@Alphamale’s questions and comments

Journals - Major Programs
#231

I understand this somewhat brother
I also had a lot of expectations placed on me from my parents, lots of “this is what you should be” type of comments.
I also had family members look down on me for a weed addiction, say I was lazy, laugh when I told them I was going to quit.

It hurts, even in adulthood.

I don’t have advice tbh, since I’m still struggling with this too.
But the first step is definitely awareness, and now that we are aware of the wounds we have, we can work on healing them.

I had a thought the other day that pain is a blessing, because it shows us where we are weak and wounded in our souls, and gives us the chance to heal that place inside us and fortify it so its strong. Once we heal and fortify and forgive and let go, we can’t be hurt again in the same spot.

Let’s do it together bro :muscle: so they can’t hurt us anymore

2 Likes
#232

:muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle:

#233

There’s a saying that goes something like this:

What happend to you as a child is not your fault. But as an adult it is your responsibility to heal and recover from that childhood trauma.

Not everyone has reached that point in their journey where they start taking responsibility for their own lives and what happens in it. Most people live in a traumatized daze where blame is put on what goes on outside, a kind of learned helplessness, victim mentality.

But that’s okay, we are all on our individual journeys and it’s not my job to fix someone else, but it’s my job to take care of my own s**t. We experience our world as we are, and the way we are becomes our perception of life. Ultimaltely IMO if I cannot forgive other people (for myself), regardless of who it is, and let go of what another person has done to me, I can never fully move on. A high level of self-care is to learn how to truly and deeply let go… but on the other hand, it can be among the hardest thing to do…

Just my two cents :nerd_face:

4 Likes
#234
#235

Thanks
Very nicely said.

1 Like
#236
#237

This si about the past
I was talking to someone in pv and I. Posting some parts of my messgae hereI had a fight with my father and I slept in park in cold weather and everything. So yeah. Shit has been tough.
It is what it is.
Mehn I have been through some serious shit now that I remember.
I dunno, struggling but ery calm at the same time.
Now that I am thinking, I am in recon RN.
Although I forgave my father with an intense crying on EB. But I guess now that I remember that how I was contained with him 20 years of my life. And how much possibilities I missed and now all of a sudden I am exposed to the world gives me pain. It was not supposed to be like this.
It’s not than anger towards him anymore, but more of a pain or being kind of weak. Maybe there is another healing going on, but I am in pain. In pain of weakness and not being productive. It is recon and for sure I know that after the recon good things will happen. I am kind of frustrated, living at my friend’s, although he is good with me. But there is always a certain about of authority over me.
And damn that hits hard.
I am just planning to go abroad to study and nothing else. I put a cross over women for now. Just wanna get things going

1 Like
#239

Are you back in a warmer place to sleep now?

1 Like
#240

Yeah the story is from 2 months ago I guess.
I manage better for now

1 Like
#241
#242

Another shadow aspect(I dunno if I should call it shadow aspect) of mine which I discovered is the fact that I always want to find a structured approach to situations.
For example: when I was studying english grammar just now, I realized that I am looking for structures to learn. What do I mean?
Present tense is used for repeating action and general fact.
Present progressive is used for actions which happen around the time when we speak.
For example: 1-I am going to school right now, 2-I am working hard these days.
For the second example: what I catched my mind doing was that it wanted to connect it to that “repeated action” characteristic of simple present tense.
Although in this example that might be true, but I found that this “want to find structure” approach sometimes sent me to rabbit holes which I came without any good results out them.
This can be from my fear of memorization, or me being lazy which would result in searching for easy ways. It’s like I wanna go deep into the topic. Like when memorizing vocab or even just studying it, I tend to read ablut the origins of the word.

OR OR OR
This tendency to find definite structure for the “HOW” 's of certain subject can a strength for me which I can use it in structured subjects such as mathematics.

1 Like
Main Disc. Thread -- Emperor Black: Twilight of the Gods (Q Module available!)
#243

I am getting a very strong urge to run primal seduction.
But I don’t have empty space on my stack
Except the RICH crypto
Anyways, I am going to sleep on it tonight.
I think I like women a lot.

1 Like
#244

LMAOO i can;t

#245

Did QL give you clarity on your sexuality :thinking:?

#246

:rofl::rofl::rofl:
Believe me luther
I thought about how ridiculous saying this would be
But I was facing crazy urge to listen to PS and every now and then thought of: I am not the ambition guy, I am the “have a job and seduce women” type of guy. But I went for a jog and just thought that I will try seduci g women without PS or any seduction oriented sub. Just with EB, let’s try.

1 Like
#247

lol yeah ps is kind of pro-active like a panther or something lol

#248

Hello,
I’ve run EB:ToG and WANTED sice 5th of Novomber of 2022. Sometimes I ditched WANTED and added some other subs, but WANTED was there.
Regarding EB:ToG, I observes some changes. But the discipline part was not the most significant one for me. I also tried using microloops and while the recon got lighter but the productivity part was not so obvious. EB:ToG provided a lot of good value for me.
On 27th of January I listed to 3 min of Khan ST1 followed by 30 seconds of WANTED and EB:ToG.
Additional to the whole status amplification and shallow aspect of the social dominance and insane attraction to women; the deep aspects of social dominance which is mainly discipline is truly magnificient. Today I finally UNLEASHED my power like really taking up space by my hands and also being truly arrogant like i deserve to be respected more. And people were responsive.
Also with a flavor of EB:ToG I am more courteous and this amplifies the dominance and turn you into more of a mastermind. Like the whole reality has changed. Those who united against me are having conflicts between themselves and I am consciouly projecting attention to those points and the become emphasized in the reality. I have been disciplined myself.
I listened to 3 mins on 27th and listened to 1.5 mins on the next listening session. It’s pretty good. I have been having unsusual coincidences of sexual manifestations, I have been listening to pocast on how emperors raise to power. Before Khan ST1 my highest jogging duration was 14 minutes. But after 4.5 minutes of Khan ST1 in 4 days. This evening I ran for 34 minutes. And at the same time I was listening to a podcast on Julius Caesar. I AM TAKING ACTION FURIOUSLY.
I took my coldest shower in a long time for a long time.
My custom with 7 cores which is heavily focused on conflict and alpha power will be ready at most in 2 days. But I am planning to run Khan ST1 for a long time and not touch the custom in a long time. Since I know I am not ready for that level of adversity which Khan ST4 creates. HEALING IS TRULY UNDERRATED
I think the reason I am more productive on Khan is the fact that it instills ambition in you. And that is a fuel. Since listening to Khan I quit porn and I have been masturbating on my imagination. It was hard the first time and got slightly better the seconf time, after the masturbation when I slept I felt bad and I KNEW I SHOULD TAKING, OTHERWISE I WOULD GET RECON. I GOT ACTION AND GOT A LOT DONE.
I think EB:ToG was also having an effect on the feel bad part. Like I was literally willing to sleep, but I woke up and got stuff done. Today I ran for 24 minutes just after 3 hours of masturbation hahha, That is quite fascinating. Since my inner gasoline is amplified and I love it. I listened to podcasts on Putin, Caesar and Napoleon. I KNOW I SHOULD BE PRODUCTIVE OTHERWISE I WILL SINK IN RECON an once you sink, It’s hard to come back. AND DON’T OVEREXPOSE SINCE YOU WILL DROWN IN RECON and as I said, it will be hard to come back.
I also found a job and am feeling the proper vigor to give it a go.
Khan ST1 is AMAZING and you can run if life long, period.

7 Likes
Main Disc. Thread - Khan ZP v2
#249

I am so happy for you brother, that’s amazing progress to hear. I think you really just want to see some tangible, concrete manifestations, feel the power, and you’ve figured out the formula towards that aspiration. @Alphamale

2 Likes
#250

thank you brother

1 Like
#251

Just ran the first loop of my custom which has 7 cores.
Damn. ZPv2 is super subtle. More steady, slower and permanent results though.

2 Likes