Commentarii Draconis (AKA Trial by Fire)

Journals - Major Programs
#1

omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina

cara commentarius,

I spent the past few weeks trying to get together a healing custom, only to have Saint pull a fast one on me by releasing the Dragon. Although a named custom would be quite strong, this sub is pre-built for healing. So I’ll give the dragon a shot.

While working on that custom I started listening to Regeneration preceded by a round of Elixir. Not much seemed to happen, although I did get flashes of a feeling I could best describe as “worthy.” It popped up every so often throughout the day.

I’ll be keeping Elixir and replacing Regeneration with Dragon Stage 1. I’ll probably run this stage for the rest of the year and see what happens.

The past month or two my schedule has become completely nuts, especially after running BLU and Executive I’ve been doing things that have been on my “Someday” list for a very long time. There’s so much going on I keep trying to cram 48 hours of stuff in a 24 hour day. One of the side-effects is that I end up listening to the subliminals for only a few loops a day, with some rest days in between. So I’m taking breaks by default. I also won’t listen at night (although I may run Dreams).

Today I managed to listen to a few more loops than recommended, about 8 with breaks in between. Didn’t notice anything, I seem to have no difficulty with it. But that’s only day 1.

As a result, nothing to report yet. Hopefully it won’t be the norm and I’ll end up going through some stuff. We shall see.

For now, I wish the other dragon initiates the best of luck on their journey!

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#2

Best of luck. I considered DR but my healing custom ultima has got me more than covered on this one.

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#3

You crack me up

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#4

Me too. I’d been searching and reading people’s journals, looking for what’s worked. I’d had my money planned out, then BOOM! A complete package shows up. I’m in. It’s been a liberating ride so far.

And I’ve not done a translation yet of your (Latin?) writings yet. Hoping someone shares :slight_smile:

Edit: Found it
omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina
“everything sounds more impressive when said in Latin”

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#5

Correct, it’s less well-known than “quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur” (everything spoken in Latin sounds profound).

As for the title, comentarii are important journals or memos, and draconis (or draco) stands for dragon. So, it’s a liberal translation of “Dragon Journals”. Like most things in Latin, it’s open for interpretation.

I’m always on the fence whether or not to read other people’s journals since it could color my experience, make me limit my experience by looking for what the other person describes.

Maybe I’ll read yours once I’ve been on this for a few weeks.

I’ll have a look at SubUser’s custom though.

EDIT: And “cara commentarius” means “Dear Diary” :slight_smile:

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#6

I chose Latin out of boredom. Both with the random names of other journals and that I couldn’t think of a decent name for my Dragon Reborn journal.

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#7

Well, your journal title is nice too. :slight_smile:

Actually, I hadn’t seen your journal, so I hadn’t even seen your references to Latin yet, this was entirely my attempt at originality, which apparently failed. I was planning on giving my next journal a Latin title anyway.

I saw this in the DR thread and I totally agree. Yes, there are hoppers, but it could also be that the subs help us grow and realize our goals are different from month to month. Similar to how they say that if you begin manifesting your perfect lover, by the time that lover arrives, they may no longer be perfect for you since you’ve changed too much.

So, some hoppers may be moving to new subs often simply because the current subs have shifted their priorities.

In my previous journal I posted a quote every day related to the topic of the sub. I think I’m gonna do that here too, gives me something to ponder every day. So without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, let’s start with one that would fit nicely on the product page:

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are.”
– Rachel Naomi Remen

I’ll do one post a day, provided I have something to add, separating different entries/musings throughout the day with these horizontal bars.

You know that way of thinking that states a cluttered desk is a cluttered mind? Or how everything on the ToDo list is an open loop mentally, which is why the subconscious has to keep devoting processing power to it?

I think that my recent hyper-productivity, although extremely disruptive to both my business and personal life and even to some degree my physical health, may very well be a form of healing for the subconscious. I’m being forced to take care of all the clutter and stuff that is stuck in my head. The more of it that clears up, the more my mind can focus on the here and now.

What do you guys think?

In the DR thread there was some talk about DR and Alchemist. I have to say the idea of stacking those two really appeals to me. If I do, I might add Alchemist ST1 starting December 1st, that will give me some time to experience DR on its own.

Alternating days could work as well, I’d have to run the stages for longer though.

Strange how some of my best ideas happen during a bout of Beat Saber. I guess it’s because at the higher levels the only thing you can do is get out of your own way. And once you zone out, creativity can flow.

Just like how my productivity is making me do stuff that has been on my “someday maybe” list, it’s also pushing me to buy stuff that’s on that list. I just got a Muse headband with a 50 off Black Friday discount. Still, I could eat for months on what I just spent on it, so it had better last. But the idea of being able to see all my brainwave activity during meditation and sleeping is quite appealing. Plus, for that investment, I am definitely gonna meditate more often to get the value out of it. I’m stubborn that way.

And considering how good meditation is for one’s health, I suppose I’m healing already.

Got distracted a lot today, I ended up listening to 4 loops of DR1 preceded by one loop of Elixir. I have now loaded Dreams on my MP3 player for tonight. It is in a tracklist with about an hour of meditation tracks that’s looping, so I’ll get Dreams every other hour. Let’s see if I dream as well…

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#8

Oh, you are doing a journal @DarkPhilosopher that’s crazy!! :smiley:

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#9

“If there’s no breaking then there’s no healing, and if there’s no healing then there’s no learning.”
– One Tree Hill

Interesting idea. I’m familiar with the concept that we learn by not succeeding, but I suppose healing helps us mature and become wiser, our pain teaches us things. What would somebody that has never needed healing of any kind be like? Would they be like Adam and Eve before the apple? Pure innocence but also unaware that there are things like lies, death, pain and so on? Can somebody like that even function in society?

There are definitely users on this forum that have shown remarkable progress after healing the stuff that was holding them back. But do we really need to break in order to learn those things? Can we not learn them a “nicer” way?

What do you think?

I slept for about 12 hours which really annoys me. It’s already late in the day. The battery for the MP3 player ran out halfway through so I got around 3 cycles of Dreams I think.

I’m considering moving my sleep schedule down by going to bed early evening and waking up somewhere in the middle of the night. That way I can set my alarm at 8 hours and if my body needs less I’ll simply wake up sooner. Either way I would get enough sleep, start and finish work early and have a lot of nice and quiet time during the night to do other things with.

It’s not optimal for my social life, but the upsides outweigh the downsides. If I succeed, I could even attempt polyphasic sleeping in the future, which becomes a lot easier with companies finally allowing work-from-home.

That means that today I’m probably staying up overnight, seeing to it that I’m sufficiently tired by evening tomorrow.

By the way, that Muse I bought yesterday is getting a firmware update on December 1st that will allow it to record if you’re sleeping on your back or sides and even when your REM, light and deep sleep cycles are. That would be some awesome data to look at.

Anybody ever realize the serious amount of shopping going on the last two months of the year? First comes 11.11, then Black Friday, Cyber Monday and then for many the Christmas shopping. For some there’s even a second Saint Nicholas holiday where even more presents are expected by our seriously spoiled children. Not to mention the end-of-year bills.

People must be saving all year just to break even at the end of the year. :slight_smile:

Supernatural is finally aired its final episode and ended 10 seasons overdue. I expect I’ll be wasting some time on that. Executive is rumbling around on my hard drive right now.

And yes, I really am dumping almost everything that pops into my head here. My challenge is that subliminals for me are very subtle, so unless I write down everything, I am likely to miss something. And I really don’t want to miss anything on this Trial by Fire (now THAT would have been an awesome journal title for DR, I’m hereby calling dibs).

Although Saint tells me he’s observed changes in me, most of them have been quite undetectable to me. I simply consider them part of my own conscious work to improve myself and forge a future.

There is one change that has been too great to ignore though. The first few months into subs it was still pretty subtle, building up to a crescendo. And then suddenly many of the things I do to “waste” time started becoming uninteresting to me. From porn to TV and movies to music, I have become so critical that I tend to determine in about 5 minutes if I like it and much of what I used to like now no longer makes the cut.

This of course means I have more time to read books and watch documentaries or seminar recordings. Not to mention more time to act on the things I want to see in the world.

Part of me dislikes this development, since I used to enjoy watching TV or playing computer games. But there’s no denying it has helped me grow. And another part of me is hoping there comes a moment when like an Eastern monk I let go of all those things and become a pure productivity machine.

Due to waking up so late, I only went through one cycle of my stack, so Elixir plus 4 Dragons. Still not really feeling anything happening, but I’ll keep looking.

4 Likes
#10

Enjoying reading your journal so far, @DarkPhilosopher. I sometimes feel as if reading these journals about other people’s healing also boosts my own healing process, too. It’s like I’m able to take the insights found here and see whether they apply to myself.

Yes, we can. No doubt about that. Do many want to, though? The proclivity for many to remain in reactivity as opposed to proactivity encourages learning through the harsh experiences.

Also, the subliminal process naturally appears to encourage this setup since it allows for one to have harsher breakdowns. Glad for that, though. I’d rather have to figure my stuff out because of what my custom ultima is pushing up to my consciousness rather than a harsh or terrible life experience force me to learn it.

I’ve lately picked up this idea of writing down interesting thoughts and feelings throughout the day. Haven’t put them on my journal here because there would be too much random stuff going on in it. What I’ve found interesting to do is write down the undesired thoughts throughout the day and review them while running my healing subliminal. That, and consciously setting a LOT of intentions for healing.

Also, you can just edit the title of your journal to “Trial by Fire” if you wanted to do that.

This is a trend that significantly picked up with the start of using name-embedded customs because they have really digged deep for me. The healing ultima seems to have massively accelerated this and you better believe I love that.

Eh. This is an interesting one I’ve been thinking about again. I have lots of thoughts about the fact that people spend so much time on this stuff. To me these are things for downtime (as in, when I’m tired of or from working on my interests) or when I’m in a social context. By and large I’d not like to keep them as part of my primary interests.

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#11

Tv , movies, videos games , social media, and porn can be incredibly distracting which at times almost feels like their purpose. Distracting you from getting shit done and being productive. Without getting into conspiracy theory territory it does at times feel like all of that is a form of cultural brainwashing. Placing priority on things that obviously how zero to little ROI.

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#12

Well, when it comes to the TV and games, they provide an escape from an overly active day. I can’t seem to find the time to relax and enjoy a good book, so I use TV and games. Less mental effort and time required. Plus I can watch TV while eating. And yes, I am aware eating should be done exclusively.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
– Helen Keller

Very true. Most people see only the bad and the negative because they feel those more intensely, but there a lot of examples of people overcoming adversity out there. A lot of good can happen if more people started focusing on the good things.

Recently I’ve been wondering how much of our internal state is reflected externally. If we’re dealing with a lot of crap emotionally or psychologically, does that end up in an inability to keep our lives in order, or even disorders like hoarding? And if we sort out our inner state and become calm like a Zen monk, do we automatically let go of most of our material possessions? If we heal our emotional scars, do we become better able to lead our lives, manage our finances and advance in our careers? Does internal healing result in more creative expression?

I previously mentioned I’ve been doing stuff that’s been on my todo and wishlist. Thing is, whenever I do one of those things, it is followed by a sense of relief and mental clarity. So I wonder if that clarity translates to having more structure in my life.

I’ve been awake for around 36 hours and I’m now finally beginning to feel tired. Like yesterday, I stuck to few loops as I was more active today. 3 loops of Dragon, preceded by Elixir. I’m relatively certain the lack of sleep makes processing subs slower.

Now to see how much sleep my body end up taking.

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#13

My experience has been me chronically trying to control my outcomes in every area of life. So upon starting subs a few years back, I did that too–when I noticed things were changing.

Why did I try to control things?

Because I didn’t know what to expect. I equated lack of knowing with a lack of power, thus I did it seeking to validate my power.

Did it work? Very rarely. So from experience with subs, I’d rather one come in and not allow fears to grow so I can keep my hands off it. And DR does a lot of that thus far.

Kahn TB did similarly.

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#14

Here’s my 2 cents:

I would say 100% of our internal state is reflected externally. Not in the sense that we’re creating reality (although I personally believe that :slight_smile: ), but in the sense that our internal state becomes our filter of our perception and determines what we see externally, As well as determines the actions we take or don’t take and therefore the consequences and results of those actions.

Because we (most of us at least) live with much our awareness, consciousness caught up in time, we can’t see the correlations of cause and effect that we are always generating. So there appears to be ‘a lag’ in our internal state and external reality, then reality hits, and it can occur like something happening ‘to us’ and we can’t see the connection. Outside of these unconsciousness, emotional struggles, projections, the connection between things is much more obvious. Something I’m aspiring to .

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#15

I needed to hear this. Too often we are caught up in the moment of difficulty and a “stuckness” when facing some obstacles. But to remind ourselves that we can prevail is important. And “taking out the emotional trash” does help make it easier to overcome everyday challenges.

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#16

Thanks for reading and participating, guys! It helps to read other people’s perspectives on things, so I’m glad you’re sharing.

When you hear the music ringin’ in your soul
And you feel it in your heart and it grows and grows
And it comes from the backstreet rock & roll and the healing has begun
– Van Morrison, "And the Healing Has Begun"

Well, it has, right? We’re on day 5. :wink:

Today felt better than expected, I wanted something light. Deep and meaningful gets old at some point.

I slept around 8 hours after that day and a half. Spent some time yawning around noon, but otherwise I felt okay.

I was actually reasonably productive. And by that I mean I did more of the things I wanted to do and less of the things on my backlog. I’m still not where I want to be, but it felt pretty good.

I don’t actually have a lot to report. It’s past midnight already, I’ve gone through the stack once (Elixir plus 4 Dragons) and I didn’t experience anything out of the ordinary.

I did do one thing that could be considered taking action on healing. Well, two I suppose. I drank twice the amount of water I usually do (and went to the bathroom an annoying amount of times) and I did a 20 minute breathing and meditation.

If I had to find something that has been happening it’s that the feeling of mental clarity is growing in the background, like a fresh breeze clearing out the cobwebs. Maybe it’s because of all the stuff I’ve been doing, maybe it’s Dragon, maybe it’s both, Dragon simply serving as a way to maintain that state but not necessarily improving it.

Of course, this is me really digging deep to find something/anything that could be the effect of the subs. Superficially I’m not experiencing anything I’ve noticed.

I’m wondering about rest days. The so-called subliminal bloom only appears to happen a few weeks after I completely stop listening to a sub, so introducing rest days probably won’t have much of an effect. Also, I do only listen to 4-8 loops per day. Still, it is recommended. Maybe I’ll take one over the weekend after Turkey Day.

I find myself curious. I often long for the Hallmark experience of being with loved ones over the Holidays. I have no more family, so I’d have to build one from scratch. Those of you in the US, how many of you still do those large family Thanksgivings?

Anyways, in the ongoing effort of moving my sleep schedule to earlier in the day, I’ll be off now. Didn’t get to work out today. Hopefully my body needs less than 8 hours and I wake up nice and early and tomorrow I’ll find the time.

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#18

I do just me, my brother, and my mom.

#19

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.”
– Hippocrates

He must have known what he was talking about, with the Hippocratic Oath and all. But what does he mean? Sort of like SubClub’s mantra of taking action towards the goals of the sub? You need to keep doing healthy things to give your body the time and ability to heal?

But that’s not really an opportunity, is it?

I’m starting to get a bit more of a handle on things, doing more of the stuff I should be doing every day. Maybe Executive is finally moving into the background.

It annoys me that I still haven’t gotten a good fitness regimen going. I really want to do something about but I keep running out of time.

I did, however, start eating slightly more healthy. Nothing big, but when I had the option of taking my weekly bag of candy this weekend I chose something healthier instead.

I still wish I’d experience something that even I would notice. For now, I’m still full of confidence. This doesn’t feel like a dragon, it’s barely a lizard. Like this guy:

But who knows, the lizard may yet surprise me.

I got around to working out after all. It was only 20 minutes plus some Beat Saber, but I’m likely going to feel it tomorrow.

Now to drink more water as well.

Have you ever thought about how much of your time is spent on doing things that in the end offer less value/return than you would consider your time is worth?

So much of what we do, especially with social media, consumes so much time that could have been spent far more productively. If we have only so much time in our day, much of which goes to work, how well do we actually use that time?

If you take a piece of paper, draw 24 blocks on it, and you color each block with red, yellow or green depending on how effective you used that hour, how much of it would be green? And is the green at a specific part of the day, like early in the morning or late at night?

I find myself dropping many things in my life that although offering some value, simply don’t offer enough to make my investment in time worth it. I’m guessing JCast has been experiencing something similar.

One loop of my stack, meaning 1 Elixir and 4 Dragons.

Went to bed far too late again. I think the best thing I can do for my health and my productivity is to go to bed on friggin’ time.

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#20

I sure as shit have

I say that to myself all the time as well. I still manage to get the shit I need to done but it can often be the last thing I want to do. I just posted in my journal how I plan to run Executive more often.

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#21

I know how you feel. I keep putting shit off. Another reason why I am going to run Executive more often. Probably once a day. It’s all about building habits. Once that habit is ingrained there is no stopping

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