Today was one of the best days I’ve had in years.
I went on a three hour walk through the woods
and I didn’t expect to be feeling any effects from my one custom loop
but they were definitely there. This will be an abstract post
I love Emperor but the flavor of emperor at times, is somewhat monolithic, do this -not that, my way or the highway, goals-worth it-anything else-waste of time.
I ran two loops of Emperor this morning and it felt easier than usual. I also felt like the peak state of Emperor with zero reconciliation. The usual experience was still there but then when I was driving the car veered slightly near the edge of the rode, and when it stabilized, I just had suddenly had such a sense of actually wanting to be alive, like there was so much to life for, so excited about all the incredible things that were to come, like I had to be here, I really wanted to be here, in my life, alive, on earth.
There was so much nuance to this experience. This wasn’t in my mind like an insight, this was an embodied realization. For the rest of the day I experienced this very hard to explain sense of spirituality, everything was just perfect. It wasn’t mind blowing mystical but it was extraordinary.
I see how I’ve lived with such a hidden fear of the future, and a hopelessness and even cynicism and today it was like everything in my future, like the actual future itself was completely clear. It was like this dread of failure and being stuck or everything worse case scenario I fight against in my head was gone, and the future wasn’t written but I could not fail, fear became funny, in my life it was nothing but clear skies. As I wrote that I realize this may be Blue Skies effect. I figured it must be playing a part in all this. But didn’t have a clear sense of what was doing what.
Definitely felt old injuries resurfacing in my left ankle, and back, but walked through it and somewhere in the middle of the woods I found myself spontaneously using a large stick to do sholderak/ mace bell like exercises I remembered seeing on youtube, afterwords my shoulders felt great.
Then towards the end of the day, most of the spiritual, energetic, sexual, and physical sense/ felt effects of what I can only imagine is from the custom sub loop, went back to baseline Emperor for me.
The combo of everything the physical energy, the clearness, the unexplained spirituality, the inhibition and sexuality was addictive, I’m hooked. I’m going to run another loop tonight.
