Oh thank you for the kind words and the support bro and I appreciate that what im writing is legible lol
Thank you 
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Day 28 of 60 - no loop ( Monday- 13th June 2022) - 2nd Cycle started - day 2
So today woke up in terrible agony due to my back.
Whole day I felt shit and moody and didnt want to talk to anyone. I dont know if this is the sub, the agony, due to women troubles with 1 female im texting or something else.
Eventually once I ate I felt little better in the evening by 5% lol but then I spoke to the woman im having trouble with and my mood improved 100% well 90 if not 100.
Is this a sign of some issue the sub needs to work on or is it simply me being a man that loves being wanted and enjoys the chase? I dont know.
I saw some houses near where I live, on youtube, and I started fantasising as to which sub can help me become financially rich and give me ideas to create money making schemes. I got jealous of those home owners and their wealth too.
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I think you may be getting this the wrong way round. You’re currently running Ascension, with stated goals such as growing condidence, enhancing your romance life etc. You took action relating to these goals and feel great. I would say that’s a very clear result, and it’s staring you in the face. If you’re focusing too much on your issues you run the danger of not seeing results.
As for rich homeowners…just keep in mind that homes tend to be largely or entirely credit financed. That really just means that a homeowner has an income that allows her/him to pay the credit. Not that much reason for jealousy there.
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Thanks bro, I see what you’re saying but this always happens to me, except I just found this particular situation where my mood after success in fixing the issue raised to 100% was nice, made me wonder if its lack of maturity thus not the sub or something else.
I hear you yes credit true. thanks man
Day 29 of 60 - 1 loop ( Tuesday- 14th June 2022) - 2nd Cycle started - day 3
Cant recall if there was anything to mention. Ah yes there was some drama at home and my sis was offloading about it on me so then when it came to the moment that my bro brought it up I just logically laid it out to him. My sister gave me full credit and praise in how I handled it. Something they all at home dont see me do usually when im leading people and situations but nice to get some credit for it from home.
Day 30 of 60 - no loop ( Wednesday- 15th June 2022 - part 1) - 2nd Cycle started - day 4
Its 4.56am, its my birthday and im feeling childish and immature - due to a situation im about to explain and describe. So my family have given me well wishes which is cool.
I have an online team that I lead that work on a voluntary endeavour. So 2hours into the day (ie 2am) one member of this voluntary team woke up as she lives on the other side of the planet from me and wished me happy birthday causing the others that saw that to wish me happy birthday.
The girl im kinda seeing from the previous post upon seeing this then wished me happy bithday.
It all just seemed fake, that the others are wishing it due to the first one remembering and she, the first one to wish it me, only remembered cos I wished her it on her birthday, literally 3 days ago.
I felt annoyed and dejected. Am being way too childish but i know the rest of you will say this is probably recon so whatever it is im mentioning it here.
if anything else to report during my day ill add to this post.
Part 2
I fell asleep and woke and my feelings from above continued. At first I seemed ok but yeah it got worse and during the whole day I felt kinda apathetic and dead inside. Not shit but just didnt wanna talk to anyone or communicate with anyone yet when I had to I spoke normally.
I feel like I just want to get away and kinda fed up of people and life.
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Day 31 of 60 - 1 loop ( Thursday- 16th June 2022 - part 1) - 2nd Cycle started - day 5
Listened to 1 loop and went to sleep.
Woke up and feeling same as yesterday. I feel like maybe im a victim or seek attention. I feel due to my birthday not being priority as I had hoped or expected as pissed me off and this is childish I know. Im an adult and im behaving like this I dont get it.
Nothing else for now.
Edit: Actually there is something else, I think its my ego, I want attention from people for the work or effort ive made in the past. For them to value me and I was underwhelmed and feel not as valued as I had hoped. Still odd as I dont know where the fudge this is coming from.
PART 2
So this feeling ive had before whenever ive felt unwanted, unappreciated etc usually around a special occasion like when its my birthday. I want it to be about me and when I feel its not then these feelings arise.
Anyway after constant texting with the girl that likes me and finally resolving these emotions and broken communication we share my mood started to improve from pretty much 0-ish to whereever it is now which is around 55-60%
Then my family and I watched a tv show that improved my mood and then gave me my gifts which improved my mood too.
Nothing really else I can think of sharing except that I gave some advice here…(ill see if I post below) and its made me realise that ill take the same advice anyway which is ill wait until:
a) I have reached 90 days to see if I will then add another sub onto this
or
b) I will stick on this sub until I move out which is when im finally able to put my daily action plan into action and then ill see how well ive reached.
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Having a look at the shop page for Ascension, it says among other things:
- Develop an internal and external sense status and authority, as well as improve the perception others have of you.
- Embark on an inner journey to discover who you really are and what you want out of life.
- Become empowered to take control of your life and future.
- Rapid internal growth and transformation.
Now, you can’t really grow until you deal with your issues, and you can’t really deal with them until you know them. I would say that’s what’s happening here. The issue is internal, and I would say the sub has helped you see it. You’ve figured out what it is and can now deal with it. That’s not pleasant in the moment but good. Also - that particular issue is in direct conflict with the goals of the sub, so at some point it has to come up.
If you run into internal issues that seem like “how did this come up” it’s probably worth considering if the sub made it visible, allowing you to do something about it.
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thanks for that bro but then the question is what can I do about it exactly?
You’re halfway there already. Identify it, firmly decide that’s not you anymore, and let it go. Every time it comes up. The important bit is to not try to suppress by force, that just keeps it around. Just change your focus to something more useful. Ascension should aid you there a lot, too.
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thanks man ill try and do that if I can but usually im just feeling things and thats it.
Day 32 of 60 - no loop ( Friday- 17th June 2022) - 2nd Cycle started - day 6
Woke and all day my moods been off and ive been feeling fed up.
This now has been going on for around 3 days and im not going to read my journals back as I dont like reading what I wrote but maybe longer if its gone on before then.
I dont like how im feeling. Am i trying to be a victim, feel unloved or something I dont get it.
I ate and then treated myself to a lot of cake to improve my mood and now maybe its improved a little.
not happy
Weeeelllll……isn’t the whole point of this to get out of your old “usually” and into a new one rather than be stuck in “and that’s it”? If you start supporting the sub here (aka “taking action”) you can give everything a huge boost.
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thanks Jay I understand from everyone that taking action for this sub is doing a little towards my goals and all of them. My current situation makes that 99% impossible however ill be moving out soon and then I can focus on nothing else but my goals.
Day 33 of 60 - 1 loop ( Sat- 18th June 2022 - PART 1) - 2nd Cycle started - day 7
I listened to the sub and then finally got to bed and spoke to the girl ive been having drama with. We sorted it by talking and that was that. I woke up feeling great and normal again.
Also my bro isnt at home and that is a constant source of drama and its like an emotional energy drain, but hes gone to see a friend and stay over there so maybe that has a role to play in my boost in positivity.
Either way never have I felt the way I did for the past 3 or more days. Its not something I think I recall ever feeling like or atleast not in a very long time. Glad I seem to be on the up.
part 2 will be later as usual.
Part 2
Nothing to add that I can think of except that im still feeling fine.
Also spoke to a uni friend who told me the same as another as to which avenue and direction some are taking in regards to work and it put me at ease that this may be a way forward so perhaps not too scary.
Day 34 of 60 - no loop ( Sunday- 19th June 2022) - 2nd Cycle started - day 8
Im unsure if I forget things that I feel I want to add to my journal but im not at a blank lol
Ive had another stressful day, i was down but this time due to my brother and us arguing. I lost my cool and I may have been at fault im unsure when I think about it as well he tried to hit me and that made me lose my cool - no excuse for violence of any kind.
Anyway then eventually after eating and just chatting and the fact that a friend gave me some late birthday gifts - I ended up feeling back to my good self again. A marked difference from the 3 or 4 days I felt rotten clearly due to my birthday and the girl.
Anyway besides that nothing else to report.
extra: I cant remember when or why but a few times i felt insecure due to my looks. My hair loss and my weight.
Day 35 of 60 - 1 loop ( Monday- 20th June 2022) - 2nd Cycle started - day 9
Listened to 1 loop and eventually slept. My sleep timings are again badly ruined.
I woke from my deep sleep which allowed me to realise I was in a dream and the gist of the dream was I was moving out from my uni accomodation forever and I came across 2 people who I think were both personal trainers at different gyms.
They both were super friendly and happy to see me 1 last time and perhaps forever. Now having woken up I dont remember what either of them look like lol
Also in the dream was a fat girl who was even fatter it seems and she mentioned a person working at my local hospital here near home who helped her lose weight.
So upon waking up I googled and no such person exists in that hospital or anywhere online.
Beyond that nothing else to really share at the moment. I cant feel anything new and havent done but will see how I go alone and update this if I need to later.
Part 2
I feel disrespected and not acknowledged by family. I feel as if no matter what advice I give im seen as the young fool that im not.
I also have been losing my temper quickly today. May be due to lack of sleep but whatever its noted here.
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These dreams seem to point to in the direction of your physical health and self-care. I don’t know if you work out or have other physical activities, if not this might be a sign to get going
Last autumn I trashed my right shoulder and was out for months. Before that I had slacked for almost a year with training, so that for me was a wake up call to get going again.
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So you had a dream too?
And yeah this is one of my multiple goals and daily action tasks I need to perform.
No dream but I did not take care of my body over the last year, so life manifested a situation where I got hurt badly in my shoulder. The pain was numbing and I couldn’t sleep for more than 2 hours a night from the pain in the beginning. But the pain was a lesson for me to understand that I wasn’t taking proper care of myself.
One thing that I found the most beneficial to grow as a man and human being is to always take 100% responsibility for all that is happening to you. We are taught from a young age to always put the blame elsewhere, and thus we are missing the signs that life is trying to tell us. And by taking full ownership we are always in the driver seat.
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I 100% agree about talking responsibility and ownership. We are where we are because we made those choices one way or another. Sadly some choices are made subsconsciously and others consciously.
Hopefully the subs will help break this cycle.
For me im hoping by the time ive moved out i can then take action on all my many goals and see what this sub as done to my internal universe by then.