Changes - Subliminalguy

@RVconsultant, I took your question wrong initially. I reacted strongly. I’ve allowed someone to criticize me regularly, and today I’ve felt angry at that.

Also, and what threw off my previous response to you is…this internal shift demands I change. That I let go of a pattern I’ve used most of my life. Not comfortable.

This old mindset I shared just before your post. I translated it in my head as “maybe I should question myself”, a normal reaction when someone criticizes me. The anger of being unfairly judged shot up in me quickly.

This is also a second rest day. I listen only MWF, like I did with DR, and yes, I felt vulnerable and reactive today.

I apologize for being sharp with you.

No worries. It’s actually a legitimate question.

I’ve been reading your journal(s) for more than a year. I’ve wondered about what I would think of as the “foundation” programs, such as Ascension and Genesis. I’ve also wondered about more healing oriented programs such as Sanguine, SE, Regeneration, DR, and DR:LD.

I wish I could tell you which to use that would help you the most. However I don’t know. Simply put, those seven I listed above would be what I would encourage you to think about staying with for at least 90 days.

What are your thoughts about each of those seven?

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I really had a beneficial time with DR my last 2 cycles. I began using 5 minute loops, and that allowed it to work with much greater efficiency. I’m on Regeneration due to support’s suggestion that it would take out the lingering traumas which I’ve intuitively known were critical. I’d used Regeneration in its pre-Q days, and I feared harsh recon. That gave me hesitation.

But that severe recon never has shown. 5 minute loops with it too. Yesterday’s bloom felt like a very productive day at therapy. Days like that are the reason why I’m on healing subs.

Now with Sanguine, you always recommended it, going back to first run of DR. I’ve tried it here and there, but it rarely made a dent in my progress.

Ditto with the old Elixir. Maybe because they smoothed things out I didn’t credit them. I just craved (and fought) change, and neither shook me much. I take blame for that, as I dismissed results.

SE is completely different. I looked into it originally thinking of your past suggestions, and I didn’t expect much. I was wrong. I call it the feel-good sub of feel-good subs. It’s powerful, I feel it, and dang, I have beautiful experiences on it, mostly since people treat me so well. I listened this morning, and I feel good :+1:.

DRLD. Hmm. I had actually planned to use it just weeks back. I felt some tension in my gut, but I didn’t waver. But on that morning I was going to listen, I went to load it in my player, and I felt an internal “NO!” I’d read a Masterclass email, and it suggested we shouldn’t ignore these signals, so I went on SE instead.

I think I’ve been afraid of losing old standards and limits, but Regeneration is hitting them too. I may retry in the future.

3 months is no issue for using Regeneration too. I’m almost done with the first cycle.

Future-wise, I’m looking forward to Genesis or one of the new creations. Genesis really builds my self worth :blush:

I’m working with a real douche today. He’s been fired from 3 different jobs for the same reason (fighting) and for some dumb reason they hired him back.

But truth here: what bothers me is the reminder that some people will never be of assistance. Yeah he’s a jerk. I’m just seeing how . … I’d like to change him.

Well, 2 issues. Heading back now. Lunch is over

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Ok. Me focusing on him … takes the focus off me.

Why else would dysfunctional people have so many ‘problems’?

Because they help me and them avoid responsibility for our own choices. My own choices.

Restated: “Problems” can be used as a distraction to taking responsibility for my life. They can be extremely effective.

Day 20
Rest day

I made a post a few days ago, saying two realities were merging, and I’m seeing that again in my head this morning.

It’s a battle of what I’ll allow. One is closed off and predictable, and the other is free, creative, and wanting to grow.

I’m noticing a clear difference though. My old norm was I felt stuck. Being afraid and angry was normal.

But this new reality is full of life. I want more of it.

Last listening day tomorrow, then washout.

–I’ve had ideas flowing, and I’m still considering sharing them on the forum. I’ve been seeing that constricting mentality show lately, discouraging me. I’m also seeing more choice and strength to do differently. Blinders are coming off.

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SE, Regneration, Genesis. This looks to me like you might have a winning trio!

What do you think?

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I like that trio. I’ve been looking forward to bringing Genesis back in. I’ll likely bring it in after my washout.

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I had something major happen yesterday. I’m even frightened to write about it.

It’s still happening. This is all from Regeneration.

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You’re getting stronger, bro!

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Washout day 1

I’ve not been able to write lately. Regeneration is keeping me from hiding behind some lie, and I every time I’ve tried it, I gave up.

Thank you @RVconsultant. I had considered doing New Emperor as my third title. Lots of power, but it’s not where my heart and mind are heading.

I’m falling more inline with what Regeneration’s working on: me allowing people to love me. I’ve been weepy on and off for days, even frustrating myself by trying to hold “me” back when others are around.

I’m going to start with Genesis. I know Genesis Ascension will come soon, but that won’t challenge me as much as Heartstrong: LBFH, a future release. I’m unsure when it’ll drop, but it’s closer to what Regeneration’s opening me up to.

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My guess would be “foundation” type titles. That’s why I think if you’re having good results with SE and Regeneration, I think you’re on to something.

Genesis I still think is something to consider. I would also encourage you to enter into Genesis slowly, if you choose to listen to it. Perhaps start with once a week, and notice what happens.

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Washout day 2

Feeling defeated this morning. Just an inner battle.

I am so used to hiding in my mind from fears. I tried doing that this morning, and the path is blocked.

I’m thinking of my mom now. Hiding was her solace. She thought she wouldn’t succeed. She didn’t. She lived in regret, pain, and shame day in and day out.

In my experience, failing was easy when I felt alone…but living with that regret and pain has always been why I tried to get out of that hole.

I think that’s what I’m trying to do now. Regeneration is helping me see some hope. I’m building an inner landscape I’ve never seen before.

RV,

Something you said made me try to be in your shoes for a minute.

For me, Genesis is one of least emotionally charged subliminals at SC. What was your reason for advising a slow startup with it?

Edit: I’ll give you one. It’s one of the strongest attractions to using Genesis: risk-taking and adventure scripting. By FAR, it is the only subliminal I’ve ever used which had me more interested and more curious about things I’ve never done. Bar none.

I’m completely serious. I rarely look at my history for motivation since I was trained to squash down curiosity and possibility thinking. Genesis woke that up.

Because I’m thinking it might really shake things up in a good way, and I’m thinking slow might be better.

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Can confirm. I think I made a post about that in the product discussion for Genesis. It’s deceptive, you 100% grow on it but I think the analogy I used is it’s like that process when you clean a room sometimes. Midway everything ends up messier because you’re pulling crap out of places where it was shoved away out of sight.

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Washout day 4

Recon is rough.

I’ve not wanted to cry about it, and it bothers me because I used to do this so I could live in this fantasy that others could and would take my problems away.

I know it’s a childish fantasy. I know I know I know. I’ve relied on its illusion of safety all my life.

I’m going to credit Regeneration here. I’ve desperately tried to hang on to it all my life, and now new thinking is showing up here and there, offering me new choices.

I’m in classic recon, trying to appease both sides. It doesn’t work.

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I am having a painful insight.

I emailed someone today since I’d barely heard from him all week. He replied 15 minutes ago.

He asked me how I was, and I froze. I locked up.

I considered being real–but lying after this always shuts me down. I do that a lot with people I see regularly. I try to be honest originally, but I feel scared as I imagine people really knowing me and possibly rejecting me. So I lie about who I am quickly–so I’ll feel safe. I feel bad as soon as I lie, so I try to disappear (a still-used survival strategy. Seeing that now).

I also considered lying to him, but that’s a major mind-f*** for me. Because I must lie to myself first.

Why do I lie constantly?

Fear of rejection, or…yes, a fear of living out that original trauma. A part of me fights to face this, and old fears hang on with painful intensity.

Sadly, this is why I’m using Regeneration. I usually feel this, and I often dismiss it. I’ve never written it out.

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My post this morning.