Day 18 Rest a Warning on Experimentation
Okay, well I read the new campfire policy and I respect its terms. I have no desire to spread crackpot theories or misinformation, however, I did attempt something yesterday–tested a personal hypothesis of mine–and I feel as though it either worked wonderfully or backfired horribly, depending on your perspective. Long story short, I tried a new method of listening based on my recent studies and the recon is out of this world. My fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and acute depression is pretty darn bad right now and when I look objectively at my journey there seems to be a pretty strong correlation between my listening yesterday and these feelings. All my thoughts are consumed with fear and doubt related directly to the subs and what the subs are doing. Is this recon or is it light overload? Hard to tell, but I do know this, I will not try this technique again.
Well, I have to assume that I was “correct” but I can’t say that this is a good or desirable outcome because I’m nearly emotionally crippled at a very important point in my life where much hangs in the balance.
Strong negative emotions are funny because they have a way of making you slightly delusional. After weeks of steady progress with high highs, and still pretty high lows, in the span of a day it’s easy to trick yourself into somehow disregarding all the amazing stuff happening in your life and pretend as if nothing good has happened. Many amazing things have happened and the only thing that will “ruin” them is giving in to the recon.
The moral of this introduction is, to consider just following the directions. It’s so funny how when things are working, there is a temptation to “make them work better.” Sometimes, often perhaps, it’s really just better to sit back and follow the damn instructions.
Will update later when I’ve taken enough action to force myself out of recon!
Update
Spent some time in the sun. I think my boss is hitting on me. Good lord is this person human perfection.