Instilling Greatness (Khan/Chosen/LBfH)

[Tobyone]

A New Beginning

The time has come for a new journal. The old one was created a long time ago and lately I felt like it was all over the place, so now I’m starting over fresh.

Here is some brief backstory of my subliminal journey here on Subliminal Club. Just around 2 years ago I started listening to Khan Total Breakdown in the Q-format. After that there has been three whole playthroughs of Khan 1-4, one full playthrough of Dragon Reborn 1-4, and half a playthrough of Alchemist stage 1 and 2.

Between those a lot of other programs has been played with Love Bomb and Wanted being at the top of that list. All in all I have played most programs here and tested them out but not for an extended period, and I have also plunged into custom a fair bit but never really stuck to them and being overwhelmed with making new ones, and also upgrading existing ones through all the updated technologies.

But for the time being I want to do regular store programs for a bit before delving deep into customs again. It has been a learning process with building customs, and I’m more than happy to support this company even though I won’t probably ever use my old customs again.

So my new stack from here on is going to be:

• Khan St4 ZP
• Chosen ZP
• Love Bomb fH ZP

My goals to begin with are the following:

• Find a new place to live on my own again
• Find a job and stabalize my economy
• Start seeing new women again regularly

These are just early goals and very basic for me to get going with my life again in society. I will update with bigger goals and aspirations later, but for the time being I must start somewhere.

Below are my thoughts about why I’m choosing these programs going forward.

Ever since Zero Point landed, there has been a lot of talk on the forum about how ZP is guiding us subconsciously to what programs are best suited for us. This is true for me as well, and I do admit it has taken a while for me personally. But, ZP has really made me dig deep lately with how my natural leader and masculine qualities should be cultivated and practiced.

Why Khan Complete?

The one thing that has stuck out to me, and this is even before the new ZP came out, is that Khan tickles me on a deep level, and it was actually the first program I started playing seriously. I have a lot of hours and loops on it, and what has been missing in my life is going out there re-affirming all the inner changes that has been going on, so that has hampered my my progress a bit. But it’s hard to deny that this beast of a program has rocked my very foundation and made me grow up fast.

This is why Khan is going to be the staple of my subliminal usage for a long time going forward. There is just something about the calm and zen feeling I get from it combined with that maculine edge that I have been searching for so long in my personal development journey. The road has been long in my search going through everything from status and PUA communities over the years, and then later spiritual quests and heart based practices and meditations.

And the last two years where I literally just let go of everything and lost almost everything that I thought was dear or important to me before.

But here’s the twist…

I feel that Khan alone has never really felt complete for me, and maybe it is because I’m a Libra, and my way of leadership is tied in a bit different from let’s say a Leo. But here on Subliminal Club we have the opportunity to form and mould our own archetypes through conscious guidance and mixing of different programs. Not all of us have the idea of a riding overlord on a white horse on a dessert plain in deep Mongolia conquering village after village.

I have always been a leader that leads by example and that is very in tune with the whole group and all its different dynamics, and with a very social aspect to it, and that’s why I love the social side of Khan so much.

• To me dominance is having emotional impact over others, plain and simple. Logic is not moving people, but rocking people emotionally set the gears in motion, and this can be done in different ways ofc…

Khan for me has always been about growing up, to become a man so full of love that his mere presence inspires and brings peace to those around him. Love is not a weakness, that is just a belief of adolesence and an immature man, someone that has not yet grown up. This is most certaintly why me and others has found Khan being such a ruthless taskmaster to master, and why we face so much resistance at first.

But make no mistake, love can also be knowing when someone needs to know that they crossed a line or needs to hear a thing or two.

• I must mention as well the importance of relaxation as a man, and the more things you solve such as traumas and such, the more relaxed you become. No one wants to follow a fidgety and tensed up man.

So Khan is going to be the center of my stack as a fun and powerful man that wears his heart on his sleeve. Love is the greatest force in the universe, it is the glue that keeps everything together. Anyone that claims that love is a weakness in a man I will strongly disagree with. Love is the adhesive that glues eveything together in this universe, and to me a strong masculine man is grounded, calm, and full of love, and not the Hollywood fake view of a co-dependant and needy love.

• We give because we are full of something that never runs out.

The only reason why some men are afraid of love is because they felt a lack of love and support growing up sombined with weak male role models, which was true for me as well as most other men on this planet. The way of the heart is the fastest way to indepence and true freedom, because in the end, a full heart never runs out and that’s why these men can give freely without expecting anything in return.

I’m done swimming around in the baby pool searching for more respect, more love, more attraction etc, when actually I possess all these qualities inside of me already, which is the place where most men never dare to venture into and explore more of.

Why Chosen?

I honestly don’t know why I have not gone back to Chosen sooner? But everytime I have played it and I smile, it feels like I smile with my whole face up to my ears and my forehead. It is almost like my smile comes a full circle around my face, it’s actually pretty ridiculous.

Maybe something like this… Just re-reading the sales page of Chosen makes me excited. Also, smiling is a big part of my 6R’s meditation practice and it also pulls you out of negative states easily.

And in these times where humanity seem to temporarily have lost it’s connection to source, it’s just impossible for me to chut my eyes and block off my compassion for what is really going on in the world right now. I don’t want to recide only in my immature ego personality and thinking the problem is out there. Great changes are coming for those with an with eyes to see and an open heart.

• The one staple that has rung true for me since I started personal development a decade ago, is to always assume personal responsibility for every little thing in my life regardless.

Here is where the synergy of Khan’s archetype would benefit me greatly when merged with the positivity of Chosen. I would rather engage more with other people’s energy even if it sometimes is negative and down. This is because even that negative energy is a source of potential wealth and is easily transmuted by someone with the skills of a wizard. Whether I like it or not, it is still there all around me every single day, and blocking it off will ensure my own downfall in the process.

This is where that strong and loving man that wears his heart on a sleeve has such strength, because he possesses a protective shield of an unperturbed and impenetrable aura that is not easily swayed by the mundane bitterness and loneliness of modern society. and instead leaves a trail in his wake of positivity that actually inspires other’s to change.

Develop your mental fortitude, become impervious to negative attacks from others.

The best protection against someone or something perceived out there, is when you don’t need any protection, because you know that you are already protected…

Furthermore, an earthshaking courage and fearlessness will start manifesting deep in your heart, helping you be the sword that cuts the path through the dark for yourself and others.

But let’s face it, we all have bad days, but that doesn’t mean it has to bring us down, but instead it is a sign of opportunity to grow stronger in the process. Souls come into corporal bodies to learn something.

• As within so without, as above so below. A higher vibration always trumps a lower vibration, and physical reality is just a more gross condesation of energy to that of the soul, but it is all the same in the end.

Chosen almost sounds to good to be true, beacuse to be that beacon of hope and inspiration to others, you must have cultivated it inside of yourself first. A win win in my book…

A Gift That Got Delayed At The Post Office

I have all my life had this gift of making even the most negative and stubborn individuals crack open. I was actually quite shocked when I first started seeing this years back and it made me ponder why that is? Today this is just normal to me, but I will have to learn how to put down clear boudaries, because sometimes I have a tendancy to get stuck in it when I rather would like to move on and talk to other people instead.

Having Chosen in my stack I know will multiply this effect a thousand times over, and that’s why I think Khan’s no BS attitude will help me here. And honestly it is not hard to set these boundaries if I have clear intentions that are easily expressed through my body language and facial expressions, but it has to be pure and simple.

Why Love Bomb for Humanity?

Anyone that has tried going out clubbing on Ecstasy knows what I’m going to refer to. It is just ridiculous easy attracting and talking to all people with zero anxiety and complete relaxation and presence, which makes everyone just magnetically drawn to you. You do whatever you want and everyone just accepts it beacuse your are fully congruent and without resistance to anything.

This was a leaning tool for me, but I now know through experience that this is cheating, because what matters is doing the work without stimulants. Geting caught in that bubble is just another addiction, but what it can do is shoving you what is possible… I could not believe just how relaxed I could be, and I used to be as stiff as a frozen fish finger.

Chosen combined with Love Bomb for Humanity is a crazy good combo with the overflowing of positive emotions from the latter boosting everything to crazy levels. To me they are the perfect fit right now.

Just looking at the amount of insights and growth from LBfH here on the forum from other users speaks volume on just how good this program is. On the regular Love Bomb it might be hard for a closed person to radiate that loving and kind aura, but LBfH has really filled that gap in the catalogue of programs here.

A Love Bomb For Humanity attempts to achieve one mission: To instill an incredible sense of self-love within every fiber of your being, and then energetically radiate that love out to everyone you encounter. It will transform you into a reservoir of positivity, hope and universal love — the kind that respects everyone’s intrinsic high value as a unique being — which you can then choose to share with others simply by being around them. Love Bomb For Humanity’s potent aura also encourages those affected by it — if they consent — to spread love and positivity wherever they go.

This above is what I’m talking about, and just reading it makes me remember those nights years ago under the influence of a certain stimulant.

• It takes tremendous courage to love freely. It’s the easiest thing in the world but also the hardest. Being angry is easy, being afraid is easy… but being loving no matter what takes real cohones…

The healing scripting in Love Bomb For Humanity takes a drastically different approach than other titles — this time, the catalyst for change is solely “love flooding,” in which the script encourages you to flood your emotions with a profound sense of self-love, self-care and self-nurturing, allowing you to heal past emotional traumas with the most powerful restorative force in existence.

Again, this is profoundly awesome. Just imagine this together with Chosen and all it’s benefits in the happiness department!

Because, what is the one thing that all people desire the most? What is the first thing a baby wants after being born? Feeling loved and comforted. But most people are too afraid to even start exploring and finding inner peace through rediscovering self-love.

Then, just imagine if you are that person that is so in love with yourself and life, and you have a massive aura of healing energy in form of love surrounding you… you will become so electrifying and so sought after because you embody the highest gift we humans have been given.

• This is the true superpower of love…

One masculine trait that I strive to embody is that of a fatherly figure and energy, and to do that I have to grow up myself first. That kind of fatherly energy is very healing to the feminine, just as the nurturing warmth of the mother in the feminine is healing to the masculine. It doesn’t take much, a smile from someone you pass on the street is enough to fuel you for hours.

These three programs together I feel has all the potential to turn me into this person I mentioned just above.

A More In Depth Journal

Lastly, going forward I intend to put more effort into my online journal here and write more in depth and from the heart. I sincerely enjoy writing about deep stuff and I need to set aside more time for it.

I’m looking forward to this new journey…

[Tobyone]

Cycle 1

Khan Complete ZP - 1 loop

Played my first loop of Khan Complete ZP, the first one in a little while and the first loop of this new stack. I have over the last couple of months gone through a playthrough of stages 1-3 of Khan. Today I played a full loop of 15 minutes and I plan to play all three programs on full loops, and I 'm sticking to Khan solo and Chosen + LBfH on the same day together, and all in the recommended listening pattern. But I do go a bit by feel, so if I’m tired or feel full I may on occasion play less minutes or extend processing days.

I’m feeling energized after my loop and Khan Complete is the stage which I feel has the most punch, like it has the most scripting which would make sense if you read the sales page. Not much else to report yet after just one loop.

An Explosive Weekend

This week is my last here in the capital before I’m moving again, and most likely back to where I lived most of this year, which is a smaller city which is more peaceful. So me and my friend were going out on Friday to have a couple of drinks at a bar as a last thing. It was a fun night out, and as we were walking home I remembered that I had seen a police chopper howering for a long time in the direction where the apartment is.

I quickly checked the news on my phone and read about an explosion that had gone off and blown the front door to smithereens of an apartment complex. To my astonishment I saw that it was the same house I have been living in now for a while! When we got closer there was police barricades all around the block and there were debris everywhere, many windows had been shattered and parts of a concrete balcony had crashed down on the ground.

Luckily no one had been injured more than being splashed with some glass pieces in an apartment, and we had to wait several hours before we were let back in, and luckily for us it was not our front door but the one next door. When inside we saw no damages in the apartment and we could go to sleep.

A Guardian Angel?

The day after we were told that it had been a planted TNT explosive device used to blow the door. But the wackiest thing was that it had been set off just 15 minutes after we had left our apartment, and I remember saying to my friend that we should leave at the exact moment when the bomb actually went off, but for some reason he pushed me to leave earlier.

This is not something that usually happens with him. He is always super slow and drags his feet so we’re always late, but for some reason this day he was the complete opposite… As I mentioned it was not our front door but the door next to it that got hit, and it’s just 15-20 meter away. The explosion would have surely knocked us to the ground and there would have been a lot of shrapnels flying around.

So that happened lol.

[Lion]

That was really something. Maybe you got the LBH trailer effect. As in LBH running in the future helped you in the past which is the present lol.

Whatever it was, am glad you are safe.

[Tobyone]

my Friend

It’s kind of funny how I reacted, it was more with amazement and a bit puzzled that it happened here out of all places. Most people here are a bit shocked, this is a quiet area with mostly families and elderly people.

I guess all the alpha and healing titles here has made one a bit tougher and not easily scared of these kind of things.

[Lion]

@Tobyone

guess all the alpha and healing titles here has made one a bit tougher and not easily scared of these kind of things

That’s a good point. Khan Complete FTW!

[Chase]

So dramatic man glad that everyone is okay.

The protection aura of LBFH must be working Amazing.

[Tobyone]

Thank you Yeah it was lucky no one got injured.

Maybe it’s Chosen at work here, but I see the fun side of it as well, and most likely this is what happened…

Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978) - A Bomb! Scene (1/12) | Movieclips

[Luther24]

That’s a pretty rad stack there lol nice. Khan + Chosen seems badass

[RVconsultant]

I’m glad you are safe.

If there is a way to recreate the state of mind you were in when you left when you did to have the timing to stay safe, perhaps you could stay in that state of mind or emotion more often to be even more safe.

[Tobyone]

An interesting thought indeed But honestly to me I didn’t even feel worried or scared at all after, but I did just quickly feel a bit of gratitude for not having been showered in glass…

Anyways,

Squirrel Interrupts Conference Call || ViralHog

The avarage man today He could use some GLM or something lol.

[Joa23]

@Tobyone

The avarage man today He could use some GLM or something lol.

like 4 years of Khan and GLM for that guy.

[Tobyone]

Here follows a long rant about smiling

As I was lying in bed the other day ready to sleep, I suddenly got this jolt of inspiration and desire to write about it on my phone. This was after two test loops of Chosen and LBfH last week which probably set all these thoughts in motion, and here follows some of what I wrote.

Dear Smile Diary

I have come to realize that my number one asset in charming others is with my smile, but I have for most of my life kept it hidden and not had the courage to put it on full display due to earlier trauma in my youth.

On Chosen when I smile, it makes my smile join up with and activate those tender muscles next to my eyes, which are literally impossible to fake when smiling. Just look at someone faking it and it will look very strange and these muscles will not activate as they should if they would be sincere. Also, I have a couple of age wrinkles there which are actually super charming when I look myself in the mirror as I smile.

• Come to think about it, Chosen makes me remember how smiling felt as a kid, back when it was just the most natural thing in the world.

I once knew a guy who had the most contagious smile ever, and he was loved by everyone for it, and it also made his eyes look kind and welcoming. I did not realize it the time, but he had a real superpower in the way he smiled. He was one of the biggest naturals I have ever seen, nothing about him felt as an act.

Don’t Hold It Back

Small children all have this natural ability to smile freely… It just comes out without any hesitation or self-judgements, it’s pure in way and that makes it’s beautiful, just like all the other emotions they have such as anger, sadness, confused etc. The difference is just that small kids don’t hold back and that’s what makes it so pure and authentic. Nothing stinks more than strong emotions that have been supressed down and never let out, just as a still body of water gets murky and overgrown.

When I think back on my old jobs, there was almost always these people that was trying to use their smile and laughter to manipulate and get responses from others, or some that would only laugh when the boss was laughing. I remember how I would cringe around those kind of people when they were doing it.

They were so clearly looking for a response and trying to cater their apperance to manipulate their way into being liked. That is big the differnce most adults have compared to my old friend with the contagious smile. He was actually enjoying his own smile and laughter so much that he got lost in it and never was worried about what other’s thought about it.

To me it is becoming more and more important to be authentic, and to me that means showing up just as I am in this very moment without trying to change or altering anything to seek others approval of me.

Let’s Go - Let Go

When was the last time you had such a great laugh that it brought you to tears? I remember as a kid having those long and uncontrolled moments of laughter where I ended up on the floor with stomach cramps and begging for mercy.

Laughter and smiling also releases high doses of serotonin and dopamine. Just to smile and faking it when you feel down actually has the capacity to bring you out of it and into a better mood.

Also, laughter is pain medication. I broke my femur once at a lacrosse game, and the pain was so overwhelming at one point that I burst out laughing until the paramedics came with the big morphine needle.

People Will Remeber You

Another thing to take into consideration is that a smiling and joyful person (in a genuine way), is for sure making lasting impressions on others without even uttering a single word, and it will ultimately lead to future opportunities because people will remember you. Just remember a time when you were out at a social gathering or in a bar, and that day you were joyful and smiling because you were happy. All of a sudden it is just as the description of the module Approachability Aura says, people will approach and start talking with you.

One lit candle has the capacity to lit an infinite number of other flames and it not disturbed by darkness.

Gratitude Makes You Smile More

An easy way to practice gratitude and which also snowballs fast, is to use your body more. Mind and body are connected, and just as if you start jogging when you are tired, it will be easier and easier for each step you take.

An example can be with the person at the checkout or when someone gives you something or provides a service to you. In those moments just do a simple namaste with your hands in front of you, or simply just put your hand on your heart as you say the words Thank you, and as you do, look them in the eyes and smile. You’d be surprised on just how much that can brighten someone’s day.

It might be hard in the beginning if you are someone who is very closed off and not used to it, but the only reason why it’s hard is because you resist it.

I started doing this some years ago to the point that today it’s a habit that I do without thinking about it, and this habit brings joy both to me and the receiver. If I cannot give a simple thanks, I need to humble myself and give for the sake of giving.

Another thing is to learn how to take a compliment, and if it is hard, just say thank you. Trust me, I used to be an expert at not being able to take a compliment. My first mentor said to me, don’t rob the giver of a compliment the joy of giving, it is a gift and if you turn it down, you are a selfish bastard and you break the circle of gratitude.

Put A Smile In Your Heart

There is a lot of talk about opening your closed heart and your heart chakra in spirituality, and smiling and laughter is truly a cheat code to get you there. Just think of the smiling Buddha.

In my Metta meditations they often say, put a smile on your face and put a smile in your heart. Joyful smiling also makes you more relaxed.

• Laughter is high vibration
• Laughter is high consciousness
• Laughter is divine
• Laughter is contagious
• …and so is a smile, so smile more
• Life is comical and humorous…

Superpower HaHa

Being able to smile and laugh unhindered and freely is such a superpower to have, and most of all, it takes great courage. Or at least for a while becaue we have forgotten…

Here’s a little piece from the book Courage by Osho:

- In the beginning there’s no differnece between the coward and the courageous person. The only difference is that the coward listens to his fears and courageous person puts them aside and goes ahead. So being courageous means going from the known into the unknown in spite of all the fears.

- Courage does not mean fearlessness. Fearlessness happens if you go on being courageous and more courageous. That is the ultimate experience of courage.

===

We men in society are lacking a spine at the moment, we have not grown up, and that’s a big part why our society is bleeding so much at the moment.

• Would you want to follow someone that is never smiling?
  Just look at most of our politicians when they try to smile… do they look happy?

• What is one of the most common feature of a highly charismatic person?
  They smile and laugh freely.

So how can we become better at smiling? One thing that I have noticed is that our mind needs repetition, so in the end it will become a habit. We need to train ourselves, just as I did with saying thank you and holding my hands together.

Because in the end, why do I it? Is it to get validation and wanting to be respected, or is it because it feels damn good to me when I do it? I will say the latter is becoming more and more true in my life at least, and if I have fun and I feel damn good doing it, then it becomes a gift, because I can only give what I already have.

So why then did I forget? To be continued…

[Lion]

SaintSovereign did say that LBH has a unique humor and laughter scripting which he plans to make into a module. It’s supposed to be different from Song of Joy.

I imagine CHOSEN combined with LBH is bringing you a very interesting experience of it. Add to that Khan, and you will get the boisterous laugh.

A custom with CHOSEN Core + LBH Core + Enchanting Smile + Song of Joy + Lion IV + Dragon Tongue + Gratitude Embodiment + Empath + Way of Understanding + Chosen of Venus + Depths of Love + Transcendental Connection + LBH humor and laughter module would be really awesome.

[Luther24]

Tobyone Kenobi

[Tobyone]

@Lion

SaintSovereign did say that LBH has a unique humor and laughter scripting which he plans to make into a module. It’s supposed to be different from Song of Joy.

That be crazy

@Lion

I imagine CHOSEN combined with LBH is bringing you a very interesting experience of it. Add to that Khan, and you will get the boisterous laugh.

Sometimes I wonder with all these alpha super badass subs, they are great and all and that foundation is so important for a balanced life as a man… but why not more joy and laughter? When in that bubble of inner humor nothing is hard, even hardship, because even the word sounds like a boat made out of hard materials…

The older I get, the more I understand that the cool dude I wanted to be so badly as a young man was mostly just an immature picture of what I thought cool was, and that was mostly shaped by what I thought to be good male role models. Yeah MTV is the shit lol…

The coolest thing in the world is to love freely. We are unique all of us, but mediocre society taught everyone to be normal, to be the same, bah boring… Be brave and love freely instead You don’t see all the cool, badass, and ego driven puffed up men in society dare to love freely…

A cool dude is someone that see your’re a cool dude and smiles back, and in the meantime, all the kiddeos I thought were cool just looks completely terrified and runs in the opposite direction when I smile

But maybe that’s Khan + Chosen for you. I will love you to death without me even knowing it…

@Luther24

Tobyone Kenobi

Actually where that name started

[Tobyone]

I only brought three books with in my back pack when I left my old apartment over one year ago. The rest I stashed at my sister place.

This gem of a book I planned to read from daily. It is one of the most inspiring books for me, but also one of the most freightning sometimes. Ahh… ok now is the time to really take it to heart, it is by far one of the best books I have ever read.

Courage by Osho

It teaches the exact thing that most of lost in our development from a small child to a grown up. Maybe that’s why it can be so scary at times, because it reminds you of something you lost on the way, and without it you feel dead on the inside.

Also

Started doing some dancing in front of the mirror again which I just forgot over the past couple of months. Just a couple of minutes a day, make it a habit. Same thing with studying portuguese again, just a couple of minutes every day.

[Tobyone]

So, I just had an idea that I will try out here in this little journal of mine. I wrote above this post about the book Courage by Osho, which I tend to study for a while now to keep pushing myself and take action in my life with the help of my stack.

My plan is to sprinkle in some paragraphs from the book from time to time, and then reflect on those paragraphs through my own words and thoughts, and then tying it in with what is going on in my own life. Ofc there will be regular ramblings as well, but I think this will be a beneficial way for myself to grow and a fun little project.

[Tobyone]

From the book: Courage by Osho - Part 1

- Courage is basically risking the known for the unknown, the familiar for the unfamiliar, the comfortable for the uncomfortable, an arduous pilgrimage to some unknown destination. One never knows whether one will be able to make it or not. It is gambling, but only the gamblers know what life is.

===

This gives me goosebumps just reading it and I like it, but also it makes me a bit anxious at the same time. Just thinking back to the start of this year and my new voyage to a new city, new opportunities and new adventures, but still I found myself being too comfortable again. I was a bit worried at first, but even this uncertainty was choked and normalized by my brain.

→ The sound of my mind trying to come up with excuses for it’s lazy ways…

Where did I go wrong? Was it just a lack of discipline and building of the right habits? I will answer yes on that one!

If I choose not going against the howling wind, there will be great doubts. If I choose to go head first into the howling wind, there will also be doubts, but if I keep going and accept the challenge, the fear will disappear.

I will commit to not being addicted to self-sabotage as a way of getting a high(milking it), but instead getting high from only going forward(way higher state), to walk the path I want to walk, and if I stray away from the path, not to blame anyone or anything else but me.

By blaming, I mean not hating on myself, but just self-correcting myself back on the path, just like the guided missile which finds it’s way by constantly correcting itself until it strikes the target.

[Tobyone]

Cycle 1

Completed loops:

Khan Complete ZP - 2 loops
Chosen ZP - 1 loop
Love Bomb FH ZP - 1 loop

Took an extra day of rest before playing my secon loop of Khan Complete yesterday. Back in the the city I was in earlier this year and need to find a more affordable place to stay because Hostels are not that viable in the long run, and I think they have raised prices quite a bit since last probably because of the fabricated energy crisis in Europe.

Met up with a female friend yesterday at a cafe that studies in the city. I must say I really like the combo of Khan + Chosen in my interactions. It still brings the full Khan feeling of confidence and flair but combined with a lot more joy and sharing of positive emotions. It is quite clear also that the sexual aura of Khan is doing its work because she kept finding ways for me to touch her, like saying do you like my her new hair cut and presenting it to my hands, things like that.

Keeping Track

I started an Excel document back in 2020 where I logg all my listening by day and month of each program, and I know it does not really matter that much anymore with all the different technogoicies since, but it’s a fun thing to look back on.

What I did notice though is that I only played Chosen back when it released in December of 2021, only to be followed by a few loops here and there after that. I mentioned at the start of this journal just how amazed I was at me not having resumed Chosen earlier, because when I first saw it, it was a match made in heaven for me. So this time it is here to stay for the long run for sure, and I’m very excited to see the continuation of the merge with Khan.

Momentum, Momentum, Momentum…

Yesterday was my travel day to this city, and as I’m always on those days, I was on fire making plans left and right, and I was really enjoying the pressure of my financial situation as fuel to the fire.

But, here’s the thing… I’m already noticing my mind trying to slow down again and settle into the boring ass routine of being lazy again. The best example of this momentum thing I experienced over a decade ago when I was backpacking in Asia for 6 months. I was always on the move and I easily after a while settled into leaning into uncertainty and it made feel alive every single day.

So the danger here I feel is my lack of responibilities in society which are bare non these days after I quit my old life. Not that it has to be something boring and mundane, but just that I have replaced all this with being lazy because I lost all my good habits during my Dark Night of The Soul.

Imagine this scenario:

-> You are making a fire in a fire place.

Outside you have two piles of fire wood.

1. The first pile consists of good quality firewood that has been stored away in a dry barn.
2. The second pile consists of poor quality wood that has been soaked outside from the reasent rain storms.

Now, which one of those two piles would you choose as fual to your fire? It’s not even a contest, you would choose the dry wood, because the wet wood would be almost impossible to get a good fire out of.

Now imagine the wet firewood smolder and pouring out white smoke in the fireplace(your brain.) This is the low grade energy you get from not pursuing your dreams(bad firewood.) This is you when you drag things out and avoid taking responibility until it is acute and people gets annoyed at you. You feel alive for a short while but also you feel guilty and anxious all the time, and you feel that you are slowly dying on the inside and time feels slow and painful.

Now imagine the dry high quality firewood burning intensivly and bright in the fireplace instead. This is the supercharged energy you get from living your dreams and pushing your limits daily(excellent firewood.) Time seems to fly by and you enjoy every single day and life feels like a constant adventure.

It may seem obvious which one I would prefer, but then why do I fall back into the first one so often then? Discipline is needed to build these habits and maintaing them, but it’s only painful in the beginning. I don’t need to build the habit of dragging things out to milk that low quality energy, but instead I need to start building my life up. I rather burn intensivly for a short while than smolder slowly for an eternity.

So let’s do this now…

[Tobyone]

I find that I absolutely love being alone most of the time. My energy levels go up and I feel so much better than being around people all the time, and I just came from 2 months of living at a friends place, and it felt so draining at times. This calm has multiplied so much over the last years after having shed most of societies trick of FOMO, and I learned to be absolutely fine on my own.

The problem is that this goes exactly against what I need to do at the moment, which is network to meet new people. I do believe that the crux I’m finding now is the kind of situations and interactions I find myself in. Most of these are among people and levels of understanding where I used to be back before self-development, and it just doesn’t interest me anymore…

That should mean that I need to research better places and groups to network with, and that should generally mean ruling out things like alcohol, sport events, politics, and so on. What is left after that? Charity events, nature people, hippies, book worms…? I think I will have to get creative lol.