Washout
I finally touched 140lb! I weighed myself this morning. I’ve been 125lb for majority of my life and I’ve never seen more than 134 on the scale. I love the progress I’m making with my fitness goals. 20 more lbs to go!
1 Like
Washout
On the above entry, the best thing about it is that I’m not tracking my macros. I’m just going off intuition.
Last day of Washout. Running ZENTHOS 2.O tomorrow.
ZENTHOS 2.0 - 15m
I found myself being more present today. I stayed out of my head a lot and just focused on my surroundings. I’m starting to question myself and remind myself about what I’m supposed to be doing in the moment. When I’m living on autopilot, I tend to forget stuff or do something I was supposed to do because I got distracted. I’m glad I’m starting to practice pausing and catching myself.
What’s the Zenthos 2.0 build? What’s different compared to first cycle
1 Like
It’s ZENTHOS updated with the new synergy modules. Here it is:
ZENTHOS 2.0:
- Spartan
- Sanguine Core
- S:Iron Law
- S:Harmonic Conflux
- S:Preordained Vitality
- Inner Gasoline
- Negativity Transmutation
- S:Carpe Vitam
- Furious Ascent
- Formless Clarity
- Informaticon
- The Flow
- S:Semper Praesens
- Stillmind
- Anvil of Hephaestus
- Patience
- The Streams
- S:At the Top
- S:Breath of the Storms
- Solitude
1 Like
REST
My workout today was different. I started using rings for the first time in the gym. I worked on back lever progressions starting with tuck.
I started practicing what I learned in MMA class outside of class. I did 3 3-minute drills of practicing my footwork, blocks, and combos.
I’m practicing being present a lot more.
My new position at my job allows for more solitude. I find it a lot more peaceful working by myself.
Still, I know I need to work a lot on my social skills and learn to love being social again. Getting back to my fearless youthful self before all the trauma and negative programming.
1 Like
I hear you. I have experienced trauma as well in my youth, this is why I probably have quite a rage when I see any cruelty against any child.
This is one of my main goal as well. To get that exuberance back and more.
Not only that but that strong desire to be someone, and the feeling of invincibility like I could be whatever I want and that fate, time or the creator or the universe is on my side.
I had this 100 percent certainty that I’ll make it.
I know it’s in here, somewhere. Good luck on both our journey’s!
1 Like
ZENTHOS 2.0 - 7m
Listened to 7 minutes because my gut told me to.
I went to walk in the park today. No music. No distractions. Just me and my thoughts. The weather was cloudy and a bit windy, but nonetheless it felt good to be outside.
I love to take walks. It’s a highly recommended activity for a reason. I’d say it’s my favorite thing to do…
BUT… like everything else, there is a dark side to it.
It can be an addictive form of procrastination. Just speaking from what I’m seeing from myself right now.
The park I go to is a thirty-minute commute from my home and there is often traffic on the way. I spend a lot of gas and money going to and from here. Because of this, I told myself I need to limit myself to going once a week, yet I find myself going on all of my off days, which is three times a week.
I enjoy walking, but I’m starting to spot a pattern in myself and that is I mostly go walking when I don’t have a clear direction or action I’m supposed to be doing.
On another note:
During my walk, I saw a huge family walking together. It was about 8 to 10 people. Majority were older kids to adults, but there was a little boy with them in which he caught my attention. While the older family members were just walking and chilling, this little boy was riding his Spider-man scooter having the time of his life. “Whooo!”, he screamed as he pushed himself on the scooter. At the time, they were passing a rock bed that lead into the lake. The little boy turned, saw this, and screamed, “Ooooh rocks!” and then he immediately hopped off his scooter and ran to pick up rocks to throw into the lake. “Whoo!” he said again. Someone in his family picked up his scooter and kept walking. They didn’t stop him from being himself.
He didn’t ask for permission
He probably wasn’t thinking, “What will my family think, if I just left them and ran to the rocks? Will I get in trouble? Maybe I should just stay on my scooter and keep up with them. What will these strangers that I don’t even know think of me?”
He did what he wanted without fear. He’s being his true primal self.
Of course he has to face growing up. Will he experience trauma and negative programming? Most likely. Will he succumb to it? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that he is living his best life in that moment because he is free from that programming (based on what I witnessed).
I thought it was a weird coincidence of me writing my previous journal entry to see that today.
1 Like
REST
Mediation - 30m
I worked out today. I’m starting to add a session of shadow boxing at the end of my workouts. 5 set of 3m rounds.
I’m currently in class, I feel my mind is a bit sharper today than in previous classes. I was able to answer my cybersecurity instructor’s questions with a swiftness.
I tried a 30s loop Monday. I’ll do another tomorrow. It’s my first week during 30s and I am getting that FOMO feeling, but I decided to trust the process.
REST
Lately, whenever I start to go down a negative thinking spiral, my mind automatically starts to combat those thoughts using motivational dialogue. I’m having more thoughts of me building myself up whenever I start to tear myself down.
ZENTHOS 2.0 - 3m
I haven’t been journaling as much. My drive to do so is low. I’ve come off antidepressants, so my mental health hasn’t been that good. Even though they work to an extent, there is an associated cost. These meds drive my prolactin levels way up, which is not good for testosterone as prolactin, not estrogen, is the true enemy of testosterone.
And in this mental state, I have a hard time noticing results because I’m in my head a lot.
It’s to be expected though. It is what it is.
This is my last week of running ZENTHOS 2.0 solo. Next cycle I’ll be adding a healing custom to the stack. I think it’s a good time for it. I’m already seeing some pre-sults from it.
ZENTHOS 2.0 - 3m
This is the last day of this cycle. Washout starts tomorrow.
1 Like
Washout
3rd Cycle Starts tomorrow. I’m adding another custom to run alongside ZENTHOS 2.0. Here is the build:
LOVE & DARKNESS ZPv2
- Emperor Black Core - For Integrating the Darker Parts of Myself
- Love Bomb Core - For Self-Love especially loving the dark parts
- Growth Through Pain - For recon mitigation, and developing resiliency
- Divine Self-Image - For Increasing Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
- Discordia Deliverance - To eliminate the negative emotions mentioned especially hatred, jealously, and bitterness. I don’t see any healthy reasons to keep these three in my psyche. Judgement on the other hand is useful. This just needs to be toned down in myself.
- Synergy: I AM Atman - For Emotional Healing
- Attachment Destroyer - To assist in letting go of my past.
- Courage Reclaimed - For awaking the courage in me to face my fears.
- Stronger - To increase willpower.
- Leader of Men - For releasing the subconscious shame around my masculinity and fully embracing being a man.
- Synergy: Heaven Shaking Power - For realizing and awakening the innate potential that hides within me
- Psyche Restoration - For restoring my psyche back to optimal conditions. Eliminating depression and anxiety
- Negativity Displacer - For turning negativity energy to positive emotion
- Inner Gasoline - For emphasis in increasing my sexual energy and using it for productive means.
- Informaticon - For emphasis in guidance toward the right material for growth and intuitively knowing how long to run my subs
- New Beginnings - For digging deep and finding the roots to my mental issues so that I can resolve them.
1 Like
ZENTHOS 2.0 - 3:30 seconds
I haven’t noticed new results.
I’m still keeping up with my 30m-1hr meditation every morning and I have yet to miss a day going to the gym since I’ve started in January.
Some pre-sults from Love & Darkness:
- I’m starting to question a lot of my limiting beliefs.
- When I start negatively spiraling, my mind starts to replace those thoughts with uplifting and compassionate thoughts.
- I’m starting to see hearts in weird places. I even got a heart-shaped bruise during my MMA training last week. Peep the image
2 Likes
LOVE & DARKNESS - 3m
I’m going to start off with 3m loops once a week to ease myself into it.
I’m currently reading Not Nice by Dr. Aziz Gazipura. There’s a chapter in it called Own Your Shadow, and in it he explains Jung’s Id, Ego, and SuperEgo.
Id = Animal and Primal Self
SuperEgo = Societal Programmed(i.e Nice) Self
Ego = The Mediator Between the Two
He explains that the reason why most people are depressed, anxious, angry, fearful, etc is because they identify too much with the SuperEgo and suppress the Id. When the Id is suppressed, instead of it growing weaker and disappearing, it grows stronger and manifests as those negative emotions.
I see it in myself daily. My identity is too attached to the SuperEgo, hence my shadow never sees the light.
3 Likes
REST
People are starting to notice my gains. One of my coworkers even asked me what gym I go to when I work out. I went to the gas station and one of the clerks complimented me on my smile and said something along the lines of " I’d hate to the person who would make you angry" I don’t remember the exact phrase, but I assumed she’s talking about the gains.
I worked out today. I hit a 245lb conventional deadlift for 2 reps and bench pressed 215lb for 4 reps.
My self-talk and inner thoughts are improving. I had a lot of “I’m worth…” and I deserve…" thoughts while walking in the park today.
While in class on Thursday, we were put into groups to do an assignment. I spoke up and assumed leadership on how the assignment would be done.
REST
I got a random message from an unknown number saying ‘Thinking of you. Love You’
Im starting to look in the mirror and tell myself ‘I love you’ whenever I remember. This feels awkward doing it, but I know I need to do this for myself
1 Like
REST
Turns out that random message was from my grandma lol
I’ve been thinking about seeing a good friend of mine for a long time. We grew up in the same neighborhood and were best friends from elementary to high school. We fell out of friendship because after school we went our separate ways. Life Happens. I still live with my folks in the same neighborhood. Whenever I drive by his childhood home, sometimes I’d see a white sentra parked in the driveway. I wasn’t sure if that car was his or not, but…
Fast forward to today, as I’m coming back from the park, a white sentra was parked in my spot. I didn’t know who it was at first, but it turns out to be my good friend from school. I was surprise to see him as I hadn’t seen him in a few years. We dap and catch up a bit, while my sister sits in the shade and watches us.
Then all of sudden, he asks my sister to get a towel for him. She does a he asks. And while she’s doing that, I ask," What made you pull up today?"
He says, " Man, me and your sister are talking, and I wanted to get your approval." I was taken aback a bit, but I said, “Man, it’s cool. I’d rather it be you anyway.”
This is so unexpected that I can only attribute this to Love Bomb.
1 Like
Love & Darkness - 3:30
I’ve just unlocked a calisthenics skill. I able to do 3 reps of a 1-arm pushups on both sides. I wasn’t be able to do this a few months ago, yet here I am
1 Like
ZENTHOS 2.0 - 3:30m
End of this cycle. Washout starts tomorrow