Athanaxos' Gambit (2023-2024 journal)

@James I thought you might want to read this post, and the one above.

@Athanaxos what do you mean by clarity and emotional maturity? If I was watching a movie of you before and after, what changes would I notice?

What do you want to have happen over the next 6 months?

Okay. First, what are you running as of right now?

What were you running last week?

Next I would strongly encourage you to consider finishing Khan Black. Khan Black seems to be a process, and I would encourage you to think about prioritizing it to the finish line of completing all 4 stages of Khan Black.

If Genesis seems to be working well, I would also encourage you to think about staying with it for now. I’ve wondered if it might help other programs fit together. Plus perhaps it would be better to keep this in with the idea that this might further solidify your gains and strengthen them.

So then I would ask, what would you want DR:LD to do versus GLM: Commander to do?

Now another question, and I may have misunderstood or perhaps I’m thinking of someone else, did you post at some point you were having gender identity issues and realized it was because you felt uneasy about being a masculine man? If so, how might that inform which subliminals you might run?

Now another thought, if you run Khan Black as well as DR:LD, I would think of it as that you’d be running 2 healing subliminals at once. Now if it’s overwhelming, you could remove DR:LD from your stack, and either run two OR try GLM: Commander instead.

As for the journal section, we can get back to that later. For now, let’s focus on making this subliminal journey awesome for you.

Are you considering getting a custom? If so, what do you want to put in it?

If you are wanting to add DR:LD or GLM: Commander to a custom, it might be best to run the program from the main shop first to notice how it effects you.

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Ouff. I should have expected I’d get RV’d with the deep and hard hitting questions. Really makes me reflect deeper on these things! :laughing:

To allude. First regarding maturity I feel that I have “grown into” my authentic self even more, and to describe it rather poorly, my being or essence have “settled” more at the seat of itself. Having ASD and ADD I’ve always felt “behind” on the curve of maturity, age wise. For example I am rapidly approaching 40, yet at some times I still feel and act like a 25 year old, in terms of maturity and expression. Now I feel more aligned with my actual age. I guess I feel wiser. And maybe older, too? :thinking:

Second, regarding clarity I can only manage a metaphor:
Imagine standing at the precipice, and all you see is a dark, deep, and murky fog in front of you. What lies ahead? How far down is it? You can’t really see anything so you can’t possibly know, yet you are struck by vertigo anyway as the cold dark winds tug at you from the hidden abyss. Would you take the chance of reaching for your fate? Would you even survive the jump?
But now, it’s like there is no fog. I am still at that very same cliff as before, only now ahead of me are endless blue skies dotted with the odd white cloud. The horizon stretches on and on, and far below are rolling fields of resplendent green, and over yonder, you see the ocean. Beside you, you have a kite glider, and you feel confident that you can indeed fly it. While you don’t know where the winds will take you, you know for certain that you can navigate the currents safely. The breeze is warm and gentle. And with calm confidence, you simply know deep within… that it’ll be totally worth the ride.

Did that make sense?

My immediate goal is to hit the breaks and do some sort of restart in life, release stress, recover health, be there for my family.
And then continuing on to pursue my own fate and fortune without boundaries.

Last week was KBst1, Genesis, and the second cycle of RoD.

*EDIT: After giving it some thought I realized that I should trust Genesis to help me with my current challenges and to find my way, and at the same time making progress with Khan Black. Maybe run my current custom as the third one. It’s a good custom and I might as well make use of it. Actually, that’s a really great idea… Thanks!

Yes! That was me alright.

After a run of DR, and also proper diagnosis of ASD and ADD, I realized that my discomfort were basically due to broken self-perception and insufficient means to grow into a healthy masculinity. More than anything it was all unease from feeling “broken” and a “failure” as a man. The answer I found was to heal that part of me inside, instead of trying to be something other than myself.

Oh my brother, it already is. But yes, we can always add more awesomesauce.

Haha why yes, I am always considering a custom. And what to put in it, well… all the things, obviously :sweat_smile:

But in all seriousness, I’ll need some time to think deeper about that… Genesis and RoM is making me realize all kinds of stuff right now.

Another custom won’t be needed until 2024.


Re:Edit: Rewrote some more stuff :sweat_smile:

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Ka-wow, in the best way possible!

Yes!

So wait, how might your other custom fit in?

What do you want to do?

Plus there are some more module coming out, right? I mean STKS isn’t over.

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Oh shit. I just realized I’ve just finished 2 cycles of Khan Black stage 1, and today I’m starting stage 2. This should be interesting. I’ll start easy with 3 minutes per loop for the first week.

You know, I kept re-editing my previous response as I continuously contemplated on what was important, trying to hone in on that. So yeah - Ka-wow indeed. :slight_smile:

Yeah, a new custom will be relevant come 2024. Besides, my current one has RoM, AM, and True Sell in it so I’ll be happy to keep running it until then.

Yeah… I’ve been thinking a lot about this for the past week. And I really mean a lot.
Will get back to that. Don’t have time to extrapolate on that right now.

Yes! The future is bright, indeed! :sunglasses:

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I have a very particular problem that I need to address initially and with some discretion. I’ve sent a support ticket asking for advice custom-wise based on Emperor Black and PCC. If you want and have the time I can tell you more in a DM.
But having said that, I by no means make claims to your time by flooding your inbox with my problems haha :smiley:

Beyond that. I am considering studying for the SAT to pursue some higher education in… something. Don’t know yet, but I have a list of interests.

I am also looking into starting some sort of tech/online business, as well as a small-scale (personal) finance business.

And I also want to lean into writing more, both online, non-fiction, and creative fiction. By what little I have written people tell me I have some sort of talent, and I love making up ideas for creative fiction, and I’d love to further develop that.

Also since I love gaming and always have, I am having this idea that I might as well start streaming. Kick (new twitch competitor) pays a flat $ per streamed hour, as well as engagement and for ads. I don’t know if it’s viable, but I can’t shake the idea either. Doing that would be a great way to build entertainment skills and a reputation and social currency, while enjoying a passion and being myself as well, to boot.

Those are my current tangible and “worldly aspirations”, but I also want to improve my health in all regards, keep developing my spirituality, masculinity, and inner power and strength, and leadership as well.

So, those are my “wants” at the moment :smiley:

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Ouff. That moment when you realize you haven’t updated your journal in seven months! Yikes.

image

Well, it’s not like I’ve been doing nothing, but I pushed my custom aside at the time for several reasons. Mostly because it was only a partial match, but also because there were other more relevant titles dropped at the time. And now after letting it cook for a while, I feel that it would be great to run it again in the stack alongside both ASBR and DR: Phoenix. At least for now.

The “sudden catastrophic self-transformation” never came about. It was more like… slowly and excruciatingly being deflated. But I realized now that it was a necessary pain. And also, painful and demoralizing as it was, it was not a failure. I was able to gather plenty of useful data, and even if the custom I designed was misaligned at the time, I can make plenty of use of it now.
I was also able to complete a full run of Khan Black with two cycles for each stage, two cycles of Genesis, some RM:UWX, and some HERO Origins.

And I haven’t been journaling here because I’ve felt too drained to engage. And when I get stuck in a rut I stop writing too. But what do you know, after a cycle of DR:P (DERP?) I feel, unironically, reborn. Hah, who woulda thunk? :sweat_smile: I am really curious about the long-term effects DERP will have. Ah, I feel like I did in the later stages of DR. You know. Soaring.

And yes, while I have been unable to solve my particular problem, I was able to bring attention to it, and I am much closer to a resolution now than I have ever been.

So all in all, while I didn’t get to where I had wanted to be I’d still call it a success. And even while being beaten down by life, I feel stronger now than ever. Despite all the fog, I realized that I am more resilient than I thought.

Soo… that’s the 7-month update!


And now over to other news!

I’ve just reached out to support for feedback on my brand new revving custom build draft! And yes, you guessed correctly - it has all three Revelation cores in it! Yes!

I’ve been cooking on this one for quite a while, wanting to both use all three Revelation cores in a custom, but also make a lucid dreaming custom, AND a manifestation custom. So why not… put it all together? I feel great about it, and it’s surprisingly congruent.

Ze build

Revelation of Mind
Revelation of Dreams
Revelation of Spirit
Dream Travler
Deep Sleep
New Dawn
Harmonic Singularity
Transcendental Connection
Fortune’s Favorite
Yggrasil
Divine Will
Dominion
Tyrant
Jupiter
DEUS
Void of Creation*
Cosmic Wealth*
Radiating Health
Inner Blaze (*or Mystic Osmosis)
Epigenetic’s & DNA Modulator

I plan to run this baby long-term. Thrice-unfolding, boosting meditation, stillness, manifestation, cognitive function, intuition, lucid dreaming, and spiritual connectedness. And also add a tiny bit of cosmic grease to the gears of wealth and health, while still being congruent.
Another gambit that simply cannot go wrong. No matter how it turns out in the end - I win, anyway.

Just the way it should be. :sunglasses:

Now I’m just gonna let ASBR and DRP cook for a while as I get this, and I’ll get to where I need to be in time.

Just As Planned.


EDIT: Oh my, I just reread my previous posts and this particular one slapped me straight in the face:

“My immediate goal is to hit the breaks and do some sort of restart in life” - Well, check!

Now let’s move on to the next item on the list.

Just As Planned, indeed…

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You’re back with a bang! Welcome!

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Thanks mate - It’s good to be back!

And the timing, ah the timing. Now they released Sanguine v2, which is precisely what I need right now. And I’m finishing up my two cycles of Phoenix and TWTP now so I can get started on Sanguine next.

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Update!

I’ve finished two cycles of ASBR and I feel amazing, and I want to do more of it! ASBR/SB is precisely my cup of archetypal tea. But there are so many things I want to run, too. I will probably do two cycles of WB now, and then re-evaluate after that.

I’m also starting my second cycle of LB and Sanguine. I just realized the other day that I’ve been pushing myself so hard these past couple of years, and my drive for self-development has been relentless, and while it has been rewarding it has also been unbelievably exhausting. No wonder I went into burnout last August. But I’m kinda glad that it happened. And, well, I clearly asked for it. :sweat_smile:


I’ve realized that one of my toxic traits is that I’ve more or less always been running the whole 15 minutes of a ZP title - even when I start fresh with one. But I’ve become wiser now by continuously bashing my head against a brick wall, and so from now on I will stick to a strict 7 minutes until I’ve reached a flow with that specific title.

Another toxic trait of mine is that I want to do everything at the same time. I keep planning and theory-crafting Q-builds for every area of my life that I want to develop, and what I want would require 5 different customs with 3 cores each… And ain’t gonna fly. And hell, it would take several years for any person to achieve what I want to do for myself so…

The bottom line is that I need to focus on one area at a time. Again, I’ve grown wiser and I recognize this as the ever-present “I want to be there now” kind of… uhm… chronic recon? Yeah, that’s probably it.

@RVconsultant thank you for putting together the microloop summary. It made me re-realize how important it is not to push it too much too soon.


Anyway. The plan for now is to chill, lean into WB while continuing LB and Sanguine while waiting for the new updates to drop. And I am ready to get three customs and focus on those for now.

I got feedback from support on my Rev x3 build and it’s good to go:

The custom itself is technically okay, though something like this could generate some VERY life changing results as you delve deep within the self for answers.

However, if you are truly serious about meditation, stillness, etc., it might be okay. I’d proceed with caution if running this.

I’ll be making some minor tweaks, but overall it’ll be the same. For me, Rev x3 is a priority build and I’ll be getting it as soon as the Rev-series has been updated.

Another one I am excited about is… dun dun duuun! The Quantum Alchemist Khan Black! YES!
I’ve been meaning to revisit both QL and Alchemist, and incorporate Khan Black somewhere, somehow, for the long run. This seems like the obvious answer. KB just makes me feel so damn good, and paired with QL and Alch, I’ll be discharging electrostatic like a boss :grin:

The third, which I am still on the fence about but also incredibly excited about… is an ASBR, WB, and Daredevil build. This one is for later (I think) as I would want to run the major store version of Daredevil first. The thought behind this one is that it covers much of the remainder of my Shadow, and I figured, why not develop that, and have some fun at the same time? :sunglasses:

Yeah. I don’t think I will be able to cram more into 2024 than that, tbh.


I am also thinking a lot about skill-building, and especially which skill tree(s) to spec into initially… leaning towards writing, leveraging tech (AI), and finance… I keep thinking about an RM:UW - Index Gate-build, possibly with the new ME or Limitless… And also maybe run EoG later this year.

Lastly - I would love to get proficient with RV and AP (don’t ask why - I am not sure myself). But maybe that’s for 2025.

I mean… for now, between three customs with Rev x3, QL, Alch, KB, and ASBR, WB, and Daredevil, I don’t think I really need to push it any further. Not to mention I’ll also have 51 modules between them, too. :thinking: :sweat_smile:

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Ran WB for 7 minutes (solo) yesterday, and I can’t remember the last time I felt this good in my own skin.

I just feel really chill and good about myself, and It elevated the relaxed state of being I’ve felt from Khan Black. Obviously Love Bomb and Sanguine play a huge role in that too.
Between the four of them, I feel that I’ve been able to deal with a part of my shadow that has been really hard to reach. In other words, I now not only accepted myself as is - but also with deep and genuine, radical self-love despite my oh-so-human flaws. I know I have do deal with them, sure. But when was the last time I didn’t carry around this useless and encumbering judgment of myself? When was the last time that I allowed myself to just be me, with all the wyrd and all the cringe, and just ball it anyway, and feel good about it?

That’s novel to me, and hell damn it feels good. I want everyone to feel like this, for real.

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What if I were to get ASBR, WB and Hero (instead of daredevil) in a custom, with RoM, RoD, RoS, and QL, Alch, and KB?

The perfect journey of Mystery.

Ah, why am I doing this to myself :laughing:

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Jotting down ideas for curstoms and fine-tuning it is so damn addictive. I know the feeling.

It’s like creating characters in an RPG game (like DIABLO) and adjusting the stats to make it just right.

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Haha yeah… and that’s my toxic trait lmao :rofl: :joy:

I love to do it with customs, but I get so easily into overwhelm. Especially when I’m already in recon, and end up with builds that are more or less “everything all at once”. Then I pester Support about it with a wall-o’-text, realize I was in recon and it was pretty stupid really because no way that’s a good idea, and then cancel the support ticket before they’ve had a chance to get back to me about it.

Like I said. It’s my toxic trait :sweat_smile:

I have a tendency to focus too much on an idea, rather than utility and what would be most useful to me where I am right now. But the gritty reality of right-now is not nearly as interesting as creating a grand vision about something far into the future.
I suppose that’s also a symptom of recon or overwhelm - and a way to create a situation where the reach of my grasp is never enough. Self-sabotage. Fearing success I suppose? Or feeling that I am not worthy enough (of a good outcome) and keeping myself instead in a perpetual limbo while having my limitless potential shown to me on a theatre screen as a means of torture.

Ah. Sounds like I’m in recon at the moment :thinking: :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I think you are having a journey in self-awareness.

One of the beauties of the ZP subliminals (whether main store or customs) is that each of them teaches you something along the way. And in this case, you had a good number of self-realizations even if you abandon your customs or stacks.

Am speaking from a similar experience (aside from writing to support. That part you wrote was hilarious) but I know that feeling of wanting to get everything handled but not being able to.

Meanwhile, we inch ourselves to success, one mini-enlightenment after another and eventually we shall see that even though the journey was long and full of self-sabotaging detours, we had somehow made it thanks to the subliminals aiding our subconcious mind.

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Aha haha. Yeah, I think so too. The power of ZP and ZPv2 really is staggering - and I keep forgetting that in the everyday grind just how potent it truly is. I am hit with new insights and epiphanies on a daily basis now, both about myself, and the world around me.

And I don’t see it as abandoning a stack or a custom (I’ve only gotten 1 so far) but more like a process of continuous evolution. As I reach a new level it may also bring the realization that what I need is something different entirely from what I initially thought. Ergo, why I keep closing my own support tickets. :grimacing:

But yeah. Closing my own tickets because I’ve already come to an answer myself… I feel kinda silly about that. I should stick to journaling here instead. Let you guys stop me before I contact support lmao. Sorry guys @ sc/support! :pray:

Anyway.

YES! This, right here. I didn’t know how to express it but you really put words to it. It’s like a race where you move forward with crawling speed at times. It is excruciating, but before you know it you’re halfway there already. I’ll keep this in mind from now on.

And speaking of mini-enlightenments.

I’ve just realized something that is a bit counterintuitive but also oh so obvious, when you stop to think about it. Everyone is talking about “Ego-Death” and how we must “remove our egos” and so on because it’s “toxic”. But without balance that’s just more “toxic ego”. A Lightworkers’ Shadow Self.
Because what Ego really is (as I’ve come to see it) is the core will of our Self. It’s our aiming mechanism, and our drive and desire to manifest what we want in our lives. I see it now as neutral in its nature, like a powerful tool you would wield to shape the world around you. What comes of it depends on how you wield it, and it may express itself in a healthy way, or an unhealthy way.

I realized a few days ago that over the years I’ve dissolved my Ego so much that it was basically non-existent. Especially so for the past decade. Ironically, by doing that I also gave up on my personal power, which led to an increased expression of more “toxic behaviors”. In my case a lack of Ego made me more toxic, as I became more negative, more depressed, and more unable to be gratuitous or even regulate my emotions properly. I ended up in a mode of learned helplessness, and a victim mentality.

Who would have thought that lack of (balanced) Ego is just another aspect of one’s Shadow… :thinking:

ASBR and Wanted Black really helped me realize this as I’ve been asking myself more and more what I want from life. I have neglected what I want for such a long time that I actually, sort of, forgot how to think about it in a healthy manner. Just by leaning into that more, I’ve started to like myself again. What what. I did not expect that.


And also I’ve come to realize that while I would love to dive into the deep spirituality and reality shifting of a RoM/RoS/RoD custom alongside a QL/Alchemist/KB custom - I am really not at the right character level to run them at this time. I need to grind a bit more XP. Just a little more.

It’s true, I want it all. But right now I can’t have it. :sweat_smile:
So I’m trying to kill my darlings and decide on one direction to go. With that in mind, I am still leaning towards getting my TKSP-custom as a long-term grinding gear, and then stack things as the need arises. Let me know what you guys think of it.

TKSP-custom

The Kitchen Sink Project:
A Stark Black Reality
Wanted Black
HERO: Origins
New Dawn
Transcendental Connection
Achilles’ Heel
Furious Ascent
King’s Radiance
Eyes of Zenith
Lifeblood Fable
Cosmic Wealth
Void of Creation
Eventide
Mystery
Gentleman’s Speech
New Wealth Experience
New Learning Experience
New Romance Experience
Inner Blaze
Epigenetic’s & DNA Modulator

I should also do a proper week-long washout next week too. It’s been a while now…


EDIT: For the custom, I might be better of with the new PRIMAL instead of WB, and NR instead of Hero… For a more focused title. I mean, I want the physical shifting from both WB and Hero and the other stuff. But to be honest all that is secondary. What I really need is that internal drive and purpose… I can always stack WB and Hero, and Primal and NR are better aligned with my long term goals.

I’m getting closer. But for now I’ll let this cook for a while.

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Yeah. Maybe I should just, idk, try to not kitchen-sink it.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll achieve more focus by not trying to do, uhm, everything at once. Maybe just stick to one artisanal title at the time.

Maybe I should just, idk, do a washout or something. And then triangulate a stack that carries, and stick with it long enough to let it settle :smirk: :sweat_smile:

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This will be a badass stack. Can feel it.

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Apparently, I’m gonna be live on national TV tomorrow for a debate about a new law proposition… and the channel wanted me there for my perspective.

ASBR is no joke :astonished:

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Badass indeed!

Though I’m wondering if WB is the right choice here, or if I should go with Primal instead.

Alright, I’m nearing a decision here. Personal growth these past weeks has been insane. But I can see things a lot clearer now. Spirituality is very important to me and I will be getting those customs at some point - but now is not the time for that. I can’t force-feed myself ‘spirituality’ like that if I haven’t even reached stability in my mundane life, so that’s where my focus will be. I might stack a spiritual major title like RoS, but custom-wise that will have to wait.

The trajectory I see for myself for now is a custom with ASBR, Primal, and Daredevil - and pair that with either QL/New limitless, and a third title (possibly WB or GMX. For fun, maybe? :)) and then lean into the new EoG when it drops and keep leaning into business and money making mode.

The current build iteration is this then:

A Stark Black Reality
PRIMAL
Daredevil
New Dawn
Transcendental Connection
Achilles’ Heel
Furious Ascent
King’s Radiance
Eyes of Zenith
Lifeblood Fable
Call of Honor
Cosmic Wealth
Void of Creation
Eventide
Mystery
New Wealth Experience
New Learning Experience
New Romance Experience
Inner Blaze
Epigenetic’s & DNA Modulator

I realize that to succeed in anything you need to make connections. And what is that? Social skill and grace, which have been a vulnerability of mine for my entire life. That, and inner frame. It’s time to do something about that - hence my choice of both Primal and Daredevil. I also need to ignite that adventurous spark again.

Then we go for the money.

And then we go for the cosmos.

Let me know what you guys think.

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