These past couple of days have been something else…
Girl I wanted to get in bed finally did, wrote a review about it on Diamond. It was so unexpected how she interrupted me as I was working around 11pm to come get her.
Noticing more lingering eyes with people, men and women. How just a simple hello turns into a full blown convo with em talking a lot.
I’m questioning myself more. How aligned I am to the script and I came to the conclusion that it feels natural. From the way I walk, how intense my emotions are but I’m nonchalant about it. How I can be playful, teasing people(mostly my siblings) and I love how I’m not expecting a reaction from them, it’s just purely for me.
I’ve learnt to accept situations that are out of my control, I may be angry about it but I ask myself how can I make sure I’m not in a similar situation again. And I get the drive to back it up.
When going out, at first it may take about 20min to get accustomed to the environment since I’m doing things I’ve never done before, partying in places I’ve never partied before. Once I’m comfortable, I feel pretty good about myself.
Most women don’t excite me - period. I know very well I won’t find someone I’d want to keep on rotation when going out, so now it’s starting to be about me surrounded by people I’ll never see again and I’m okay with that, so long as I’m having fun. And I’m always ready to go home if the vibe is dead. Now that I’m very specific about my type, I’m making out with way less women. Generally I don’t care if I’m wanted but when I look back I realize how much my presence has an impact.
Day by day my libido rises and I see no end to it.
I’ve been losing track of days… on a good week it feels like every day is Saturday. I’m not complaining so long as I’m not losing track of time.
My dreams are mind blowing - I now can control them and I can tell that I’m dreaming but at the same time I know something deep is taking place like a few nights go… I got over my fear of failure.
I notice how lately, a lot of women are into me. They’d like the idea of us doing something together but it’s just me, not acting on it. So back to what I’ve said before, most don’t excite me. What surprised me was how I was feeling good and my ex reached out, we last dated and done stuff in 2016…
Talking about wanting to visit and told me to book a cab for her.(no Uber this side) I wanted to spend the night alone and when I found out it’s triple the price of Uber I made an excuse… made me realize how I could have her any day I want, I hope I don’t get too horny and call her over lols. And she’s not the only ex that surprised me, one I was dating last year video called me, talking about how she misses me and that if her and I were in the same room, it’ll be “baby making sex”
Another one too, I’m on and off with her.
Ambition is pretty high right now, even though it’s holidays…. I’ll enjoy my moments but when I’m alone, my goals are the focus.