A Northern Power (Not Nice)

Journals - Major Programs
#208

Sticking with the Chosen double (CFW and Chosen)

Life is becoming more and more chilled out as I’m feeling more at home in my new place. Home is important since I’ve left my birth city and my family behind in order to mentally recover. Now I’m living with my partner and reluctantly learning how to let my emotional guard down.

Some results.

  • Talked a very aggressive customer down after asking to be paid out in cash, he later apologised to me

  • Talked another regular angry customer down b cause he felt he was being followed around the store. He’s another big bloke but respects me for keeping him calm and calls me Sir.

  • at work, things seem to go calmly well, yet people destroy things when I’m away - I’m constantly reading about TVs and gaming machine getting broken whilst I’m on holiday!

  • Kids no longer run away and hide when they see me. Also my house cat behaves better than his adopted mother!

Triggers from CFW

  • Taking words the wrong way from my partner and sulking away. She won’t let me sulk away, promising to chase me down in order to solve things

  • Triggering other people off and being mindful of what words can upset people. Before I speak my truth and it’s their problem if they kick off.

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#209

:joy_cat: :joy_cat: :joy_cat:

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#210

Seems you are on the path, dude!

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#211

Chosen ZP v2 (without CFW)

Some more results:

  • Being called Sir by an older customer who also commands respect in his moody, slow way.

  • Partner regularly says “I’m her calm spot” as she’s dealing with a rather chaotic life.

  • At work, gently asking my colleagues to complete a couple of tasks and they do it willingly. Even taking over sometimes. Without any friction whatsoever.

Which got me thinking about the whole “alpha male” idea. There isn’t some one size fits all alpha type and SaintSovereign has the right idea. One can either:

  • lead by domination (Emperor/Khan)
  • lead by example

Chosen suits me better because I could never dominate anyone with any type of physicality (and there are always bigger and stronger people ready to mess you up). Being an example gets me better results and it seems everyone wins.

Anyway I much prefer positive influence and it works. :wink:

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#212

Just remembered!
I was recently offered a bigger contract at work at a smaller shop! My supervisor recognised the hard work I was doing and was his first choice.

I turned it down, the hours and the stress/abuse was going to be too much.

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#213

Review of the new Genesis title:

I’m also realising the following:

  • Moving to another city was a very brave move
  • Getting coerced into a relationship (when still healing up) was a mistake
  • My workplace and industry is extremely toxic and predatory
  • Letting other people lead my life is a theme which needs to stop
  • Having no foundation sucks (and makes life unnecessarily difficult)

I’ve envied people who know who they are and where they’re going in life, who can say “I don’t give a fuck” and mean it.

I’m far too nice and subservient to every other person out there -

  • If someone’s angry, it’s my fault and responsibility
  • If someone thinks I’m a criminal, it must be true
  • If another person can walk the talk, it must mean they’re right
  • If someone’s stronger and has an agenda, I must follow it unquestionably

None of this is true anymore with Genesis. For the first time I can say:

It’s MY life, my life belongs to me:

Not my family
Not my workplace
Not society
Not my partner
Not the government

Such a excellent title, even for advanced as well as new people. Just the thought of Ascension now being considered as a “deeper” title for Genesis is another exciting chapter to be written.

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#214

The scary thing with Genesis is the fact that maybe… maybe what other people think of me isn’t important?
It’s like letting go of someone’s hand. I’ve been holding onto it for dear life, too afraid of receiving the inevitable criticisms coming my way. I believe that trusting myself is one of the gravest sins imaginable ever committed.

How dare I think for myself, to decide what I think is best? The type of resistance I’m used to is someone (usually female, principally my mother) screaming in anger at the fact that I’m an autonomous human being with his own agenda, which must be stopped at all costs.
Naturally I’ve attached such women to my life who enjoy imposing control over my wants and desires to varying degrees of force.

This is loosening up with Genesis, in fact in one day of listening to the title it has turned my view of life 180⁰. The compass is now pointing True North. Not South or any other strong direction others have. There may be conflict and recon but it is truly impressive.

It is all about self confidence. It always was.

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#215

Not many might understand that statement Michel, but I do.

In fact, I had a guy I’ve known for years tell me today I behaved like a young boy with an old man brain. It hit me, even though I’d like to handwave it away. There’s truth in it.

I’ve been behaving like a little boy while using my head to make the smart and responsible decisions. I even started using subs thinking it was smart–and would help me appear (to everyone else) like I was mature and handling life. God, I hate the fronts I wear–though I see them in my mind’s eye as survival gear. Like inch-thick bulletproof body armor.

I’m on CFW now, but I’m drawn to reports like this. Where a sub (or anything really) can help me not lie to survive. So, thank you for being yourself, which is extremely honest. It takes real guts to post that. Thank you so much for caring enough about yourself to be truthful.

1 Like
#216

Genesis and Dragon Reborn ST1

Starting the Dragon again, this time with the unbelievable Genesis subliminal.
Keeping this here as a placeholder for 30 days.

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#217
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#218

Didn’t take long for Dragon Reborn to start showing up:

I had missed my train going back to my second home city and felt impotent, the train I needed was on the platform, closing its doors in my face and couldn’t do anything about it. Then I felt anger and frustration and the weight of feeling utterly powerless at other times, then started to tear up. Paying for a replacement ticket took me to near zero cash and I felt desperate - why am I penniless, I should be wealthy enough to even afford to go to work.
I feel powerless, empty, drained and feel hopeless about making it in life. I can’t even stop from being poor as fuck. I even feel desperately poor inside and like a failure.

When the DR recon cleared there was a tiny glimmer of hope that my long standing situation won’t last, it’s temporary, I get paid tomorrow and I have a place to stay. But even so, life shouldn’t be about just treading water. It should be more happier and freer than this. Reading my journal from last July whilst on Dragon Reborn gives me hope, maybe this time I’ll stick to it.

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#219

Genesis is melting away my resistance to assertiveness - I was shafted at work by my boss, so I said no to requests to work extra. I took the weekend and Monday off and in return they’ve marked me as absent. So they too get nothing more from me.

I had an argument with my partner over buying too much food for the fridge, so instead of me sulking away because she was angry, I mirrored her angry response, took control of stuffing everything in the fridge, threw away all the old food, set some rules over what goes where and solved the issue. Success and the reward was some “playtime”. :smiling_imp:

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#220

Genesis is making work easy and connecting with the right people and getting rid of the rest.

A colleague informed me of the ins and outs of the company I work for, how they rarely motivate the staff to perform better and losing quality staff by using fear as a motivator (by issuing targets and sanctions for shortages), whilst the managers rewards themselves with the points they should have given the staff. (He used to be manager for Amazon.)

It got me thinking about my own position and how, despite all the challenges of accepting the worst kind of verbal abuse, I do quite excellent work, but it’s not being reflected in management recognition, neither career advancement, nor pay.

That conversation wasn’t a coincidence to hear at this exact time. If Genesis has extensive wealth scripting, then it’s natural to question the system around me that has me being used as a wage slave. If there is a purpose in life, it cannot just be surviving and treading water until death, it has to be more.

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#221

You need Ascension my friend, i was miserable 2 years ago and now i have 3 biz from home, trade for a living and if i want i can go to the beach and still make money when i sleep.

Ascension Mogul is so good i dont want to let t go out of my stack.

You are setting boundaries, you are looking at the world with your real eyes like Neo in the Matrix when he wakes up for the first time.

Pain is necessary for growth, desperation also. If you wouldnt feel this you would not feel you had to change something.

I was in an enviroment where i had to physically defend myself at work, i had to choices ( Run and Hide or Face all this obstacles and use it as strength to be stronger and a better person, also more mentally invincible like a Marine) , i decided to use a Stoic mantra to help me keep going " The obstacle is the way"

2 years later everyone that made my life a living hell was fired from the company, can i get an Amen for divine justice? :rofl::rofl:

Me well, i went there to shove my riches in their faces but if i didnt pass trough the storm i was not able survive not even a month in real life as an entrepreneur.

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#222

Right now I’m taking inspiration from this post because right now I’m suffering a massive reconciliation episode.

I’ve let all the customers threats and snidey little comments get right under my skin and I completely lose it, slamming doors and going out the back to cool, leaving behind with a co-worker who knows nothing at all.
So not only am I responsible for all the shop’s money, I have to babysit someone who’s new and is in front of the worst type of customers to deal with?

I’ve actually had enough. I can’t do this anymore. I cannot please everyone, and if I don’t I’ll get threatened with a gang beating?

It’s embarrassing to cry and fall down because it means my partner came in to sort things out. I don’t feel much of a man right now, more like a crying helpless baby in need of a nappy change. This needs to stop.

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#223

The meltdown was a severe reconciliation episode, basically all the might of the previous programming if the young boy being abused is being dissolved. The boy who was helpless and tried to placate and run away from the environment of the family home and couldn’t escape the abuse. I couldn’t escape from my workplace, I had to stay and take the verbal hits from a “father” figure and feel embarrassed, dressed down, spanked and humiliated just like the boy I was.
I felt that Dragon Fire had me confront it and break down and cry.

I do feel a breakthrough has happened however, there’s a tiny room in my mind that says it’s ok not to be too accommodating to others and to protect my own interests.

It’s very early and I’ll have to keep tabs on this. I’m still embarrassed by my freakout but I’m not sorry it happened.

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#224

Dragon Reborn isn’t a joke. Neither am I.

The calm after the storm and I literally feel reborn into strength and power. It’s my third week and the destructive power of ST1 has taken me to the deepest darkest bowels of hell, with my soul retouched.

Demonstrating this newfound power at the workplace, returning to the same spot where I fell apart and one after another the most despicable type of human beings came into the shop trying all kinds of tricks, sensing I was too soft to stand up to them.

Then the dragon fired up.

As soon as I knew my till was short of money (a small amount), I flipped on one customer, yelling “GIVE ME MY FIVE POUNDS”. I escalated him to security and he began the most foul mouthed, racist, homophobic tirade I’ve ever heard from an old man. That’s when I realized I was right to trust my own eyes.

I’m starting proceedings to transfer away from this shop, which is as dysfunctional as it comes. Personally, I feel like the Incredible Hulk waking up from a long sleep. :fire::fire::fire::dragon:

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#225

Just wait until you get to stage 2. How long have you been running stage 1?

How many times per week?

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#226

I’m on my 3rd week, running it one day on/off. It is brutal. I’ve had what seems to be unprocessed grief (slight shortness of breath) blowouts at work and general lethargy, so taking it easy for now.

Funny that the last DR run a year ago wasn’t as nearly as harsh but got as far as stage 3 before quitting. This run seems different alongside Genesis with all of the resistance to the “child” survival patterns being shattered in pieces.

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#227

How so?

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