“Manifesting something into existence is easy. The hard part is to stop manifesting all of the alternatives.”
– David, the Dark Philosopher
Really? So much for all the users stacking that T² Mind’s Eye with everything.
Maybe having run SubClub subs for a few years now made me ready enough. In a way I suppose its about being able to handle the overload and still being able to operate. The subs create a compulsion and the subconscious processes have to deal with that while acting like nothing is going on. It must be exhausting.
That’s like asking a religious person how they would recognize being in the presence of their deity. They would tell you it’s a complete absence of doubt. They just know.
In this case, I would say that I do a lot of self-reflection and the experience that I’m looking for is one where I am left scratching my head wondering how that could have happened, because there is no way that would have happened naturally. It happened “too fast.”
In other words, I’m looking for the outside force affecting me. The sense that instead of dragging myself from A to Z letter by letter like I would expect it to work, I instead skipped a few letters and jumped ahead, like something was clearing the path for me.
As for the argument that the change comes from within, clearing the path could mean creating shortcut pathways in my mind and shining a spotlight on them to ensure that I followed those instead.
Curiously, that’s exactly what my two self-quotes above are about. The very fact that we believe that change is a gradual process makes it so. If the only conviction we are left with is one where everything is a miracle, everything is.
But of course, once something has come into existence, including other ideas, it seems to be remarkably hard to get rid of it.
Not bad after only a few rounds of Alchemist last week, right? 
“Everybody has a little bit of the sun and moon in them. Everybody has a little bit of man, woman, and animal in them. Darks and lights in them. Everyone is part of a connected cosmic system. Part earth and sea, wind and fire, with some salt and dust swimming in them. We have a universe within ourselves that mimics the universe outside. None of us are just black or white, or never wrong and always right. No one. No one exists without polarities. Everybody has good and bad forces working with them, against them, and within them.”
– Suzy Kassem
Malkuth’s idea of maintaining a state of wonder made me think of this. We are so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
I will take this opportunity to mention that with Malkuth’s post I now have (had) the participation of nearly all the big names on this forum. I’m collecting Arch Alchemists over here.
Thanks, guys (including Fire & Saint)! It means a lot to see this kind of interactivity in my journal. Part of the healing process is making me question and reason my current perception of reality, and you’re all helping with that.
No post yesterday, nothing much happened. I feel good about getting a “fresh” start of the week. I have an affirmation I always open my private journal with: “Today I am better than yesterday. Tomorrow I am better than today.”
Well, I feel this week I will be better than last week for sure! Not bad for a Monday morning.
I just had a bit of a realization as I was thinking about the stuff posted above. I can tell you with very little doubt that without SubClub I would not have undergone the spiritual journey I have. I’m too stubborn to say it was the subs, but I will say that SubClub and its community played a major part in it. And for that I am grateful, I have matured a lot since I came here.
As I was finishing up work I checked today’s training and just thinking about it made me tired. So I went to lie down for few minutes and now it’s past midnight. I mean, I like that my sleep schedule is moving up as I wanted. But I have yet to find a new spot for all the daily activities.
Well, I did Monday’s training… at 06:00 on Tuesday, right before Monday’s dinner.
One of the downsides of kettlebell training is that with many exercises the bell rests on the outside of the wrist. Which has physiological benefits by offsetting the center of balance. Smartwatches don’t like it however, unbreakable glass or not. So measuring heart rate without a traditional band around the chest is not that successful.
With my schedule all out of whack, I didn’t get past Elixir. I’ll force my listening more today during work. Which will be fun, as the day is filled with back-to-back meetings.
“What was that? I can’t hear you through the monsoon going on over here.”
