Have you considered Heartsong?
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Actually I didnt, cause I we already feel deep love for each others
I have experienced the same thing with my fiance. To much pressure in the past from her ex. In the beginning sex was wild, even with my PIED, but at some point it decreased seriously to mostly BJs.
After some months she confessed that the BJs were just because she felt like she needed to keep me satisfied.
What helped was that we talked a lot about it, so she could fully understand what was going inside her and we worked on this internal pressure. So if she feels like you’re improving, than that’s a great sign.
Is your girlfriend using subs as well?
Because if it’s a problem on her side, you can only do so much. You can change in a manner that she feels safe and attracted to you. But her trauma still resides in her. She needs healing in that regard. Perhaps you can use NRE to help her heal, but if she would work on it on her side, it would fasten things up enormously.
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Heartsong might als help with communicating about issues, something your lady seems to be more comfortable with.
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First of all thanks for your help.
No, she’s not using subs (I’m not even sure if they would be effective since her english is very poor).
She is all about improving her self though (mainly via psychotherapy right now), so maybe she’ll be able to sort this out.
Point is, she already feels like that. The first thing she said that she really loved about me is that she falt so safe in my presence. Also she’s constantly pointing out how good and attractive I look (I attribute this to Wanted).
Yesterday she told me that she realized that often when I approach her sexually she struggles to relax (and enjoy) the present moment, because she starts to anticipate what should ideally happen afterwards, penetrative sex
So if I understood her correctly, she needs more warm-up but she can’t go through it due to some sort of anxiety.
What I learned from it is that maybe on a personal level I should be more decisive, but often what stops me is the doubt of forcing her (she told me that she actually really during sex she loves when I am “assertive” and, in her words, " I direct her").
However, fears from my past more often than not prevent me from acting with that kind of freedom.
Do you think KB would be a bit of a stretch in my case?
I think TALKING about it is amazing… what you might be referring to is having the same conversation again and again without seeing much change. THAT’S exhausting and doesn’t feel like progress. But talking about it is the first step to progress, too.
To give you a reframe here, even just talking about it is amazing considering the alternative.
You’re not supressing it, neglecting the other person’s feelings, hiding how you feel, building up resentment, or assuming there’s nothing to worry about. Even if you don’t have results, you have mutual understanding, which means that your relationship is still succeeding as a whole, even if one part, the sex, is struggling at the moment.
This seems like a communication issue. You’re not JUST repressing your sexual energy. There is also a component where you’re being sensitive to your partner’s needs… maybe assuming your partner’s needs sometimes, but you’re “repressing” your sexual energy (if you can call it that) because you’re trying to be a good partner and sensitive to her needs, which again, is a really positive intention despite the difficult situation.
Seems like Divine Diamond is going to not only be a faster fix, but it’s also more suited to this situation, and it also going to benefit both of you as you said she has had some experiences that are contributing to this too
Pretty much seems like everything you’re looking for is here, plus your partner can experience the benefits as well.
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Nice, I like your suggestion. But isn’t it meant to be heard by both?
Wife has told me this before. “I do it sometimes to keep you happy”.
On a more negative mood day, she said she did it “So you’ll stop bugging me for it.”
Which, of course, felt like being stabbed at the time.
No real way to say something like that without it sounding like an insult.
Khan Black and Wanted Black have helped somewhat. She’s more physically affectionate but no real increase in actual sex.
So KB and WB can help for sure.
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Using KB, have you experienced a deeper sense of well-being, independent of whether or not you had sex?
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No. I still wanna dip my wick. I feel calmer about it. But it’s still there.
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Sounds like it’s not TOTALLY resolved but you did experience some deeper sense of well being? Feeling calmer about it is a level of improvement, if not total relief
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More a “choose your battles” mindset right now.
About not spinning my wheels.
Maybe in your next conversation about this, you can mention that sometimes you just like to touch her and feel her and that every time you show her physical affection doesn’t need to lead to sex, and as a matter of fact you don’t even expect it to, you just like loving on her
I think this will do a lot in decreasing that sense of internal pressure and anxiety she feels about whats going to happen next
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SUPERIORRRRRRR! 
Good book for this situation
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What?
Yes you are right. I’ve done this multiple time, in words and on a physical level (only sometimes, I feel frustrated as I said before. And I think it’s more the fear of finding myself in the same situation I was in with my ex)
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I did that as well.
I stepped into my relationship as a full porn addict, being completely open about it.
I worked my way out of the addiction with her help (we’ve met at our life coach training). When I had a relapse (2 times) it shattered her trust in me. Sex without trust is a no go for her, so no sex for 2 months.
Now, I’m sure that it’s a thing of the past, we were very close again, when she doubtet me again and her trust broke because of a misunderstanding.
So I decided to add in SSX to bridge this gap and it worked pretty fast. I was able to talk to her and get to her on a deeper level. I attribute this to NRE scripting. We’re almost as close as before whereas it normally would have needed a few weeks to get so far.
Edit
I just asked her about it. We’re even closer them before this incident happened. Superior scripting
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Nice!
I’ve opened a support ticket too, cause I’m still unsure on what title would be best for me
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If the question isn’t to personal, it would be nice if you shared it in the support ticket thread once it’s answered
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@prioritas made a good suggestion and it reminded me of advice from the book “the way of the superior man” which is a really good book for a combination of personal masculinity and relationship communication balancing masculine and feminine
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