How would you compare the healing effects of CFW and LBFH?
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CFW is very direct in its healing, consistently showing you your weakest links. Rebirth and LD, both in CFW, allow for that transition into the desired state of mind. It’s sometimes smooth, sometimes intense, depending on how much it’s been addressed before.
LBFH, from my experience, seems to slowly infiltrate your mind and experiences, showing itself in different attitudes and behaviors. But its approach is completely different than CFW. LBFH seems to entice you into its ways, and one can easily see people responding positively, cementing its usefulness. It’s the “nicest” and easiest form of healing. It always feels better to be loving towards ourselves and others vs. being spiteful or unkind. This keeps one coming back again and again, even to just feel one’s own value as a person regularly.
CFW has some self-love scripting, and in recent weeks I’ve felt it. But the push to heal unhealthy beliefs is still on. CFW is a full healing package. It’s no joke.
For me personally, it pushes me to be responsible for myself, and I’ve never experienced that so heavily on a healing subliminal. That’s been my weakest link, and that’s why I’ve stuck with it. Before CFW, dodging my own thoughts and feelings was literally my full-time job.
Thanks for the question @Michel. I’ve truly enjoyed this reminder to myself.
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July 4, 2023
CFW this morning
I feel myself in a not so uncomfortable transition.
I woke up knowing it was July 4th, so no work. And something came up. My ex-wife used to be involved in the local women’s club, and I got involved because they had a marching band. I played trumpet with them, and if we were together, I’d be there now since they march on major holidays.
Well… I had a new thought that came with feelings. I’ve had this draw to go anyway. Alone.
Am I desiring to be around women and be noticed? Yes. Yes, I actually am. I’ve been consistently sabotaging this. Repeatedly.
I’m trying to reconcile the opposing messages in my head right now. My main thing is not forgetting who I am when talking to a woman. I thought being with a woman meant me being a yes man. I don’t want that. I just want to be able to forgive myself easier if I drift there.
I know that I also try to instantly forget my mistakes. The major problem with this is that I don’t learn. Nothing changes when I make memories evaporate. So that’s why I’m wrestling with these middle school dating fears when around women (at 51).
And if anyone’s noticed, this is all BRAND NEW thinking for me. I’m actually trying to solve my hang-ups with women.
Still doing a headshake here. WOW!!
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July 5, 2023
Rest day
Something I’m facing nonstop this last 24 hours is a gut level resistance to hiding in a fantasy world. I’ve done this my whole life to escape pressures, but it’s been very uncomfortable when I’ve persisted in it recently.
It’s uncomfortable, even now. I’ve run off mentally so often that I’m seeing myself dragging out of bed, hoping the fantasy of avoidance will work.
It’s not.
I’m angry. I’ve used this as a staple in my life. Pissed and scared since change demands I let go of stuff. Holding on to stuff has also been a staple.
I’ll see where this takes me today. Just dealing with true recon.
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Also, I used Emperor as my second title yesterday.
I’ve used hiding and lying to myself most of my life as another escape. I just realized I had left out Emperor–since I feared rejection and abandonment. That was my core fear.
I’ll do things which aren’t always recommended or advised, but I always hide it or lie about it to avoid–just saw this–I may reject myself.
I hide lots of things from myself since I … don’t accept myself much. Tears now. That’s my core issue.
CFW is doing this. I feel all messy now. Free-er too.
Did you listen to an alpha male sub?
I started at SC in 2018 using Ascension for months. I’ve used Emperor and Stark separately for different intervals too. Why do you ask?
Was just curious, i misread something in your last post.
Keep going erverything will be fine
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July 6. 2023
CFW and Emperor this morning
Ok, I wanted it. I wanted to know if Emperor and CFW could actually work well together. I had a good day keeping my cool, and I even had a situation where I could have stepped in (anger being the motive), but it actually ended much better than expected.
I thought CFW wasn’t a good match with Emperor since one’s soft and emotional, and the other isn’t. I had doubts while listening.
I’m home now after work, and I even delayed coming home–since I’ve followed my 90 year old’s patterns, me trying to be “nice” all the time. Well, I’ve lied to myself a lot. I’ve put on a face. I’m in my room now, barely saying hello while I walked in, and I’m still wearing my earplugs since his TV’s on 24/7. Loudly.
Fuck. What I’m realizing is I’ve accepted these low standards for myself since…it meant he’d accept me. I’d tone down who I am to make him happy. WTF am I doing? I’m doing the same thing I’ve done with family so I’d “fit in”. My place here, yours there, so everyone can feel safe. No major changes so we’re “safe”.
What I’m realizing…and wow, I’m doing this…is I’m grateful that I’m really uncomfortable. That I’ll speak up if necessary.
But no. He’s not the person making me unhappy and mad. I created this. I maintain it. He doesn’t. I just acquiesce, and he’s not even aware. I hear a critical judgement, and I often agree.
I often don’t disagree since his “safe space” (mentality) puts everyone in a narrow box. Fuck him, he’s not right. I’m not used to disagreeing. — I’ll call bullshit on what I just said. I’ve been afraid to disagree since it meant, in my mind, that I’d be abandoned. That’s the very core of a “nice guy” per the guy who wrote “No More Mr. Nice Guy”.
Maybe Emperor is working ok with CFW. Because this shit pisses me off, but I’m finding my own solutions. I can’t let others dictate my life.
I’m surprised I just wrote all that since this nice guy keeps lots of secrets. Fuck it.
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July 7, 2023
Rest day
I stayed in my room all night. I avoided my housemate.
No, no, no.
I avoided myself. I’m still avoiding me. My throat feels locked up. I’m afraid of something. It’s like something monumental in size.
I read last night’s post before writing and am stirred by abandonment fears. I avoid memories or talk of it in real life. But writing it allows some access to memories since I’m alone.
I was also on the DR LD thread. Around others, but wanting to be invisible again. Like my junior high and high school years.
I wanted love and friends. I just didn’t think I was worth it. I also feared you leaving me so I never got close. Still living by those rules. The very same rules.
So that’s my pain. My issue. I always thought my brother coming back would heal me. Honest to God. I felt abandoned and rejected…so I hid…me. I hid me. From me. That’s the pain I created. And still live with. Life’s a painful mess living like that.
That’s life presently. I cried when I first started writing. I’m back to having my throat locked up.
Just like in junior high, high school, AND college. That clenched throat was me holding back. Holding me in.
I created this life. Losing courage and words.
More tears came, but the closed throat returns as well. Am I fixable?
Edit. CFW is working magically all in this writing. Without it, I’d not have owned any of this. And I edited my last line twice. I feared taking responsibility for myself once again.
Let’s see how the day goes
I realized I’ve equated taking responsibility with being very cruel to myself after making a mistake.
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June 7, 2023 (cont.)
Both mentally and emotionally, I was off today. I feel like this unmovable anchor in my life got a serious yank before I even got out of bed. Writing can do that to me, which is why I’m writing now. I’m trying to see the truth in my life.
- Got out of bed grudgingly. Not because of work. Because of feeling ripped from my normal. I wanted something called “safe”.
- Left without my keys. Had to go back, forgetting to put the garbage out.
- Lost a tool at work. I told people who are safer, but didn’t tell my super. I could only imagine him flipping out, threatening and shaming me, so no fucking way. I left without him knowing.
- I realized that I assume some will be only negative…but I was only imagining other’s negative responses. I know this, but people will often meet you where you’re at, and even play out what you’re seeking. One person comes with a smile, and others match him. Another comes with a snarl, and quickly people are moody and discontent.
So, in short, I felt really disconnected from my normal mental and emotional reality.
One thing I noticed myself doing repeatedly was:
- I found myself looking to blame others for only imagined offenses. I never had any issue with anyone in real life; this was all in my head. Because if it’s “your” fault, it takes the pressure off me. What prompted me was a fear of painful rejection, and ultimately, abandonment. As in fearing a total loss.
Lastly, I’ve been writing for 20 minutes, and I’m looking at the last paragraph. What kind of pressure do I put on myself to not fail? That’s my sticking point, my never-ending push to not be caught fucking up.
I’ll just write this: Can I disable this? I’d give a lot to be able to do that.
July 8, 2023
Genesis this morning
So much is in motion mentally. I listened to Genesis 15 minutes ago, and it was quite relaxing vs. what I’ve felt the last couple of days.
I even replied to my crypto miner this morning, asking him a question I know I’ve already asked him. I couldn’t remember his reason for a decision, I asked, and then added on where I’m at now.
Maybe it’s lack of sleep, but my memory has been off ever since unburying those memories of emotional and physical abandonment just 2 days ago. As if my memory wants to hold on to nothing. I’ve had shorter, less intense episodes of this while doing healing work (DR St.1, for example). I just don’t understand it.
And I’ll say this. I feel like my whole identity/reality has been severely shaken, and my brain is waiting on the dust to settle so it can (possibly) try to rebuild its fantasy supports again. Which has been my norm. I don’t know. I’m only guessing.
I do feel quite unhinged from those normal supports.
I have to work today, but I’ll come home and drop in bed. I need some R&R.
June 8, 2023 (cont.)
Real life. Consequences. Results. And lessons being learned.
I had a reality check with myself 15 minutes ago. I came home with a coworker, which I requested since I knew rain was imminent and my own transportation is a scooter. I asked for the ride last night and he came early this morning
Note: I felt slightly uncomfortable since he’s picked me up half a dozen times, and I’ve not given him any gas money or anything besides verbal thanks. This uncomfortableness has been growing in me lately. I’ve not really known why.
And he dropped me off. No issues, and I thanked him verbally again.
I walked in my place, and was quickly informed I’d blocked my housemate’s car by parking behind him yesterday. I’d planned on riding my scooter into work today before checking the weather last night.
My housemate was quick to jump up when I walked in since he needed to get to the bank to make a needed deposit. He began sharing his ordeal in being stuck there all day due to my parking location.
And…I grumbled (in my head). “Whah whah! Why do you have to only complain to me? I’m not your problem!”
But something…CFW or Genesis…had me consider myself once he’d left. I’ve felt (and acted) more like a small child lately. But…I’m a grown man. And I’m queuing him–even nonverbally demanding–to treat me like a small child.
But… I’m an adult. Then it hit me.
I’ve expected him and others to treat me with kid gloves, as if I were a small child right now. Today. I’ve had these very real unspoken expectations of him.
Oh my… I’m acting like a child hoping he’ll 'be nice", and I’m basically not taking responsibility for so many decisions I make. CFW and Genesis are blaring in my emotional self right now…since this thought process is causing me a LOT of conflict. I’ve only been dodging this, kicking the can down the road.
Sitting with the felt consequences now. This is demanding action on my part. I’ve had those same expectations with the coworker who drove me, which is why I’ve been uncomfortable lately. I’ve expected, expected, and expected more kid-like treatment. Damn, this is wrong.
I have to change. I’ve been taking the easy way. But real-life consequences aren’t nice, nor desirable. I don’t like this since I’m playing on people’s sympathies. This demands a change.
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Shit. I came here…damn…to play on people’s sympathies, right here at SC. I can’t complain.
I’m feeling very young and soft, but that’s me. I’m learning how to be an adult–but whining is a manipulation of people’s trust. That’s not who I want to be. I don’t want this.
I’ve gotta deal with the old messages and beliefs.
I just listened to 3 minutes of Sanguine.
I’ve been scared to move today. I began a detached post this morning after reading someone’s old post about changes they’d made. I began it and was slowly overwhelmed by a part of me in pain and not wanting to be hurt again. I was wanting to be positive.
Truthfully, I was attempting to influence my painful parts there was hope.
Nope. Not true. I’ve not wanted to feel so much pain. Done. I said it. I don’t like feeling stuck in pain.
I don’t want to see my housemate since I only imagine judgments. I’m gonna leave for a while.
July 12, 2023
Rest day
I’ve had some major recon since last weekend. I’m going to take another rest day.
But my reason for writing is something that hit me this morning.
I’ve always expected life to be easy for me. Having brothers who would take the hardest tasks or consequences had me knowing I could avoid a lot of undesirable stuff.
I never thought about this, but when my middle brother left, that was when this fantasy was ripped from me. I just never let it go. I’m dead serious. My life has wrapped around decisions trying to keep it alive.
And now, personal responsibility. Both thrill and disgust is felt physically. In my mind I see myself pulling and straining to walk forward.
But what I’m actually doing is trying to ignore my one finger holding on to this large, unmoving steel object. I’m really trying hard to be ignorant of this, and I’m hoping (childishly fantasizing) that noone else notices either. Yeah, that’s me.
This is the choice I made. It’s a choice I’m still making. I have never really considered not living like this. It’s always been a fun fantasy.
Wondering…why do people change? I even wonder “can I?” And “do I want to?”
What else is there?
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Only today it became crystal clear to me how to deal with topical recon (related to the goals of your programming) and amplify the results. It may be that it works with WB and DR:LD only as they’re based on the newest technology but you could give it a try anyhow, mate. I’m posting it here since there may be more people who find it beneficial.
To amend recon try to do something to get more align with the scripting (socialize, for example) and avoid doing things that are in its opposition like looking for isolation, for example.
The rule behind it is:
When recon hits, fake it (try to mimic what the scripting is supposed to accomplish) till you make it.
It’s enough to stop listening to the insecurity thoughts caused by the recon and set your intention on feeling into your new role (your sub wants you to align with) and playing it for a minute or two. Then it gets effortless. Yet you still need to mind (monitor) those thoughts coming back periodically and act accordingly to get rid of them in the way described above.
Setting your intent on feeling into the role (your sub wants you to play) and acting accordingly not only helps resolve recon but it also amplifies the results. The whole thing is about fighting off the insecurity thoughts stemming from recon this way and allowing yourself to be led by that persona (your sub is instilling in you).
Hope it will help you, mate.
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Thank you Voytek. I’m already trying to be more social and responsible this morning due to your post.
And no, it’s not new knowledge. The new titles just may be bringing this to your attention.
I’ve used this same principle with SC subs in the past. I’d be pushed to do something way out of my comfort zone (thinking of Emperor now), and when I consistently looked for ways to act out the sub, I’d often find one.
It did help me embrace the persona. It did.
I actually enjoyed my ride into work this morning. I got picked up at my house, and we talked nonstop. Socializing has been much more enjoyable since that normal inclination to play powerless has been slipping away. This is so much more fulfilling.
Thank you so much for your reminder and encouragement. It’s the little things that matter 
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