Changes - Subliminalguy

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Aug. 5, 2023
Genesis and DRLD
Day 2 of 2nd cycle
Rest day

I started this journal a week ago, then scrapped it. I know writing here challenges an old comfort zone, and that’s why I’m writing. DRLD and Genesis have been working on a limit I’ve held on to, and that’s being nice.

  • holding back from speaking up

  • keeping everything inside

  • avoiding change and challenges from something new and unknown

  • playing safe and avoiding risks in every part of life

Yeah, a few weeks back I realized that avoiding risk and change was and is the major pain-maker in my life. DRLD and Genesis are having a direct impact.

A Landmine At Home

2 nights ago I came home from work, starting small chit-chat with my 91 y.o. housemate. It quickly became another rant by him about my failures which I honestly don’t give a fuck about.

But I stood there. I allowed it. I even had a smile on my face. Realized later that’s me avoiding my anger.

Anger was growing in me, but I kept it down. Common sense after that ended told me that I was in pain because of my own reluctance to allow anything I was feeling. It was the end of my last washout day, and I chose to listen to a full loop of DRLD.

I became LIVID. I knew DRLD had taken the lid off my anger, and I was absolutely pissed. I kept to my room.

I knew something to be true: I was angry at my life and situation because I had not acted when it was needed. I fumed in my head at him a while, but he wasn’t responsible for my choices. I’ve been throwing blame at anyone who reminded me of my failings for eons, but that avoidance loophole didn’t work (thank you CFW).

And it hasn’t. Taking responsibility for this pissed me off. Yet I’m owning the stank belief I’ve avoided time and time and time again.

For me, that’s a major change. A course correction. 2 days later I still feel edges of anger because changes still need to be made.

I’ll share a Genesis development in my next post.

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#2

Aug. 5, 2023 (cont.)
Rest day

Genesis. I’d never thought I’d be so pushed to make changes. I’ve used it for around 3-4 weeks, but since I’d stacked it with CFW weeks back, it was kind of muffled when I started it.

Then came last week. Last listening day before washout. Damn.

I did 2 loops, around 8 hours apart. Life was beautiful. I felt good. And then the wealth scripting kicked in like nothing I’ve ever experienced on SC subs.

I’ve been working with my crypto miner for years, but Genesis put a fire under my ass.

I bought a crypto trading system in January of this year. I’ve never used it. I found any and every excuse to not use it. I’ve hidden that, shame and fear compounded, and nothing changed.

But damn, Genesis puts me in the here and now. It did, and I became very uncomfortable looking over my life. I’ve got this proven tool to be successful (my trading system), and I am the holdup.

I’ll be reactivating my membership this week. Hot damn. Feels GOOD!

Lastly, I am really enjoying this perspective change. I’ve gone in circles in life because I only found my identity in my past. I knew how to fail, how to aim low. My past was all I had. And society seemed to reinforce that.

But something in this new era of subs has me focused on who I can be. This lights a fire under me. I am actually choosing differently now.

Thank you Saint and Fire. This is revolutionary.

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#3

Seeking truth isn’t what I’ve always done. My old identity, and it’s fighting to rule me, is me hiding and lying so you’ll like me and I’ll find some self-worth in that.

It’s like I’m slowly feeling freer from that, but old beliefs are trying to replant themselves.

I also see an old trigger bringing this up. I’m home on a Saturday since my manager said she didn’t need me today. I have 52 hours for the week, so I’m ok there.

But I’m 20 feet away from my housemate, only separated by my bedroom door. I’m both scared (old beliefs) and angry (new beliefs emerging). He’s cooking now, and I’m scared since he habitually makes way more than needed, giving me guilt trips about “I made it for you”. I don’t want to be near him. I don’t. I’m tired of allowing anyone to walk up and change my plans. This is my challenge. A test. I just don’t want his company.

And this isn’t about him. I haven’t spoken up to him. I think I’m scared of an old feeling of abandoning myself, something I actually just realized while writing. I’m not afraid of him abandoning me. I’m imagining me doing it to myself. That’s why I’m scared. I’ve dissed myself way too many times. That is what I have feared.

Just sharing my thoughts now, I bought a subliminal in 2016, my very first one. It was called “Overcome Abuse”, and he gave all the scripts online. I listened to that for over a month (always on at home), and I remember feeling freer. Part of the script was standing up for myself. I worked with a uptight boss always anxious about something, and I let his anxiousness steer my actions constantly. As that sub began sinking in, I grew angrier when I’d do normal things like listen to someone acting like their anger was my fault. It scared me at first since being angry was shamed in my home, but I enjoyed it as it sunk in. I had no blowups. I’d get angry about something, and quickly make a self-caring decision for myself. It was memorable.

Standing up for myself has always been an issue for me. I know DRLD has scripting so you’ll make decisions to guard oneself. I’m wondering if Genesis has anything related. Something related is its fearlessness scripting. I’m wondering since I was planning on using Genesis tomorrow.

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#4

Your posts are very different than even 1 year ago! Congratulations!

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#5

It’s truly captivating to learn about your results. I hope your journey with the Genesis sub takes you exceptionally far, allowing you to overcome every obstacle that comes your way on the path to success. Speaking of which, how has the fearless scripting within the sub resonated with you?

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#6

It’s empowering. Mixed with the adventure scripting, it seems like it’s started something, but its focus is on something else. That’s exactly why I’ve not written in the last 24 hours. Thank you both for the shout out, as I just finished a twelve hour day, and did not want to write. I’m voice texting this right now.

It started yesterday. My day seemed to be getting perpetually worse, and I had not experienced that in a long time.

As my day progressed I felt tempted to go back into an old mindset of feeling helpless and hopeless.

And when I tried doing just that, I felt something different. I was envisioning this in my head. Like I saw cracks coming through my skull. Light was coming through.

I felt like my reality was being broken. I sensed 2 distinct realities. Living comfortably (meant ‘safely’) in that old mold, or quite newly, being me. My life really started making sense.

But…

There was risk. That was my biggest fear.

Following around, copying everyone else… has been my lifestyle. I never have to feel fear if i’m following you (literally anyone).

I actually wondered “who am I?”

And from a whole different POV, I did not feel shame. Shame has been a disabler of growth, working alongside fear. But (adventure scripting here) I felt a real desire for change. Like I could do this. It was, and is, quite surreal.

If I can describe how I feel right now, I am a big bowl of mush, holding a big bowl of mush. I don’t feel disassociated from myself. I am both. Peaceful. Not dissociated.

But damn, I’ve never been here.

Facing risk. Facing change. Not sure where I’m going. And beginning to cry. Cried twice today.

Major change.

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#7

The notion of stepping into your true self, even when it means venturing beyond the safety of conformity, reflects immense courage. Embracing change and facing risk is never easy, but your realization that you’re not alone in this journey is profound. Your thoughts about growth, shame, and fear highlight a remarkable shift in perspective, one that’s not only liberating but also empowering.

Reading about your emotions, the sense of being present and peaceful, even in the face of tears and uncertainty, is incredibly moving. You’re indeed on the threshold of a major change, and witnessing your transformation is a privilege. Keep embracing this journey, for every step you take, no matter how uncertain, is a testament to your strength and determination. Your journey is inspiring, and I’m excited to see where this transformative path leads you next. Keep going with it!

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#8

Yep. Made me cry. :+1:

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#9

I wrote that last night right before going to bed. That opened me up incredibly.

I woke up feeling fearful of making a mistake (my alarm had been going for a while, and there’s another renter a room away).

But my heaviest emotion? Sadness. I feel like I’m losing a major part of myself.

Sadness was triggered when I put my worth in another’s complete control, the other renter in this case. It was old ways at work.

#10

Aug. 10, 2023
Genesis and AC this morning

I mixed AC with Genesis this morning. I was told that STKS subs don’t require putting in AC anymore, so this is an experiment.

When I added AC to CFW, amazing revelations came out regularly. And CFW was pre-STKS.

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#11

Dammit, I’m doing it.

I was wondering what I’d use for my second title today. I’ve been leaning towards wealth titles. I did reboot my trading program last night.

But part of me is growing louder. I keep avoiding myself. I’ve wanted peace. Seriously.

I keep avoiding myself, and I heard myself say “I’m tired of running!!”

I am running DR St.1 now. A part of me is scared shitless, because I’m listening now.

Plus, I was reading @Michel’s journal earlier, and he’s on stage 3 already. Stepping away from the habit of chaos is a dream of mine.

Loop’s finished. I feel grounded already.

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#12

Aug. 10, 2023 (cont.)

Things are shifting in me. Standards. Norms. Things I’ve only kept due to some imagined fears.

I just showered, and thoughts and feelings were flowing through me–maybe because I’m not completely sidelined by fears.

"When did you begin to feel human?"

I thought of making a post with that title to find out if I’m alone here. I’ve not posted a lot these last few months since I’ve had a fear of rejecting the me I share with you. I’ll share something honest…and then begin beating my ass for exposing something i’ve kept hidden from myself first and everyone else after.

Maybe that’s why I like DR. it disables my mental game of scrambling my truth constantly.

Back to the imagined post, I realized I’ve only had pride in my fronts (anything good others thought of me). And 20 minutes ago while showering…I realized how I can’t keep doing this. It’s exhausting, both mentally and emotionally. And damn (just realizing this) it’s no fun whatsoever.

Money. Success. Women. All that mega glorious bullshit. I’m not me when I’m hiding behind this (just shed tears too). I … can’t…don’t want to be…can’t keep being… superhuman anymore. The person NOONE really knows. The one who never lets people really close. Who’s desperate for love within and without. Living like terrors could attack at any second. Damn—terrors that people would know me.

This feels incredibly difficult. I saw a more human me while showering. One with cracks. Errors. Faults. It’s the shit I hide–from YOU and ME. I’ll be afraid while it’s rising up, and WHOOOOSH…I find something NEW and disconnected from that previous awareness. Some might call that ADD. Yeah, some. But it’s fuel is fear. It loves the flights here and there, back and forth… just to avoid the truth that I failed being perfect somewhere. That I have cracks. That…I’m fucking human.

Yeah. Those family traditions and norms. ALL unspoken. Just mirrored to each other and understood. Tough stuff to stop supporting, even without seeing my family.

I opened up here. Need a good cry now.

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#13

I just sent a support ticket in, wondering if Genesis stacks well with St.1 and St.2.

#14

Aug. 11, 2023
Rest day

I keep trying to push away my truth that I desire good things and choices. 2 things are mitigating this.

First, DR. Powerful anti-bullshit scripting. I look away from this normal chaos for just a moment, and I feel this constant sweeping through my subconscious. DR fills the spaces in my mind, and I sense that… everything’s gonna be OK. I’ve felt that before when using DR. It gives me peace.

And secondly, that success push from Genesis. I see an end to the battle that I’ve created all my life. I’m giddy actually because I’ve never even considered that this was a possibility.

This is great. Amazing. And a dictionary full of positive adjectives.

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#15

Aug. 12, 2023
DR and Genesis this morning

I was just watching a Jordan Peterson video, and it truly resonated with me. In the video he states that when people have responsibilities, they have meaning in their lives. Women know theirs, by default: family, children, etc. But men have to find theirs themselves. Essentially, why am I here?

I’ve been on Genesis for almost 2 months. I’ve not really felt that inner knowledge continually.

I’ll say I have felt it some. Like fantastical possibilities. They were successful imaginations too.

Truthfully, I’ve been afraid of it. I have carried fears of failing from childhood. I’m wondering how can I approach risks, even small risks, and begin to see myself as capable?

This has been on my mind for a while. I feel successful at work, but I know I know I know I’m taking less responsibility than I can handle.

This is a new level of thinking for me.

Are Genesis and DR my best choices to up my self beliefs?

Clarification: this is a new level of thinking since I sabotaged all attempts at success before.

I’m trying to allow something new for me.

#16

I got a reply from Saint from my support question about mixing Genesis with DR in a custom. I’d mentioned him in my ticket, and he responded:

"No, I would not mix these in a custom.

There’s no reason why you can’t choose one or the other and then run the other one on the side as a major title. I would make Dragon Reborn the side title. Putting hard healing titles in a custom is always a risky venture because it may trigger too much recon and you end up with a custom you can’t use.

Thanks."

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#17

How is Genesis helping you?

Is there anything you think is missing from the Genesis results that you’ve been hoping for?

I do admire your dedication and determination for healing. The thing is, you’ve got a momentum going that was not there 18 months ago. I would encourage you to keep building on it, making you stronger. I’ve wondered if DR can do a lot of “tearing down” for some people.

With DR on the side, you could add it or remove it as needed.

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#18

Thanks for your words RV. I truly appreciate your direct questions.

Genesis is nice, it makes me feel good, and it has some larger aims in it like wealth scripting. It makes me feel like I have enough, and that I am enough. However, stacking DR with it (similar to when I was using CFW) is dulling it. I feel like I’m halfway into acting out some goals (trading presently), and halfway into healing. I’m not happy about this half in, half out stance on either.

I’m not happy–mostly since I am aware a lot of how I am not seeking and following my own life mission. It tears down at my self-respect and self-esteem since I’m very aware I’ve been hiding and weakly avoiding taking more responsibility in my life. (CFW helped point this out)

I’ve wanted drive, ambition, and a direction worth following. I just don’t know clearly what I want and will fight for…yet.

A newer title has been suggested to me. Wanted Black. I’d have fun with that one. It might help open some relationships since I’ve had some old issues with women. But personally, I just got off the Emperor Black page. I’d never considered it before, thinking I’d be overpowering everyone. However, since it’s focused on monk-mode primarily, I think I’d enjoy that solitary, spiritual focus. Plus, it strongly points to finding one’s mission in life.

So, I’m seeking my “what?” and my “why?” I’ve assumed a sub would help me be my “how?”

@RVconsultant, do you see me missing something here? I’m open to a strong reply if it’s warranted.

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#19

I just emailed my miner, a friend of mine. He wondered how I was doing, as I haven’t contacted him this week. I shared my present concern with him, which is tied to my post yesterday. I’m pasting it below to keep track of my thinking.

Beginning of email:

"Adjusting and thinking this morning.
I watched a YT video yesterday, and it’s still turning in me. In short, I’ve been lost since I’ve been seeking less responsibility in life. However, with less responsibility comes less connection and purpose in life. I’ve been acting like a kid, not giving back in so many obvious ways. My main avenue for finding purpose has been work. I’m just feeling insecure about this low demand I’ve put on myself–as this running away and avoidance has guided me in EVERY major decision.

I’ve been wondering how to change my life path. While listening to old self-doubts as well.

I’ve been thinking of different subliminals to allow those changes, sitting here now. I remember Ascension, my first SC sub. It had a singular focus, and that was to get me out of my old norm. Nothing violent nor drastic. But very, very consistent.

I ask questions like

Am I really strong?
Can I do this?
Do I want to grow up?
Is this possible?

I’d stack it with Genesis.

I’m just uncomfortable with this norm I’ve set for myself. I’ll go journal about it."

End of email

#20

I do see something missing. That roller coaster of emotionality that was happening to you about a year ago. So congratulations! Your mood seems much more stable based on what you are posting more recently.

This is a worthy insight. I’ve wondered if healing modules take priority somehow.

@Michel please read the entire post above that this quote came from. Perhaps it might give you some ideas.

Sure WB could be a lot of fun.

What about this:

1 What have you been listening to the previous 7 days?

2 What are your thoughts of listening to only Genesis for 2 weeks, then deciding what to do next? (Perhaps continue with Genesis, perhaps add something else, etc.)

3 What would you want to have happen with WB or EB?

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