Alpha Nerd StarkQ, Primal Seduction, Wanted

Time for a new journal because now I’m doing all major programs.

Rules

Standard ZP Listening Routines
StarkQ + Primal Seduction
Rest
Wanted
Rest

Positive results only, negative stuff are kept in personal journal. This rule is mostly to keep me focused and to keep me from drafting novels on the forums.

Listen at least 21 days.

Objectives
Supercharge my social and romantic life.
Supercharge my productivity and creativity.
Get a rockin bod and physically shift.
Heal emotionally and physically.
Have fun.

Thus, we begin again.

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Day 1

Welp! This stack hits different! Good God, I don’t know if StarkQ + PS is just more congruent with who I am (my subconscious baseline) or what, but I’m not even gonna wait till the end of the day to update.

Dude, went on a short date with this girl I like, an hour after running StarkQ and PS. Dude, I’ve never been so freaking smooth in my life.

Had an amazing, effortless conversation with one of my professors where he told me I was one of the best in the class and encouraged my future plans.

Had a conversation with this girl that I’m not into but I thought hated me. Note, doesn’t hate me, conversation was cool and smooth.

I’m not even half way through my day and this stuff is unreal! I know I owe a debt of gratitude to Emperor, Limit Destroyer, and my Custom for priming my subconscious, but this stack is KING!

Special thanks to @Billions for reccomending Stark, special thanks also to @Lion @Ingress and @CyberSec and @BengalTiger and @Seeker for providing info and giving advice about the stack. Special thanks to this whole community, TBH, this is RAD!

Oh, also I don’t feel lazy anymore! I feel so freaking motivated to conquer life. Hell yeah!

Currently, my thoughts are that this stack is SMOOTH for me. Absolutely love it and I don’t feel like I wasted a second with my last cycle. If anything, my last cycle primed me for this

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Congrats, my friend. Happy for you!

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Congrats on your path of becoming a true Tony Stark :wink:

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Day 2 Rest

I realized, as I was driving home from work, that I was overlooking some pretty obvious results today.

Results
Everybody at my new job (this job was manifested thanks to Emperor and or Limit Destroyer) really likes me, a lot. I got invited to a social thing by one of my coworkers. It seemed so natural that I didn’t even consider it as a result until I was driving home and I was like, “Wait, I never used to get invited to anything…What gives?” So yeah, everybody likes me and I got invited to a social gathering. Feels so oddly natural, but truth is, three weeks ago, when I was still pre-Sub UrdTree, this wouldn’t have happened. So it’s certainly the Subs working their magic again.

Also, my workday was generally great! It was fun, had a good time, and got invited to a thing. Super cool.

In my scattered journals, I mentioned that there were like 5 girls in my orbit. I’ve narrowed my gaze down to two of them. The goal? Get numbers from both of them, and sleep with one of them. I’m pretty sure that the one I want to sleep with, also wants to sleep with me. I overheard a conversation where she was talking about this guy she wants to sleep with and I think (with decent circumstantial evidence based on her behavior) that I am the guy.

I also had a dream about sleeping with her last night. In some circles, that would mean that our intentions are aligned. I’ve also seen her name pop up often, very often, which is weird because she’s not a simple “Jane” or “Kelly” she has a very rare name–so rare that I’ve never seen another person with the name.

So yeah, I don’t really know how I’m gonna pull this off, but I trust the Subs will guide me. They have been this whole time.

Tomorrow is my first loop of Wanted, I’m absolutely stoked to see what happens!

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Go for it tiger! The best to you!

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Day 3 Wanted

Well, shoot. Not sure what to say because the recon was so bad today it felt like I was teleported to another dimension where I’m who I used to be.

Results
Time management has improved. Got a solid, focused couple of hours of homework in, went on a run, and got to work 10 minutes early, so I’m gonna thank Stark for this. Decided to take the initiative to start a diet, keto: also pretty cool given my mindset before starting the stack. Got thanked several times, by several people for my hard work. This person at work who’s been acting kinda strange toward me (including today) warmed up at the end of the night, very nice.

Recon
Hell. Absolute hell. I’m really forcing myself to see the good in today. I said that this journal was all about the positive, it is, but I also gotta comment on how intense Wanted is for me. Essentially, I felt crazy, felt like everybody hated me at work, felt like everything I’m doing is a waste of time, and almost cried (not kidding, also super abnormal for me) when my boss gave me a note today, like what the hell? I’m a god damn professional, god damn it! So, on the one hand, it’s great that I’m getting so much recon because it means that Wanted is really challenging me (I think), and given what Wanted is supposed to do to me, the challenge is good, but my god, the recon was something else. The only thing to do is stick it out. The more Wanted and I become congruent, the less intense the recon (I think?).

Side Effects
Since starting this stack a few days ago, I’ve noticed that I’m not sleeping as much. It has to be the subs, because the only thing that’s significantly changed is my stack. Not complaining, I feel like Stark is telling me to rise and grind.

Goals
In a couple of days, it’s time to take things to the next level with my love interests. No use waiting, no use screwing about. I’m just gonna drop back and let my subconscious guide me. They like me, I like them, if I just let stuff happen and don’t try and force anything, it’ll work out. That’s what the subs are telling me, and they won’t steer me wrong.

Reflection
Now I know what I’m getting myself into. Stark and Primal are smooth as silk, Wanted is like being tossed around and broken down. So, on the days I run Wanted, I’ll be more mindful of when in the course of my day, I run it. For instance, I probably won’t run it before seeing one of my interests, the recon is too big a risk. Plus, not like the subs only work the day you run them. I also will probably not run Wanted before work again. I’ll probably just run Wanted in the evening so I can let the recon play out in my dreams.

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When you talk about recon while using Wanted could you describe it?

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Yeah. Irritation, feeling like everybody hates me, feeling like using subs is a waste of my time, feeling like I can never change, feeling like a loser, feeling like an idiot, feeling like the butt of a joke, feeling emotionally sensitive.

Pretty much, I felt like the whole world was against me and like it was the world’s fault, not mine. I also felt socially awkward and closed off and self-isolating. Also very emotionally sensitive.

Edit: I saw you over on a post about Wanted recon. How’s the journey with Wanted going for you?

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Day 4 Rest

I’m gonna start this journal now and then edit and add to it later today as more stuff happens.

Results

Woke up to a nightmare that was a reconstruction of things that actually happened, played out in ways that showed me some deep fears that I haven’t overcome yet. This, though uncomfortable, is fantastic news, it means that Wanted is really digging deep into me to push me into what I want to become. After waking up, I was filled with emotions.

I’ve spent the last several hours reflecting, playing on the forums, and journaling, and I’ve had a realization that means something to me, but might not mean anything to other people: nothing can hurt me.

There is a difference between physical pain (sensations) and emotional pain (real suffering). I realized that all suffering, all emotional pain, is self-inflicted. Say I’m boxing a friend, we both want to box, it’s fun, we love it. Let’s say the fight gets out of hand, but we still are having fun. No matter how much physical pain I endure, I’m not suffering because mentally, I want this pain, I want the excitement, it’s fun. So I’m in pain, but I’m not suffering.

Say now that I’m getting slapped around my someone I love and trust and I frame it in a negative way. Now I’m both emotionally suffering and feeling physical pain. Heck, I might even get traumatized even though it might be less physically painful than the boxing match with my friend.

Say a friend is taking the piss out of me. I’m laughing, they’re laughing, it’s fun, we’re bonding and becoming closer. There is no physical pain and there is no suffering.

Say that someone is bullying me. Well, now I’m suffering. Even if my friend and the bully are saying the exact same things, one makes me suffer, one makes me laugh.

So, yeah. All suffering is in the mind, and by knowing this, I now see that the only person who can ever hurt me, is myself. There’s no way for me to avoid this understanding. I hurt myself based on how I interpret, respond, and react to stuff that happens to me. I feel like one of the keys to my personal power is remembering that only I can hurt myself, nothing anyone says or does can ever hurt me. They only give me the knife, it’s me that cuts myself.

Update
Ran Ascension Chamber with 2 goals in mind. Cleared the recon right up and today is going great.

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Sometimes recon can come from a lack of action, taking action for me is still a problem for me, so I can’t recommend much beyond staying introspective.

I only used Wanted for a week before switching to Rich. My problem was the physical shifting consuming too much energy. I also had my custom on top of that which required even more energy. My diet is pretty bad so anything that requires more calories will cause problems. I’ll be moving back into my parents’ house in late June, so I’ll play around with the physical shifting then.

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Curious are your more or less social on Wanted?

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Hard to say. My first ever loop was yesterday and
it made me very introverted and socially anxious. Today, I feel like a social butterfly. So time will tell, but now that recon has passed, feel pretty social.

It’s funny how that’s exactly word for word the same experience I had when I first started using Wanted so yeah I have to 100% agree that it was probably recon which is why you felt introverted and anxious that day

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I actually stumbled across your recon post earlier today @CyberSec , and it helped a lot to know I wasn’t alone. I got recon with Emperor, but Wanted is very intense. I ended up running Ascension Chamber today, and that really seemed to stop the bleed over recon from this morning

Gotcha, yeah luckily I haven’t had any big appetite increase, so hopefully I don’t gotta deal with that. I had the idea of writing down my physical shifting goals to help guide the sub. We’ll see if it works.

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Totally agree, I remember running Wanted in Punta Cana. What’s odd with me is that even when I have intense recon I still get very good external results with Wanted (Girls taking me to hook up with them, people approaching me to get to know me, people saying I look like this one famous guys, etc). Honestly Hom + Wanted has been the best conbo for me. It’s kind of been my perfect combo so far:)

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I have gotten that with all my subs at least one or twice during a 21 day cycle. Usually my higher self can talk me down Then sometimes I have to wait for it to work it self out…

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Day 6 rest

Edit: woke up in a pissy mood. Really angry at stupid, pointless things.

Not doing so hot. Emotional turmoil. Botched it earlier with a girl I like by not initating a conversation. Feel like everybody is avoiding me. Feel anxious and horrible like my life is falling apart and I lost everything I just started to gain. I’m feeling really high strung and I’m having trouble keeping my spirits up. Feels like the end. It sucks. That first loop of Stark and PS was soo good. Right after running Wanted, I feel like it screwed me.

Edit/update:

Sparked a conversation with a dude in class, told a joke, fist bump, it was cool helped ease the psychological torment. Sparked another conversation with yet another dude, it was cool, eased the psychological torment, lol. Just said “screw it” sat down in the chair right next to where a girl I like sits, she comes in to class and sits right next to me (oh, so you like me, wonderful) we talked for most of the class. She’s super cool. End of class she puts in her airpods and dips before I can chase lol. So…

Lessons
Early in the day, I botched an interaction with a girl I like by not talking to her which lead me to spiral for several hours. The second I started taking action, the anxiety, and fear started sinking away until it was gone and my confidence returned.

Here’s how I interpret this, these subs will not allow me to sit back and do nothing. They will slap me around until I make moves and strive for what I want. I also wonder if taking action is proving to my subconscious that the changes are safe, healthy, and good. Regardless, day started terribly and I saved it and made progress with a girl I like and learned a valuable lesson about taking action: it’s the only way to stop the pain, haha.

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Day 7 Wanted

Results

The body is improving even though diet is still far from controlled. It seems like my body is less reactive to food and even eating like crap, I’m still leaning out. What is this demon-craft? Last night I literally looked at myself in the mirror and was like “My God, I’ve got a good face.” Is this physical shifting or confidence? Doesn’t matter, feels good to not hate my face. I also look younger (not that I’m old to begin with, but youth == a sign of health) and I’ve had several people comment on that fact. My skin is also less dry, which is awesome.

Insights

Yesterday I experienced the healing side of Wanted (again) and the teacher side of Primal Seduction and it was painful. After running Wanted today, I think I know why it’s so painful: it’s the only way I’ll listen.

It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. My subconscious, the universe, God, whatever it is knows me well enough to know that I’m pig-headed until something hurts, then I pay rapt attention. Well, yesterday I suffered for half a day until I said “screw it” and started taking social action. What happened? The pain went away and I started getting results. So far as I can tell from yesterday’s experience, and others not listed, my subconscious communicates to me by causing me pain, it does this because it knows, that when I get hurt, I pay close attention. It’s the best way my subconscious knows to communicate with me.

Physically, I noticed something very odd, but predictable as the sunrise, everytime I start falling into old mental bullcrap that isn’t aligned with my goals, I get hurt. I hit my funny bone, bump my head, trip, stub my toe, etc. It’s never a serious injury, it’s like a friend kicking your shin to tell you to shut up.

Actions

Water fast today and reassess in tomorrow. Talk to both girls I’m interested in, and move the ball forward with both. Try and pull for quick coffee dates and get numbers from both–read the room obviously. If I don’t take action with these girls, I have a strong feeling that my subconscious has a world of emotional suffering in store for me. I’ll happily avoid that pain and get even more of what I want.

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