19 Days on washout
Man I needed this
going one more week
I’ve been on hyper-drive for too long and got stuck on some personal issues -all that umph and energy running couldn’t flow
stuff is breaking through and moving now-slowly but surely and calmer and calmer
feeling more and more deep confidence and sense of self respect.
Setting literal and energetic boundaries in really helpful way.
I have to keep grabbling with this, as I didn’t realize how much certain relationships in my life were contributing to what occurs like not supportive or valuable to my life.
Honestly while I could take big risks and make changes, I’m not really in a great position to move living situations or change work-nor wouldn’t I necessarily want to-as they both have great advantages-but I’d like the option. Been feeling trapped at my lack of options due to my low liquidity right now.
I still have a sense of off-ness/disconnection/ not from reality but like something won’t stop turning in my mind or won’t most of the time and like I’m ‘outside’ myself.
Definitely noticing the constant questioning and push still in the domains of work, finance, self value, and more and more prominently purpose. Purpose has always been something I’ve actively engaged and contemplated with uncertainty, but now I have certainty and it’s more about questioning, contemplating, and in action on the best ways to act on it and execute. This questioning is very in my face, and it’s hard to do anything not in relation to to resolving those questions, taking next steps, hitting work and financial goals. Not necessarily a bad thing but a little imbalanced, so I’ve been intentionally adding more fun and joy where I can into my life.
I am at the 6 month stretch of a 3+ year opportunity with a lot of potential upside financially. I’ve been told I’ll be given double my monthly rate and then will move into negotiations for compensation in new roles. I want to see this through and get some large cash flow rolling. It’s possible I could get percentage of management fee and even renumeriation of long term investment’s and it’s currently my best shot at high income and windfall so I’m sticking with it for now. If I can pull this off, I will have turned talking my way into a job at lunch into a massive success. The intensity of effort and of psychological demand of this work is enormous, especially given the uncertainty of efforts yielded, and the demand and expectations of others involved.
I can see how I’ve developed a ton through this work and my Soul feels like it’s calling in a different direction. It’s imperative I make time and room for that as well even if I play a bigger part in this other work.
I am acting on things with urgency except a few areas I just collapse when I go to engage in.
I see all my deepest insecurities highlighted in a way where I have ‘no choice’ but to really deal and work through them.
I’ve started going to the gym again and a much easier routine than before -and it is a welcome addition to everything.
I have a complete intolerance for ‘waiting’ on things, other peoples/ time frames, especially when waiting is actually necessary but a formality or a lack of urgency on other’s part.
I find myself craving running subs again but am holding out for a week more at least.
Also very curious if Until the End of Time will become a main title and what it entails.
I’m very much looking forward to the release of ZP or the new ZP hybrid. I like the focus on spiritual and internal effects. Internal and personal well being is critical to success and life quality.