ZP Wealth - I AM My Own Source

Journals - Major Programs
#67

Just pretty much woke up an hour ago after another late night. I’ve basically been staying awake 20+ hours since the 2nd week of ZP.

When I think back on it, despite all my alpha programming over the past 4.5 years it seems as if I’ve evolved into a “sigma” more than ever. I’m starting to notice that even the thought of leading others annoys me. This makes me feel as if I’m better off being a “solopreneur” that does occasional and temporary partnerships when it comes to business.

Starting to realize that I hate the idea of being attached long term to anyone in any way, even if they’re the coolest person on Earth. The only exception is being a leader and guide to my daughter, which I don’t mind because she wasn’t asked to be brought into this world, so the least I could do is lead, guide and care for her the best I can. Speaking of which, she’s become much more clingy towards me since I started ZP, I’ve also figured out how to lead her in a more grounded and smooth manner. I’m also pretty much still the ONLY person she listens to 100% without question or back-talking.

Kind of starting to notice since starting ZP also that I’ve grown from hating being a father to not minding it so much. Don’t get me wrong even when I hated it I still loved my child dearly and handled my responsibilities, I just couldn’t figure out what about it annoyed me so much. That feeling is gone now though.

ZP has effected my psyche and my life more than I’ve known these past few weeks. Seems I’ve just scratched the surface too. Feels like I’ll be doing a lot more introspection during this washout period.

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#68

Well that’s some tremendous progress here !
Keep it up, I’m glad to read the evolution you’re going through.
You’re getting some obvious healing and probably some self-reflecting without noticing, I hope it’ll go further and you’ll fully be able to enjoy it !

Also glory to ZP :partying_face:

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#69

Those ZP effects really sneak up on you. You change so fast and smoothly that days can go by before you know you’re even operating differently in every way.

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#70

Day 3 of my washout and all I keep noticing is that a couple times a day, my subconscious keeps telling me “I miss ZP”. I honestly can’t wait to use my stack again.

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#71

Update:

Noticed two new things

  1. My sex drive is almost non-existent

  2. It’s feels like I’m having trouble thinking straight and remembering things, I also feel a THC-like high right now but it’s extremely subtle.

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#72

I love reading other people’s journals and seeing similar experiences that I didnt even relate to the sub.

I’ve been feeling so much resentment towards my partner lately, and after mogul, ESPECIALLY after my washout started, all that resentment dissipated.

I didnt attribute it to Mogul, but now that I think of it, a lot of the resentment was indirectly related to money. Not making as much as I wanted to. The pressure of wanting to provide a life for my family but not seeing money in the bank account that makes me feel like i’ll buy a house (over 600k usd at a minimum in my city)… or other financial things.

Maybe it’s a stretch. But I feel better about money overall - happier when i work - guiltfree when I take work off - maybe that helped my relationship as well, even though the relationship aspects are about the day to day, not directly consciously financial.

What do you think … think it might be a similar situation to you as well?

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BillionsZP (Wealth + anything needed to become a billionaire)
#73

For me it’s just that I’ve always been a borderline workaholic even before subs. When my child came I was more selfish and unprepared than I realized. I got constantly frustrated that I had to put things on hold or had to stop what I was doing business wise. Of course my child didn’t ask to be here so it’s not the responsibility I minded it’s just always been a pet peeve of mine to be constantly interrupted by something or someone when I’m trying to get something done.

Now that my daughter is at the stage where she’s a bit more independent and actually has a pretty easygoing personality, those frustrations have eased tremendously. I’m also enjoying getting to know who she’s developing into as a person.

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#74

Don’t know how I forgot to add this as an update but the female supervisor I’ve been posting about just may have given me what I need to step my sales game up. I’m fact so did a male supervisor I’ve gotten pretty close to.

Here’s basically what happened. I got a call yesterday from a man who was irrationally pissed and wanted to speak with a supervisor, I offered help but he just didn’t want to speak with me. My supervisor took over the call and I had no idea but by the time the call was over he closed a sale for me and just had me finalize details with the customer. When I took back over, I noticed I handled the remainder of the call the same way he did. It’s like I automatically downloaded his sales ability and the rest was effortless. I closed a sweet deal and gained a lot of experience in just 20 minutes. My subconscious automatically had me begin acting like I had been selling for years and I was able to easily navigate the rest of the sales call like a pro. Lol it was like ultra instinct selling.

After I came back from a break, I arrived JUST in time to get into a conversation that was between a the female supervisor and an older gentleman in my class. Not sure how it started but long story short, she provides me with the EXACT sales game I’ve been needing to pitch certain services in a way where it’ll be much easier for me to try and make more money per call. Turns out she’s more of a sales beast then I ever knew. No wonder she got promoted less than 3 months after coming to the company. Apparently some days she made upwards of $900 worth of commission when selling.

I could feel my subconscious quickly trying to learn and implement what she was telling me and the other gentleman. We both got giddy and excited like kids in a candy store due to being excited to try out the new tips. I’m Ll about making more money with less effort when I can.

Just saw that emperor ZP will be coming out soon, tomorrow actually. Part of me is excited and tempted to use it, but another part is tempted to stick strictly with EOG, mogul and rich for now. I’ll make an official decision once I’ve calmed down from the initial excitement but I feel like I’ll just end up going with my original plan in the end.

4 Likes
#75

Looks like my own mind isn’t gonna give me much choice, I’ll be swapping out mogul for EZP. Mogul has me pretty damn productive though. I pretty much only took short naps throughout the night and kept being productive while awake. My household also had lot of commotion happening due to the holiday but now that I think about it I still partied and was productive as hell at the same time without even noticing until now. I’ve never done that before. This was all after a full day at work too.

I’m also starting to notice that when I begin to have mind shifts from ZP, it causes this weird high type of feeling and I temporarily zone out, trying to remember what I was going to do next.

This morning, I’m up basically talking to my family like I’m commanding them around but in an assertive way as opposed to being disrespectful. I’m talking louder than normal too. It feels like as soon as I saw the news that Emperor ZP was coming, all my past Emperor related programming came roaring to the surface of my awareness and began being executed. I even had to duck off into my room for a second and calm my sex drive down, if you know what I mean (soldier was saluting).

Emperor was THE sub that made me go ahead and try subclub out and when a new version drops it’s hard for me to resist trying it. Only drawback I’ve had so far is the immense recon it could cause. After a few weeks, it can start to bring the worst out of me mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I think I finally know why though.

I probably become frustrated that I feel like I’m taking too long to live up to my full potential and it causes massive amounts of irritation that eventually leads me to shutting down and becoming reclusive. Having experienced the positive power of ZP though gives me hope that I’ll have my hands on a version of emperor that I’ll finally be able to run for an extended period of time. It also has the full script of mogul in it so it’s like I’m getting to have my cake and eat it too.

I still have a couple more days of washout left; and results still seem steady, internally and externally. I’m changing deeply at a pace that even someone as deeply introspective as myself, has trouble consciously keeping up with.

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#76

Went to see the new Spider-Man movie last night. A masterpiece in my opinion. While I’m theatres I got a few stares here and there, but this little kid I was sitting next to kept staring at me several times. At one point his gaze locked on to me for about 2-3 minutes straight. I didn’t know I was the movie lol. I have to wonder if he sensed my energy and aura.

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#77

What I’ve noticed from EZP so far:

  • Massive surge in personal power, even after waking up from naps I feel ready to conquer all of reality.

  • This version of emperor has to have GLM in it, if not I’d be shocked because my sense of masculinity has deepened greatly already. Shows up in my voice. Speech, body language, facial expression, and actions.

  • The amount of stares I get have dropped but the ones I do get are intense, as if ppl are mesmerized by my presence, and it seems men are looking more than women.

  • somehow I look more handsome to myself than yesterday.

  • My sense of discipline is practically indestructible right now. I’m unwilling to procrastinate

  • I’m intolerant of negative self-talk and have told any and all weak thoughts stemming from my own mind to basically stfu.

  • I feel physically taller but I wonder if this feeling is symbolic of the rose in my own internal status.

  • I’m still social but not as much as when I was on RICH and mogul ZP.

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#78

Finished tonight with the most amount of sales I’ve ever gotten during a single shift. Also feels like EZP provides me with an immense and all-day testosterone boost. My voice was so deep that it was hard to even project it.

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#79

I literally just got to work and I’m already experiencing ppl glaring at me, like they’re in awe of my presence. I’m walking with a bit more swagger than usual but outwardly I haven’t changed anything, we’ll besides my body language. I notice I sit more like a CEO now.

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#80

How does a CEO sit?

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#81

Like a boss.

…

The real question is how does a Chairman sit?

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#82

I see. Thank you.

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#83

Well I woke up in a good mood and literally within 10 minutes had a growing sense of great anger. Right now I feel pissed for no reason. This feeling is exactly what I experienced with past versions of emperor, but it could also be recon from my stack as a whole so I’ll try taking the next 2 days off instead of running anything today. I may have to consider once again setting emperor aside and just adding EOG back; therefore sticking to a pure wealth stack like I originally planned.

#84

When this happens with me , the reason is very clear (I am not living the script ultimate goals) it’s that simple and didn’t need to be more complicated (if you are Living or moving toward the script goals ) you will feel anticipation and positive expectations.

#85

Even when I have I’ve still experienced anger of this sort. I don’t think it’s that I’m not doing anything productive but just the fact that I’m not there yet. I felt a similar anger when running my custom with ascension in it but not to the same degree.

In any case. I had breakfast and meditated and the the recon has passed. I feel happy as shit now.

3 Likes
#86

Was having emotional ups and downs for a couple hours and was tired. I’m good now that I ate lunch. I’m starting to wonder if these alpha programs have the effect they do on me because I’m a naturally irritable person. I have a chill demeanor in real life but some days I walk around like I’m a living time bomb, and this is before subclub. Been like this since I was a kid, despite any emotional healing I’ve already gone through.

Emperor and all other alpha programs may have to just be occasional use tools for me personally. I don’t mind a bit of “darkness” in my demeanor but it seems after a couple days I get pushed too close to the edge for my liking. I never mind being dominant, assertive and sometimes even aggressive but it’s always like a seething rage is created within me which makes it tough to even be comfortable in my own head.

Not blaming any programming specifically, just trying to rationalize why I keep having this reaction to them, and this type of stuff occurred before subclub too.