Athanaxos' Gambit (2023-2024 journal)

What if I were to get ASBR, WB and Hero (instead of daredevil) in a custom, with RoM, RoD, RoS, and QL, Alch, and KB?

The perfect journey of Mystery.

Ah, why am I doing this to myself :laughing:

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Jotting down ideas for curstoms and fine-tuning it is so damn addictive. I know the feeling.

It’s like creating characters in an RPG game (like DIABLO) and adjusting the stats to make it just right.

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Haha yeah… and that’s my toxic trait lmao :rofl: :joy:

I love to do it with customs, but I get so easily into overwhelm. Especially when I’m already in recon, and end up with builds that are more or less “everything all at once”. Then I pester Support about it with a wall-o’-text, realize I was in recon and it was pretty stupid really because no way that’s a good idea, and then cancel the support ticket before they’ve had a chance to get back to me about it.

Like I said. It’s my toxic trait :sweat_smile:

I have a tendency to focus too much on an idea, rather than utility and what would be most useful to me where I am right now. But the gritty reality of right-now is not nearly as interesting as creating a grand vision about something far into the future.
I suppose that’s also a symptom of recon or overwhelm - and a way to create a situation where the reach of my grasp is never enough. Self-sabotage. Fearing success I suppose? Or feeling that I am not worthy enough (of a good outcome) and keeping myself instead in a perpetual limbo while having my limitless potential shown to me on a theatre screen as a means of torture.

Ah. Sounds like I’m in recon at the moment :thinking: :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I think you are having a journey in self-awareness.

One of the beauties of the ZP subliminals (whether main store or customs) is that each of them teaches you something along the way. And in this case, you had a good number of self-realizations even if you abandon your customs or stacks.

Am speaking from a similar experience (aside from writing to support. That part you wrote was hilarious) but I know that feeling of wanting to get everything handled but not being able to.

Meanwhile, we inch ourselves to success, one mini-enlightenment after another and eventually we shall see that even though the journey was long and full of self-sabotaging detours, we had somehow made it thanks to the subliminals aiding our subconcious mind.

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Aha haha. Yeah, I think so too. The power of ZP and ZPv2 really is staggering - and I keep forgetting that in the everyday grind just how potent it truly is. I am hit with new insights and epiphanies on a daily basis now, both about myself, and the world around me.

And I don’t see it as abandoning a stack or a custom (I’ve only gotten 1 so far) but more like a process of continuous evolution. As I reach a new level it may also bring the realization that what I need is something different entirely from what I initially thought. Ergo, why I keep closing my own support tickets. :grimacing:

But yeah. Closing my own tickets because I’ve already come to an answer myself… I feel kinda silly about that. I should stick to journaling here instead. Let you guys stop me before I contact support lmao. Sorry guys @ sc/support! :pray:

Anyway.

YES! This, right here. I didn’t know how to express it but you really put words to it. It’s like a race where you move forward with crawling speed at times. It is excruciating, but before you know it you’re halfway there already. I’ll keep this in mind from now on.

And speaking of mini-enlightenments.

I’ve just realized something that is a bit counterintuitive but also oh so obvious, when you stop to think about it. Everyone is talking about “Ego-Death” and how we must “remove our egos” and so on because it’s “toxic”. But without balance that’s just more “toxic ego”. A Lightworkers’ Shadow Self.
Because what Ego really is (as I’ve come to see it) is the core will of our Self. It’s our aiming mechanism, and our drive and desire to manifest what we want in our lives. I see it now as neutral in its nature, like a powerful tool you would wield to shape the world around you. What comes of it depends on how you wield it, and it may express itself in a healthy way, or an unhealthy way.

I realized a few days ago that over the years I’ve dissolved my Ego so much that it was basically non-existent. Especially so for the past decade. Ironically, by doing that I also gave up on my personal power, which led to an increased expression of more “toxic behaviors”. In my case a lack of Ego made me more toxic, as I became more negative, more depressed, and more unable to be gratuitous or even regulate my emotions properly. I ended up in a mode of learned helplessness, and a victim mentality.

Who would have thought that lack of (balanced) Ego is just another aspect of one’s Shadow… :thinking:

ASBR and Wanted Black really helped me realize this as I’ve been asking myself more and more what I want from life. I have neglected what I want for such a long time that I actually, sort of, forgot how to think about it in a healthy manner. Just by leaning into that more, I’ve started to like myself again. What what. I did not expect that.


And also I’ve come to realize that while I would love to dive into the deep spirituality and reality shifting of a RoM/RoS/RoD custom alongside a QL/Alchemist/KB custom - I am really not at the right character level to run them at this time. I need to grind a bit more XP. Just a little more.

It’s true, I want it all. But right now I can’t have it. :sweat_smile:
So I’m trying to kill my darlings and decide on one direction to go. With that in mind, I am still leaning towards getting my TKSP-custom as a long-term grinding gear, and then stack things as the need arises. Let me know what you guys think of it.

TKSP-custom

The Kitchen Sink Project:
A Stark Black Reality
Wanted Black
HERO: Origins
New Dawn
Transcendental Connection
Achilles’ Heel
Furious Ascent
King’s Radiance
Eyes of Zenith
Lifeblood Fable
Cosmic Wealth
Void of Creation
Eventide
Mystery
Gentleman’s Speech
New Wealth Experience
New Learning Experience
New Romance Experience
Inner Blaze
Epigenetic’s & DNA Modulator

I should also do a proper week-long washout next week too. It’s been a while now…


EDIT: For the custom, I might be better of with the new PRIMAL instead of WB, and NR instead of Hero… For a more focused title. I mean, I want the physical shifting from both WB and Hero and the other stuff. But to be honest all that is secondary. What I really need is that internal drive and purpose… I can always stack WB and Hero, and Primal and NR are better aligned with my long term goals.

I’m getting closer. But for now I’ll let this cook for a while.

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Yeah. Maybe I should just, idk, try to not kitchen-sink it.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll achieve more focus by not trying to do, uhm, everything at once. Maybe just stick to one artisanal title at the time.

Maybe I should just, idk, do a washout or something. And then triangulate a stack that carries, and stick with it long enough to let it settle :smirk: :sweat_smile:

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This will be a badass stack. Can feel it.

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Apparently, I’m gonna be live on national TV tomorrow for a debate about a new law proposition… and the channel wanted me there for my perspective.

ASBR is no joke :astonished:

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Badass indeed!

Though I’m wondering if WB is the right choice here, or if I should go with Primal instead.

Alright, I’m nearing a decision here. Personal growth these past weeks has been insane. But I can see things a lot clearer now. Spirituality is very important to me and I will be getting those customs at some point - but now is not the time for that. I can’t force-feed myself ‘spirituality’ like that if I haven’t even reached stability in my mundane life, so that’s where my focus will be. I might stack a spiritual major title like RoS, but custom-wise that will have to wait.

The trajectory I see for myself for now is a custom with ASBR, Primal, and Daredevil - and pair that with either QL/New limitless, and a third title (possibly WB or GMX. For fun, maybe? :)) and then lean into the new EoG when it drops and keep leaning into business and money making mode.

The current build iteration is this then:

A Stark Black Reality
PRIMAL
Daredevil
New Dawn
Transcendental Connection
Achilles’ Heel
Furious Ascent
King’s Radiance
Eyes of Zenith
Lifeblood Fable
Call of Honor
Cosmic Wealth
Void of Creation
Eventide
Mystery
New Wealth Experience
New Learning Experience
New Romance Experience
Inner Blaze
Epigenetic’s & DNA Modulator

I realize that to succeed in anything you need to make connections. And what is that? Social skill and grace, which have been a vulnerability of mine for my entire life. That, and inner frame. It’s time to do something about that - hence my choice of both Primal and Daredevil. I also need to ignite that adventurous spark again.

Then we go for the money.

And then we go for the cosmos.

Let me know what you guys think.

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