A dude at the subway looked weird at me, made me angry. Yes I’m angry. Doesn’t mean I’ll act on it and confront him. But I’ll let myself feel that and usually I learn something about myself. This is what I feel right now and I approve. I wish I was this Khan who is unfazed by anything. But I’m not, resisting this emotion or suppressing it won’t make me a Khan either.
That requires deep level processing. Deep identity change. Resisting or suppressing that emotion is a blockage to that.
I think this part is related to how I view it as well. I perhaps don’t use the word endure, but experience it or process it, or let the emotion run its course. I give myself and the emotion the permission to exist.
What I’m trying to do anyway.
The last week I’ve been freaking out of my weight. Some of you I’ve been on a weight loss plan since my emperor run and I’ve lost 20+ kg. Been right under 80 kg the last months but haven’t worked out in like 2 months.
But now I’m hovering around 80-82 and it’s freaking me out. This is an insecurity. Yes I want to stay in a healthy weight and be fit by having a healthy lifestyle. But I also don’t want the trauma from being a fat kid and person from more than half my life to be there and cause this.
Like what if I want to do some serious body building with bulking? How will I handle the inevitable weight and fat gain? Will I cry like a bitch because my trauma and the coupling of my weight with my self-worth?
How will it be when I’m like 70 or in an accident and have grandpa bod? Will I have low self-esteem? Fuck no!
DRR/GLM goes hard.
The right move would be to do some journaling and reflecting on this. Do the work. But also get going to the gym again. But not overdo it because of insecurity, just get moving. Insecurity gets you to panic sometimes, and overreact by switching everything 360 in one weekend. Change diet, go to gym 6 days a week, drop everything else. I’m not going to do that. I’m going to take it slow because I want this insecurity to keep surfacing to work on it.
Like if I’m in a phase or need to temporary gain weight? I know myself I, even being down 20 kg I would never look that comfortable as that guy above in public.
Fuck that.
I want to enjoy life and be comfortable enjoying life. Like going swimming with my body and be in the beach. Or sauna with people I don’t know.
This is a mix of DRR/Lovebomb I guess working on my self-worth. Jesus Christ.
This is one lit custom 
A custom like this will be the reward for my dedication to this road ahead.
Although, switch some things around. Like wanted instead of wb. Maybe stark instead of wanted. We’ll see.
How will you take care of yourself if you don’t acknowledge you’ve had a tough day? It’s ok. You had a tough day and now you need extra care.
If you don’t acknowledge it you’ll just keep on hating yourself and push yourself into a burnout.
That’s why you have to acknowledge emotions and sensations. They are signals.
Self-love is partly taking your signals into considerations. Like you would someone you love.
But you probably were never taught that because your parents did not take your emotions into considerations.
Break the cycle!
You can change.
You can learn this skill.
Brought to you by Skadoosh subscription plan to GPT+:
Goal →
activate the process →
resistance/conditioning surfaces →
process it →
capacity expands →
learning and opportunities become salient → action emerges →
continue until either the goal is achieved or your relationship to the goal genuinely changes.
I’ve stopped reading books, I’m only reading wanted journals now. That feels sus, and probably a new recon coping strategy has emerged.
I’m so focused on internal growth I don’t notice external results as much until after the fact. Makes be wonder if I’m just engaging in internal mental PMO or actually achieving my goals lol.
Dear subconscious, let’s get better at it. Let’s get it.
At the same time I’m doing more internal work now. But but…
I read too much on this forum, I’ll be honest. It’s a problem lol. But it also makes be see patterns in people’s journals. I can see myself in them and find out if those patterns exist within me and whether I think I want them or not.
One is switching stacks just as it gets good or right after the deeper growth occurs, like recon. Always. I don’t like that in me. I don’t want to do that. That’s why I think it’s important to just set a stack for x of time and stick with it no matter what. Because, sure, you change your perspective after while and perhaps get clarity on what you really want. But what if it’s recon? I just know the mind is crazy good as rationalising really bad decisions and I don’t trust it when it comes to recon.
Stick to x stack for y time. No matter what, then switch. Never switch mid stack or before the decision. You can keep it easy, say stack A for 1 cycle. But I bet you’ll notice that recon hits usually after the first week and you’ll be on your stack switching mode before even one cycle is done. One cycle is nothing bro.
Now this could be just me. But that’s me being polite and corporate. You should ask yourself if this perhaps can be the case for you.
Right now I’m on my time to switch to wanted mode. But lately I’ve started believe more and more that something in my stack is working on something I think wanted can fix. But the current stack is already working on it. So I’m instead trying to be a recon ninja, understand, what is it working on and process it.
Boom
And I’ve had a couple subs I want to switch to. So different areas.
Also, just because I’m not running Wanted doesn’t mean I can’t buy perfumes and get on a face routine! Why do I have to switch?
Mind games bro.
That’s the reframe that I’m using as well, and it helped me to stay on my stack countless times
I mean, you can even see it in my journal haha - I always come up with a “I’m switching to X as soon as I finish this cycle!!!”, and that X changed like 4 times already
I believe it was pointed out by Jouissance first that if something comes up and you want to switch stack, it’s actually a result of your current stack
I think that’s absolutely true
A wise man. Yeah I’ve read his post and your post. It’s a pattern bro, it must be a common misunderstanding of what the subs are trying to do, because multiple people have noticed it.
Thanks for reminding me.
Regarding the sexual validation, it got reduced significantly. I’ve actually also been on a SR practice for 2 weeks now too.
That’s thanks to not switching.
Like saint once said, the pattern is visible, but will come back in more subtle manner.
Yes Saint, I’m not only sure of it, I’m expecting it. Sleeping with a katana under the pillow.
Don’t let the tool define you, you define more of who you are using the tool.
Definitely, on emperor I was doing a face routine. lol
This stage will strengthen your energetic core, providing you with the resilience and stability necessary to withstand the immense power that lies ahead. As your energetic channels become more robust, your charisma, magnetism, and presence will grow, drawing people to you like moths to a flame — and this is simply a positive side effect of the development of your energy channels, for the actual building begins in the next stage.
As this stage focuses solely on strengthening your energetic channels (and especially the sexual channels), this will be incredible for anyone who is into any spiritual disciplines, or you’re looking to simply skyrocket your sexual charm.
Alot of catching people staring at me. Especially woman. A lot of eye contact and smiles. I feel a magnetic polarity. People looking is nothing new, but there’s this tension or polarity going on, something magnetic. Like a magnetic field.
I don’t know what’s going on but I also don’t feel the kick I used to feel when drinking monster energy drinks. I think my baseline energy has increased by itself. So I started drinking regular coffee or tea instead. It’s free at work, might as well if the energy drink don’t do nothing.
This is ST2, looking forward to ST3. I think this is firing hard because I’ve run KB for ages and also I have a proper SR practice in place.
I’m glad you’re getting recon. It makes sense. You’re blessed.
I’m worried you want to escape recon without actually growing from it.
Tsk tsk
Posting again from the inspiring videos thread. Good reminder of the journey. Persistence, commitment and willingness.
