than my usual “I don’t give a fuck, but secretly I’m still terribly insecure”. I’m still anxious about a lot of my future, but I’m just doing my best to chip away at it vs getting overwhelmed.

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#316

So development in my life.

I got offered a promotion at work. I still have to work out the details and see how much the pay raise is. But it’s nice to know my boss has been aware of how much work I do at this company. I’m going to negotiate a hefty pay bump, see how much I can get with the new position. Really odd that as soon as I detached from the idea of staying here that manifested.

Having said that this really had me thinking over my decision to move out of NY right away. But I figured I’d give it a shot and see how it goes, if it’s bad I can always move out. But if I skip right over it, well planning isn’t my strength and moving out of NY there was a lot of stuff I needed to get together. Not to mention financial worries. If this promotion can give me some breathing room after all the years I’ve struggled financially that’ll be a nice change of pace. Even if it’s not long term, I owe it to myself. I’ve been suffocating over a blanket of anxiety with money issues for as long as I can remember.

It’s not what I expected, but sometimes it’s better to pivot to a path given to you vs being all tunnel visioned on something else. This could be my way of manifesting a route to a bigger goal, but sometimes you need smaller steps to get there. Normally I criticize myself for being a coward and not facing my fears. I was reluctant to consider this because it felt like I was failing to follow through on my big move.

I’m hoping with the changes coming to the company things get easier. If I have to endure anymore of this stress I’ll just have to bail. My quality of life has definitely taken a nosedive this past year.

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#317

Congratulations, man!!!

And yes, the hallmark of good strategy and planning is the ability to pivot and respond to the conditions (external and internal) that you encounter.

You manifested this. And yes, when the time is right, you’ll most likely gracefully transition to a new situation. But no reason to impose artificial rules and conditions. Trust yourself that you will do what seems and feels right.

As always, you’ve got this.

:+1:t5: :muscle:t5:

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#318

Thanks! I think me being a Taurus weighs into that “set a goal or plan and complete it” mentality. But I’m old enough to realize how much that threw me into some holes in the past. So it’s good to hear flexibility is a strength and not me wiggling out of responsibility.

This is a pretty good example of how I have a lot of trouble trusting my own decisions sometimes. But looking at it deeper now it does seem to be fueled by insecurity and self worth issues. Like a big move would have been impressive, showcased a lot of confidence, and made me seem super independent. Would it have been a good decision right now? Probably not, my foundation isn’t strong enough. But throughout my life I have those haunting sort of “you should be confident enough to do this stuff”.

To sum up, better self care. Self care means so much more than just the typical stuff. It’s about working with myself and understanding shortcomings and working around those. It doesn’t feel right or like I’m doing enough because 90% of my life has been the opposite of self care. Just criticizing all my decisions and making myself feel weak for not thriving in unfavorable circumstances based on my own needs. I could have fixed a lot of issues in my past if I could have stepped back away from the deep guilt and shame and did what was good for me. That’s not regret, I just understand where the mistakes were now.

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#319

Insecurity is at the core of every atom. That uneasy truce between charges attracting and repelling. Health doesn’t remove instability and insecurity; it just balances it and harnesses it.

(words from another Taurus. I tend to stick with things too. Sometimes works for me and sometimes against me. But it seems to take me about 10 times as long as the average person to get tired of things I like. And that’s if I ever get tired of them at all. And it takes much much longer than necessary to leave something once I’ve committed to it.)

I also revisit past decisions and try to learn from the resultant hindsight. Sometimes my memory is more abstract. But rarely, every so often, I experience a full-bodied, sensory flashback. And then it hits me just what I was really facing in those past situations. The present is a lot messier, bigger, and harder to mentally accommodate than is the past. Every bit of insight that I’ve gotten over the years has been hard-won. And often, even with the ‘wisdom’ and experience that I’ve now gained, I can’t be completely certain I would make a better move if I were thrown back into ‘the present’ of those situations.

Life’s a trip.

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#320

I think this is a sign of progress! Congratulate yourself!

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