Day 11: 35s NE Primal & PS
I think I’m gonna take it slow yet. Next cycle I’ll bump to 45s with Primal & PS.
It’s June and I wish I’d be at a much higher listening time. But I feel like the best course for me is just to take it slow and ease into it. I also feel like this could end up being a stack I run for a whole year. So there’s no rush. Being that Primal & PS don’t appear to be on this batch of updates, I’m actually fine with that. I still feel like this might be the stack for me.
Any changes are natural and the recon is definitely minimal. I think I’m still overhauling some old beliefs anyway. So, slow and steady it is.
Went for 35s loops today. I forgot that that’s an option. Just bump up 5 seconds.
Dreaming or at least waking up and remembering my dreams before I woke up is becoming a regular thing again.
I feel pretty optimistic today. Feeling good. Maybe the negative responses are just recon from my past conditioning. Where if I was happy or loving, fulfilled from within, or even from my perspective, literally existing. That was not welcomed at work. If you weren’t kissing ass or engaging in the gossip and drama, you were definitely the problem. haha. That kind of stuff is a person’s own bullshit. People with understanding, see someone just living their life and think nothing of it, they keep on with their own lives. People who are the low consciousness take offense, say things like oh he thinks he’s too good or he’s this or that. When the reality is absolutely none of that. And it’s not worth the time to try to change them or think they’ll realize I’m no problem. I still found the best thing is just to move on, even if that means leaving the job or whatever. It’s just not worth the energy drain.
Been a bad week for work outs. Just got biking in for two days. But I also feel like it’s again, more recovery. I’m considering testing out the simple & sinister kettlebell program. I just want to do the swings. I’m not quite confident in doing the turkish get ups with my knees yet. Swings also work for me, if I keep my form perfect. I think that’s how I got my back issues. When I first started kettlebells I was able to up my weight really quickly and was doing like 80lb swings. But I didn’t have the form dialed in so yea.
Plus swings are easy on the elbows. There was a kettlebell complex I liked, but it bothered my elbows. Still not sure what the deal with my elbows is. They’re a little sore at times but I’m just not sure what the solution is. The bodyblade is supposed to be good for things like that but maybe it’ll work itself out in time I guess. I also work the forearms. Maybe I do need to start hitting those wall pushups and rows again as well. Just give it time and consistency.
So I’m still motivated to get those workouts in. Still have a slight procrastination problem. The thing where in your mind you have it all figured out, yet putting it into practice is a bit sluggish. That’s also been one of my problems going way back. So it might be a nervous system thing too. That’s why I love the nervous system stuff in the new updates. I think it’ll just really bump up the results.
I have a good bit of positive energy. Like I could be my fun self with people. Yet I’m a bit in free man mode. Where I don’t have a typical job and I’m not on that 9-5 schedule. So during the days there’s really nobody for me to hang out with. If anything it would be me going to stores or something like that. Just meeting people and saying hi, cold approach kind of thing. Not sure where my vibe of people would be at either. I"m still pretty much a homebody. And working out and resting takes up a good bit of time. I’ve always been the kind of person who needs that alone time with no stimulation to recharge and relax. So I might have to learn that balance of maintaining a social life and still getting my time for myself. Which would just be working out I guess. Working out and work. Annnd, It’s been so long that I was in hangout social mode, that yea I’d have to rebuild that muscle. So I guess the ideal would be to get one or two good friends. Not really into finding a woman mode either. I think when it comes to that, I’ll just get surprised. That’s how life works for me. The best thing are sort of surprises that just pop up, not things I work hard for. Life just seems to work for me when I’m just enjoying life and not pushing hard for or needing anything. And I used to get caught up in the typical story of that’s not right. You gotta do this and do that. This is the way. Yet for me, it’s not. Which seems like why I’ve also been in solo mode. Because it’s kind of the opposite of most people, not on purpose or anything.
I also just learned that there’s judgement about men going to say, TJ Maxx. It’s some department store. So there are people out there who judge men for going there. Because I guess some women claim it as their store. When it’s not a woman’s store. It’s a department store, lol. That’s what i mean, that’s why I tend to avoid people. Always some drama and conflict. I find that life just flows and is harmonious until I get involved in the people world. But I still know there’s probably a few people out there who I would like and would like me. Or at least places where I could just be me without the hassles of negativity.
The chick I was into for a bit. The one who ghosted me then liked one of my posts out of the blue. I thought I messed up while striking when the iron was hot. But I didn’t know she was single, still don’t. Not gonna assume. Even though that’s another thing. Just how it is. A woman is always single, lol. They can have a bf and tell you their single. Or in my case obviously checking you out and even trying to get you to talk to them right in front of their bf!
Anyway I think when she kinda turned me down by ghosting me, because she had a bf. That was her missing the iron strike while it was hot. She’s good looking but I just dont feel any chemistry. I went for it when I was feeling the chemistry. So I just gotta write that one off and move on.
I’ve been in a bit of drought. where I haven’t experienced chemistry in quite some time. Maybe the last time I randomly bumped into this chick who happened to be picking up a fb marketplace item at the same time I was. But it was a learning experience. Have to just go with the opportunities if they’re there in the moment.
I think I have a new idea of what happened the other day. With the lady of the different race. I had seen her first before she saw me. Then she rolled her eyes at me. I’ve had this before where women roll their eyes at me. Of the same race as well. lol. But with this particular woman, I think what happened was, she probably assumed that I was checking her out. Therefore that was me putting her at a higher value. So naturally, she immediately saw me as lower value. From my perspective I was just curious and energetically reading her. Not on purpose just what happened in the moment. I didn’t react to her eye roll but it kind of took me out of my mode. So now I had to be non-reactive, like it was a doing, lol. But just kept on and a few minutes later when she was out of line of sight, I just forgot about it completely. So I like that for sure, just being able to move on. That’s been happening in my whole journey though. I used to say I’ve reached a new level of that. And it just keeps happening. New levels and still I have things to work on of course.
Kinda got me thinking about my best game. It’s not game. Even. When I attract the ladies it’s because I really don’t care and am not interested. So I don’t give them attention or validation. The way it worked in my life every guy would see a hot women and they’d let their eyes bulge out of their head and were like horn dogs and that kind of thing. Me, I was the guy who never did that. I knew it was not attractive. But I also had my own wrong beliefs about the whole women thing. Anyway, if you didn’t do that then they’d question your sexuality. And it was one of those things where it was a waste of time trying to explain the thing to them. Like do you actually want her to be into you? And I mean some of those guys did end up getting laid, just not by the hot ones.
So it got me to thinking just in jest. That I need like a stoic seduction title. lol. That’s my game. Basically indifference, not validating them, not giving them attention. Being grounded in myself, sort of in my own focus.
I say it in jest because I’m not even finished with my first 30 days on PS yet. So I’m sure it’ll all work itself out in time.
We still have a few vestiges of freedom, and they can’t take away the inner.