That’s Emperor, man
This happens to me occasionally when I don’t have enough energy and enthusiasm for something productive
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I see, so you felt like when you need rest nothing is interesting enough, because you want to get back on the grind?
Can you rephrase that? I’m not sure I understand you correctly
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Done. Makes sense?
4th cycle starts today. Pushing to 4 min.
C4
Emperor 04:00
Index Gate: UPX 04:00
Recon been tough. I realised recon is always extra rough around cycle 3-4, which is usually when I switch stack. But this time I’m going to work through this. I refuse to be a broken record.
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Yes, thank you
Well, I honestly just think that it’s recon - you do behavior from your old personality (in this case, playing games), but the Emperor script has already been ingrained to your subconscious so that you feel bored when not working towards your goals
OR, it might be just boredom with one activity. I don’t believe that we can get “tired” and “fatigued” in our day-to-day life even if we are very productive. I believe that when we are tired, means we are just bored of the activity and other productive activities don’t excite us as much. In this case, either gotta find another productive and very exciting activity, or look at your life and figure out if you have some “leaks of energy”
Look at the section “Psyche, Energy and Choices” of this post: Best discipline sub? - #34 by WorldOvertaker
This post might also be helpful. I’m yet to add more stuff there… On enthusiasm, life enjoyment and true productivity
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Thank you, will check it out. 
It’s definitely related to recon in some way. It’s also a complex thing for me. Is it enjoyable, am I coping, or both?
Started having thoughts of streaming again. But that is also a slippery slope. Because it feels like it might be a delusion. As in “faked” productivity, but in reality I’m just coping. Like I’m “chasing” my dream, doing this streaming thing, but in reality just coping. Just rationalisation to escape.
Anyway, confusing times ahead.
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FOCUS, what a concept.
Only takes a little focus and you running laps around the cheetos.
Stressful final weeks of project and I’m getting heat on me, so I just need to put my head down, lock in and get through this, one task and breath at a time. 🫡
In other news, this girl at work is deer in the headlight staring multiple times during a convo with other people. Like talk, pause, stare, continue convo, pause, stare, continue convo, repeat.
It’s weird 
I’ve seen her do this multiple times. I just find it interesting, because I’m in a LTR already. I wonder if that’s just one of her weird quirks or she got something going for me.
Anyway, she’s a superior and I feel like I have to handle this one delicate.
Gym habit going great. 
“And why are you worried about clothes? See how the lilies and wildflowers of the field grow; they do not labor nor do they spin wool to make clothing, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory and splendor dressed himself like one of these.”
It’s all about perspective. The mind can be very limiting.
Little me and my little life situation.
Your view is limited.
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I was suprised how easy my code was to change to meet changing requirements this week.
Usually it’s so bad that it takes ages to change, and I don’t know where to start. At least that’s my memory of past jobs.
Now I just pick a spot and make a tiny change, output the results, and it’s exactly the results I wanted. And the code file is big. It’s almost a god class.
But it’s all clear, which means I’ve written really clean, flexible and understandable code.
Knock on wood.
Another thing I’ve been contemplating out of nowhere past days is self-love. Unconditional, inherit love. Of course, we might be disappointed with urselves at times, but there is still inherent self- worth.
It just bubbles up, out of nowhere. 
I want to cultivate it more.
I suspect, as I’ve suspected in the past, the sub that gives me really unpleasant recon is limitless. I want to work through it.
Woke up to a msg from a coworker giving me praise for the last weeks hard work.
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Life is not an anime bro, you’re not Son Goku.
This stack has me making 10 year plans. 🫡
Patience is key. 
discipline is the lock 
Got a photoshoot tomorrow for a company interview piece.
Making headways in my current project. I received a risky ticket because they thought I could do it. They believe in me, it’s time for me to believe in myself.
Customer obsession Inc.
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Great knowledge is subtle. It’s almost like a poem. The problem with poetry is you can easily miss the point. 
Being. Not doing.
I’ve hit the gym 3 days a week for 4 weeks now. I think we got a new solid habit again.
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Emperor is amazing dude. Limitless as well. But oh boy. The recon is so tough for me at times but the realisations, the lessons and the growth that comes from going through it and getting these NSE moments is so worth it bro… so worth it.
Stick to it! Don’t switch.
The recon is the way bro. Don’t switch. It’s a trap. But also, go ahead, switch. It’s also part of the journey. You can’t shortcut it, sadly. You can’t copy, your journey is your own.
Interestingly enough I’ve stopped judging. We all have to go through it alone sometimes, that’s the only way.
I’m so glad I’ve come to this understanding of recon and growth.
Grateful 
I had this photo session today with this hot marketing department girl. It felt like she was taking photos for her own needs if you get what I mean.
Literally you take 2-3 photos, but she took like 30 of me, in different places and different poses. I felt like a piece of meat. 
What a pain, such suffering, wow
Lol
Also what happened to all the scales in the gym? I want to see my weight so I can set a weight goal, but no gym have it! I need to buy one tomorrow.
Also, gaming. I’m slowly losing interest. Who knows, maybe I’ll become a IRL:ifer instead. We shall see what happens to this hobby. If it was only to cope, it will disappear pretty quick. If it’s real, it’ll stay. No mercy.
If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”
I’m not religious, and if anything I’m most likely a Pastafarian, or even better, a Ramenarian 
. But boy is Sermon On The Mount deep. 
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Great progress today clarifying out the customer requirements! I have things to build now for the upcoming days. It’s going to be lit! 
Things being reflected upon:
- Validation
- Imposter Syndrome
- Sexual validation (and fantasies)
It’s so stupid.
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Je m’appelle empereur, donnez-moi une baguette et deux livres de recon.
Gaming is gone I think.
Today my new colleague at work told me I have proven I’m senior with how I’ve been dealing with this ungrateful sh*t sandwich of a integration ticket.
What a fool!
He doesn’t know how hot my imposter syndrome succubus is and how powerless I am. I’m intoxicated with her bro. She’s my one itis. 
your validation is ignored!
I nominated him to colleague of the year, though. He’s been a champ.
I also feel I care less about female validation from random girls. Which is natural and should be the case as I am in a LTR. Making progress on my reflections. It’s simple once you realise how foolish it is. But it’s hard and I have ways to go.
Every recon wave is like a wave of lava, what’s then left is the strong core only. I am starting to enjoy this dance.
Met with a dietician. Why? I’ve probably read more fitness stuff and done more random diets and fasting fads, and reaped the results, abs and beer bellies, more than all of her clients combined probably.
So why?
Because I like to experience new things and I also want to support my local hot Persian dietician. 
Second part was a half joke. She is hot, but she can support herself, given her rate.
I want to see what I can learn and also experience something new in the real world.
First up is a blood test.
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