Khan Journal 2025 - Subliminalguy

[subliminalguy]

Day 2
Loop tonight

I’m here, trying to do something that’s never really worked. I’m wishing for someone to say I’m valuable. I’ve been doing this for years. I woke up feeling old dissonance, being here before.

I’m tired of trying this. Tons of past failures. All sorts of emptiness.

Khan is pulling me off that mindset. That’s why I felt grief yesterday morning. Maybe Khan is rebuilding me.

I’m tired of pretending. I felt abandoned over 40 years back, I never resolved it, was offered no assistance at all, so everyone, and noone, became my “saviors”. People still want to help me. I’ve sat with many people wringing their hands, knowing I had to let them in, but I haven’t.

I’m not sure how to do this. I’m just ready to stop this painful game I do to myself. Wanting love, then punishing myself.

Life’s gotta change.

It’s gotta. I know what I know. It’s not working. Every part of me is hanging on to old structures in my mind.

God, help me.

Thought of an old lesson.

A man was on his roof amidst a flood, believing God was going to save him. 3 different times people came to save him. Each time he refused, saying God was going to save him.

He drowned.

Up in heaven, he questioned God.

“Why didn’t you save me?”

His response was “Son, I sent 3 different teams to rescue you.”

Hmm.

[subliminalguy]

Day 4
Khan loop tonight

I was just reading the AOH salespage, because I did a 3 minute loop yesterday morning. My first loop.

I had some good memories, which were just natural. I went into work feeling like I had a little more control over the tension from Khan, so I laughed easier and without normal inhibitions.

The first confirmation it was working came from my supervisor. He’s usually grumpy in the mornings, having taken on a lot of needed work for the position and doing long hours daily.

He said I was happy. I’d also got him a coffee when I got myself one. I just felt uninhibited to move forward without fear, so I did.

I got on my route like normal. I noticed something different. I always notice other professional drivers in the areas I’m in…and I easily accommodated them when sharing lanes. I slid into a role I’ve shared before, that of an accommodating younger brother. I didn’t feel tense or scared there either. I enjoyed fulfilling that role.

Pride, or fear of being hurt again, has kept me from enjoying this. I just wasn’t afraid. I’m still enjoying the memories. This is huge.

I then went into an upscale area, enjoying myself with one couple who were observing me. The woman said she remembered me from another location they’d lived in, and I confirmed it. It was truly pleasant catchup with them.

I had one more customer. I need to make a new post for this.

[subliminalguy]

The last customer was a woman in the development waving me down as I was leaving. This happens daily, so I pulled over.

Now, I’m noticing tension in my throat as I’m writing, so something’s bothering me. That’s why I made a separate post.

We talked for about 10 minutes while I worked. (I noticed near the end I was forcing smiles).

I’m in that spot of feeling something but always denying it. Something was touched.

BOOM

I wanted to assert myself. I wanted to be dominant.

Yet…my training was “Mom’s in control. If you don’t allow her to lead, you’ll never receive love from her”.

It kills trust in myself and deflates ambition, like immediately. Normally (truthfully) I’d want to hide. I never felt that yesterday. I didn’t, and don’t, feel OK in my gut.

It felt more like unrealized ambition. Unfulfillment listening to fear. That fear has been my boundary my entire life. This is where I’ve been stuck.

This is what Khan is working on!

[subliminalguy]

Did my loop 10 minutes ago

I’ve got the Khan sales page open and I got down to the bottom. Advertising Primal Nights and Diamond. I’ve never used either…

but Khan must be activating sexual desires, as I just settled in some memories of WB. I used it only a couple of weeks, but I did have one clear moment when a woman was giving me signals she wanted me.

I remember that, and it’s actually painful because internally, I was still stuck in old thinking. I wouldn’t pursue it. Old beliefs still held me back. What I wondered was…if Khan is working on my active blocks still, what will the future look like?

I see AOH working here: Saint said AOH would help you identify your issues while in recon, and my last post was proof of that. I realized (I feel) some roadblock still sitting on my chest, like a “you can’t!” or something else telling me “NO!”

This excites me. It’s working right now as I write. So much that I’ve changed directions while writing 3 times in the last 20 minutes.

[subliminalguy]

Day 5
3 minutes of EOG this morning, around 4AM

I tried EOG St.1 this morning, having great desire to free myself from fears, but 6 hours later, I’m going with the conclusion that now’s not the time.

I do think financial fears and stresses are real. I actually think most are largely fed by social comparisons and media’s constant deceptive ploys that “MORE is better!”. But my decision isn’t based on that.

Having just slight tinges of recon an hour ago, I knew that the Khan focus is much more desired than–here’s my perception–following another distraction from my goals.

I felt that inner insecurity this morning, the same I’m using Khan to eliminate, and I felt disappointment. EOG, at this time, is a distraction for everything I’ve been greatly desiring, literally all of my life. What are my desires?

To feel secure in the world as a man

That lone statement is all I’ve ever wanted. All the little extra desires connect with that focus and aim. Khan is the kitchen sink sub I’ve greatly desired. Going through Total Breakdown (St.1) allowed me to see that. I was constantly putting blinders on to avoid that truth.

I want to feel like I’ve got what it takes to handle life. Khan it is.

P.S. I’ll keep stacking AOH with it. From what I’ve read and experienced myself, it’s almost like an outgrowth of Ascension Chamber. A powerful results enhancer.

[subliminalguy]

Khan seems to be kicking in, and it’s unexpected. Very unexpected.

That statement comes from a mentality that has rigidly pushed away feeling good, feeling successful…feeling ok with things going right.

Maybe it’s AOH allowing me to say “Yes!” to good things. All I know is I’m enjoying it. I’m not used to it, shown by feeling some habitual anxiety over someone I need to possibly face in minutes. Because normally, I look for things to go wrong. I’ve helped it happen many a times.

I’m liking this. I’ll keep AOH with Khan. It allows me to say yes to success, confidence, even…who knows…love?

I’ll take that. I’ve pushed that away too for … well, as long as I’ve been pushing success and happiness away. I don’t feel desperate. I just feel open…willing…allowing long held desires to bloom.

Thanks for writing AOH @SaintSovereign and @Fire

[subliminalguy]

Day 6
Khan loop 10 minutes ago

I wrote in the EOG thread wondering if AOH or EOG was blooming heavily on me. I thought it was AOH.

But the more I wrote, the easier it was to see EOG. @Parsifal confirmed it, and I shared the very thoughts and doubts my mind was trying:

“Really? Like really?”

It really does dig deeper than any money sub I’ve ever used. But…

I’ve never had any sub ever do what EOG is doing. Compared to any sub I’ve ever used, I sense and feel it working. No tension. No constant fears of unknowns. I sense that it’s giving my mind a full-time overhaul.

It’s a completely different experience compared to other subs. I’m going to do another loop of EOG tomorrow morning.

[subliminalguy]

Correction: I’m not comfortable detracting from my goals with wealth subs currently.

EOG is a fantastic sub. No doubt. But I’m not on Khan looking for an out. Not right now. I’m going to run AOH tomorrow morning.

I’d gone out getting stuff for the work week. I felt that dominant, no bullshit, goal-oriented mentality coming on. And I checked myself. I cringed, thinking I was coming here to “ask permission”, a childhood act I was turning to.

No. Not right now. Being sure of myself and WHY I go where I want does NOT need permission from others. That St.2 programming is what I want right now. I’m going to keep that focus.

I’m only running stages for a month. Diluting the most important stage makes no sense. No permission sought or needed.

[subliminalguy]

Day 7
AOH this morning. Haven’t done it yet

I woke up earlier this morning. Thinking on what’s important to me.

I’m pulled towards the anti-scarcity train. And that’s way more than finances. It goes deeper.

Half an hour ago I realized something clearly. ALL of my fear stems from thinking I won’t have enough. That I’m not enough.

Love from others.
Love from within.

I’ve believed that others held the acceptance I needed. I’ve retreated from life since I didn’t think much of myself and discounted my worth. I feared failure at being accepted at every corner. I got tired of fearing what appeared inevitable, so retreating seemed to be the best solution in the long term.

I’m listening. I feel like I’m being given life tools. One of those is a belief that I’m good enough whether I succeed or fail. My old standard was the death of my soul.

===

I watched a movie last night. It’s still resonating. Unexpected. It’s prompting this mindset. It’s on Amazon, and it’s called Knight of Cups.

Set up like it was a theatrical documentary. 3 to 5 second shots in 95% of the movie, like the main actor was watching his life in a dream state. He’s a Hollywood writer, caught up in the escapist lifestyle, burnt out from the meaningless of it all. He lost his identity.

His only light was a spiritual calling, heard from the beginning of the movie and peppered throughout. His dad talking. Flashes of hope. It made me think.

Because I’ve been stuck somewhere. For a long time. By my own choice. The meaninglessness of it. Constantly failing, sometimes willingly, all the time habitually. This identity has been me.

That identity is failing me.

Edit: I did AOH 10 minutes ago. I’m seeing value in my experiences, all the failing. Made me cry while writing this. AOH is a gift.

[Parsifal]

@subliminalguy

I’ve retreated from life since I didn’t think much of myself and discounted my worth.

Sorry if I’m repeating myself, but that’s what I felt for years as well. Like I don’t deserve more, I’m not worthy to have a meaning in my life, I’m not worthy to have abundance im every aspect of my life. And I feel EoG1s Worthiness Recalibration working on this. Changing my perception of my deserveness little by little.

But perhaps AoH can do similar thing for you with a different approach. Or the base for this “module” was established and tested in AoH as well in another form.

[subliminalguy]

Yeah. I’ve had those doubts about bypassing EOG since it kicks ass quickly.

I just wanted to not bail on myself in regards to Khan.

That’s why I started Khan. There’s more to life than “only failing”.

And no, you repeating yourself doesn’t bother me. I’m finding it takes time and effort to change our ways. You’re good.

[subliminalguy]

Day 8
Loop tonight

Change. Beautiful.

During my single loop of EOG last weekend, I had a phenomenal shift happen. Everything that said “No!” to change and personal choice seemed to evaporate. I easily saw that I was in my own way, preventing it at all costs.

Last night I sensed some of that happening upstairs. I woke up this morning knowing AOH is unpainfully tearing down my limitations and resistance to things that make me happy.

This is happening right now. I’m getting out of the way

[subliminalguy]

Day 9

I purposely skipped AOH this morning. I haven’t felt that Khan drive yet on St.2, so I’m experimenting today.

[subliminalguy]

I began writing here, then my old trader emailed me, so I came off here and shared with him how I’m doing on Khan, today specifically.

I said Khan was changing me.

He replied "what are you changing to?

I replied in a single word: “Batman”.

Below is what I sent after that.

Beginning of email

just joking.

I wrote that since I’ve been on St.2, starting my 2nd week Monday.

But, I changed something starting St.2, adding Art of Happiness. AOH really grabbed onto my thinking, so I barely felt Khan.

I decided to skip AOH this morning and journaled it. I knew Khan wasn’t activating like it had while doing St.1 (I only started AOH on St.2)

What I’m experiencing now FEELS like Khan. Tough. Serious. Focused. Determined. Unneedy.

I actually came home and (hoped to) forget this constant pressure to grow into a man.

However–seeing my thought process…

I’m wishing to ride this out…facing what I’m afraid of…

It’s digging in. I’ve gotten little flashes of “I CAN DO THIS!” St.2 is all about programming your mind to be the man you are, without all (my) copouts, weaseling outs, stuff like that.

I’ll be very specific what I’m feeling now. Before and after.

Before: constantly craving juvenile thinking and choices. Hiding, in varying ways, multiple times a day. Hoping noone saw it. I felt like shit, beating myself up constantly.

Today: Damn. I normally SEEK hideouts. I can’t fucking hide. Facing my shit, facing fear of rejection.
Not avoiding challenges I normally would. Facing myself by facing things–I face myself while facing fears.

And the most contradictory thing I’ll share now: Going through this shit, this growth…is making my life much, much easier.

It takes a lot of internal work to fuck things up regularly. Daily self-sabotage makes life hard.

And that’s why I’m doing Khan.

End of email

[Parsifal]

@subliminalguy

Today: Damn. I normally SEEK hideouts. I can’t fucking hide. Facing my shit, facing fear of rejection.
Not avoiding challenges I normally would. Facing myself by facing things–I face myself while facing fears.

And the most contradictory thing I’ll share now: Going through this shit, this growth…is making my life much, much easier.

It takes a lot of internal work to fuck things up regularly. Daily self-sabotage makes life hard.

And that’s why I’m doing Khan.

Beautifullu written. I want that as well.
I’m on day two of Khan2 today.
So excited for the coming weeks.

[subliminalguy]

Day 10

I’m closer to breaking. A little backstory is necessary.

Back in 2016 I began using subliminals from a well-known vendor. I never used his main alpha program, but I read the guy’s journals.

I remember reading this one guy’s breaking period. He was busy all the time and doing what he’d been taught, hiding behind his “I’m ok” shield.

But the alpha program was challenging this norm. His weakness was hiding his emotions and truth from himself.

He was consistently challenged internally.

One day he found himself sitting on a park bench, seeking some solitude and peace, wishing to turn off the perpetual noise inside.

A lone bird fluttered near him. He watched it. It approached him slowly, like he thought he’d be given food. The guy kept watching. They kept an unusual eye contact.

Something gave in the guy. He thought the bird was ‘reading’ him. Like he could see his soul. He began crying, feeling seen. For about 3 minutes he just cried. And the bird stayed, watching him. No words were ever spoken. But he felt visible. He also felt what he’d been hiding from himself. It was a life-changing experience for him.

---

That story connects with me. Today I seemed to be bouncing off that internal wall which I’ve repeatedly and consistently raged at. The wall of facts and feelings which…are really me. Good and bad. All of me.

I just keep doing what I saw growing up–ignoring it. Khan’s not letting me ignore it. I’m getting ready to break

[subliminalguy]

Day 11
St.2 loop last night

I’ve been finding myself reluctant to break through something. I was messaging someone here 10 minutes ago, and I identified it.

I’ve been afraid of making people unhappy with me. Khan is hitting this because yesterday I found my brain in a low-key panic trying to make everyone happy with me.

It felt like life or death. Like focused and determined, but completely led by a young boy. This was me.

I’m feeling that now, about to head into work.

Thinking about my last post. Foreseeing a future breakdown. Admitting to myself that I can’t do it. People’s unhappiness is their choice. Gotta mind my own business. My own.

[subliminalguy]

I’m remembering trying to make my Mom happy. It was life or death in my mind. And I was not acknowledged. I felt like a failure. I’ve carried that belief about myself with me every day of my life.

I’m still carrying it. Khan is a beautiful tool since it’s working on stuff which matters to me.

[subliminalguy]

Day 12
Extra rest day
St.2 Loop tomorrow night

I am, and have been fearful of letting go.

I’m full of emotion. I’m hanging on to it, so I feel pointless admitting it.

What brings this to my attention is me trying to find an escape route–and feeling that uncomfortable dissonance.

This is happening regularly, multiple times a day. I’m making (and WANTING to make) more positive choices.

One big thing I’m noticing is an increase in my sense of security. The description for St.2 says you’ll be very aware of both your good and bad sides. What it DOESN’T say is it takes courage and acceptance to see and face this internally; I believe Khan instills those things in a man so I see them, feel them, and want to keep going. Being productive is a major emphasis in St.2.

---

If I was to abbreviate what Khan is doing…

It’s plowing through old comfort zones with truth constantly. Parts of days I’ll feel really uncomfortable, but (BIG for me) normal tendencies to pout or wallow in self-pity AREN’T working. Like previously mentioned, I sense the urge to keep busy, so wallowing is quickly forgotten.

Wallowing is a premeditated way to avoid the battle. It’s stalling and nothing more. I’m rejecting these patterns. They don’t build me up.

Those victories keep me going.

[subliminalguy]

Day 13
Loop tonight

Khan is a full time thought checker, slightly similar to DR’s scripting. I remember DR guiding me in daily choices, consistently trying to remold me.

Khan does that too, but its voice encourages independence. This feels new since it’s having me repeatedly face what’s not working in my life.

I watched a movie last night, and the message that stuck with me is ‘there are consequences for your actions. Consider them’.

–major truth in this life I’ve lived

I’ve often been guided by guilt to make decisions. I was always trying to be good enough to other people. In other words, my focus has always been outside of myself. Others were my uncomfortable motivators. I was in the victim triangle over and over again.

So many emotions processing that one. That’s run me a long, long time. And writing that reminded me of the chains I lived in. My throat began clinching.

This morning, I felt freer. Unsure why. But I felt strong enough to look at my life and how it’s turning out.

I’m slowly feeling like I can actually direct my own life. That probably sounds so dumb or shameful here amongst guys. But that’s exactly how I’ve NOT been living. For all these years, I’ve felt like and believed like I was a small boy living in an adult suit. I have always looked for some rescue. It’s kept me there. Familiar stuff.

I just realized I was rehashing my past. Stopping.

The future is unknown. But I’m being led into new ways. A new life. New choices. Uncertain stuff.

I’m game.