-
I felt like hand hammered horse shit when I woke up this afternoon. Just mentally exhausted and out of sorts.
I’m feeling better now, but the stress about financial matters that had been pretty much banished is trying to creep back in along with negative visualizations and all of that fun stuff.
I don’t know if adding Primal was a good idea.
I’ll give it another run tomorrow, but if this trend continues, I think I’ll add RICH back in, or do DE2 solo for the foreseeable future. -
I have noticed a pattern here. Any sub that tries to make me more social seems to cause me serious recon. And frankly I don’t think I can say that any social or sexual sub has ever worked for me. I might be overstating the case there, and also not giving myself enough credit in that as things stand now I don’t have enough exposure to social situations for any social or seduction sub to have a chance to show results.
I was hoping that Primal would actually enhance the results of Emperor, and maybe it still will. -
This may be a sign that I shouldn’t be trying to do too many things at once. My goal for the year was to get life under control and maybe I should be sticking to that. If so, then after I’ve achieved that sufficiently, I can spend some time focused on the social and sexual stuff.
Stupid responsibility. -
On the good side, I woke up to a money manifestation this morning. I am currently working an extra twelve hour shift.
That has historically been the first way that RICH starts working when I start running it, so I’m getting some momentum there.
I’m grateful for that.
I may try that. These new uns are no joke.
-
Having thought about it, I’m at least going to try keeping Primal in my stack.
The type of masculinity that the sales copy describes is definitely something I want in the “new me” that I’m trying to form this year, and I’ve had first loop recon before and gotten through it.
I can see not running PS for the time being since the lack of contact with women would not allow much in the way of execution and that would likely be recon city.
Primal however is about much more than seduction. I want the fun in my life. I want the relaxed IDGAF attitude, I want the badassness.
Those things have been missing from my makeup since I was a kid.
That might be why this and Khan cause me recon. It’s just very difficult for my subconscious to see myself that way. -
I finished listening to One Small Step Can Change Your Life. I’ll decide what my next self improvement listen is on Monday.
I love that fuckin book
There were a lot of good ideas in there.
I thought of this post by Saint days ago when you were antsy to see results. These truths relax my impatience.
When I ran New Emperor last cycle, it’d stir me up and irritate me, and I could only look and wait for some epiphany. Since I’ve been on Phoenix heavily since then, it was obvious to me that I’d been used to “thinking” about my problems–so I rarely changed anything.
And Phoenix is tossing this norm up in the air, completely disrupting all my “safe” ways to avoid changing.
There’s both beauty and pain in this crossover. I’m freeing myself from very closed-off mindsets, yet I’m frequently seeking those old mindsets for safety. We know what we know. Until something changes.
Yeah, Phoenix is burning up old ways daily. I’m on day 2 of washout, and it seems like I only listened 12 hours ago. It’s that active.
I saw that one too. I’m definitely seeing results from Emperor, and I can’t say Primal isn’t doing anything because it kicked my ass yesterday.
- I just got a call from my Dad. He says that there is a very strong possibility that he is dying in the very near future.
I don’t know how to react to that. At the moment I’m just thinking, ok, 2024 is the year I have to face things. All right, let’s go.
Emperor.
**1/8/24 CYCLE 1 WEEK 3**
-
I did my first GBRS group workout this afternoon. It wasn’t too bad.
This is definitely a program for go muscle rather than show muscle. There are a lot of weird mobility movements to start with. I have to say that my hips and lower back feel a lot better than they have in a long time.
There are also a lot of things like heavy kettle bell swings.
I’m liking it so far and though I feel like I’m going to wake up sore tomorrow, I think I can hit it hard five days a week and keep pushing myself hard enough that I’ll see a huge result both in performance and looks a year from now. -
I ran DE2 for six minutes and Primal for five again last night. I woke up feeling fine. There was no sub hangover or exhaustion this time.
I don’t know that I’m noticing anything from Primal at this point.
Actually maybe I am. Maybe.
There were a number of attractive women in the gym. I didn’t stare, but I looked at them.
The thing that might or might not be different is that I wasn’t at all worried about getting caught looking. I just plain didn’t care one way or the other.
- I’ve been thinking about it, and the fact that I’m on a workout program now fits into that “Focus on what you have direct control over, gain momentum, upward spiral” thing that popped into my head when I first started DE2.
Achieving a higher level of fitness is really likely to help me with all of the other goals that I have.
It’ll make me look better, and more importantly feel better about how I look.
That’ll help with getting women, but that’s just the beginning of it. It might very well help me professionally as well.
The increased performance ability may be necessary for getting one of the jobs that I want.
It’s also an important thing in that Ive said that I’m going to take this action. I have the opportunity to prove to myself that I’ve gained the follow through that I’ve in large part lacked throughout my life.
That’s been a serious self imposed barrier to achieving the things I want and living the life I want to throughout my life.
Now I’m putting a crack in that wall.
-
This morning I woke up to my alarm, did my reading and got ready for the gym.
Unfortunately, the wife’s doctors appointment went long, so I had to pick the kid up.
Guess what? I went to the gym anyway. Got my full workout in, and was just an hour or so late getting home. -
I’ve been being a lot more active looking at various sites for another job. I applied for a couple on Friday that were in my field, and either paid better or looked like they might.
I got a call back on one of them today.
At the end of the conversation, I asked the lady what the pay rate was.
I know that that’s not generally considered a good idea at that stage of the game, but in my case, I have an extremely impressive resume for my field, and I’m not going to waste my time and a recruiter’s if they aren’t going to pay me enough.
It turns out that it was considerably less than I make now so I politely said I wasn’t interested.
You know what? That actually felt great.
I am established enough in my field that I can tell a potential employer no, and can tell them what I’m worth. Not because I’m entitled, but because I’ve earned it.
-
I ran seven minutes of DE2 tonight, but I kept Primal to five. I think I’m going to hold it there at least for this week.
I get a bit more of a, call it pressure feeling from Primal while I’m running it, so the material is obviously more difficult for my subconscious to wrap itself around than DE2. That’s OK, I have all the time in the world for it to work on it. -
I may have seen a small result from Primal though.
There is a new girl at the counter at the gym. She’s a bit fluffy (in a good way) and nerdy cute which is a preference of mine.
She was definitely making a different kind of eye contact with me when I came in, and obviously made a point to come out and say bye when I left. I’d have waved that away before, but I sense something there. -
I’m amazed at the discipline and habit forming aspects of the new Emperor. Working out daily feels like it’s just what I do even though I’ve only been doing it for two days. So does reaching for a self improvement book instead of my phone first thing when I wake up.
- I woke up feeling like I’d been beaten with a bag of doorknobs this afternoon.
The two workouts that I’ve done this week really took their toll.
Not long ago I’d have taken that as an excuse to skip today.
I didn’t even think of it. I dragged my sore ass into the gym and crushed it.
I also did my reading first thing, and did a small Kaizen step to organize the place as well.
This run is going REALLY well.
- I noticed that I can actually see physical changes already when I looked in the mirror this afternoon. My biceps look bigger and more defined. I just look generally better too.
-
Something is different today. Or more accurately I’ve noticed a difference that has probably been building for a while.
That is that I have a sense of surety that when I say I’m going to make something happen, it’s going to happen.
I don’t know, there is just a steel behind my thoughts that wasn’t there before. A sense that yes, this is in my control and it is possible if I make it possible. -
I noticed several women in the gym today. I tried to see if they noticed me, and as far as I could tell, I was invisible. An effect I’ve noticed before. In that context that’s fine by me, I’m there to workout, but I’m hoping to see some of that crazy random attraction that others have described with Primal.
Also, I’ve only been running it for a week.
- I did it. I did every workout I was supposed to this week.
That might not sound like much to some, but I’ve always had trouble with consistency on that, especially recently with little time in my schedule.
Hell, I didn’t even get a perfect week last year running Spartan and as soon as I dropped it, I just couldn’t seem to drag my ass in anymore.
Not this time. It didn’t seem like an effort and there wasn’t any internal struggle. I just did it.
-
OH look. They’re dropping stuff to tempt me off my current stack just before my washout ends.
We’ll have to see. I suspect that there’s some kind of manifestation monster in there. That might just do it, and I wonder what Primal Night is.
Other than that, I’m getting such great results from NE that it would be very hard to get me to change at least that part of it. -
I’ve been thinking. This seems to be doing just what I want it to.
That is it’s helping me become the guy I was always supposed to be.
For a long time I periodically get the sense that I am not living the life I am supposed to be living.
It’s hard to put into words. Kind of like at some point in the past I’ve made a wrong turn and gotten off of the storyline that I am supposed to be a part of. Or perhaps I’ve been knocked off of that story line. Now I’m kind of lost. Wandering around in a pointless limbo without a purpose.
In the last couple of days I’ve been getting the impression that I am drawing closer to the story I am supposed to be in again.
- I woke up kinda sore, feeling low energy, and in a bad mood this afternoon.
It’s my first day off working out today and I’m off work so I think my mind just knows that it’s ok to power down and recover a bit.
Unfortunately I woke up to the kid being endlessly loud so that didn’t do anything nice for my mood.
Maybe a little recon thrown in. Not a big deal.
- I noticed something when I looked in the mirror.
I no longer look like I have a gut when viewed from the front. I’m actually starting to look nicely V tapered.
I still stick out when looked at from the side, but that’ll go away in time too.
**1/15/24 CYCLE 1 WEEK 4**
**WASHOUT WEEK #1**
- I missed my workout today because the gym was closed for the holiday.
I did some extra cleaning tasks to make up for it, and I’ll work out on Saturday.
It’s kind of surprising when I realize how much I’ve gotten done on cleaning the house in the last few weeks. Just doing it little by little.