Yesterday I had a major breakthrough. I think this breakthrough is most likely the absolute core of why things haven’t worked out in life and repairing this will certainly turn my life towards the direction I want.
It was such a revelation when this discovery hit that it shook my very being and every painful memory and setback in my life. The timing of these learning tools can’t be a coincidence. I’ve been putting in the work and kicking some hornet’s nests, so to speak.
Lately I’ve been reading “It Didn’t Start With You” by Mark Wolynn and working through the workbook. But on the side I’ve also been going through a bunch of Youtube videos, working with ChatGPT, meditating on specific things, etc. Yesterday I attended an online and short workshop by Aaron Doughty entitled “Consciousness of Allowing”.
I’ve been through probably HUNDREDS of hours of “core work” in various therapy, self help, Buddhist work, etc and this was the last piece of the puzzle and so stupidly simple and I immediately knew it when it was asked. Understand this call was with quite a few people so it’s not as though he asked me specifically but the question was “Who did you have to be as a kid to receive love and attention from Mom & Dad?” There is just something about that question that just hit home. I’ve been through similar types of questions by this hit the nail on the head.
Here is some deeper backstory about me, but not the whole story,
Summary
The simple answer to the question to the question is that IT DIDN’T MATTER. I was never good enough (I’m a perfectionist as an adult, was as a kid also, but this part I already knew.) and was always shoved aside and casted out. I was an only child so I didn’t have a sibling to help try and figure things out.
But when digging deeper a major pattern emerged in absolutely EVERYTHING that didn’t workout in my life. It’s not exactly self-sabotage, but it kind of is. But it would be from the very beginning. And that is what needs to shift.
I don’t want to write a book here but I’ll fill in my backstory some more. I was an only child born in the early 70’s in Los Angeles. We were poor. We lived in Torrance, Long Beach (the poor part, which is most of the city now 
) Compton, City of Industry and then San Bernardino (where McDonald’s was started and also home to numerous outlaw biker gangs).
I was practically born on a motorcycle. Indians in the beginning and then when my dad officially became an outlaw biker it was only Harley’s from then on out. Younger people think of full of it but as a little kid I NEVER wore a helmet in California and that was even riding as a passenger on LA freeways. A little kid with no helmet. The laws were coming into effect when we suddenly moved out of California to Oregon (my mom’s parents and family who were poor also) in 1977.
My father was kicked out of my life about a month after moving, and I had literally a moment’s notice and then I was hidden until he was kicked out so I wouldn’t be kidnapped by him. My father was a very abusive and violent man so this was a good thing he was kicked out of my life but he was still my dad. I started school two days after my dad was kicked out of my life. A couple of months after that my Mom went to work and worked nights. I never saw her for months.
My youngest uncle was only 4 years older than me, the next was 5 years older than me. My aunt was 6 years older than me. The oldest uncle was 11 years older than me and then there was my grandfather and grandmother all in a small house. I was getting abused in various ways left and right and I never saw my mom.
My teacher was an old school b**ch and treated me like salt of the earth because my mom was getting a divorce (very rare in those days) and I was from California, and even worse, I was from Los Angeles. Oregon despised Californians. I essentially became a shit ton of people’s scapegoat, meaning all their hate and anger was focused on me.
After about a year my Mom was able to get us into an apartment. At first we were sharing it with a friend of hers from work (she was very nice) but then we had it to ourselves after a couple of months. Summer came and I was left at home alone (I broke down one morning when my Mom was dropping me off at her parent’s and she realized that things weren’t good there, so this was actually a blessing).
My mom started dating this one particular guy who was an ass from day one. Nothing like my father, actually almost the exact opposite in many aspects, EXCEPT he was an abusive little prick. She married him so he became my step-father and was until my late 20’s.
So that fills in some important backstory. Now back to the question, and do this exercise yourself because the answer will reveal a pattern in everything that you do.
“Who did you have to be as a kid to receive love and attention from Mom & Dad?”
My answer to that is that I had to be extraordinary in some form or another to get a little nugget but then it doesn’t matter because EVERYTHING WILL LEAVE ME NO MATTER WHAT.
Every relationship (I divorced at 25). Long story but not a difficult one to figure out. Jobs. Money. Hell even some of my health. But somehow, through everything, I’m like a fricking Buffalo (American Bison) and I put my head down and walk directly into the storm (therapy, self help, meditation, etc).
Talk about resilience. It’s my superpower. I’m actually not some cocky little prick but I do have to give myself some kudos from time to time because I just don’t receive it much.
Here’s the thing. The answer to the above question reveals your life pattern. It revealed mine in a very simple way and it all clicked. I started going through a bunch of stuff in my mind instantly and the pattern was so simple and so obvious and was the only pattern. Sure the length of time differs with each one. I’m not completely innocent either, but there is a pattern there also.
When this pattern jumped out there was this intense energy inside me. My mind went like crazy going over things and I ended up becoming very tired. I stayed up and worked on some things and played a couple of quick video games (races) before I went to bed. Had some crazy and busy dreams (no nightmares thankfully) but slept fairly deeply.
Is everything fixed and I’m going to be rich next week? No but the absolute root pattern has been revealed. Now I work on healing it. Luckily I know enough about memory reconsolidation that I can work on most of this by myself, but there is a good therapist out of England that I’ve worked with in the past that I’m going to work with again on a couple of major memories.
Oh, my theory on this awakening. I always have to try to make sense of things so that’s why the theories. What does RICH Trader have to do with this? Well first off it’s a name embedded major with Synergy: The Golden One for the free module (look it up, it’s a heavy module). Within The Golden One is a part that is entitled “Positive Being Attractor”. Essentially it helps to align things for you (I directed it on helping me to FIND THE ROOT CAUSE of my failures and to help me heal it).
But there is also another part that is entitled “Wealth Limit Destroyer”. Well shit, this could be anything. Often because of not being loved in a healthy way by your Mom & or Dad. I know that sounds simplistic but it usually is that simplistic.
Also I’m using my custom name embedded Summertime with Mountain Breaker. One hell of a combo to help heal my money issues.
Now comes the true healing. This is getting fun. 
) Just kidding 
