@tobyone thank you for the peptalk!
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The Art of Selfishness is a book by David Seabury here’s the blurb: Are you shocked by selfishness? Then you are just the person who can most benefit from mastering the art of selfishness - because you probably allow yourself to be made the victim of people who use the word “selfish” as a weapon to compel you to do what they want. This landmark book provides a total, specific, working program that can put you in control of your life. By showing you how to improve your business life, your family life, your sex life, your relationship with your in-laws, even your creative life, The Art of Selfishness, can make you a happier person.
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There are a couple of books with a similar title, one by Brigitte van Tuijl called The Art of Divine Selfishness, basically a spiritual take on putting oneself first (hopefully not a paradox) . All fascinating reading material, thanks.
Alright, nearing the end of ST2 and it is a journey that will reap rewards for the near future however it is messing me up. Having to ease up on the Ascension loops as combined with Dragon ST2 is a little too much for me at the moment, had a reconciliation episode where the world looked bleak, I was still a little fat, have no resources and was frustrated with my pace of progress. Then I reminded myself that the Dragon path only started in October and its tough. Ascension loops might need to be maybe a once a week play. I’ve possibly underestimated the power of stacking healing and boosting.
Despite that, my own confidence is slowly climbing up to a fairly basic level and I’m starting to get respect - mostly other men saying good morning on the street.
Also a burgeoning sense of frame developing - as I’m being subtly shit tested by family - and passing it (me saying quietly “is that all you’ve got?”)
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One week of rest completed and trying to narrow down the overload symptoms from my stack has lead to EMF sensitivity caused by and parasites! So have included some binaurals that deal with it. It must have worked because my stomach is once again shedding weight, down to the last few inches.
Feeling a lot happier, whole and complete! Family senses a change as I’m now more integrated and solid. Having the attitude of I deserve it, learning from my mistakes of giving too much and staking my place on earth whether others like it or not.
Then a massive revelation hit me and realising that the nonsense with my mother with the criticisms and unnecessary competition is - a giant shit test!
Basic red pill info you already know about:
Women need someone to push up against and are constantly shit testing to see if you’re really that strong man she thinks you might be. A man who doesn’t care either way because whether she stays or goes, he’ll be okay with himself (watch out for shaming, which destroys confidence). He is desired simply by staying in his own frame.
I’m dealing with my mother in a way that she’s backing down quite quickly from the useless criticisms and even putting her on the defensive for once. It’s an irritating waste of my time but it’s happening less and less and now and again it is sweet to turn up the heat on others for once.
Art painting is going well too, I’ll link a post to the artists thread (that I’ve avoided so long) soon for fear of exposure. Instagram posts have comments like “forward it to popular accounts” it’s that impressive. (Thank you Ultimate Artist!)
Onto Stage 3 and Ascension and let’s consolidate this shit.
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I was actually going to ask if Paragon deals with parasites. I’ve seen a lot about that lately on my social media feeds. I don’t knowingly have parasites but I plan on doing a cleanse at some point because fatigue is something I’ve dealt with for a long while and either way some fasting and a cleanse/detox will help.
Dragon Stage 3 takeoff
So what can I see from the skies? Projective identification
Pathological projective identification - A child looks to his parent for accurate reinforcement of who he is in the world. The narcissistic parent will say: “I feel terrible, but the problem isn’t me, it’s you. You are terrible. Why are you so terrible?”
There’s a conflict between the new identity forming within and the one handed to me by family and society. In order to survive I’ve adopted the part of “evil bad man” for so long that a newer fairer self concept is causing terrible reconciliation.
I cannot freely just being my true self around people who believe God made a mistake with my existence. So I fall in line with what society insists I am, even though it’s bullshit.
Stage 3 comes with a foresight to recognise how my whole life track comes from the tightly imposed identity of “this person isn’t worth a goddamn”. The dilemma I now have is can I break out of this box and give myself permission to think differently, positively and separately? It’s not easy to reverse this type of gaslighting but I’m adding Rebirth to help with this.
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Good stuff. Getting free is not always an easy path.
Similar to what I’ve gone through with people. It’s left me unable to hold a job until I can get this solved hopefully with DR too when I can afford it.
I’ve done the “work” on myself for like 20 years. The happier and freer I got the more the world hated me. It’s like I’m a mirror and people see their own bullshit but want to tag that on me even if I’m just feeling a state of love and freedom. It’s gotten better as I persist in taking out my triggers so they have nothing to “feed” on and therefore lose their will for trying to cause conflict and blame it on me.
So how I think of it is the more “right” I get the more wrong the world sees me because that’s how it’s programmed. To go right in this world is to be wrong to the programming. Fortunately many people are stepping or even falling out of the program as time progesses and things seem to be coming to a peak or something.
“It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - J. Krishnamurti
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You should look into increasing your metabolism and methylation first, which should solve any pathological infections. Fasting and cleanse/detox will only weaken you and worsen infections unless you are already healthy, which then it should help.
If you fast when unhealthy you will degrade your thymus and your ability for the thymus to adapt to viral mutations, which puts your body in an inflammatory state.
If you cleanse/detox incorrectly you could kill off beneficial Helminths, which open you up for a worse infections, and worsen the inflammation caused by an inefficient immune system, causing autoimmunity.
Something that could be researched is HIV positive people with no viral load. Getting a healthy body is key and it doesn’t require fasting, cleansing or detoxing.
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Stage 3 morbid realisation
I get it now.
Selected as the family garbage can before I could speak. Used for my mother’s unmet needs, then thrown away for another sibling. I’m family but I’m not. The odd one out. They tolerate me barely, just enough to keep around, but no more. For a top there has to be a bottom. I’m the bottom. I don’t exist. Then I wonder why the people I attract also have little regard. Desperate to be loved.
Stage 3 is a bitter red pill to swallow and I can see the difficult life track all the way back from infancy to now, barely noticed, validation starved, barely tolerated. Essentially set up to fail.
Why don’t I just leave and have my own life?
You’re a grown adult now. Am I still waiting for the love and validation that I never received? Do I even have the adult tools to survive independently?
Does leaving still = abandonment = death?
What can I do now to permanently end the cycle? I have no adult preparation to live independently, but if I don’t do it, I never will.
Stage 3 is clearing the last remains of trauma and reinforcing the confidence needed for a better life, unfortunately it still boils down to me or them.
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This is deep stuff!
How are you doing with it so far?
DR should help.
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@rvconsultant Rebirth is a great addition, as it helps lessen being in “two minds” type reconciliation which manifests physically.
Mentally, I’ve prepared myself to entertain the unthinkable of separating permanently. Seeing the bigger picture, there’s no other option.
A number of my friendships have changed since DR. Not that there was anything wrong, they just changed without any logical reason.
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Stage 3 is the shit.
It’s all well and good saying affirmations like I love myself and I have self worth, but why? What exactly is worthy about me?
I had no clue what about me was unique, talented and worthy. No space to develop my self concept either due to the tough childhood environment.
Enter Stage 3.
I’m now aware of what makes me tick, my likes and dislikes, value system and such, so that it stays with me whilst interacting with life and not disappearing when others with more conviction show up. This is fundamental development that should have been completed before age 7 now finally showing up.
Now I realise why I had such a chronic need to cling onto people and seek validation my life:
I tried to get others to tell me who I am!
A dangerous position to be in, vulnerable to users and narcissists of varying degrees.
Why not develop a list of qualities that I possess and install them in the mind instead? Sounds like a plan.
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I’m a little disappointed with the progress of healing as during Stage 3 work, another family event happened (the usual I can still trigger you off for shiggles headfuckery games) and now I’ve dug out Regeneration for releasing. It’s demoralising that shit like this can still happen which distracts from the perceived linear progress of this sub stack.
On the upside I’m still appreciating the development of the emerging sense of self with its own kinks and drives.
I now get these unconscious downloads when half asleep, as if my intuition suddenly opened out and is now connecting to a great source of information. Can’t say whether that’s Dragon Stage 3 eyesight or it was working on the third eye all this time, with the ongoing recon in that area.
Other than that, things going right are:
- Much reduced hardcore deep difficult trauma conditioning
- Regeneration dealing with that unexpected trauma
- Ongoing physical recon issues easing up
- Still losing weight (the inflation diet)
- Self perception has changed (Ascension)
- Less time watching YouTube
- Art painting more refined and efficient and looking more realistic
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Ran Regeneration last night as it became available in ZP last night and now up from a very deep sleep. Didn’t have that in a long time.
First result is the heavy sinusitis (spiritual) that has been present since starting Dragon 3 months ago lifted within 5 minutes. Second was my calf muscle started twitching.
Now up and refreshed, feeling a natural calm and a clear head. A day before ZP Dragon had me calm and relaxed with most of the usual trauma triggers gone, even if they came about, they were around a 2/10 intensity. I’m used to feeling 7/10.
I plan on finishing Dragon ST3 however I’d be interested in how Regen ZP performs.
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OK this is weird…
Received an email from someone who represents my art enquiring about a couple of paintings. This is after several years of hearing nothing from them.
Also another person enquired about my blog that I’ve been neglecting…
Not saying it’s all down to ZP, but that’s a little too odd to be in demand all of a sudden…
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Imagine a time when being “broken” was no longer an identity. That’s Regeneration ZP. This one sub has done more to motivate me to move out of victim identity and just get on with living live the way I want to. Very happy with the update.
Now back to the Dragon ST3 for another spin.
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Regeneration ZP insights
Did test Regeneration with Wanted, but have since dropped Wanted as I don’t feel particularly wanted at the moment.
Trying two loops as I might be a hard gainer, every time I play a new subliminal, my mind reacts as if something outside is invading and blocks it with sinusitis usually the result. One loop makes me sleepy, playing two makes me hyper like a madman.
Couple of thoughts accompanied by reconciliation and mild anger:
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the time I was unfairly sacked from a job because the middle class staff were jealous of myself and a team mate. HOW DARE YOU take food out of my mouth just because you are a scumbag individual who doesn’t mind destroying my life just to get even. Fucking evil [___].
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Abandoned once again even though I’m 40 years old, a grown ass adult at mama’s place. Pathetic. Time to get out but how am I going to handle it this time with no financial back up guaranteed?
Observing how frustrated about my current circumstances, I’ll try to relax and think things through.
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I have forgiven an long time friend for moving on. Previously I kept ruminating in my mind about why she no longer responded to my texts anymore (biggest gap was three months) and decided to accepted that the friendship is over and draw it to a close myself. Probably for the best. This also means letting go of her opinions and beliefs as well.
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Reconciliation is different on ZP, like a quick burst of anger with restlessness.
Coincidentally the reason for my constant sinusitis is the anger I hold towards my narcissistic mother, his she is unflinchingly stubborn and inflexible, if she’s declared me the “bad seed” who does everything wrong, why am I trying so hard to change her mind?
What do I stand to gain by remaining with someone who is toxic to my system? Safety from the outside world? What am I scared of, since I’ve done it before twice?
Immediately after my recon episode:
- unexpectedly got a call and I’m going away to work in a different location for a couple of days, so will take this opportunity to breathe, live and be myself and use it as inspiration for the near future.
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