Day 40 of 60 - no loop ( Saturday- 25th June 2022 - Part 1) - 2nd Cycle started - day 14
I went to bed and dreamt of the girl that im still mentally thinking of and who I miss the attention from. For me she was the closest to ideal ive come across in a long time and I lost her.
I woke and getting on with my day but wanted to quickly jump on and just share this. I wonder, will Ascension work on making me pine over her less. She didnt have the same feelings for me as I did for her.
Ill return later
Part 2
Been feeling tired and sleepy
Nothing else to add
Part 3
So since part 2 was posted around 1hr ago ive been looking at internet broadband providers websites, and those that offer cable tv too as well as landline phone and also sim card offers with mobile companies, all just to understand the market for when i move out as I will need a good plan for everything.
Truth is that im super confused and my brain feels fried with all the information and the way its presented. Its all super complicated it seems.
im tired.
Part 4
So I have been actively researching on my laptop for other things I need to atleast start to look into in relation to my new place.
As per part 3, that left me stressed and frustrated and overwhelmed so i gave up and realised the simplest answer was simply not to struggle but go with the company that does it all even if the cost may seem a little more. I was hoping to be clever/smart and find different companies for internet, tv, landline etc to be a savvy money saver but time is of the essence so finally its the 1 company that does it all in a bundle package. That solution came to me at the end of this research.
The point is it left me stressed anyway and overwhelmed. The thought of trying to read, understand and even perhaps learn all that information on the websites was just overkill for me. That frustration and stress made me imagine of wanting to start 1 of those limitless subs (but not yet but for when the time comes).
I then had to take care of family responsibilities but I was able to play youtube in the background and so started watching reviews of other things I needed to look into that were on my mind.
Spending money or researching things is easy and cool kind of like window shopping but the fear of approaching studying or looking into anything career related clearly isnt motivating enough yet to try. The sub may need longer to help me dispel those feelings of fear and insecurities before I can actually start taking action on these simple tasks and enjoy it with confidence and ease.
extra: So after writing this post I came out of this site and went to another and was browsing that to then suddenly see a big spider. I am not exaggerating. With its legs splayed out this was a big spider, but unlike the black spiders of horror flicks, this was kinda lighter shade of cream if that makes sense.
It was slowly walking across my white empty wall at 1 Oâclock to this laptop of mine. I panicked, luckily I had some white paper kitchen paper (not what you are thinking lol) and grabbed it and had to flush it down the toilet.
Why am I sharing this, well fear. I was pounding with fear. My body was vibrating and it was anxiety and fear. It HAD to be done but it was very uncomfortable and only after the toilet flushed and gave me that angelic sound of victory did I then being to feel safer and calm down.
I took action but that didnt change or affect any of the fear.